Struggles with Game as an INFP

[ROOBIO]

Okay so something I've been sitting with around pickup, it was genuinely one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I think I finally understand why.

As an INFP, I couldn't detach. Every approach carried real weight. The fear and anxiety weren't surface level, they went deep, like each interaction was somehow connected to whether I was actually worthy of love. I took everything to heart and I couldn't switch that off no matter how hard I tried.

But when I did connect with someone? It was intense. Intense connection, real intimacy, something that felt almost beyond just dating. Like I was actually seeing the person and they could feel it.

I think the standard pickup metrics, approaches per night, number closes, pull is so stupid, they were never built for someone like me. They're measuring extraverted sensing performance and I'm just not wired that way.

Anyone else feel like the whole framework was designed for a completely different type of person?

@Leo Gura was it easy fo you to detach as an INTP?

Edited 14 hours ago by ROOBIO

[Leo Gura]

13 minutes ago, ROOBIO said:

Anyone else feel like the whole framework was designed for a completely different type of person?

Of course. Game is for extroverts.

Quote

@Leo Gura was it easy fo you to detach as an INTP?

Hell no.

Game is just very hard for introverts.

You gotta seriously rewire your mind and do uncomfortable things.

You have to not think while you do it. You need to be in party fun mode. Not logic mode.

Edited 13 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Oppositionless]

Interesting . I'm an extrovert (ENTP) although I have my own struggles with game. My strength has always been social circle , I wonder if in some cases introverts have an advantage in cold approach in that they can be less concerned with approval.

[Leo Gura]

15 minutes ago, Oppositionless said:

introverts have an advantage in cold approach

No way.

Game for introverts is like showers for cats.

Edited 13 hours ago by Leo Gura

[mmKay]

How do you differenciate if you're an introver or an extrovert? As of now I define myself as an introverted extrovert. I absolutely need people in my life once in a while to be happy, fulfilled and sane. Also other people bring s lot of meaning to whatever I aspire to in life. But it gets too much very quickly and I need to retreat into my isolated shell where I can recharge and turn inwards.

 

Can't tell if I'm infp or enfp. Leaning on enfp-t for now

Edited 13 hours ago by mmKay

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, mmKay said:

But it gets too much very quickly and I need to retreat into my isolated shell where I can recharge and turn inwards.

Haha!

That's an introvert.

Introverts are not Unibombers living in a  shed.

Extroverts go socialize to recharge. And they can't stop yapping verbal diahrea.

Edited 13 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Leo Gura Does pickup teach you to sit with and endure discomfort? Without making it the central aim - obviously the pootang is the aim  

[Leo Gura]

27 minutes ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Does pickup teach you to sit with and endure discomfort?

Teaches a man to man up and take action as it is needed. And to not care about rejection.

It desensitizes you to rejection.

Edited 12 hours ago by Leo Gura

[ROOBIO]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Leo Gura Does pickup teach you to sit with and endure discomfort? Without making it the central aim - obviously the pootang is the aim  

It teaches you to face a different kind of pain. 

An emotional pain, that cuts deep into your identity. It has brought me to tears many times. Way harder then intense physical exercise and what not. 

But there is a flip. When you break free, you feel free. Not giving a fuck about anything. Then it feels like the easiest thing ever. 

But it takes a lot to break through in a night. Well for me anyway.

When I walk into the club, I feel everything. The fear, the embarrassment, other people failing, sometimes it paralyses me, covers me in sweat. 

[Leo Gura]

5 minutes ago, ROOBIO said:

When I walk into the club, I feel everything. The fear, the embarrassment, other people failing, sometimes it paralyses me, covers me in sweat. 

The secret is to shut off your mind and not think.

All the anxiety comes from thinking and not having fun.

This is why people drink. But you can do it sober.

Edited 9 hours ago by Leo Gura

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@ROOBIO Thanks for sharing. I appreciate the earnest and vulnerable words.

[bazera]

1 hour ago, ROOBIO said:

But there is a flip. When you break free, you feel free. Not giving a fuck about anything. Then it feels like the easiest thing ever. 

From your first approach, did it take long to break free in that way?

As an introvert, the most comfortable thing for me to do is being alone at home doing my own thing, whatever it might be. That's where I recharge, so to speak. 

It's just unimaginable for me how some extroverts crave socialization and need it for recharge. 

Is that an upbringing thing? It's interesting from where that tendency towards introversion or extroversion comes from, is it just a conditioning or is there something deeper that relates to personality outside of conditioning?

Edited 8 hours ago by bazera

[mmKay]

The reason why I'm still on the fence on whether I'm an introvert or extrovert,if that even is a thing, is that I have a life long "tendency" of " acting or having the lifestyle" of an introvert.

I've spent basically until 18yrs old, days and weeks socially isolated due to upbringing challenges, videogame addiction, bullying etc.

I did not have much social contacts growing up besides my brother, because I was conditioned that socializing = judgement, rejection and real danger .

So I'm trying to uncover my true socializing balance here beyond circunstancial behavioral habits and upbringing conditioning. 

If I ask myself, would I be happy if I was the only person alive in earth, it's a clear " I wouldn't want to be alive"

Other people existing are the source of my meaning of life and the purpose of most of my personal development. I had a series of experiences in my early 20s that allow me to bliss out in command when I'm doing nothing, and yet it feels like I'm wasting my life if Im not actively socialising to some degree.

Am I an introvert or do I just have the habits and lifestyle of an introvert? Because isolating for too long doesn't make me fulfilled

Hence so far I believe I may be an introverted/shy extrovert. Or I just need to expand my definition of an introvert.

Edited 6 hours ago by mmKay

[Leo Gura]

@mmKay You need to study what an introvert is.

Read books about it. I have one in my book list called Quiet.

[YIDIRYIDIR]

@ROOBIO i had the same problem, and this is what i wish i knew before:

distinction between thinking mode and social mode. 

thinking mode is being in your head using logic and trying to figure out things with thinking, observation and analysis. that's what introverts are best at.

social mode is a skill, it's not logical. you can't think your way into it. it's a state where your nervous system is calm, you are present, spontaneous and have high self trust in handling social situations.

find balance between shutting off either for the favour of the other

i used to always turn on thinking mode, like an anxious autistic mf, which backfired in every social situation.

 

Edited 5 hours ago by YIDIRYIDIR

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@YIDIRYIDIR sounds like 'play' mindset? 

Leo has some great advice around that - a few blog posts floating here and there too!

[YIDIRYIDIR]

@Natasha Tori Maru yeah, but it's more like a skill than a mindset. it is play for extroverts because they're naturals. and True, Leo has done it and also his videos around game and relationships are king.

[WonderSeeker]

8 hours ago, ROOBIO said:

Okay so something I've been sitting with around pickup, it was genuinely one of the hardest things I've ever done, and I think I finally understand why.

As an INFP, I couldn't detach. Every approach carried real weight. The fear and anxiety weren't surface level, they went deep, like each interaction was somehow connected to whether I was actually worthy of love. I took everything to heart and I couldn't switch that off no matter how hard I tried.

But when I did connect with someone? It was intense. Intense connection, real intimacy, something that felt almost beyond just dating. Like I was actually seeing the person and they could feel it.

I think the standard pickup metrics, approaches per night, number closes, pull is so stupid, they were never built for someone like me. They're measuring extraverted sensing performance and I'm just not wired that way.

Anyone else feel like the whole framework was designed for a completely different type of person?

@Leo Gura was it easy fo you to detach as an INTP?

Fellow INFP here. Thank you for making this thread as I've thought about making one for years.

I hate to break it to ya, but I think we have it the hardest out of all the personality types.

You're partiallty right that mass-approaching is stupid in the sense that it doesn't promote connection. That strategy is pure numbers game.

At times it can produce success if you remain detached enough and have a lot of fun. Of the hundreds of approaches I've done, it's only worked a few times. Most of the time I'd just get disgusted being in loud clubs talking to rude, judgemental, desentitized, drunk people. That's why I became more interested in day-game.

The framework you are searching for is a bit of a unicorn. The way I'm approaching it is I've been stripping out and keeping some of the useful RSD tactics, while discarding all the toxic stuff. Then combining that with doing shadow work. Which means letting go / somatic therapy to become more relaxed in my authentic self.

I actually haven't done a lot of approaching in the past couple years. And honestly my results -- or the amount of satisfaction I'm getting romantically -- has been about the same.

I thnk it comes down to TONS of experimentation. Not just with game, but most of all with WHO YOU ARE.

- Are you on purpose in life? Does you mission make you feel like a badass?

- Do you love where you are living? Does it give you the thrills?

- Do you have cool hobbies to bring girls into?

Having these different universes to share with girls and getting excited about them is what helps me.

I highly recommend reading this book. Best book out there on seduction. Especially as an INFP!

Edited 5 hours ago by WonderSeeker

[CARDOZZO]

55 minutes ago, WonderSeeker said:

Fellow INFP here. Thank you for making this thread as I've thought about making one for years.

I hate to break it to ya, but I think we have it the hardest out of all the personality types.

You're partiallty right that mass-approaching is stupid in the sense that it doesn't promote connection. That strategy is pure numbers game.

At times it can produce success if you remain detached enough and have a lot of fun. Of the hundreds of approaches I've done, it's only worked a few times. Most of the time I'd just get disgusted being in loud clubs talking to rude, judgemental, desentitized, drunk people. That's why I became more interested in day-game.

The framework you are searching for is a bit of a unicorn. The way I'm approaching it is I've been stripping out and keeping some of the useful RSD tactics, while discarding all the toxic stuff. Then combining that with doing shadow work. Which means letting go / somatic therapy to become more relaxed in my authentic self.

I actually haven't done a lot of approaching in the past couple years. And honestly my results -- or the amount of satisfaction I'm getting romantically -- has been about the same.

I thnk it comes down to TONS of experimentation. Not just with game, but most of all with WHO YOU ARE.

- Are you on purpose in life? Does you mission make you feel like a badass?

- Do you love where you are living? Does it give you the thrills?

- Do you have cool hobbies to bring girls into?

Having these different universes to share with girls and getting excited about them is what helps me.

I highly recommend reading this book. Best book out there on seduction. Especially as an INFP!

Amazing book.

[Miguel1]

11 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Extroverts go socialize to recharge. And they can't stop yapping verbal diahrea.

Story of my life. Like.. everything here, how do you describe me so well

When I hang out with my friends, I literally have to tell them:

”Don’t let me talk or I will go on forever!”

Edited 1 hour ago by Miguel1