How to overcome traumatizing past trips? (Looking to get back into it)

[cle103]

I haven't tripped in about 3 years. Over the last couple of weeks I felt the thirst for insights become stronger. What's keeping me is mainly the memory of one traumatizing experience:

Usually the come up for mushrooms is about an hour for me. That time they came on after about 10 minutes which blindsided me. I proceeded to have a full blown panic attack. As I never had one before (or after, luckily), I didn't know what to do. Even thought about calling an ambulance. In the end I was able to surrender and had great trip afterwards. Nonetheless that memory stays with me. In subsequent trips there was always a certain level of fear during the come up (mainly my heart racing). 

If I had to pinpoint it, I'd say my biggest fear is having a panic attack again, my heart stops beating and I die. Which seems highly unlikely but that's what my mind is telling me. 

Would really appreciate any tips and pointers here. 

Cheers! 

[VioletFlame]

Firstly, I'm very sorry to hear you had a bad trip

To overcome any trauma is to recognize that you already have. You already experienced the worst of something. If you can survive through a traumatic event while it's happening, you can overcome the lingering, subsequent, or residual effects the trauma leaves. Recognize the strength it has given you. (Take it from a survivor of serious, extreme trauma here!)

In regards to tripping, I always make it a point to put myself in the most positive, relaxed, and calm state of mind prior to consuming the substance. If you go INTO the trip already feeling safe, secure, calm & collected then you will most likely not experience a bad trip. If you DID go into the trip already feeling great, and a bad trip still occurs, then I would try practicing some deep inner-work or perhaps tripping just isn't for you. 

But whether you're tripping or not, the key to overcoming panic attacks and anxiety is to feel into it. Because ironically ,the more you try to resist it or fight it, the more anxious you will become. In a sense, you have to surrender to it and eventually, it will surrender to you. 

Edited 9 hours ago by VioletFlame

[Yimpa]

Yep, I’ve been there, multiple times. Love for truth ultimately trumps all the fears that I’ve experienced during my worst trips. 

I do therapy with those open to and even have experience with tripping. They do exist, but they rare and are a big investment. I trip during all my sessions.

[Leo Gura]

You need to drop the memory. Stop reliving it. And let time pass. That's how you get over a bad trip.

And learn your lesson: Next time, don't take large doses.

You can't die on a moderate dose, so there is no need to worry about it.

Edited 6 hours ago by Leo Gura

[cle103]

3 hours ago, VioletFlame said:

In regards to tripping, I always make it a point to put myself in the most positive, relaxed, and calm state of mind prior to consuming the substance. If you go INTO the trip already feeling safe, secure, calm & collected then you will most likely not experience a bad trip. If you DID go into the trip already feeling great, and a bad trip still occurs, then I would try practicing some deep inner-work or perhaps tripping just isn't for you. 

Ty! That's a really good point. During the good trips I had afterwards I was able to kinda anchor the positive feeling of the afterglow during the come up. Is there anything in particular that helps you to get into the right state beforehand? 

33 minutes ago, Yimpa said:

Yep, I’ve been there, multiple times. Love for truth ultimately trumps all the fears that I’ve experienced during my worst trips. 

How did you manage those instances in the moment? 

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You need to drop the memory. Stop reliving it.

As in, if it comes up just focus on something else, forcefully if needed? 

Thanks for the input! 

[Leo Gura]

4 minutes ago, cle103 said:

As in, if it comes up just focus on something else, forcefully if needed? 

Yes.

It doesn't need to be forceful, just focus on other constructive things.

[Nemra]

12 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

just focus on other constructive things.

That helps a lot.

Edited 5 hours ago by Nemra

[Hojo]

Drink a couple beer. The liquid courage stays through the trip.

[PolyPeter]

6 hours ago, cle103 said:

That time they came on after about 10 minutes which blindsided me.

This resonated so much with an experience I had a couple of years ago

it's hard to communicate how intense and nightmare-ish mushrooms can be, specially at high doses, you've done a good work describing the thing! even though it is different for all

What I'm gonna say, comes from having tried many different things, in order to heal this trauma, because it is a trauma.

There's something that -the body- learns after this experience, which the human mind cannot just simply override by shifting the focus.

First, lower the dose! start with 0.2 grams, I know it sounds like microdosing, but it is not. After having an intense experience, the microdose hits different, it can feel like an entire gram.

and the second advice, which might be controversial, take them in combination with a dose of mdma (depending on your weight, it could be between 80mg to 120mg). this substance slightly deactivates the fear response in your body, and if you take mushrooms while in that state, you will get to feel the mushroom while having a small chemical "advantage", which lets you, with your consciousness, rewire your brain.

if you are interested, you can also check the following maps studies: https://maps.org/mdma/ptsd/phase3/

Edited 4 hours ago by PolyPeter

[cle103]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

just focus on other constructive things.

Got it!

Up to now I've always tried to face it instead of trying to avoid it or refocusing. But that hasn't resolved it. 

1 hour ago, Hojo said:

Drink a couple beer. The liquid courage stays through the trip.

Like this? 

 

31 minutes ago, PolyPeter said:

First, lower the dose! start with 0.2 grams, I know it sounds like microdosing, but it is not. After having an intense experience, the microdose hits different, it can feel like an entire gram.

and the second advice, which might be controversial, take them in combination with a dose of mdma (depending on your weight, it could be between 80mg to 120mg). this substance slightly deactivates the fear response in your body, and if you take mushrooms while in that state, you will get to feel the mushroom while having a small chemical "advantage", which lets you, with your consciousness, rewire your brain.

if you are interested, you can also check the following maps studies: https://maps.org/mdma/ptsd/phase3/

Lowering the dose further to start with is a good point. That experience was on 3g, iirc. I'd most likely be doing LSD. Was thinking in the 80 microgram range. MDMA is interesting, haven't considered that yet! 

[PolyPeter]

Cool, LSD is a much more stable experience. It can be very intense too, depending on the dose it can be a long ass trip, maybe 16 hours 👀. And, also, you mentioned that you are looking for insights, which can be had with it, for certain.