Can Exes Be Friends?

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Lord Kadaver sometimes true love, and expressing love, can be asserting boundaries. It is simply that when we aren't mature, have trauma, or attachment issues, this version of love is misunderstood. But it is a higher, more selfless love. 

Just like a parent who must discipline a child to protect them from harm; the child doesn't see this as love. It is not received like this from the child's perspective - it seems uncaring, what of the child's needs? But from the parents perspective; they are protecting and helping to grow the child. Ensuring safety while the child lacks the wisdom needed to thrive in the world. They love their child, and will protect them at all costs - even if that means they have to have hard words that the adult dislikes doing.

It might feel bad within yourself to cut off your ex - but it is a loving act for both of you. So you can cleanly close the door and work on healing. It might not be what either wants, but that doesn't mean it isn't for the best. An act of love - but not fairytale love. Real love that entails sacrifice, maturity and surrender. 

If you were healed and able to have a friendship with this women, I can tell you from experience, none of these feelings of confusion would come up. Instead, you would feel a kind, warm regard and welcome an old friend. 

My experience, my experience 🙏❤️

 

Well said IMO.

I have one ex I'm friends with, but we had a clean cut, we both wanted to go separate ways and we had a long break of zero contact before talking to each other again. Also, no more sexual tension between us so that makes it easy.

At the same time - it's the only one of my ex where I'm still in touch. And it's different with each of them. There are still emotions with some where the break up was less clean.

In your case: I would stay away from friendship with your ex until you had at least one other relationship and/or a significant time has passed. Then you're very likely to see things with more clarity 

Edited December 28, 2025 by theleelajoker

[Stick]

lend your room to her and the new boyfriend at this point

[LastThursday]

On 27/12/2025 at 1:37 AM, Lord Kadaver said:

And would it be mentally/spiritually healthy for me to stay friends with her or just say goodbye?

On balance it's emotionally easier just to say goodbye and cut all communication. It will sting like hell to start off with, but it will get easier with time, to the point where you won't think about them very much. See it as an opportunity to grow.

I'm still friends with one of my exes, as we share a lot of friends in common. So it really depends on circumstances. And I would say even now I can feel slightly awkward around her, even though it's been 20 years, she's married and has a teenage kid. Every relationship is different.

[meta_male]

On 27.12.2025 at 2:37 AM, Lord Kadaver said:

But at the same time, isn't true love about accepting the other person as they are? Wanting for it what it wants for?

True love includes love for yourself. The question is not if you can live with her terms in some idealized future where you're more spiritually evolved. Can you live with them today, without clinging to any hope that things will turn around in your favor?

Also, moving a relationship from lovers to just friends is often a big red flag for one's own development. It tends to keep you emotionally invested without reciprocity, basically working for free and wasting time that could be used for attracting a partner that's more aligned.

For what's it's worth, saying this from fresh experience, happened to me today.

[Ramasta9]

Its nice to see actually useful and mature comments for once on this forum. Well done guys, keep it up. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

4 hours ago, meta_male said:

True love includes love for yourself.

Mic drop 

We cannot be our best for others without taking care of ourselves, first and foremost. As counter intuitive as that can seem. You are directed to put on your oxygen mask first in an air-emergency.

4 hours ago, meta_male said:

For what's it's worth, saying this from fresh experience, happened to me today.

Ouch - can relate. Been there (◍•.•◍)♡ 

 

[pablo_aka_god]

you can't just transition from lover to friends in a single week as if nothing happened.

IMO the most emotionally mature thing would be to brake all contact for a few months, cry and get some perspective. Get some pussy and when the emotionality is lower see if you still want to reach out to them for a friendship. You would come back from a higher place if u do this.

Otherwise you are being reactive and acting from necessity and selfishness. not love.

Edited December 29, 2025 by pablo_aka_god

[Lord Kadaver]

@Ramasta9 @Natasha Tori Maru @Hojo Thank you guys. I understand and I sense the value in what was said. 

[Lord Kadaver]

@theleelajoker @LastThursday @meta_male @pablo_aka_god

Thank you everyone. Peace and love to you all

[theleelajoker]

On 28.12.2025 at 11:29 PM, meta_male said:

 The question is not if you can live with her terms in some idealized future where you're more spiritually evolved. Can you live with them today, without clinging to any hope that things will turn around in your favor?

I like this. A trap I have seen quite a lot re many topics in life, with myself and others. Idealized versions instead of what is.

I recently read a quote "I'm sad you left. Not sad for what was, but sad for what could have been". 

Hope is a powerful, but also dangerous thing. Re romantic relationships, I can't remember a single instance where hope turned into something real. Things never got fixed, words proved to be meaningless and there was never a thing like a second chance. 

[meta_male]

On 29.12.2025 at 3:52 AM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Ouch - can relate. Been there (◍•.•◍)♡ 

Sorry to hear. Yep it sucks. I found that avoidant people tend to suggest friendship after romance. It can't work in my opinion.

On 30.12.2025 at 11:31 PM, theleelajoker said:

Re romantic relationships, I can't remember a single instance where hope turned into something real. Things never got fixed, words proved to be meaningless and there was never a thing like a second chance. 

If you can't build a relationship together then I guess friendship can't go that deep either. It's just a way to make the end softer.

[Entrepreneur]

On 12/26/2025 at 8:37 PM, Lord Kadaver said:

Hi everyone, I need some life advice. I have an ex lover who is not attracted to me/in love with me anymore. I however, do still love her and probably always will (she was my first relationship). She has expressed to me to she wants us to continue being friends. I'm emotionally in turmoil thinking about how I could possibly ever see her as just a friend. 

But at the same time, isn't true love about accepting the other person as they are? Wanting for it what it wants for? If I truly loved her (on a metaphysical level), could I not eventually learn to love her for her existence itself and not have any hope of being with her again? Basically, should I let her go or see her every blue moon? 

And would it be mentally/spiritually healthy for me to stay friends with her or just say goodbye?

Any advice is appreciated.

I am in my fifties.  I am still friends with every girl I ever dated seriously, including my first high school sweetheart (we both lost our virginity to each other).   My wife is also friends with them.   She shares a bond with them of knowing me on a deep level, as well as knowing what I look like naked.  They all seem to get along quite well.   They can crack jokes about me together as they can all relate to me on a level that others can't.

Each breakup was painful, some more than others, and each required some time completely apart from the other person in order for me to heal emotionally.     As you get older and keep maturing, you may realize that it was a good thing that you broke up with this other person who wasn't a good enough fit.   It is better to have broken off the relationship so that you could find someone who is a better fit, rather than having gone on to marry them at some point and just end up divorced.   Looking back, I am convinced I would have been divorced by now if I had stayed with any of those previous women.   Instead, I am in a much stronger marriage with a wife who happily lets me lead the relationship and really shares the same values as me.

I can't imagine kicking these other women to the curb for life just because one of us decided the other person wasn't marriage material.   They are still all people I care deeply for.   In some cases I am still good friends with their families.   I have attended their parents' and siblings' funerals.   My wife and I have been invited to and attended their family gatherings.   I consider myself fortunate to still have this level of connection to those people who were extremely important to me at earlier points in my life.   They are all still part of my extended social circle.   I intend to maintain these relationships for the rest of my life, so long as I still feel enriched by them.

If you can get to a point where you can savor the relationship you have with this ex-lover without any desire to be intimate with her again, I think you will find that it greatly benefits your life.  I am sure you both still love each other to some extent on some level that does not involve sexual intimacy.  I would not totally discard such a deep and meaningful relationship.  Those deep relationships are precious. They are the true riches of life.  You realize that more and more the older you get.

Edited yesterday at 04:30 PM by Entrepreneur

[theleelajoker]

37 minutes ago, Entrepreneur said:

I am in my fifties.  I am still friends with every girl I ever dated seriously, including my first high school sweetheart (we both lost our virginity to each other).   My wife is also friends with them.   She shares a bond with them of knowing me on a deep level, as well as knowing what I look like naked.  They all seem to get along quite well.   They can crack jokes about me together as they can all relate to me on a level that others can't.

Each breakup was painful, some more than others, and each required some time completely apart from the other person in order for me to heal emotionally.     As you get older and keep maturing, you may realize that it was a good thing that you broke up with this other person who wasn't a good enough fit.   It is better to have broken off the relationship so that you could find someone who is a better fit, rather than having gone on to marry them at some point and just end up divorced.   Looking back, I am convinced I would have been divorced by now if I had stayed with any of those previous women.   Instead, I am in a much stronger marriage with a wife who happily lets me lead the relationship and really shares the same values as me.

I can't imagine kicking these other women to the curb for life just because one of us decided the other person wasn't marriage material.   They are still all people I care deeply for.   In some cases I am still good friends with their families.   I have attended their parents' and siblings' funerals.   My wife and I have been invited to and attended their family gatherings.   I consider myself fortunate to still have this level of connection to those people who were extremely important to me at earlier points in my life.   They are all still part of my extended social circle.   I intend to maintain these relationships for the rest of my life, so long as I still feel enriched by them.

If you can get to a point where you can savor the relationship you have with this ex-lover without any desire to be intimate with her again, I think you will find that it greatly benefits your life.  I am sure you both still love each other to some extent on some level that does not involve sexual intimacy.  I would not totally discard such a deep and meaningful relationship.  Those deep relationships are precious. They are the true riches of life.  You realize that more and more the older you get.

Nice 

[integral]

When you're immature and young no, when you're older and mature, yes

[Rasheed]

Here is your answer: NO