Can Exes Be Friends?

[Lord Kadaver]

Hi everyone, I need some life advice. I have an ex lover who is not attracted to me/in love with me anymore. I however, do still love her and probably always will (she was my first relationship). She has expressed to me to she wants us to continue being friends. I'm emotionally in turmoil thinking about how I could possibly ever see her as just a friend. 

But at the same time, isn't true love about accepting the other person as they are? Wanting for it what it wants for? If I truly loved her (on a metaphysical level), could I not eventually learn to love her for her existence itself and not have any hope of being with her again? Basically, should I let her go or see her every blue moon? 

And would it be mentally/spiritually healthy for me to stay friends with her or just say goodbye?

 

Any advice is appreciated.

Edited yesterday at 01:38 AM by Lord Kadaver

[Judy2]

44 minutes ago, Lord Kadaver said:

Hi everyone, I need some life advice. I have an ex lover who is not attracted to me/in love with me anymore. I however, do still love her and probably always will (she was my first relationship). She has expressed to me to she wants us to continue being friends. I'm emotionally in turmoil thinking about how I could possibly ever see her as just a friend. 

But at the same time, isn't true love about accepting the other person as they are? Wanting for it what it wants for? If I truly loved her (on a metaphysical level), could I not eventually learn to love her for her existence itself and not have any hope of being with her again? Basically, should I let her go or see her every blue moon? 

And would it be mentally/spiritually healthy for me to stay friends with her or just say goodbye?

 

Any advice is appreciated.

in my opinion, it can be a massive mistake to think you have to love an ex lover so much that they can "force" you to "stay friends" even if it's painful to you.

your emotions and your side of things are worth considering, too. that's also love.

[enchanted]

If cauliflower can be pizza you can be anything.

But seriously it sounds like you should move on to avoid the emotional turmoil you described above. 

[Hojo]

No. Maybe 5 - 10 percent can. She will fuck you over. You can love and accept her the way you love and accept a stranger on the street. If you cant do that then you want to love them and you said they dont love you that way.

Edited yesterday at 03:13 AM by Hojo

[aurum]

@Lord Kadaver cut it off clean.

[Looks]

yeah you can be friends especially if its your first love. she wiill unblock me soon because i will manifest it.

 

a guy with makeup and lipstick, a hawk nosed italian bird, or any other white trash kid has yet to arrive to my level.

 

 

i was her first

[Joshe]

Time to move on. She doesn’t actually want to be friends so much as she wants to avoid feeling bad about hurting you. 

You might be looking at 3-6 months of suffering. You can speed the process up by thinking of her as little as possible.

It feels impossible to move on, and it’s very painful, but you have to do it. Time will erase the pain and she will become a distant memory. 

Edited yesterday at 04:22 PM by Joshe

[Lyubov]

I would let this go and move on. Grieve and move on. This works sometimes when both people sorta fall out of love or get old and don’t care. Usually it’s harder for younger people to stay friends like this. 

[Terell Kirby]

Depends on the nature of the breakup I would say. If they dumped you it will be hard to maintain a friendship vs. if it was a mutual decision out of love and respect.

Many ex’s will try to keep you around after dumping you as it makes it emotionally easier for them- but they have no intention of getting back with you and will move on faster while you are holding out hope

[Jannes]

Its possible. Depends on the case. I dont think its possible in your case though, you seem so invested. You need to be emotionally over her for it to work. 

[Lord Kadaver]

@Judy2 I see. That does make sense

[Lord Kadaver]

@Hojo Thank you

[Lord Kadaver]

@Joshe I also feel bad about potentially hurting her...

I don't actually want to pursue a relationship with her or want to have sex with her. The thought of it scares me (it ended in pretty bad terms--we both ended up cheating on each other). I'm only curious if it's possible for me to stay only friends at some distant level of contact every now and then

[Hojo]

@Lord KadaverThe faster you cry the faster you heal

[Lord Kadaver]

@Lyubov Harder for younger people is interesting. Is that because of hormones or life itself?

[Lord Kadaver]

@Terell Kirby We cheated on each other. We both knew it was over. I immediately moved across the country and now I'm back after 1.5 years.

 

I have no intention on getting back with her, neither she does she (she's made it explicit)

[Lord Kadaver]

@Jannes I am emotionally invested but only because she was my first and I learned a lot about relationships and love from her. I don't want to break her heart and hurt her by just erasing myself from her life.  That's why I'm wondering if it's possible for me to let go and detach  (with meditation, life in general, etc) from her (while also being a part of her life and catch up occasionally 1-3x per year)

[Ramasta9]

You really gotta follow your soul here. Its a tough one, been in this situation, and know a few people that made it work. Its definitely possible if you both have healed and matured. Just make sure you aren't emotionally and unconsciously using each other, and or haven't let go fully to actually rest, heal, de-tangle and reclaim your sovereignty. I don't think we could ever see past lovers as "just friends", otherwise it wasn't true love, you will always love them and see them more than just that, because you love who you love, nothing ever changes that, what changes is boundaries, self-respect and inner-alignment.

If its too challenging to decide what to do then take a break from it all, take a holiday somewhere, detach, cleanse your soul, find clarity. 

At the end of the day, nothing is more valuable than our own inner-peace and freedom.

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Lord Kadaver sometimes true love, and expressing love, can be asserting boundaries. It is simply that when we aren't mature, have trauma, or attachment issues, this version of love is misunderstood. But it is a higher, more selfless love. 

Just like a parent who must discipline a child to protect them from harm; the child doesn't see this as love. It is not received like this from the child's perspective - it seems uncaring, what of the child's needs? But from the parents perspective; they are protecting and helping to grow the child. Ensuring safety while the child lacks the wisdom needed to thrive in the world. They love their child, and will protect them at all costs - even if that means they have to have hard words that the adult dislikes doing.

It might feel bad within yourself to cut off your ex - but it is a loving act for both of you. So you can cleanly close the door and work on healing. It might not be what either wants, but that doesn't mean it isn't for the best. An act of love - but not fairytale love. Real love that entails sacrifice, maturity and surrender. 

If you were healed and able to have a friendship with this women, I can tell you from experience, none of these feelings of confusion would come up. Instead, you would feel a kind, warm regard and welcome an old friend. 

My experience, my experience 🙏❤️

 

[Hojo]

@Lord KadaverEverybodies first love stays with them. You get new emotions and then assign them to that person. Then you dont get them back with the next relationship because you gave them to that person.

Edited 9 hours ago by Hojo