Forgiveness

[Emotionalmosquito]

I’ve reached my physical, psychological, and spiritual limit with hatred and ill will on others. Now, every time I go into vengeful thinking I get weird symptoms like headaches, mental confusion, fatigue, and sometimes a state that I can only describe as feeling like I’m about to become possessed and I have to back away and fight with determination to calm it back down. Within the last few years I’ve gone so deep into hatred that I got really close to becoming full blown cold blooded evil and it felt like hell, literally and deeper than on a physical level. Almost as if I would have to spend several lifetimes undoing how bad I let myself get fucked up if I continued down that path. I was having indescribably horrifying nightmares that I had to wake up and spend hours calming back down before I could try sleeping again.

Ive realized most if not all of it was caused by how bad I let my grudges against others spiral out of control. So one night during an episode I listened to Leo’s video on forgiveness which I think I made a small amount of progress with because my dream state was something more productive as I fell asleep doing the exercise. I felt better the next morning but my grudges are definitely still there because they still arise sometimes and trigger the shit out of me. 
 

So my question is, when trying to forgive, what is it that I’m actually supposed to DO? Like step by step. Each time I think I’ve made some progress the hatred for those who fucked me and violent fantasies on them come right back just as strong as ever. It’s like there’s no clear cut path to forgiving people in the same way you would assemble a model airplane. Which absolutely sucks ass for me as someone with autism. 

Edited Wednesday at 05:44 AM by Emotionalmosquito

[Ramasta9]

Forgiveness happens naturally as we mature and integrate the greater lessons needed for true forgiveness to happen, the same goes with letting go.

Imagine a tree that was told to drop its fruit prematurely but the fruit has yet to become ripe and mature, thus the tree has yet to master the art of letting go... When you understand why you are holding on, only then you can truly forgive and let go.

I would say the only thing we can do is surrender to the natural flow of our being, what feels natural and intuitive for us each and every moment, this is the way of the tao, or the way, the way of nature or the universe, like a leaf that has fallen unto a great river, allowing the river to take you, rather than you trying to drive against the current, only creates more resistance of the natural self, thus the headaches and such...

Our minds will always try to fix things or dominate and manipulate, the challenge is to find calmness in your being and thus peace in mind.

Meditation & Mindfulness can be of assistance, however again cannot be forced, rather find what brings you mindfulness and meditativeness.

For me I like gardening and playing musical instruments, or singing or dancing, or long drives on the country side with no traffic, these things keep me mindful and meditative, then everything else naturally flows and things mature/happen naturally, in their own divine time.

Blessings 

[Rishabh R]

Do watch these videos for guidance.

 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Emotionalmosquito I do not know how I did it myself.

I wish I had steps. 

All I can say is I had to totally let go. I had a huge realization one summer evening - a reframe 'by continuing to hold this grudge, what am I giving up?' because the thoughts were occupying my brainspace. I realized I was destroying my experience of the world. This narrative I was remembering from the past - it did not exist but in my mind. It wasn't happening in that moment. But it was stopping me from enjoying the warm breeze. Enjoying the swallows darting up and across my apartment balcony. Smelling the gentle spice from cooking below. Relaxing in the hammock.

I was giving up so much just to be flooded with feelings that felt energizing, but profoundly draining.

That day I realized forgiving the bastard that messed with me in the past wasn't about him. He wasn't winning by earning my forgiveness. He didn't earn shit by me forgiving. It was about me. Forgiving the other was about me and getting my quality of life, quality of experience, back. I didn't have to forget or let him into my life again. In fact, when I told him I forgave him but I was done and wanted no more - he was confused. He thought my forgiveness absolved him. No. I had a boundary now, and part of that healthy boundary was about letting all of it go FOR ME.

That evening on the balcony - I let it all go. Because forgiveness was for me. I realized the past was a story about a woman that I was not any longer. And so, I became someone with good boundaries and firm choices by forgiving. I transformed.

[Salvijus]

It's the art of turning the other cheek. See first what it is that you're defending with attachment and then chose to do otherwise. Feelings will arise, give space and concious attention to them with the attitude of being defenseless about it, breathe into it, when you allow all feelings, they will begin to transform into something wholesome. 

I have massive amounts of experience in this regard thanks to this forum, lol. Forgiveness truly is an art form. And it's not the art of being a detached witness. That doesn't work (based on my experience). It's an art of alchemy, it's an art of transforming one energy into another. And only the heart can do this. Only love can transform one energy into another. 

So yea, have fun

Edited Wednesday at 10:56 AM by Salvijus

[Salvijus]

                                            Lesson 78

                   Let miracles replace all grievances. 

Perhaps it is not yet quite clear to you that each decision that you make is one between a grievance and a miracle. ²Each grievance stands like a dark shield of hate before the miracle it would conceal. ³And as you raise it up before your eyes, you will not see the miracle beyond. ⁴Yet all the while it waits for you in light, but you behold your grievances instead.

Today we go beyond the grievances, to look upon the miracle instead. ²We will reverse the way you see by not allowing sight to stop before it sees. ³We will not wait before the shield of hate, but lay it down and gently lift our eyes in silence to behold the Son of God.

He waits for you behind your grievances, and as you lay them down he will appear in shining light where each one stood before. ²For every grievance is a block to sight, and as it lifts you see the Son of God where he has always been. ³He stands in light, but you were in the dark. ⁴Each grievance made the darkness deeper, and you could not see.

Today we will attempt to see God’s Son. ²We will not let ourselves be blind to him; we will not look upon our grievances. ³So is the seeing of the world reversed, as we look out toward truth, away from fear. ⁴We will select one person you have used as target for your grievances, and lay the grievances aside and look at him. ⁵Someone, perhaps, you fear and even hate; someone you think you love who angered you; someone you call a friend, but whom you see as difficult at times or hard to please, demanding, irritating or untrue to the ideal he should accept as his, according to the role you set for him.

You know the one to choose; his name has crossed your mind already. ²He will be the one of whom we ask God’s Son be shown to you. ³Through seeing him behind the grievances that you have held against him, you will learn that what lay hidden while you saw him not is there in everyone, and can be seen. ⁴He who was enemy is more than friend when he is freed to take the holy role the Holy Spirit has assigned to him. ⁵Let him be savior unto you today. ⁶Such is his role in God your Father’s plan.

Our longer practice periods today will see him in this role. ²You will attempt to hold him in your mind, first as you now consider him. ³You will review his faults, the difficulties you have had with him, the pain he caused you, his neglect, and all the little and the larger hurts he gave. ⁴You will regard his body with its flaws and better points as well, and you will think of his mistakes and even of his “sins.”

Then let us ask of Him Who knows this Son of God in his reality and truth, that we may look on him a different way, and see our savior shining in the light of true forgiveness, given unto us. ²We ask Him in the holy Name of God and of His Son, as holy as Himself:

³Let me behold my savior in this one You have appointed as the one for me to ask to lead me to the holy light in which he stands, that I may join with him.

⁴The body’s eyes are closed, and as you think of him who grieved you, let your mind be shown the light in him beyond your grievances.

What you have asked for cannot be denied. ²Your savior has been waiting long for this. ³He would be free, and make his freedom yours. ⁴The Holy Spirit leans from him to you, seeing no separation in God’s Son. ⁵And what you see through Him will free you both. ⁶Be very quiet now, and look upon your shining savior. ⁷No dark grievances obscure the sight of him. ⁸You have allowed the Holy Spirit to express through him the role God gave Him that you might be saved.

God thanks you for these quiet times today in which you laid your images aside, and looked upon the miracle of love the Holy Spirit showed you in their place. ²The world and Heaven join in thanking you, for not one Thought of God but must rejoice as you are saved, and all the world with you. 

We will remember this throughout the day, and take the role assigned to us as part of God’s salvation plan, and not our own. ²Temptation falls away when we allow each one we meet to save us, and refuse to hide his light behind our grievances. ³To everyone you meet, and to the ones you think of or remember from the past, allow the role of savior to be given, that you may share it with him. ⁴For you both, and all the sightless ones as well, we pray:

⁵Let miracles replace all grievances. 

Edited Wednesday at 11:05 AM by Salvijus

[gettoefl]

Forgiveness is of sins. What are sins? Sins are the bad shit but also the good shit. Anything that keeps you spinning your wheels here in this universe and likewise anything another does to spin your wheels and grind your gears. 

So the key is you have to forgive it all. And you have to forgive everyone. Only by forgiving another do you forgive yourself. 

How to forgive? Forgive for they know not what they do. Everyone is asleep. You are asleep. Forgive them, forgive everything so you can wake up. 

Every second you bring the world pain or peace. It's up to you. Forgive. It's the only illusion in this whole dream that actually does anything. You let a genie out of a bottle. Forgiveness is putting the genie back whence it came. Simple yes easy no.

Edited Wednesday at 01:44 PM by gettoefl

[Dodo]

Things in this world can get pretty heavy. Recently a top chess grandmaster and personality i liked to watch to learn about chess died [unconfirmed but most likely due to suicide] based on cheating accusations from Vladimir Kramnik and a whole series of cyber bullying.

Be kind to one another and forgive yourself and others. 

[UnbornTao]

6 hours ago, Salvijus said:

                                            Lesson 78

                   Let miracles replace all grievances. 

From A Course in Miracles?

[Salvijus]

20 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

From A Course in Miracles?

Indeed. 

[UnbornTao]

3 minutes ago, Salvijus said:

Indeed. 

Thanks.

[gettoefl]

Here is how you know your forgiveness is working. That bridge to nowhere stops appearing. It appeared because it had you under its thumb. When it rouses not a flicker of interest, it is gone for good. The goal of all this is to see a completely forgiven world, a highly blessed state of consciousness.

[Emotionalmosquito]

Good stuff everyone, thanks! I’m indeed making some progress with it, but tonight is really putting it to the test due to what unsurprisingly happened.

I went to target to get some cold approaches in. I was feeling better than usual from the meditation and various other exercises I’ve been doing more of. I was in pretty good state. Funny enough thats the very thing that got me in trouble. The good mood had me thinking too highly of my fellow humans and their ability to tolerate a random encounter. So I stuck around too long and came out of my shell too much and ultimately got kicked out because apparently a few different people complained about me. Now keep in mind when I say I came out of my shell too much I still mean only slightly. I still contained my truest expression way WAY more than I wanted to. But it wasn’t enough. I was polite and refrained from any hint of rudeness or vulgarity. 
 

This is exactly the type of nonsense that spiraled me out of control in the first place so now I’m responding to it better instead of burning alive with rage. Of course my vengeful thoughts are still there but they’re much less charged now and no longer pure evil or violent. Things like “If this is how much women think they’ve got the system wielded against me then how about I get a few of my friends together and we all go in pretending we don’t know each other and gang up on some hot girl who looks like a bitch to get her kicked out by complaining to management? You want war? You’ve got it.” Honestly it would be no different than what they did to me because she didn’t do anything wrong, neither did I. Let’s see how well she handles it 

Another would be emulating those villain arc TikTok videos where guys say hurtful things to girls like “Hey do you have a boyfriend” if she says yes it’s “poor guy” For no it’s “I can see why” Or, “My friend set me up on a blind date. Is it you?” When she says no it’s “Oh thank god!!” Or telling a group of 4 women that two of them are absolutely gorgeous 😂 stuff like that. 
 

Funny stuff aside this shit is not even a joke anymore. It’s literally almost illegal to talk to women even politely, and that’s NOT an exaggeration. Leo and others have basically told me the reason for the unprecedented rates of male singleness is because guys have started doing nothing but porn, shit posting online, gaming, etc. No. The reason guys are doing those things more than anything else so stubbornly is BECAUSE this is what we fucking get when we put ourselves out there even as genuinely as possible. It’s depressing as hell but this is what reality is now. I’m also not exaggerating when I say there’s a HIGH chance I’d be sitting in jail right now awaiting trial if every inch of that store wasn’t staked out with surveillance cameras, because I’d be falsely accused. Bullshit like this is why I highly advise against approaching women anywhere that’s not fully surveilled. Although I will add in to that target manager’s credit she said I’m not allowed to come back “tonight”, so that’s good. 
 

So yeah I’ve got this lovely load on my plate to forgive now but the good news is I’m more equipped to handle it consciously now that I’ve started doing more of the work again. 

[Terell Kirby]

20 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

So my question is, when trying to forgive, what is it that I’m actually supposed to DO?

We place responsibility for our negative emotions on others from the perceived harm they caused.

Forgiveness is claiming our power back, take on our emotions as ours alone-accepting that burden.

Think of how many times we have wronged others-whether intentional or unintentional. It is the human condition-we can learn to let go through accepting our flaws and the flaws others while at the same time raising our standards so that those around raise theirs.

Edited yesterday at 01:58 AM by Terell Kirby

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Emotionalmosquito

You elaborated very well on your inner narrative in the above.

I would look at that narrative very carefully. It contains quite a bit of cognitive bias.

Are you aware that you are creating that story and generating 'me vs them' narrative? I suspect so, as you were able to elaborate this quite clearly. It might help to notice that often we think we are being singled out - but in reality, we are pretty inconsequential. Most people are only thinking about themselves. The narrative above also helps to keep perpetuating the emotions of rage and hatred. It might not be simply needing to forgive in this instance. Forgiveness may be a band-aid for the real, deeper problem - the narrative that fuels the perceived slight. This is not to say that some external wrongdoings were not had, as it sounds rather a shit happening tbh. But you are contributing to this within your thoughts also.

What in particular do you think you need to forgive others for? Because if you need to forgive them for making you feel a certain way - this is actually semi-incorrect. No one can make you feel a certain way - only you can allow that feeling. And by running over the story in your head again and again - you are making your mind and body relive it. The emotions come up again - like a wave crashing over another amplifying its effects.

If you let this go and surrender the narrative, you won't need to forgive as much. Because you will not have amplified it to a renumerating story echoing around within your mind. You will lesson the importance by killing the perpetual thought.

Attempting to catch these thoughts as they happen may be the first step. But you must catch them AS THEY HAPPEN. Throw the light of awareness on them: 'I'm renumerating again!' 'There's me telling a story again!' 

When you become aware and catch the thought, it can help with stopping. Thoughts like these are bad habits: something we do automatically without thinking. This is how cognitive bias happens. It is a reflexive thought that makes total sense logically, but is not seeing the full picture.

It might also be necessary to realise that hopelessness and despair are present under the anger and rage. Despair and loss of hope are protection mechanisms that act as a way to ensure we feel safe 'If I don't hope at all, I won't be disappointed'. Realising this is big, because you understand the gravity of what you are attempting to change: your minds own safety mechanisms for certainty. These mechanisms are intimately connected to survival.