Nito

What Do I Text Her Next? 9/10 Girl

40 posts in this topic

I recently cold approached this girl at college and got her Instagram 

She is very pretty and has over 4,500 insta followers so obviously has a lot of guys going for her

she has red flags, I don’t care about that, I’m trying to improve my game and ability to get girls on dates. That’s my goal

I would like to ask you for help for what I should be saying next to lead my text conversation with her to a date at college

 

Here is mine and her text conversation below:

 

 


me: “What days did you say you went to college again?”

her: Wednesday, Thursday and Friday 

me: guess you won’t be lonely Wednesday lunchtime 

(SIDE NOTE: I found out she has like 1 friend in college so when I approached her she was lonely so I used this to make my text a bit flirty above)

her: maybe

me: That’s basically a yes, you just don’t want to admit it yet 👀

her: it depends on how my day is going, if it’s going good then yeah, if it’s going shit then no

 

END OF CONVO

 

In her last text she is telling me that she will meet me if she is having a good day and doesn’t want to meet if she is having a bad day 

 

In my current mind the best text I can think of is:

”Message me when you’re having a good day and we’ll meet”

I think this is a good message because I’m leaving her to decide if she is going to meet with me because I’ve invited her and if she is interested in me she will go out with me and if she is not she won’t.  

So this way I can find out if she is interested without wasting my time

 

but I’m also unsure if maybe this is the wrong move?


I don’t want to just ask you what I should text her next, but also what I should be saying after to try and lead this to a date. 
I appreciate your help so much, thank you 

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I know I shouldn’t be overthinking but tbh I just don’t have the abundance just yet to do that. And I am also genuinely unsure what to do to get the girl on a date after the cold approach

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I prefer honesty and tbh I already know this. She has so many options and I didn’t do a 10/10 approach or flirt much. 

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@Nito Good job on doing the approach on an attractive girl. That's already a big W.

It's also good that you have a bit of a cocky, assumptive frame.

Some things I would consider:

Your response to her saying "maybe" was not great. She gave you a vague, noncommittal answer and you pushed for investment. Big mistake.

Also, the problem with just leaving the ball in her court is that there's about a zero percent chance she will reach out to you. That will not happen unless she is already very into you.

So yeah, you're filtering the girl for compliance. But you're filtering her in a way that is almost never going to lead to success. So it's not an intelligent way of filtering.

It would be like if you said "I don't want to cold approach women because if she was interested, she would open me!" -> yeah okay, but that's never going to happen.

Personally, I would shift away from the meetup at this point and build more rapport / value with her. You asked for compliance and she didn't give it, so now you've got to back off and get her invested before you ask for more again.


"Finding your reason can be so deceiving, a subliminal place. 

I will not break, 'cause I've been riding the curves of these infinity words and so I'll be on my way. I will not stay.

 And it goes On and On, On and On"

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My spontaneous thought is that it might not be best to leave her to decide if she wants to text you because she might not have high initial interest so it might lower the chances of her writing to you. 
 

You could write something like “that’s great you’re prioritizing your mental health and staying true to yourself (or “I appreciate the honesty”) .” You could also insert something about yourself if you also have similar struggles. But then I’d tell her like “I’ll get back to you when I have time to meet, then it’s up to you based on how you’re feeling.”

I’m a young woman who isn’t the best at socializing either so take with grain of salt but basically I think you should initiate because her initial interest might be low (because she doesn’t know you much , the interest can grow if she gets to know you, but then you must make sure it actually happens)

 

Edited by Sugarcoat

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12 hours ago, aurum said:

@Nito Good job on doing the approach on an attractive girl. That's already a big W.

It's also good that you have a bit of a cocky, assumptive frame.

Some things I would consider:

Your response to her saying "maybe" was not great. She gave you a vague, noncommittal answer and you pushed for investment. Big mistake.

Also, the problem with just leaving the ball in her court is that there's about a zero percent chance she will reach out to you. That will not happen unless she is already very into you.

So yeah, you're filtering the girl for compliance. But you're filtering her in a way that is almost never going to lead to success. So it's not an intelligent way of filtering.

It would be like if you said "I don't want to cold approach women because if she was interested, she would open me!" -> yeah okay, but that's never going to happen.

Personally, I would shift away from the meetup at this point and build more rapport / value with her. You asked for compliance and she didn't give it, so now you've got to back off and get her invested before you ask for more again.

Good stuff IME

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Just because a female is attractive and has tons of Instagram followers doesn't mean she has lots of options and that tons of guys are going for her. They might all be thinking what you're thinking and therefore none are after her for fear of competition and she's waiting for the first guy to impress her and come correct.

Lots of very attractive women don't get approached for this very same reason and even the guys that do approach already have in their minds that tons of guys are after her, so their chance is limited, and she feels that. Why do you think it's usually the short fat balsy, funny, outspoken confident guy that can reel in the very attractive women sometimes. He's not caught in in theorizing her and idealizing her and just going after what he wants and letting the rest follow. Attractive women find this very appealing.

 

 


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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Don't bother with her line of reasoning, don't get caught IN the conversation, operate outside of it through the vibes. It's just something she said on that moment, in her mood in that week. But let me tell  you about what she said, she pretty much is giving a reference to being that kind of person that has low social energy in general or bipolar-ish with intense highs and lows, giving some kind of impulsive traits that you saw as red flags.

Frankly, next message shouldn't even be text. Should be a flirty audio message to break off of that frame, and lead it into something interesting that will reveal more information about her to you and you work further with that + following it a text-message with the context of the audio just in case she doesn't hear it. I'd prefer sending it in the morning just after you woke up to get an even deeper and relaxed vocal tone and casual vibes. "I just woke up, and I was thinking..."

The ideal is to move it into an audio call for bonding, and get it super engaging, if she doesn't wanna show up in person.

Probably good to show empathy, what she said is ripe material to ask her about what kinds of things makes her feel like that, mention that you're also that kind of person that doesn't really feel like talking to someone new when you're having a bad day, and show having emotional and social awareness, not just flirting mindlessly, which is good, but she might be a little more demanding, you wanna find the right mix there.

Personally for me, I ended up fucking up plenty of chats due to flirting too much too fast, and it doesn't show more of my personality, or I'm not really being that engaging. But with just basic flirting skills that's enough to land a hot girlfriend eventually by running the numbers.

You also wanna keep some momentum and not break it. This idea of not showing too much attention is bullshit, there is just the right amount, the ideal would be to make her feel so hooked in the conversation, that not desiring a chat in person during lunch time would seem like she's shooting herself in the feet, specially even during her bad days.

Like you mention, about how sometimes we might isolate ourselves and only make matters worst, whatever, come up with some story or insight about as if you were here, matching her vibes, and giving her "insights" through your own insights about yourself (doesn't have to be your real stuff).

That shows a side that might make her compelled to open up. At the same time you sprinkle "me and you" frame there with it.

There is sort of some balance there, you sort of get more permission to keep flirting the more  you equilibrate that with some engagement value.

Edited by Lucasxp64

✨😉

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@Lucasxp64

Your post makes me laugh :D

First, because it's a great analysis and recommendation. Good meta stuff, and thinking ahead with out being stuck in a dogmatic view. 

Why did it make me laugh?

For one, because in my experience all those things/ actions you mention tend to come mostly naturally.

Otherwise they can seemed forced, or too strategic, or inauthentic. I say "mostly" because there is a skill in being aware in communication, of being conscious of what I do/say and how it impacts the other. But IME, when you focus too much on meta you risk loosing yourself in analyzing too much, too much thinking. Lots of assumptions, got to make sure to double check frequently if they are valid.

And second, OP might do everything perfectly, right balance of attention and detachment,  opening up, finding common ground, some playful teasing and still it will lead to nothing.  Because....karma 🤣

If there were a formula to apply it wouldn't be fun. Yes you can become more or less skillful, but IME there was always a certain randomness I had to accept.

Good luck! :)

Edited by theleelajoker

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Skip all the other texts next time.

Don't flirt over text— at all.

Send her 1 text— just like you’d send to a guy friend.

”Hey what are you up to Wednesday around lunch?”

The rest will work itself out.

Leave 0 room for interpretation— that’s where you fucked up.

Texting is for logistics— especially when someone doesn’t know you.

She’ll respond 1 of 2 ways:

1: “Idk kind of busy.”

2: “I think I’m free, I'm not sure yet.”

You’ll rarely get a direct ‘No’ which is exactly why you don’t try and flirt over text like you were.

She didn’t ’not want to admit’ anything and wasn’t expressing interest or disinterest.

She doesn’t know you at all— so she can’t.

Don’t try to interpret girls or worry about how they’re interpreting you over text.

Just make plans. You can literally ignore everything else.

Isn’t that super attractive and easy?

Honest too.

So, respond: “I’d like to get coffee and go on a walk or something. Let me know if you’re interested.’

Boom, lock in the time and text her day of to confirm. No more— no less.

Everything that will happen will happen in person. Texting should remain minimal.

The problem is you’re thinking. 

Do you think this hard making plans with everyone?

Or just cute girls?

Everybody flirts with them.

Be different. Stand out.

Just. Make. Plans.

Respect her time.

Game is games. Plans are plans.

 

Edited by yetineti

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2 hours ago, yetineti said:

Don't flirt over text— at all.

Send her 1 text— just like you’d send to a guy friend.

”Hey what are you up to Wednesday around lunch?”

The rest will work itself out.

You will lose the vast majority of girls with that approach.


"Finding your reason can be so deceiving, a subliminal place. 

I will not break, 'cause I've been riding the curves of these infinity words and so I'll be on my way. I will not stay.

 And it goes On and On, On and On"

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On 9/8/2025 at 1:46 PM, Princess Arabia said:

Just because a female is attractive and has tons of Instagram followers doesn't mean she has lots of options and that tons of guys are going for her. They might all be thinking what you're thinking and therefore none are after her for fear of competition and she's waiting for the first guy to impress her and come correct.

Lots of very attractive women don't get approached for this very same reason and even the guys that do approach already have in their minds that tons of guys are after her, so their chance is limited, and she feels that. Why do you think it's usually the short fat balsy, funny, outspoken confident guy that can reel in the very attractive women sometimes. He's not caught in in theorizing her and idealizing her and just going after what he wants and letting the rest follow. Attractive women find this very appealing.

 

 

I agree with this. In DAYGAME I'm observing the hottest women most often respond better than average ones. Everytime I see a 9/10 I remind myself that they are more receptive than 7s.

At work my highest paying clients are the easiest to deal with while the guy that I give discounts ends up being a pain in the ass.

 

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2 minutes ago, pablo_aka_god said:

I agree with this. In DAYGAME I'm observing the hottest women most often respond better than average ones. Everytime I see a 9/10 I remind myself that they are more receptive than 7s.

At work my highest paying clients are the easiest to deal with while the guy that I give discounts ends up being a pain in the ass.

 

Yeah, it seems like what people have most abundantly, they flow more easily with. It's the energy that you give off sometimes that makes the difference. 


What you know leaves what you don't know and what you don't know is all there is. 

 

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I guess with all of this info here, you basically should stack them. If she pushes you off for a in-person date, and she keeps still wanting to talk to you, you might still take that shot to keep bonding, to keep warming her up. But if that's done too much it risks overcooking the chick and wasting your time. No Good.

I like to roast them a bit, much tastier, so in person we are basically already going for a make out.

Some women are like that, because most of the game I did was texting/phone calls/audio messages, that's where I know where to warm them up well.

Even as far as cumming with each other on the phone.

It's pretty lovely when it goes well.  When they get nice and comfy on the phone. They can be even lying on bed before sleep talking to you late night before they feel comfy going for a date, at that point she might even be the one asking for seeing you when it happens.

But this stuff.... It's probabilistic, it's not some science. It's artistry. 💝 

Edited by Lucasxp64

✨😉

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4 hours ago, aurum said:

You will lose the vast majority of girls with that approach.

I’ve never had a girl say no to hanging out.

They gave you their number.

They’re already curious.

What is there to overthink?

And what’s the ‘compliance’ for?

Compliant sex?

Compliant relationships?

No thanks.

@aurum

 

Edited by yetineti

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I'm probably the odd one out here, but... I'd rather have no sex than bad sex. Or compliant sex, or... Whatever you wanna call it.

Same for relationships.

Edited by yetineti

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