Fear when meditating

[TheGod]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

What do you mean boredom

Well if you are God and you are everything and have everything, what is there that can entertain you? Exactly - nothing. 

God has its need for self-enertainment. It's addicted to games because it is the way it is. 

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, TheGod said:

Well if you are God and you are everything and have everything, what is there that can entertain you? Exactly - nothing. 

God has its need for self-enertainment. It's addicted to games because it is the way it is. 

Sounds like humanizing god to me. Or maybe you don’t mean it literally

[TheGod]

1 minute ago, Sugarcoat said:

Sounds like humanizing god to me. Or maybe you don’t mean it literally

I'm not talking about humans and their ego games or need for stimulation. 

I'm talking about this precise moment where I am playing the game right now answering you 

[Jowblob]

4 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Well if you are God and you are everything and have everything, what is there that can entertain you? Exactly - nothing. 

God has its need for self-enertainment. It's addicted to games because it is the way it is. 

In my experience the pleasures get indeed boring and you grow out of them eventually to look for more , to get bigger, to expand. Ofcourse i didn't reach the highest level yet, but i imagine eventually you will just create story/dimension and start with a new incarnation. But until then we still have a long way, atleast for me. 

[Dodo]

5 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I once gave my 5MeO-DMT vape to a guy in a park who asked me what I was vaping. 

He ended up throwing his wallet with all his things in it saying it all was just an illusion and why I created him. He also tried to climb on me (I was siting on a park banch).

He returned very quickly though like in 2 minutes. Completely confused and walked away. 

I've had a lot of experiences which felt biblical, like my relationship to the Whole as a human being, as me, my real name and all, my life, what I was destined to do and how I kinda failed at it, but also did a lot better than certain others, not to brag much.. but still, the task was way too big and I got big headed earlly on in life which slowed down my progress and there now I am kind of a degenerate.

It felt like everyone had put their faith in my incarnation and i did a poopoo job out of it, did great up to a point, but then my free will to be bad took over and i didnt know the stakes, because i was raised an atheist, which was also part of the deaal. If i knew the stakes it wouldnt be real... anyway, i dont expect anyone to understand,  because you dont know my life or the people ive known and events of my life etc... its all been.. a great story I guess, up to a point where I started spiralling down because of a girl, and never recovered. 

Im just chatting ofcourse,  yet another mind guerilla, a mental masturbation alert! Whatever! My life felt very meaningful tho. Thats something. 

[Sugarcoat]

7 minutes ago, TheGod said:

I'm not talking about humans and their ego games or need for stimulation. 

I'm talking about this precise moment where I am playing the game right now answering you 

You mean even if you are god realized you can have desire to engage in human things?

[theleelajoker]

25 minutes ago, Dodo said:

As someone who's never done psychedellics but have had sober nondual experiences i know what terrror you are talking about. Writing from hospital bed after latest one.

Anyway, one time I talked to a guy on the street... early in the morning, a black guy... he looked like a thug, carrying something... i walked past him, he followed me, i said stop following me thank you - he said he wouldnt hurt me, just self defense. Then i went up to him later, this crazy guy and I asked him "Bro, are you me?" And he suddenly snapped out of his crazy persona and became extremely intelligent and asked me what I could teach him.  But before he did that he said "its just about being" and "i am addicted to learning". 

Crazy experiences one can have. I find that street spirituality can be proper real. We like to meditate and close ourselves from the world, when perhaps the world can be the meditation! The body doesnt have to go if its an illusion, so who disappears? Who is alone? Who am I? I know, I'm a slow learner.

This is a funny story. 

I have one, not the same but still interesting. I return from a meditation retreat, I sit in a train. A guy with tattoos, in his 40s, average weight and height, but looking a bit run down comes and sits next to me (many other free places but he choose me). He's drinking a beer and his breath is alcoholic too.

After a while, we have a small interaction where he provokes me a bit. Nothing too serious, but he also says something weird, some stuff about him being a former psychologist. And after provoking me further, we make eye contact.  I do my best to look directly at him and try to be hard with my gaze, showing strength and not weakness. Again, in a provoking voice he says something like "you don't have the balls for this, you're not neurotic enough". 

I don't react. I just sit there, not moving, holding eye contact. Honestly don't really know what else to do lol. Suddenly he completely changes, his voice becomes soft, and with real disappointment he says "ohh, I just wanted to spark an interesting conversation!" He sounded like a kid in a situation where his mum told him that he has to stop playing with his favorite toy because kindergarten is over.  It's like you said, just "snapping out of his crazy persona".

He gets up and leaves. I sit there and don't know what the fuck just happened. 

[Hojo]

One time I meditate and my brain started feeling weird and then every single light in my house started turning on and off. I stopped and got up and walked around and they stopped. Then I did it again after 2 hours and the same thing happened. Every light in my house started flickering on and off at different timings. I just kept going and I feel that something scary was going to happen so I stopped and got up and the lights stopped.

I think its possible once you go further you will start to see demons and shit. It felt like I was entering a poltergeist dream.

Edited August 25 by Hojo

[Natasha Tori Maru]

3 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

You mean because transcending avoidance of suffering would entail ending the self so that also ends the other?

You have to tell me because I need to know how 😭

You will realise you WANT to be right here, right now. 

You will realise there is nothing else more filled with wonder, awe, mystery and surprise than the present. 

Just right now in your current iteration you have completely forgotten

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@TheGod

Are you feeling the illusion of the created self slip away - like a familiar environment - as you move into a state of awareness without a lot of distinctions?

An alternative could be a lot of repressed emotional stuff coming up - before the self can be transcended it needs to be completely embraced, accepted. You need to go into and through it - and that can be rough

[TheGod]

4 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@TheGod

Are you feeling the illusion of the created self slip away - like a familiar environment - as you move into a state of awareness without a lot of distinctions?

An alternative could be a lot of repressed emotional stuff coming up - before the self can be transcended it needs to be completely embraced, accepted. You need to go into and through it - and that can be rough

I feel like I'm dissolving into the present moment and it scares me because I don't like this feeling of no-boundaries and complete enmeshment.

I mean I am okay with being the present moment, but the thing is the present moment isn’t limited at all and groundless and it’s also located in nowhere which also means that it’s infinite.

I had a bunch of break-troughs on 5MeO-DMT where I would lose all the boundaries but every time it happens infinity is killing me.

It’s like imagine if you were a bottle. A bottle can be of different sizing. It can be small, medium or large or super-large. I’m okay to be all of them because it doesn’t matter what size it is if it has some boundaries at some point but God isn’t like any of these bottles. God is formless bitch and you can fill it out with whatever without stopping.

Probably infinity traumatized me 😂

[Natasha Tori Maru]

2 minutes ago, TheGod said:

Probably infinity traumatized me 😂

I think you nailed it

All distinctions dissolving and the fear of it.

Unwilling to surrender

[UnbornTao]

Could you clarify what you are afraid of again? Also, what do you mean by nondual states?

Edited August 26 by UnbornTao

[Dodo]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Could you clarify what you are afraid of again? Also, what do you mean by nondual states?

I will go ahead and answer even tho its not towards me. Afraid of dying, that human guy ceasing to exist,  that guy who is in relationship with reality. 

Nondual would be a state where you know you are not only in relationship with reaality but also are reality as much as anything else. As much as the tree and the river and the clouds, the birds and the bees 🐝 it's a very vulnerable place to be, because you accept your aliveness and fragility like the bugs and the plants, and now can come the terror - how come you're alive? What if its time to die?

Gonna piss your pants - you wont be able to write on actualized once you die for one small example. You havent experienced it if you are here. Non of us is an expert in death. Even if you had ego deaths,  thats different. 

Im talking about nonduality for the born being and the terror of that born being for its own death. Im not talking about the Unborn Tao, that is irrelevant,, no terror for it, the unborn can't die, easymode there! 

 

[inFlow]

16 hours ago, TheGod said:

My ability to start entering non-dual states when meditating terrifies me. 

 

That's good!

16 hours ago, TheGod said:

When I meditate I just can't surrender because on psychedelics I know it's temporary but when I do it sober it freaks me out because I am afraid to never return. 

Haha... I remember that time.. When I just woke up, seeming like a never ending trip. From the moment I woke up to the moment I was a sleep I was in a constant non-dual awareness state. And by the 3rd day, when I woke up in the morning I thought to myself "well, this is probably not turning off, so I might just surrender to what IS" and I was so comfortable with everything that was. What reality was, what I was, even as an illusion. Surrendering is a skill that you will grow, the ego doesn't want to leg go. But you have to let it go.

 

16 hours ago, TheGod said:

How do I manage this fear of disappearing while meditating? 

You cannot, surrender bit by bit and you will go through.

I'am with You! This is the time to make it happen! DON'T STOP IF YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IT.

[Sugarcoat]

15 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

You will realise you WANT to be right here, right now. 

You will realise there is nothing else more filled with wonder, awe, mystery and surprise than the present. 

Just right now in your current iteration you have completely forgotten

Is that synonymous with dissolving the self?

[Salariatu]

Take a mirror while you meditate.