My anima doesn't like nice guys

[Schizophonia]

@Emerald @Natasha Tori Maru

 

These days, I've been ruminating a bit about not having a girlfriend, and more specifically, I've been fixated on the fact that girls tend to systematically choose guys who are stupid, violent, etc.
So my first instinct was automatically narcissistic, that is, to shift my attention to the evidence of my beliefs to maintain my character, my ego.
But then I remembered these mechanisms and made the effort to look for counter-evidence, which I actually quickly found through, for example, girls in my family who are very pretty, popular, lively, kind, etc and who have always been with very nice, even sensitive guys; more so than me who already projects the idea of being too nice or things like that. The particularity of these girls was that they already had the daily habit of indulging themselves, and therefore their emotional world, in a "symbolic order," as Lacan would say (symbols, masculinity, on which movement, the feminine, occurs; the terrain, the law, matter, etc.) "gentle," that is to say, full of activities, notably sports and work, daily sociability, and generally a pleasant and light frequency in general; no politics, no personal development, no spirituality/religion, no stupide fucking useless diet; nothing, no "terrain" (masculine part) that consists precisely of self-flagellation, of crushing the feminine part.
And you know what? The affect that most tends to come to mind when I think of them and their vibe is contempt; because for me, their frequency is laughable, there's too little ego, it's too nice.
I am the anima who loves her toxic man, with whom I identify because I am a man, who imposes on her at worst regular rumination, at best boredom and/or heavy, low-key self-flagellating subjects like the ones i talked about before and anything neurotic in general.
And since the nature of maya is projective (it's always a dual way to see things, but it's for visualization), then I will project, materialize, replicate in macro form; in a fractal model in this case, from the "inside" to the "outside," this anima/animus dialectic and see everywhere the evidence that relationships are too complicated because of x.

Either I really want to be nice, and so to be able to have a girlfriend, I'll have to reframe my animus in favor of my anima. That is to say, stop ruminating, stop being bored, stop being interested in stupid neurotic things and finally indeed general a nice symbolic order.

Either I'll give in to my animus, which is easier since I'm a man; but just as a woman who gives in to her corrupted anima can become hysterical, if I give in to my masculinity in its current conditioning, I might find a girlfriend, but it will probably be a toxic relationship.
Where I cheat on her, or I speak badly to her, or I'll have to endure my neurotic terrain anyway, with or without her etc; and it seems i don't want this deep down insofar as I project this phenomenon with anger.

Suppressing the anima doesn't even really make you more masculine; people who suppress the anima, basically obsessive neurotics in Freudian-Lacanian parlance, tend to end up thin, weak, fearful, submissive to authority, even with masochistic fantasies and behavior (it's a kind of quasi-pro-homosexual conditioning anyway)and less often sadistic if, like me, you really cling to the phallic function despite resistance, but it's rarer, and even I've had more "masochistic" fantasies, like dominant girls riding me cowgirl, making me perform cunnilingus aggressively, and generally "ordering" me more.
A pole where I embrace my toxic masculinity and follow the dominant but in a twisted way (aggressively, or as opposed via a kind of nurse syndrome), and a pole where I unconsciously refuse it, I think, and am more submissive as a result, because I project my (toxic) masculinity onto a more dominant woman.This is the way we find ourselves, once again, in spirituality, personal development, centrist politics, etc.
Submitting to the anima actually seems to be the most effective way to teleport into the masculine position, and men who take this path tend to be tougher, more energetic, more creative, and, above all, more magnetic toward women.

Edited August 24 by Schizophonia

[Sugarcoat]

I don’t quite understand and I’d say it’s both on you and me. My brain is almost closer to a vegetative state than a human state, so that makes it hard to think clearly. And you wrote in a complicated way for the average person who hasn’t consumed certain theories you refer to , to understand 

Im kind of impressed when people are able to write these elaborate texts. It almost sounds like a fairytale to me though. Like you wrote this and you feel it’s all real, it’s like it’s a figment of the very substance of your reality, which is both pure reality, and then your own mental overlay on top of it, forming your perception of reality.

Basically you have a story in your mind which forms your worldview and sense of reality. And it feels real. But it’s all maya
 

Maybe if anyone spends a lot of time ruminating on something they’ll be able to write such a text. Not down playing its quality though. 
 

I guess I don’t have a lot to say pertaining to the content of the text. I can say though that it’s so deeply wired into the normal human to seek intimacy and social connection, so it’s normal for there to be neurotic tendencies in regards to that. And one doesn’t have to fully heal before entering a relationship, if that’s an idea someone has, it’s okay to be your messy self while entering a relationship. Your neurosis might worsen the quality of your relationship yes, but there’s always the potential to develop alongside your partner, instead of forcing yourself to be single until you fully heal (not that you have that idea).

Also I think what we kinda want is to access a kind of effortlessness in our personality. We don’t wanna feel like it’s an effort to be us. But it can feel like it, if we have a bunch of ideas about how we should be and insecurities it can block that natural flow. So it takes some work to undo that. Maybe one can try to drop ideas of how one should be to get in touch with a deeper flow

I’ll give it a reread to maybe understand better 

Edited August 24 by Sugarcoat

[MarkKol]

You think about some very unique and honestly quite strange things that have never crossed my mind, ever.

I was a little scared reading all that, from sheer dissimilarity.

[Hojo]

I don't think its toxic masculinity I think its just masculinity, what you want. You want feminine energy Shakti. If you want feminine energy you need to be still, assholish, non reactive. If you want Shakti you need the Shakti to energize you. If you are a nice guy you are stimulating the energy and the energy dosent want to be stimulated it wants to stimulate you. 

The misdirection comes when ego says I want this but this isn't working I need to be nice. I need to stimulate this Shakti cause its not reacting. Now you are the Shakti baby bitch lol. Now the woman has to take the masculine energy. Now you finish last cause you became what you wanted and forced a duality.

If you embrace the masculine your presence can become like a black hole that woman can not, not react too. All you have to do is sit there very seriously. If Shakti engages stay still. If you dont react the energy will be sent back and the Shakti will have to hold it again and send it back again. Like someone blaming themselves the conversation is not going well. Never holding that is the masculine energy.

Its hard to do when you put what you want above you so you would need to stop putting sex on a pedestal because that is holding the Shakti and you will end up holding it by arguing with yourself about what you desire.

If this Shakti was real pretend its being passed around like a ball between people all day non stop in every interaction every glance every second. Never hold it you will become a black hole of stillness that all the Shakti will be trying to move.

Edited August 25 by Hojo

[Emerald]

One thing that I think might be helpful along these lines that I notice in what you wrote, is that there is a lot of conscious calculation about how you want to come across and how you don't want to come across.

And if I'm understanding correctly, there seems to be these two polarities that you're considering between as an image of the "nice guy" and the "toxic masculine guy."

And there's an aversion to the nice guy but there's a sense that it's the nice guys who have girlfriends... and there's a sense of wanting to embody some of the pseudo-power of the toxic masculine guys despite recognizing it as neurotic on another level.

That's the gist that I'm taking away from what you wrote.

And I think that you should go for neither of these modes of existing... as neither are reflective of you. And you may have lost yourself in the complexity of these considerations.

The challenge is to just get back to yourself and embrace whatever exists within you from either polarity and neither polarity without identifying with anything.

I also sense that the resistance that arises towards the "nice guy" (or even the nice gal) is likely where some of the split from your authenticity might have originally arisen... especially if there's ever been a time in your life where you deliberately tried to carve your identity away from things like innocence or naivety or un-worldliness.

So, you may associate the "nice guy" with things that you have tried to distance yourself from.

I'm not 100% sure that's true. But it is something that could fit as a puzzle piece with the visceral resistance towards the "nice guy" and the desire to embody the "toxic masculine"... and the general confusion about where you are as a whole authentic being within this split.

I would begin with dropping all agendas to be perceived or perceive yourself a particular way. And I'd begin by exploring the polarity you have the most resistance to (aka the "nice guy") in order to find the lost center in yourself.

And feel into the aversions and discomforts if you were to perceive yourself or be perceived as one of those "nice" people.

[theleelajoker]

@Schizophonia

Man, you have complex thoughts and I discover something new and interesting in pretty much every post of you. But also, I agree with @Sugarcoat that it's hard for me to follow your thought process and post above. I think you gained a skill in analyzing the psyche, but it's also a skill to simplify stuff again. 

A good exercise I do for myself or others is "Whatever you want to express, can you put it into one simple sentence?" In your case, maybe maximum of 5 sentences? Then you're also more likely to get the feedback you're looking for. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

@Schizophonia

Essentially do I take the overall question to be:

1) Let go of all the toxic masculine traits / habits (higher effort)

2) Stay in the same pattern that is more natural (lower effort)

to achieve attracting a woman?

[meta_male]

It sounds like you reject the parts that might actually balance you. Why not stop theorizing and lean fully into the side you're most drawn to? See what happens when you stop trying to solve it in your head.

[Rishabh R]

@Schizophonia and @Sugarcoat I used to suffer for not having a relationship back then in college when people around me were in relationships and girls were choosing dumb players and there is still some part of me that suffers for it but it has been lessened. But as said suffering is the greatest teacher. It taught me to embrace negative emotions.

As per girls choosing stupid guys remember that most of those relationships eventually fall apart. @Schizophonia what's best is to find girls who are receptive to you and it's a reality. While majority of girls won't like you , few will .

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Rishabh R said:

@Schizophonia and @Sugarcoat I used to suffer for not having a relationship back then in college when people around me were in relationships and girls were choosing dumb players and there is still some part of me that suffers for it but it has been lessened. But as said suffering is the greatest teacher. It taught me to embrace negative emotions.

As per girls choosing stupid guys remember that most of those relationships eventually fall apart. @Schizophonia what's best is to find girls who are receptive to you and it's a reality. While majority of girls won't like you , few will .

Right

[Schizophonia]

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

I don’t quite understand and I’d say it’s both on you and me. My brain is almost closer to a vegetative state than a human state, so that makes it hard to think clearly.

You don't have to make excuses if you don't understand it's essentially because you don't relate to my paradigm/language. 

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

And you wrote in a complicated way for the average person who hasn’t consumed certain theories you refer to , to understand 

 

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Im kind of impressed when people are able to write these elaborate texts.

Thanks, it's true i'm not only hot but also very smart 

(Joke did for the 100th time)

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

It almost sounds like a fairytale to me though. Like you wrote this and you feel it’s all real, it’s like it’s a figment of the very substance of your reality, which is both pure reality, and then your own mental overlay on top of it, forming your perception of reality.

I describe my current maya, karma, call that as you want yea.

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Basically you have a story in your mind which forms your worldview and sense of reality. And it feels real. But it’s all maya
 

Maybe if anyone spends a lot of time ruminating on something they’ll be able to write such a text. Not down playing its quality though. 

Ditto

Ofc the goal is in fine to burn this karma and make all of these observations obsolete, so pointless and so non visible.

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

 

I guess I don’t have a lot to say pertaining to the content of the text. I can say though that it’s so deeply wired into the normal human to seek intimacy and social connection,

so it’s normal for there to be neurotic tendencies in regards to that. And one doesn’t have to fully heal before entering a relationship, if that’s an idea someone has, it’s okay to be your messy self while entering a relationship.

Your neurosis might worsen the quality of your relationship yes, but there’s always the potential to develop alongside your partner, instead of forcing yourself to be single until you fully heal (not that you have that idea).

Is this an insecurity for you 

Idk i didn't think about the question, my topic did not directly target this problem.

22 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Also I think what we kinda want is to access a kind of effortlessness in our personality. We don’t wanna feel like it’s an effort to be us. But it can feel like it, if we have a bunch of ideas about how we should be and insecurities it can block that natural flow. So it takes some work to undo that. Maybe one can try to drop ideas of how one should be to get in touch with a deeper flow

I’ll give it a reread to maybe understand better 

👍

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Ofc the goal is in fine to burn this karma and make all of these observations obsolete, so pointless and so non visible.

But maybe you wanna live in your little bubble and not pop it

7 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

 

Is this an insecurity for you 

Idk i didn't think about the question, my topic did not directly target this problem.

👍

I know I just wrote something that came to mind. It was insecurity in my far past

[Schizophonia]

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

I don't think its toxic masculinity I think its just masculinity,

When i talk about toxic masculinity i don't refer to the sjw stuffs lol.

I refer to the idea of a symbolic order who induces a negative imaginary and emotional world in myself that we can call my feminine part, anima as Jung would say.

 

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

what you want. You want feminine energy Shakti. If you want feminine energy you need to be still, assholish, non reactive. If you want Shakti you need the Shakti to energize you.

Exactly because it becomes the heart of your attention, which propulse you in the masculine position.

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

If you are a nice guy you are stimulating the energy and the energy dosent want to be stimulated it wants to stimulate you. 

I'm kind when I'm masculine.
Btw the most masculine and strong men tend to be the kindest.

On the other hand, I can tend to approach girls, or simply see girls in my maya, who don't like kindness.
And then I realize that it's a reflection of my own desire not to be "kind," to enter that frequency.
And so automatically, the mirrors aren't the ones I wanted.

I talked about niceness lol but I'm not that nice, it was just an example I should rather say "the vibe I tend towards if my shadow is put aside"

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

The misdirection comes when ego says I want this but this isn't working I need to be nice. I need to stimulate this Shakti cause its not reacting. Now you are the Shakti baby bitch lol. Now the woman has to take the masculine energy. Now you finish last cause you became what you wanted and forced a duality.

I perfectly understand but you don't propose to change the "Shakti".

And so my masculinity, since "Shakti" is nothing but energy, the movement that inscribes itself on the throne of symbolism (masculinity).
If I don't change my symbolism and just look for the right "Shakti" that's coming towards me, I'll end up with shit.

17 hours ago, Hojo said:

If you embrace the masculine your presence can become like a black hole that woman can not, not react too. All you have to do is sit there very seriously. If Shakti engages stay still. If you dont react the energy will be sent back and the Shakti will have to hold it again and send it back again. Like someone blaming themselves the conversation is not going well. Never holding that is the masculine energy.

Its hard to do when you put what you want above you so you would need to stop putting sex on a pedestal because that is holding the Shakti and you will end up holding it by arguing with yourself about what you desire.

If this Shakti was real pretend its being passed around like a ball between people all day non stop in every interaction every glance every second. Never hold it you will become a black hole of stillness that all the Shakti will be trying to move.

I see

[Schizophonia]

25 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

But maybe you wanna live in your little bubble and not pop it

My bubble will evolve  eheh

26 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

 

I know I just wrote something that came to mind. It was insecurity in my far past

Can you give exemples if you don't mind 

[Sugarcoat]

6 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

My bubble will evolve  eheh

Can you give exemples if you don't mind 

Do you ever get cracks in your reality where it’s like it almost stops feeling as real

Example is when I had social anxiety I felt I needed to get over it fully before relationship because I was afraid of being cringe  

[Schizophonia]

14 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Do you ever get cracks in your reality where it’s like it almost stops feeling as real

It has happened to me here and there to be suddenly aware for a few seconds or minutes and feel bad because I realized that life had no meaning and that being there was so strange; if that's what you're referring to.

14 hours ago, Sugarcoat said:

Example is when I had social anxiety I felt I needed to get over it fully before relationship because I was afraid of being cringe  

I see.

Cringeness is cute

[Schizophonia]

On 25/08/2025 at 0:21 AM, MarkKol said:

You think about some very unique and honestly quite strange things that have never crossed my mind, ever.

I was a little scared reading all that, from sheer dissimilarity.

Thanks

[Schizophonia]

17 hours ago, meta_male said:

See what happens when you stop trying to solve it in your head.

In fact I don't have any problems talking to girls, except that I don't meet enough of them; here I play with theories about what's going on in my maya.

[Schizophonia]

On 25/08/2025 at 8:59 AM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

@Schizophonia

Essentially do I take the overall question to be:

1) Let go of all the toxic masculine traits / habits (higher effort)

Yes, once again, I'm not talking about toxic masculinity in the common SJW sense like not mansplaining lol, more seriously I'm talking about neurosis, about establishing a world, a delusion that is already toxic inside me.

For example, Nazism or Salafism are delusions, symbolic orders that are toxic to my anima, feminin world, emotionnal world call that as you want; they involve a lot of anger and rumination.
I could find a girlfriend by following these orders, but she would be angry and generally unpleasant, like my emotional side.
And in any case, I don't reject such a functioning that is already within me, and the immune system is the projection mechanism.
So I see and obsess over phenomena I see between men and women that are in fact the projection of what is happening internally; the link between my masculinity (order, law, the delusion in which we invest ourselves) and the feminine (the emotional world).

On 25/08/2025 at 8:59 AM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

2) Stay in the same pattern that is more natural (lower effort)

Not necessarily because I naturally tend toward frequencies of kindness, phlegm, sharing, etc., internally.
And at the same time, at heart, I'm a bit of a neurotic, Nazi type who enjoys anger, struggle, partisanship, etc.
Right now, I'm naturally in a state of "purgatorial" stagnation where not much is happening.
There's too much turmoil and contradiction at the moment to settle down anywhere.

On 25/08/2025 at 8:59 AM, Natasha Tori Maru said:

to achieve attracting a woman?

Not just a girlfriend, but life in general.
Women come naturally, like a mirror of my emotional world, which itself corresponds to the symbolic order I establish.

[Schizophonia]

On 25/08/2025 at 8:53 AM, theleelajoker said:

@Schizophonia

Man, you have complex thoughts and I discover something new and interesting in pretty much every post of you. But also, I agree with @Sugarcoat that it's hard for me to follow your thought process and post above. I think you gained a skill in analyzing the psyche, but it's also a skill to simplify stuff again. 

Thanks

Quote

A good exercise I do for myself or others is "Whatever you want to express, can you put it into one simple sentence?" In your case, maybe maximum of 5 sentences? Then you're also more likely to get the feedback you're )looking for. 

1)The world is a projection.

 

2)What happens on the macro scale is the same phenomenon as what happens on the micro scale, in a fractal model.

 

3)To think that women like x is to admit that the part of myself I project onto women (emotional world) likes the part of myself I project onto men (the law, the symbolic, the structure, etc.) when it is x.

4)In my case, x tends to be toxic, meaning I could have a super cool daily life, but I tended to prefer a boring, if not neurotic, lifestyle, with anger, rumination, etc.; the effect of this phenomenon can be projected as "women like jerks," omitting, of course, all the evidence to the contrary.

 

5)But in reality, it's me who has a masculine side that's too toxic for my anima, that's what I tend to be. If I want girls who like "nice" men, not to be dismissed lol, I have to put myself in a situation, an order, a daily life that corresponds to this frequency.

Again, I'm not even that nice lol, I'm sometimes told I'm dry or something, but my attention shifted to that, and that's what motivated the thread.
There are plenty of possible fixations.

 

Edited August 26 by Schizophonia