What makes you not commit suicide?

[Cheese]

On 2025-08-01 at 10:37 AM, Wilhelm44 said:

How is the suffering you experienced "deserved" ? 

It is part of this process owning a disowned self.

Something outside happens to me that causes suffering. Breaking the resistance to it by feeling it as if it is "deserved". Then realising it is just in my head and was a projection. Gradually feeling and owning" this emotional pain. The same situation does not affect me as intense and I can see the situation more clearly. It is gradual.

I don't know, if it is something like that.Or maybe it was breaking the denial of law of causation. I don't remember exactly

Important: I am just talking for myself here in the posts. This is not meant to be related to anyone else. 

 

Edited 22 hours ago by Cheese
Redirecting the energy more inward continues the dissolution of egoism.

[Sugarcoat]

On 2025-08-09 at 11:30 PM, Basman said:

You need treatment to deal with serious illness.

However, if your disease isn't understood such treatment may not quiet exist. Such as with fibromyalgia or MA. Then you can at best hope to manage the symptoms. 

 

I see doctors yes

I will try to just deal with it as long as I have it. As long as I can bear

On 2025-08-09 at 11:30 PM, Basman said:

But the degree of severity is everything. You don't amputate if you have a cold. 

How do you actually know that your situation can't be treated? Have you checked? I'm just trying to understand. 

My issue really is that I don't think suicide is grounded in reality 99% of the time. It is almost always due to a myopic view of emotional isolation and impulsivity. 

I find that my mental issues are a result of an irreversible process of self dissolution (not complete but partial self dissolution).But it sounds very weird so I’m perfectly fine if you don’t believe that. 
 

Over a year of mental medication has done absolutely nothing . 

If someone just can’t bear it no more I don’t see it as unjustified for them to kill themselves. Nobody has an obligation to live. 

Edited 23 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

17 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Haha, what made you ask such a question in the first place?

What makes you live happily and joyfully now? 

It’s just random self expression coming from a place of occasionally viewing suicide as an escape from this current life where in particular the future doesn’t look bright 

I don’t really feel joy . Most of the time I’m neutral or just so slightly worse than neutral 

 

[Basman]

6 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I find that my mental issues are a result of an irreversible process of self dissolution (not complete but partial self dissolution).But it sounds very weird so I’m perfectly fine if you don’t believe that. 
 

Over a year of mental medication has done absolutely nothing . 

If someone just can’t bear it no more I don’t see it as unjustified for them to kill themselves. Nobody has an obligation to live. 

You're right. I respect that choice when it is appropriate. When there is no alternative. 

But frankly, I don't want you to come to that conclusion on your own because of how limited the imagination of an ill mind can be. If you can't imagine a better future then of course suicide seems appealing. However, if the mind's imagination is too limited to see a better future when a better future is actually available then suicide is a premature decision. I would argue that a better future is almost always available unless you have some kind of severe mental illness, like serious schizophrenia or something. You want to naturally live. It is only when you perceive one's situation to be in inescapable with nothing to look forward to that people get suicidal. I see it as symptom. 

Are you receiving any help currently with your issues?

Also, is there anything that you looking forward to currently? Just in general (games, movies, anime, events, dates, etc.).

[UnbornTao]

21 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s just random self expression coming from a place of occasionally viewing suicide as an escape from this current life where in particular the future doesn’t look bright 

I don’t really feel joy . Most of the time I’m neutral or just so slightly worse than neutral 

 

I think you stubbornly cling to that story of self-dissolution. What happens when you stop believing in it? 

Set aside all the spiritual stuff you've heard about self this and self that. 

Also, "the future" is being conceptualized by you now, is it not? So there's no reason why you couldn't imagine a positive, hopeful one - or simply live in the present. Barring some physiological malfunction perhaps, depression can't possibility exist in relation to what's present now. 

So you see, just as you generate negative thoughts and feeling states, you can produce healthy and enjoyable ones. 

Edited 22 hours ago by UnbornTao

[Sugarcoat]

9 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

I think you stubbornly cling to that story of self-dissolution. What happens when you stop believing in it? 

Set aside all the spiritual stuff you've heard about self this and self that. 

It’s a relative understanding , it’s like in the same way I can say that the sky is blue with certainty

I could write a post going into detail about my story, it would be shocking to people, because it’s so radically different from anything anyone has ever heard. It’s beyond spirituality even. But I don’t write in detail or clearly about it because I don’t feel a need to. So yall that are commenting on me don’t know the entire story so your comments aren’t really grounded

If anyone thinks I’m delusional to that I can say that I’ve tried two anti psychotics, one for over a year (I’m still on it) and it makes ZERO  difference

But I still see your point. It could happen that someone creates a narrative in their head that hasn’t really happened.

 

Edited 22 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[UnbornTao]

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

It’s a relative understanding , it’s like in the same way I can say that the sky is blue with certainty

It might be true that self is fundamentally already non-existing for everyone. How come I'm not suffering from that? 

If that's the case then what is it that you've been suffering as "partially being dissolved"? 

3 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

I could write a post going into detail about my story, it would be shocking to people, because it’s so radically different from anything anyone has ever heard. It’s beyond spirituality even. But I don’t write in detail or clearly about it because I don’t feel a need to. So yall that are commenting on me don’t know the entire story so your comments aren’t really grounded

But I still see your point. It could happen that someone creates a narrative in their head that hasn’t really happened.

Consider: if no physiological malfunction is going on, where do you find your dilemma?

It's possible it's just a story you're believing and suffering from. It's fucking conceptual! Stop feeding it. Be free from the story. Heal!

[Sugarcoat]

13 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Also, "the future" is being conceptualized by you now, is it not? So there's no reason why you couldn't imagine a positive, hopeful one - or simply live in the present. Barring some physiological malfunction perhaps, depression can't possibility exist in relation to what's present now. 

So you see, just as you generate negative thoughts and feeling states, you can produce healthy and enjoyable ones. 

I recognize that me imagining the future and feeling resistance is something that is unnecessarily being generated in the present moment. And that there is the possibility of stopping that. I’ve been trying to do that and had a little bit improvement . Trying to change my view of it into something manageable rather than negative

As I said before the majority of the time I feel neutral. I genuinely don’t know how to feel good, I don’t know a method to produce good feeling. The negative resistance I can feel sometimes is very subtle btw. So I’m not able to generate strong negative emotions either. I just don’t know how to generate significant emotion

 

 

 

[UnbornTao]

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

I recognize that me imagining the future and feeling resistance is something that is unnecessarily being generated in the present moment. And that there is the possibility of stopping that. I’ve been trying to do that and had a little bit improvement . Trying to change my view of it into something manageable rather than negative

Great, keep working on it. Chances are, the recognition is just intellectual. This is a necessary first step but you have yet to become aware of it as a reality operating in your experience right now. Actually grasping that fact would instantly release you from the unnecessary suffering you're creating and enduring, at least in that domain.

1 hour ago, Sugarcoat said:

As I said before the majority of the time I feel neutral. I genuinely don’t know how to feel good, I don’t know a method to produce good feeling. The negative resistance I can feel sometimes is very subtle btw. So I’m not able to generate strong negative emotions either. I just don’t know how to generate significant emotion

Rarely do we experience a state of true emotional or feeling neutrality. You may simply be insensitive to - or not paying enough attention to - your experience, or you might be feeling apathy, despair, or something of that sort. Very subtle feelings are always in the background, even when they're hard to name.

Consider that positive and negative arise together. Get clear/er about what you experience.

Refer to my post above. Even if there's an objective underlying physical condition, you can still use your mind in a way that helps you feel freer and lighter.

You'd be surprised how much lightening up a bit, grounding yourself in the body, and taking yourself less seriously can go a long way toward creating a functional, healthy experience of life in the present.

[Sugarcoat]

4 hours ago, Basman said:

You're right. I respect that choice when it is appropriate. When there is no alternative. 

But frankly, I don't want you to come to that conclusion on your own because of how limited the imagination of an ill mind can be. If you can't imagine a better future then of course suicide seems appealing. However, if the mind's imagination is too limited to see a better future when a better future is actually available then suicide is a premature decision. I would argue that a better future is almost always available unless you have some kind of severe mental illness, like serious schizophrenia or something. You want to naturally live. It is only when you perceive one's situation to be in inescapable with nothing to look forward to that people get suicidal. I see it as symptom. 

Are you receiving any help currently with your issues?

Also, is there anything that you looking forward to currently? Just in general (games, movies, anime, events, dates, etc.).

I see your point

Several months since I was at the doctors for my mental health so I don’t know when next one will be

Im not looking forward to anything in particular 

[Sugarcoat]

3 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

It might be true that self is fundamentally already non-existing for everyone. How come I'm not suffering from that? 

If that's the case then what is it that you've been suffering as "partially being dissolved"? 

Self might be non existent, but there’s still a SENSE of self.

If that sense of self permanently weakens, to various degrees, that’s what I call partial self dissolution. 
 

You are the one who has your sense of self, so you’re the only one that can know for sure if it has weakened.

For me. It led to almost loosing the center sense. 

It left me empty (emptiness is not suffering to me, it’s neutral because it lacks both positive and negative emotion). It left me with no libido, almost no sense of “dopamine hit “ from anything. 

It’s not suffering. It’s just a lack of positive experiences, and lack of sense of experience at all. 

Mind you, when I took 5 Meo dmt , and dissolved the self even further temporarily. I also experienced this emptiness . So there seems to be a correlation between weakening of sense of self and those things I mentioned. 
 

3 hours ago, UnbornTao said:

Consider: if no physiological malfunction is going on, where do you find your dilemma?

It's possible it's just a story you're believing and suffering from. It's fucking conceptual! Stop feeding it. Be free from the story. Heal!

I am sure that something in my brain has changed (neuroplasticity?) over the years. The lack of dopamine I feel is one sign. So I’m sure it has some neurological component . 
 

You’re funny 

I mean, isn’t anything a story. It’s just describing direct experience.

In the same way we are aware of external world and can describe it (like my house is yellow) we can describe internal experiences using our internal awareness. 

Edited 18 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Great, keep working on it. Chances are, the recognition is just intellectual. This is a necessary first step but you have yet to become aware of it as a reality operating in your experience right now. Actually grasping that fact would instantly release you from the unnecessary suffering you're creating and enduring, at least in that domain.

 

I have stopped it to some degree. So there is a degree of direct awareness of it. It’s just that some patterns can repeat themselves because they’re so deeply ingrained in us, so it takes some work to stop

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

 

Rarely do we experience a state of true emotional or feeling neutrality. You may simply be insensitive to - or not paying enough attention to - your experience, or you might be feeling apathy, despair, or something of that sort. Very subtle feelings are always in the background, even when they're hard to name.

 

Lack of emotion, both positive and negative, is what I call neutrality, whether it’s more suitable to call apathy, maybe, I don’t know the exact definition. But yes it’s my state most of the time, and it’s not due to lack of internal awareness. I have always been very inwardly focused (it contributes to the neutrality)

1 hour ago, UnbornTao said:

Consider that positive and negative arise together. Get clear/er about what you experience.

Refer to my post above. Even if there's an objective underlying physical condition, you can still use your mind in a way that helps you feel freer and lighter.

You'd be surprised how much lightening up a bit, grounding yourself in the body, and taking yourself less seriously can go a long way toward creating a functional, healthy experience of life in the present.

I don’t have that good memory of the past but I don’t see how positive and negative emotions arise together

 

I have made some improvements to my mindset that has helped me. But yes there’s still more improvement possible .

 

Edited 18 hours ago by Sugarcoat

[trenton]

@Sugarcoat I would like to give you an update on why I would resist suicide.

Sometimes there are evil people who try to target vulnerable people with depression to proxy them into suicide through psychological abuse. In my particular case, my sister is a vulnerable narcissist who intentionally weaponizes my trauma against me knowing the risks and dangers I face. This kind of behavior leaves me with the impression that she may actually want me to kill myself, especially since she clearly enjoys my suffering.

I refuse to reward this kind of behavior by giving evil people the satisfaction of getting away with murder through suicide by proxy. There are many other reasons why I don't want to kill myself, but the most recent addition was that my existence is an act of defiance against this great evil that I will not yield to. As I type this there are actual Nazis using this method of suicide by proxy to get away with murder, and I met one of the survivors who witnessed her friend as she was provoked into suicide by this method by present day Nazis.

Perhaps we could say that this adds another layer of a sense of social responsibility because of the kind of society I want to contribute to by rewarding love and resisting hate.

[UnbornTao]

@Sugarcoat 

Again, this sounds like a largely conceptually-generated dilemma. You think it's a fact that must be endured against your will. According to the doctors and other professionals, do you have an underlying physical condition that might be causing or contributing to this struggle? What's their diagnosis?

Seriously, the way one uses their own mind can be very powerful and convincing - but that doesn't automatically make it true or functional.

Ever heard the phrase “No self, no problem”? It translates to: no aspect of self, no suffering tied to that aspect. By your own account, your sense of self is being partially dissolved - so shouldn't you be suffering from an excess of happiness? Transcending the self is freeing.

Consider that what you're going through might be something else entirely. Revisit the basics - exercise, meditation, healthy eating, etc. It may turn out you actually don't know, and the cause could be neurochemical imbalances or something similar. Just drop the dissolution BS. Again - be in your body.

Also, don't confuse becoming aware with being inwardly focused. The former is sensitive and inclusive while the latter tends to isolate, contract attentiveness, and be exclusive in nature. It might be the case that you're full of yourself.

Apathy itself is a feeling orientation and may involve suppressing emotions, both positive and negative. "Negative" and "positive" arise at the same time, in the same way you can't have "down" without having created "up."