Davidess

How to not make a woman feel like a sexual object after having sex with her a lot?

30 posts in this topic

On 6/21/2025 at 1:06 PM, Davidess said:

she complains to me that she feels like a sexual object.

Yeah, girls will play that card when you are too keen on the sex and fail to do romantic companionship stuff.

You can flip the script on her by denying her sex next time she wants it. Or you can plan some more romantic dates.

But if you are using her just as a fuck-buddy, well, she feels that and she will complain about it because no girl is satisfied with that kind of situation for long.

Bottom line is, you not treating her like your girlfriend enough, you are treating her like a fuck-buddy.


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Posted (edited)

54 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

Yeah, girls will play that card when you are too keen on the sex and fail to do romantic companionship stuff.

You can flip the script on her by denying her sex next time she wants it. Or you can plan some more romantic dates.

But if you are using her just as a fuck-buddy, well, she feels that and she will complain about it because no girl is satisfied with that kind of situation for long.

Bottom line is, you not treating her like your girlfriend enough, you are treating her like a fuck-buddy.

Although, some women say that they enjoy the no-strings-attached relationship and are sexually liberated, especially if the guy made it clear to her that he's not looking for any serious.

Edited by Hardkill

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1 hour ago, Hardkill said:

Although, some women say that they enjoy the no-strings-attached relationship and are sexually liberated, especially if the guy made it clear to her that he's not looking for any serious.

Legit can happen.

Although - and this is my experience - its very difficult to avoid developing feelings for someone the longer you sleep with them. One party normally becomes attached, if not both. It is sort of in our nature to be this way. This is not dependant on gender in my observations.

You normally end up spinning a bit in your head - searching for a finite answer to 'what are we?' question. This is an attempt to reach for external security as you become more and more vulnerable through intimacy.

Just my experience.


Deal with the issue now, on your terms, in your control. Or the issue will deal with you, in ways you won't appreciate, and cannot control.

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Posted (edited)

A helpful tip to preempt girls from accusing you of using them just for sex:

Do not talk about sex with them explicitly and do not come off like a thirsty horn-dog. It's very obvious to the girl when all you're thinking about is sex. Stop acting so desperate around her. She needs to feel that you are not so easily lured with sex. If you are always pushing her for sex you are too desperate. You need to act more cool and detached. Withhold or delay some sex so that she wants it more than you.

Being desperate for sex is very unattractive.

Jerk off before you see her, so you're not so desperate.

Edited by Leo Gura

You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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Posted (edited)

18 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

A helpful tip to preempt girls from accusing you of using them just for sex:

Do not talk about sex with them explicitly and do not come off like a thirsty horn-dog. It's very obvious to the girl when all you're thinking about is sex. Stop acting so desperate around her. She needs to feel that you are not so easily lured with sex. If you are always pushing her for sex you are too desperate. You need to act more cool and detached. Withhold or delay some sex so that she wants it more than you.

Being desperate for sex is very unattractive.

What if she's also a thirsty horn-dog and really isn't looking for anything serious either?

Edited by Hardkill

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On 6/22/2025 at 10:32 AM, integral said:

@Emerald Fantastic response, nothing can beat insights from first hand experience like this.

Thank you :) 


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8 minutes ago, Hardkill said:

What if she's also a thirsty horn-dog and really isn't looking for anything serious either?

It's still going to be a turn-off because of the vibe of a man always trying to escalate things sexually. And that's true regardless of how much of a sex fiend the woman is.

It's like the vibe of Quagmire from Family Guy when a guy is like this.

And an unattractive vibe is just an unattractive vibe... and it will kill her libido dead.

Men have a more attractive vibe when they are more in control of their sexual impulses and fairly detached from them. This communicates a sense of stability, maturity, and a lack of desperation.

And it also communicates that a man has a higher degree of trustworthiness than a man who's all horn-balled up all the time.

But to get even more specific, women don't like it when men are needy. And sex is... a need.

So, a man who's always scrounging for sex every chance he gets comes across as a needy desperate man.

It's much better to take a detached but willing frame and only escalate like once a week, and leave the rest to her.

It's similar to how, if you ask someone if they want to get something to eat but they're not that hungry yet. And so they say, "Sure, I could eat."

This would imply that they're well fed enough that they are not needy or desperate for food.

To take this analogy into sex, take the detached frame of "Sure, I could fuck."


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If so, and if you're looking for an experienced coach to help you discover and resolve the root of the issue, you can click this link to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if my program is a good fit for you.

 

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On 21/06/2025 at 10:06 PM, Davidess said:

She said that she wants also to experience leaning her head on me without me getting an erection and laying in bed without touching our sexual organs.

How to satisfy this part of her that wants to feel like a lady while simultaneously not becoming a "nice guy"?

Why would doing this make you feel like a "nice guy''. I don't think she wants you to make her feel like a lady, she simply wants to share moments where it's not about sex or talking about random stuff.

She likely just wants to feel a deeper connection with you, a connection that is more emotional than sexual or mental, and cuddling (or leaning her head on you when it's not about sex) is one way of expressing that.

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I know you say it's not all about sex, but maybe it honestly is? Do you feel a deep connection with her personality, would you wife her up?

Maybe you should try to have a talk with her and try to get to the bottom of why she is feeling this way, and then try to connect this to what value you see in the relationship?

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Posted (edited)

Awesome mix of perspectives and experiences in this thread! :D 

I have myriad of situations with women that align with what has been said. With almost every post, I could relate to a ONS, affair, FWB, relationship etc etc having a concrete person and behavior in mind. 

  1. The girl that withdraws sex to see if she is more then just a fuck-buddy for you ("gun to your head" style)
  2. The girl that desperately wants to get fucked but is not honest enough to herself to just say that (double binds can make a man crazy)
  3. The moments when I made it too fast and too much about sex and then I ruined it 
  4. The drama when I know that No 2 is valid but I still ended up in No 3
  5. The dates where I did not even know if I wanted sex with her and then she's like "you're making me so horny" (I did NOTHING :D)
  6. The times I experienced that some innocent cuddling is the best foreplay 
  7. The times when I made it honestly and directly about sex pretty fast and the girl was happy about my clarity 
  8. The times when the woman made it honestly and directly about sex pretty fast and I was happy about her clarity 
  9. The problem of getting attached  (sometimes me, sometimes her) by just repeatedly sleeping with someone. Effect is much stronger if you don't use condoms (only if relationship + after tests + other birth control)
  10. The simple fact that women sometimes love to be seen as a sexual object as it turns them on
  11. The simple fact that women hate to be seen as a sexual object because it limits everything else they are
  12. The whole problem of sending mixed signals and wrong interpretations: Me, her, both of us. 

So what's my conclusion re the OP's question? 

I don't know. Is it even possible to solve this puzzle? Recently watched "The War of the Roses" and one of my ideas from that movie was that no matter what men and women do, it's bound to end in drama O.o

So do what you feel like, express it honestly and as authentically as possible. And then let us know what happened :D 

 

Edited by theleelajoker

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