How Do I Understand THIS Girl

[Leo Gura]

Dude, big mistake trying to understand girls behavior like this.

Just ask her to meet up, if she refuses, ignore her for a while and ask again a few days later. Keep doing that until she agrees to meet.

Stop playing stupid games with her. Stop trying to figure out her chaos. That's way too much emotional investment. You don't need to understand anything about her. Just get her to meet up.

Edited June 14 by Leo Gura

[Nito]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

Just ask her to meet up, if she refuses, ignore her for a while and ask again a few days later. Keep doing that until she agrees to meet.

Might be a dumb question. But do you suggest I text about anything else with her be for asking her to meet up?

 

is it not a bit random to disappear for a few days and then just ask her to meet up again?

 

and are you saying to just keep continuing this pattern until she agrees to meet.

 

Also FYI, you might completely change your advice when I tell you that I can’t see her in person anymore since she doesn’t work at my workplace anymore. Meaning the only time I can see her in person is if she agrees to a date

[Nito]

6 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You don't need to understand anything about her. Just get her to meet up.

I feel like I need to understand a girl to get her to meet up? No?   Feels too confusing otherwise lol.   I must be missing some fundamental understanding

[Nito]

@integral

hey apologises if im getting too annoying. But can I please get this also quickly answered by you

do You think it’s impossible to build rapport on text or can it work? If so, how?

[integral]

9 minutes ago, Nito said:

@integral

hey apologises if im getting too annoying. But can I please get this also quickly answered by you

do You think it’s impossible to build rapport on text or can it work? If so, how?

It is possible and I explained it here.

38 minutes ago, integral said:

Girls Just Want to Have Fun, build connections, feel safe and comfortable, NO PRESSURE, be understood, laugh and fool around, talk about their life with someone without being judged. 

VIBE VIBE VIBE VIBE VIBE

If you are admitting A vibe that makes them love talking to you and they enjoy being around you then everything will come naturally.

Vibe is King. You could look like a goblin and as long as you're vibe is on point woman will hurl themselves at you.

Like I don't even know what's going on here, the way she's messaging you it's as if your a complete stranger.

Do you see that?

She's not saying anything interesting, there's nothing going on, what kind of conversation is this? lol

---

If I were in your shoes I would 100% not message her again and delete her from my memory.

But it's worth a shot doing what Leo said.

Edited June 14 by integral

[Princess Arabia]

1 hour ago, Nito said:

”hey I don’t want to play games or waste any of our time. I’d like to go out with you. If you’re not interested that’s fine. I’d rather know straight up then be guessing”

That's it, or somewhere along these lines. Only because you've spoken before. You're playing guessing games and no one on here can really know what's up because of limited info. Also, take Leo's advice. That's it. Move on. If she messages with a direct, let's go out, fine, if not...next. No need to try to figure her out, let her figure herself out. 

[GroovyGuru]

@Nito I can already tell you are too invested in this girl. When you get rejected and ghosted by enough women, you will eventually naturally stop getting so attached so soon. 
 

You can definitely build rapport over text and on the phone. You see, I myself am looking for a very specific type of woman that has the same nationality and religion as me. With limited options in my city, I’ve been forced to exclusively use specific dating apps and talk to women from all over the country. I’ve met up with several in person, but before that happens, I have to build a ton of rapport over the phone. This has become second nature to me. The trick is to keep it fun, light, playful and flirty. I always tease girls and make them laugh over text and voice notes and it comes off as very confident and socially intelligent. It takes practice though. But eventually trust and attraction is built, and we can meet up in person. 
 

With this specific girl though, if I was in your shoes, the next time she texts me I would have a bit of playful banter with her. I would then invite her out on a date. If she refuses or is wishy washy, I would say “no problem. Just reach out to me whenever you are free and we can find a time to meet up.” Then I would assume I’ll never hear from her again, I will never text her again, and I move on. 

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, GroovyGuru said:

@Nito I can already tell you are too invested in this girl. When you get rejected and ghosted by enough women, you will eventually naturally stop getting so attached so soon. 
 

You can definitely build rapport over text and on the phone. You see, I myself am looking for a very specific type of woman that has the same nationality and religion as me. With limited options in my city, I’ve been forced to exclusively use specific dating apps and talk to women from all over the country. I’ve met up with several in person, but before that happens, I have to build a ton of rapport over the phone. This has become second nature to me. The trick is to keep it fun, light, playful and flirty. I always tease girls and make them laugh over text and voice notes and it comes off as very confident and socially intelligent. It takes practice though. But eventually trust and attraction is built, and we can meet up in person. 
 

With this specific girl though, if I was in your shoes, the next time she texts me I would have a bit of playful banter with her. I would then invite her out on a date. If she refuses or is wishy washy, I would say “no problem. Just reach out to me whenever you are free and we can find a time to meet up.” Then I would assume I’ll never hear from her again, I will never text her again, and I move on. 

Nice.

[Emerald]

It could be one of several things...

• She's a bit flaky and fickle. And the hot and coldness is just part of the way she operates.
• She's deliberately being hot and cold to get you more interested in her.
• She's deliberately being hot and cold towards many guys to get many guys interested in her.
• She's interested in you enough to flirt with you but doesn't want to pursue anything deeper.
• She has a naturally flirty personality but shuts it down if she sees someone interpreting her flirty personality as a sign of interest.

But regardless of why she might be acting that way, you'll want to let the whole thing go and avoid overthinking it.

Just interact with her nonchalantly and be playful if the interaction flows in that direction. You can also ask her if she wants to hang out again sometime in the next few weeks or so. That works especially well if you're getting together with some other friends and you invite her along as it's more casual.

[Leo Gura]

@Nito "Let's grab a drink sometime."

That's all you need to text a girl.

If she is serious she will agree. If she doesn't agree, no amount of bullshitting with her will get her to agree.

Edited June 15 by Leo Gura

[aurum]

Another general tip for guys in similar scenarios: CALL HER, don't just text

You can flip many seemingly dead interactions simply by calling her and instead of just texting. It's shocking how well this can work in the right situation.

Texting is just too impersonal and too easy for her to forget about you. But if you call her and she answers, now you're a lot more "real". She can hear your voice and more easily feel your personality.

So yeah, don't sleep on the phone call. It might seem old-fashioned but it works. Especially in scenarios where you've already hinted at plans.

You could also try FaceTime, but I find a phone call is easier and less pressure than a video-chat.

Edited June 15 by aurum

[AION]

She is like that because she is insecure and she is using you for her self esteem. Sounds to me like she is using you as an object for her self esteem gratification. Good news is that such girls are easily to sleep with if you know what to do. 

[PsychedelicEagle]

21 hours ago, Nito said:

how old are you? Where do you live? How long have you worked here?

Indeed good signs she's interested; evidence of higher interest level.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

she said she doesn’t give her number to people but can give her insta.

She could be a bit structured, but we should interpret this as evidence of lower interest lever (of course, balancing it with the previous evidences of higher interest level).

21 hours ago, Nito said:

I messaged her later that day asking if she is free to go out on the weekend

Great, the phone is for setting dates. However, you could simply have asked when she would be free or how's her schedule like, not pinning it to particular days (weekend). This way, your ask is more robust in that she can't just say "I can't on the weekend".

21 hours ago, Nito said:

she said that we will talk about it next time we meet in person

Evidence of lower interest level.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

“have a good night”

Evidence of interest level.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

she seems more cold and dry and like she doesn’t want to talk

Evidence of lower interest level.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

when a girl is cold and dry that you should match her dryness and then she will become normal again lol, is this true?

It's not about doing something to get her to do something else in the future, that's reactivity. When she's cold it just means she's not interested at that time, girls do what they feel like. Your role is to just communicate your intentions clearly and directly (as you did in asking her out). At this point there's nothing more to be done from your side - just go about your business. If she's warm again, you ask her out. If she keeps dodging, just go about your business. Your goal is to keep guiding the interaction to where you want it to go - a date, and ultimately ending up inside of her.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

she did need to hurry to catch a train so we couldn’t really speak about our weekend plans

The more she likes you, the more she helps you, and the more fun she is (~Corey Wayne).

21 hours ago, Nito said:

I know the right move is probably to not message her asking about going out until she messages me right?

Dating is a game of tennis. You hit the ball over the net, and you wait for her to hit it back.

21 hours ago, Nito said:

Radio silence to make her see that I’m not gonna chase?

It's not "to make her see" anything. It's for you to see how interested she is. It's how a conversation goes, you ask someone something, and you wait for them to reply. If they don't reply what you asked, that tells you something about her interest level. Again, the more she likes you, the easier she makes it.

---

From reading just your first post, I would say she has some level of interest, a 5-6 on a 0-10 scale, where <5 means she's not interested at all. My judgement is based on the fact that she's dodgy when you ask her out; if she had higher interest (say, a 6-7 and above), she would likely make definitive plans. It doesn't mean you don't have a chance, but it means you have way less room for error (meaning, you cannot afford to display unattractive behavior, because doing so may lower her interest below the critical 5 threshold). You should keep being direct and steering the interaction to making a date, which can lead to further seduction. Avoid the phone as much as possible, and only use it to make dates.

Edited June 15 by PsychedelicEagle

[PsychedelicEagle]

21 hours ago, Nito said:

I made a very good first impression since everyone at work loves me there and she saw that

Social proof is a strong lever, indeed.

12 hours ago, Nito said:

how do I not get thrown off by something like that? It always gets me. 

You shouldn't interpret this personally, as if "she was doing something to you". She's just acting based on how she feels like. If the chick is attractive she's used to guys acting dopey and getting distracted by her maneuvers. That's why sticking to what you want (leading towards a date) is so crucial. It shows masculinity in that you are strong in sticking to your goals and desires.

12 hours ago, Nito said:

”hey I don’t want to play games or waste any of our time. I’d like to go out with you. If you’re not interested that’s fine. I’d rather know straight up then be guessing”

This is beta move because it shows you're not certain whether she likes you. While that is true, and a normal and healthy way to interpret the situation, the way you convey yourself should never make this transparent because it can only lower her interest. You act as if you know she likes you, and if she makes clear she doesn't it's not a big deal.

12 hours ago, Nito said:

I can’t build the rapport you talk about on text can I?

No. The phone is for setting dates.

11 hours ago, integral said:

The solution here is to get other prospects and start dating a different person.

+1

As far as rapport, you don't need much, often 5 minutes talking in person is enough. Attraction is not a choice, if someone is attracted to you they will accept your invitation to go out. When you ask someone for a date, you're not asking them to go have sex with you. The date itself will be the continuation of the rapport. 

11 hours ago, integral said:

You should not be at this level of investment, it will only cause self-sabotage and hurt your chances.

+1

Communicate your intentions clearly (going out on a date), and let them reply. If they don't, move on.

[Flint]

@Nito

Alright. First, let me issue a general recommendation of NEVER dating anyone at work.

Now, next, bloody hell please stop overthinking and overanalyzing your interactions and how every single small thing that the girl did could be interpreted as her liking you. I can feel how badly you want her to like you and she must have felt that too. Just relax. She might actually like you but you simply scared her away with her overthinking. It also prevents you from taking appropriate action. 

Regardless, you should be able to sense if she likes you or not when you're talking to her. The point is that you need to casually connect with the person in front of you and if you connect a little bit, simply suggest that both of you connect more. If you're stuck in overanalzying mode of how much value do I have to bring, etc. you're not connecting etc and you come off as weird.

Also, since it's someone at work, it's much more interesting to take it slow and allow her to get used to you so that she's more comfortable and familiar with you. If it's more slow and gradual (meaning don't go for a number the first time unless you're really connecting) you will have more time to get to know each other and by adding one flirty brick after another you can really get things going. If you chat a bit, offer a coffee break, then another, and if that goes well, suggest an afterwork, so on and so forth. Be casual about it. 

But in general you need much more experience with women as most of what you do wrong will autocorrect with more experience (especially the overthinking). 

[Princess Arabia]

6 hours ago, AION said:

Good news is that such girls are easily to sleep with if you know what to do. 

Another women are the prize comment. Men aren't worth shit sexually. That's why you can give it up so easily without a care in the world. No value there. The more the better. Like a 99c store. Don't care about the naysayers. I've seen enough to know it's the case. The men who value themselves in this way are out there, not talking to you. Then we knock hookers for charging and give the bargainers a high five. Ugg. Wanting to 'Easy to sleep with' is not saying much about you. Let's hear it, sex is hard to come by...ugg.

Edited June 15 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

7 hours ago, AION said:

She is like that because she is insecure and she is using you for her self esteem. Sounds to me like she is using you as an object for her self esteem gratification.

Then you have the nerve to talk about easy sex and knowing what to do to get it. Whose using who there. Guys with these kinds of talks about women make me sick. 

Edited June 15 by Princess Arabia

[AION]

10 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Another women are the prize comment. Men aren't worth shit sexually. That's why you can give it up so easily without a care in the world. No value there. The more the better. Like a 99c store. Don't care about the naysayers. I've seen enough to know it's the case. The men who value themselves in this way are out there, not talking to you. Then we knock hookers for charging and give the bargainers a high five. Ugg. Wanting to 'Easy to sleep with' is not saying much about you. Let's hear it, sex is hard to come by...ugg.

We are the captains. I still stand by that. Aye aye shiver my timbers, Landlubber 🤭

Just now, Princess Arabia said:

Then you have the nerve to talk about easy sex and knowing what to do to get it. Whose using who there. Guys with these kinds of talks make me sick. 

Are you ok?

[Nito]

@Emerald @GroovyGuru @vinc3nc @aurum @PsychedelicEagle @Flint @Princess Arabia @AION @integral @Leo Gura

This isn’t a reply to any of your comments, though I appreciate them and will reply to them

 

but I’d love to hear your thoughts about this. idk what is going on since I would’ve never expected this

 

but after she didn’t text me about whether she felt like going out, I didn’t message her for over a day and now she has just messaged me asking if I’m working tomorrow.

 

strange how all this works, guess she is interested. Maybe trying to understand women is out of my understanding for now 🤣😭

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, Nito said:

but after she didn’t text me about whether she felt like going out, I didn’t message her for over a day and now she has just messaged me asking if I’m working tomorrow.

 

strange how all this works, guess she is interested. Maybe trying to understand women is out of my understanding for now 🤣😭

Of course. Like I've said elsewhere: don't chase women. This is a huge turn-off. You must do the minimal effort possible when attempting to date them. The more effort you do, the worse they respond. Women want to date men who are too busy and too serious to cater to them.

Be so serious about your own life that you simply don't have time or desire to chasing down a girl. You just invite her for a drink and if she doesn't agree you don't engage in chit-chat, you ignore her.

Girls who are attracted to you do not need to be convinced to meet you. They will agree with very minimal work from you. Working to get a girl to like you does not work and it makes them like you even less.

If you make the girl feel like she is the prize, like you are the lucky one to date her, she will not sleep with you. She has to feel like she is the lucky one. To make her feel that way, don't contact her too much. She needs to feel like she will lose you unless she acts to meet you.

The girl needs to feel: "OMG! If I don't act quick I'll lose this amazing guy."

Therefore: DO NOT CHASE WOMEN.

You invite her and then you wait for her to come to you. You do not desperately message her to be with you. And you do not chit-chat aimlessly with her, and you do not befriend her with rapport-building over text. Do not try to butter her up to like you. Maintain a detached frame.

Edited June 15 by Leo Gura