How Do I Understand THIS Girl

[Nito]

@meta_male completely agree with you. Thank you for the hard truth. It means a lot

[Nito]

On 15/06/2025 at 1:35 AM, vinc3nc said:

Just the way you write here already says everything. You are needy as hell. She saw that immediately. And now it's probably too late. She's out of your league, and even if you got the date there's no chance you would make it work because you're too inexperienced. She likes the attention of many men, and you're one giving it to her. Sorry, but that's the reality.

One thing you can do now is to play cold and hard to get, so that she sees you're not that interested anymore, and that might make her more interested again, but then again you only have text so it can't really work.

Anyway, focus on working on yourself to gain the confidence and skills, so that in the future you will naturally attract more girls and not be so needy and desperate, instead of focusing on one specific girl so much right now.

ty for the advice. I appreciate your hard truths. I accept them and will learn from this

[Nito]

@PsychedelicEagle tysm for the help. It means a lot to me brother!

[Nito]

@Flint ty man. You’re right that I probably scared her off with my overthinking 

I know I have an anxious attachment style which makes me very very needy. So once I fix that I’ll be so much better I swear 

[Nito]

@Schizophonia ngl bro I have no idea what you just said 

[Nito]

@Emerald Ty for the analogy about the tree seed growing. That helps me understand it a lot better. Appreciate you

[Nito]

20 hours ago, Hojo said:

This is a massive shit test do not engage with it just act friendly but disenge all flirty and maybe sometimes act like she's weird or retarded in some way. She's playing mental games and you need to let her know that you are better than her tests.

If she is texting you alot obviously she is interested but maybe women who are super hot get alot of freaks who flip out easily and she is trying to make sure you are secure enough to flip not out.

Men maybe obsessed over her super fast cause she's so hot. It could be a long game but stop the interest i would say. Just make her a bro insta friend zone. Its not worth your mental to keep trying to guess.

yo ty for the comment. I have to ask which part was the big shit test

 

and what mental games is she doing exactly? I want to understand?  Is it how she didn’t message me in the morning at all whether she could go out or not?

 

in your 2nd paragraph, what do you mean by “she gets a lot of guys who flip out?” What does flip out mean and why and how is she checking that I’m not going to flip out. 
 

and why did you say to friend zone her and stop the interest?  Because she is too much work? 

[Nito]

15 hours ago, AION said:

Dating is not charity man. It is about the survival of your genes. The problem of most guys is that they aren't as shameless about self survival. Guys have this syndrome of self sacrifice and putting a girl on the pedestal. It will never work. OP will never get what he wants from this girl because he is still operating in the feminist paradigm. That girl is just playing with you. She is very insecure it is just using you for her self esteem. You have to give her what she wants to get access to what you want. It is basic negotiation skills and a little “tiptoeing”. 

what feminist paradigm may I ask? 

 

and how do you know she is very insecure and is playing with me? I’m curious what told you that 

 

and what do you mean by give her what she wants to get what I want. Please explain I’m curious. Not that I would do it lol

[Hojo]

@NitoMen will instantly leash to women. They will push things really fast and the woman will get scared. So they do random tests to try to get you to freak out protect themselves from the men who will instantly loose it. The men who push them hard will push them hard for sex and then in sex they will push them hard to go further with other things. And then they will be in a position where the man is raping them and they cant saying no cause its already happening.

Society teaches men they must push to get something. So mens survival tactics is pressure and pushing limits, they dont know when to stop or when its too far and women wont tell them. They rely on these stupid hot and cold tactics, hot and cold dosent work when you are getting fucked aggressively.

Its basically im testing you to see if you are going to rage easy.

These tests assume all men are rapist and hurt mens identity who arent, as the woman is doing some serious bullshit to them. Its basically bullying you, you are coming into this open like a pure soul and the woman is bringing rape survival tactics when you aren't doing anything, and not telling you she's doing it. Its gaslighting you and making you confused and harming your dream and identity.

Basically if a man is insecure he will get attached to the woman quickly. The second they meet since he has nothing his identity focuses on her and when the man does this the woman will instantly know that he is overbearing and will rape her. It means he has a big hole in himself and he is using her to fill it. All they know is their beauty so its obviously going to try to be filled with sex. This is bad news for the woman.

You aren't doing that tho and she is mind fucking you for something someone else did to her.

Thats why I say disengagement with flirting and ignoring her beauty is the way to go. Without her beauty she's just a random person to you and this random person is being mean on purpose.

Edited Tuesday at 12:31 AM by Hojo

[Emerald]

24 minutes ago, Nito said:

@Emerald Ty for the analogy about the tree seed growing. That helps me understand it a lot better. Appreciate you

You're welcome!  

[Emerald]

21 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Interesting.

In my experience the path to most men's feelings has been through sex.

I have noticed the same thing.

I suspect this could be just naturally the way men are, generally speaking.

But I'm sure that cultural norms have a lot to do with it... as sex and fighting/anger are framed as the only 'manly' options for emotional expression and catharsis.

[Emerald]

19 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

We were talking about clubs.

I thought you guys were talking about sex workers for some reason, and I forget why.

Well, at any rate... it was a fun fact!  

[Emerald]

21 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

I'm just quoting this part, but yes, we tend to not engage for too long before the guy commits to a real date because talking and engaging too long for 'free' can be enough for some to get their 'fix' and just waste your time. It's something one learns in the process. Some initial getting to know is required but some guys will string along, especially if it's on the phone, just to be able to just talk and engage and that'll be enough. It all depends, though, and I'm never referring to street walkers as that's just in a different category that I don't engage in. 

I've seen where a guy would talk to a female for awhile who didn't know any better and kept his company for nothing on end hoping she'll convince him then a hotter chick cones along who doesn't play around and gives him the sexy look and ge goes straight away with her. The other female list out because she spent too much time cuddling his fancy and he was now ready fir some real fun but she now was in the friend zone and therapist zone. 

That tracks with some of the anecdotes that I was reading.

Some of the stories that I heard were of men calling up at the phone sex hotline, not to talk about anything sexual... but just to talk about their pain and grief.

So, I could totally see a guy trying to get that for free from a courtesan. 

[Hojo]

@Emerald Its just karma. Men are living in the physical way more than women are living in the physical. Woman live in their minds more, they think about relationships and tactics and themselves and others way more then men. Men are just existing now. They have sex it was good then a thought comes that they has sex and that it was good and want it again.

There is a reason men don't plan weddings and anniversaries and gathering and events and think about relationships is cause they have way less thoughts about this kind of stuff.

Woman use these strategies to survive and Men are just sitting there and they have to somehow decipher what's going on.

Woman are like making up a metaphysical reality stories and dragging men into it and confusing them. Then blaming them that they only like sex. What else are we supposed to like made up stories in our mind? We are physicalists. We relate to panting sweating grunting squeezing slapping. Not Jenny and Greg had an argument last Thursday I wonder how Jenny is feeling about that. Do you think we should get her a gift? 

Edited Tuesday at 12:50 AM by Hojo

[Emerald]

4 hours ago, Hojo said:

@Emerald Its just karma. Men are living in the physical way more than women are living in the physical. Woman live in their minds more, they think about relationships and tactics and themselves and others way more then men. Men are just existing now. They have sex it was good then a thought comes that they has sex and that it was good and want it again.

There is a reason men don't plan weddings and anniversaries and gathering and events and think about relationships is cause they have way less thoughts about this kind of stuff.

Woman use these strategies to survive and Men are just sitting there and they have to somehow decipher what's going on.

Woman are like making up a metaphysical reality stories and dragging men into it and confusing them. Then blaming them that they only like sex. What else are we supposed to like made up stories in our mind? We are physicalists. We relate to panting sweating grunting squeezing slapping. Not Jenny and Greg had an argument last Thursday I wonder how Jenny is feeling about that. Do you think we should get her a gift? 

What is this in reference to?

[Hojo]

4 hours ago, Emerald said:

I have noticed the same thing.

I suspect this could be just naturally the way men are, generally speaking.

But I'm sure that cultural norms have a lot to do with it... as sex and fighting/anger are framed as the only 'manly' options for emotional expression and catharsis.

 

[Emerald]

45 minutes ago, Hojo said:

 

I still don't see how your post correlates with what I said.

Are you saying that the sex workers that I was reading about a decade ago were lying about some of their Johns treating them like therapists?

Or are you saying something else?

[meta_male]

9 hours ago, Nito said:

Thank you for the hard truth. It means a lot

✌️

[AION]

10 hours ago, Nito said:

 

 

and what do you mean by give her what she wants to get what I want. Please explain I’m curious. Not that I would do it lol

That is the problem. You never thought about what she wants. 

[Flint]

13 hours ago, Nito said:

@Flint ty man. You’re right that I probably scared her off with my overthinking 

I know I have an anxious attachment style which makes me very very needy. So once I fix that I’ll be so much better I swear 

She can't magically get into your mind and see your overthinking - the point is that if you're overthinking you're not busy doing something else - aka connecting and casually flirting. Which you should be doing. Also, so little happened so far that you might just recover from it if you course correct properly.

I also have anxious attachment but that doesn't make me needy in the earlier stages. Use your anxiety about being liked to focus on connecting with the girl in front of you by showing genuine interest. If you're focused on getting to know the other person and being playful you will not have time to overthink as your brain is already occupied. Then, when you're not interacting and your anxiety creeps back do the strict minimum to see her in real life again and continue bonding that way. 

You will not magically fix your anxious attachment - just be aware of it and do not panic. Getting more experience will help your tremendously.