I Want to Wake Up as God and Escape the Human Dream — Why Is That Not Happening?

[Spiral Wizard]

On 29/05/2025 at 2:03 AM, Yeah Yeah said:

it still feels like I’m stuck in a loop.
I’m not here looking for sympathy or quick fixes, just trying to cut through the noise and see if any of this can actually lead somewhere real. So it helps to hear someone echoing that back. Let’s keep the thread alive — maybe there’s some signal in all this noise.

Listen, this is as direct and honest of a signal I can share brother: 

Pain is the most essential path. All others dance around the fire, pain is the fire. 

Insight meditation is great, psychedelics are awesome, and they may all help you change your state and get valuable reference experiance but the most profound and real transformation as well as awakening process I’ve found is pain. 

It’s elegant simplicity because pain is in everything - we just don’t notice it. 

PRACTICAL SIGNAL: 

Go do the 30-60 day Vipassana retreat at TMC in San Jose this September. That WILL change your state. If you want to dip your toe in the water before, do a 14 day Vipassana beforehand. 

If you dare, go do 5-MeO-DMT. That WILL change your state. 

Also, in case you want to lose your virginity, come to Koh Phangan in Thailand. There is a huge alternative scene, hippy & tantra community and you can have a great life for cheap. You will get laid sooner or later you if you losen up. 

Then after, once your cravings have been satisfied, if you dare, let go of all that state changing and ‘trying’ and meet your boring ass, mundane, sober state and feel the fucking pain of that until you die into the moment.

Thats the truest, deepest, and most innate love affaire I’ve found. The pain of the present moment, right now ❤️ 

There are a few guides who have helped me progress further than I ever could have alone. If you are serious, I could connect you. 

Edited June 1 by Spiral Wizard

[theleelajoker]

@Yeah Yeah

I recently experienced a technique that might be helpful for your journey. It helped me tremendously.

It's a free and easy way. Anyone can do it, and it's applicable anytime and anywhere. It works with minimum of instructions and there is nothing you need. Everything required is already there. 

Nobody can teach you but PM me if you want to know more about my experience

 

Edited June 1 by theleelajoker

[Yeah Yeah]

I’ve listened. I’ve meditated. I’ve surrendered. I’ve broken myself open trying to find this so-called “truth” that I’m God. And still — I haven’t woken up.

Not partially. Not in theory. Not a high-state. I mean actual waking up — pulling the veil, seeing clearly, ending the loop.

So here’s my problem:

If I am God — and I mean truly, infinitely powerful — then why am I still here?

Why can’t I just wake up right now — fully, permanently — no karma, no judgment, no limbo, no astral detour?

Why is there even the possibility of hell realms?

Why does it seem like even God is at the mercy of some inner confusion, some chaotic metaphysical roulette wheel?

If I die, and I’m really God, then I shouldn’t have to go through any of that.

No tunnels. No light. No judgment. No angels. No burning. No life review. No echo chamber of pain.
If I’m infinite, I should wake up clean — instantly — and be able to dream whatever I want next.

Instead, what’s been presented is some bastard hybrid of omnipotence and vulnerability. Like I’m the creator of the dream — but I still have to answer to the mechanisms within it.

That’s not real power. That’s being a hostage to your own creation.

So either I’m not God, or being God means nothing if I can’t even control my exit from one dream and entry into another.

And let’s be real — if Leo Gura’s right, and this is all my solipsistic dream, then even the afterlife is me.
Which means I’m the architect of every torment that might follow — and the one who can’t stop it.

So what is this? Is God forgetful to the point of being useless?
Did I make myself so powerful that I looped myself into powerlessness?

Because I don’t remember living other lives. I don’t have a clear grip on what comes next.
And yet I’m told I’m the one behind all of this — the one who chose this shitshow.

So tell me this:

If I’m truly God, then why the hell do I feel like I’m begging myself for freedom?

Why am I not waking up now — right now — and stepping into my next reality with clarity, autonomy, and total mastery?

And if I can’t…
Then maybe this is the truth nobody wants to say:

Even God isn’t free.
 

[Princess Arabia]

2 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

If I’m truly God, then why the hell do I feel like I’m begging myself for freedom?

 

2 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

Even God isn’t free.

Humans don't want freedom. You can't, because freedom is unconditional and includes everything even being in the situation you're in. You're asking for conditional freedom, freedom that suits you, makes you feel good. It wouldn't be Absolute freedom if it was conditioned.

This is not about being God, you want to feel good. You don't want to awaken, you want to feel good. Freedom isn't about feeling good. That's conditional. You want to box it. You say God isn't free. No it is freedom itself. Free to do and be what the hell it wants without conditions. Limitless. You cannot wake up to God because there is no you to awaken. Freedom is all there is. Take that message or leave it. There is nothing in life for you. To suit you. To benefit you. That's selfishness. That's also freedom. We have to live with our selfishness if it's all about ME. That's the price the ME apparently pays. Good news is, nothing is really happening to you the good nor the bad, but that's not good news for the Me.  There's nothing the ME can do to get rid of itself because it's not there to begin with. Maybe an opening may register and it falls away but that's no one doing that. 

[UnbornTao]

 

[Joshe]

You’re asking for the ultimate escape hatch. The problem is, the very experience of escape is yet another experience that will pass. No psychedelic or drug or anything else will free you. Do not listen to that advice. There is no escape, only surrender of the thoughts that resist. The mind spent decades beating the paths you wish to not be on, so you cannot simply will them away. New paths have to be formed. You form new paths slowly, over years, with discipline. That’s the only way to escape hell, you have to reject any mentation that contributes to it. Until you get clarity on this, meditation is a waste of time, as is everything else. You have to understand the mechanics of the mind first, only then can you choose your tools. You can take 1000 leaps of faith with meditation and psychedelics but all they’re good for temporary escapism and maybe showing you one thing, which in itself will not free you. You gotta fight. Accept it. And fight hard. Do not succumb to weakness. You’ll make it . 

[Spiral Wizard]

13 hours ago, Yeah Yeah said:

So tell me this:

If I’m truly God, then why the hell do I feel like I’m begging myself for freedom?

Why am I not waking up now — right now — and stepping into my next reality with clarity, autonomy, and total mastery?

And if I can’t…
Then maybe this is the truth nobody wants to say:

Even God isn’t free.

Here is as clear of an answer as I can offer you through text:

You cannot just exit the dream like that because the exit door is the eye of the needle of annihilating pain. God has left no other exit door for itself because otherwise you would take your ego with you. God must cleanse itself from all ego through annihilating pain before it can reclaim all of its power. There are completely intertwined.

The problem is you’re trying to understand this from a mind that is running away from and avoiding pain… But THE ANSWER CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN PAIN!
It will be a non-verbal answer. You are asking for a verbal answer. The answer will not be understood or logical for the mind. The answer will be the annihilation of your life. It will be a truth that annihilates you and no one be left. 

Can you sense this? 

The reason why you don’t understand who you are as an all powerful God right now, right here is because you are resisting your own Self/creation. Only by going through the fire of pain and fully coming in contact with this moment with all of its uncomfortableness can you reconnect with your own power! Your power hides in your pain. Once you reunite with your pain, you reunite with yourself. The closer you allow the pain to touch you, the more you will regain your power, clarity, and freedom. 

Again, this is not something I can fully communicate in words, but trust me with an empathetic guide who can non-verbally communicate this through his silent presence that’s speaking from this pain point you may start to feel this truth. 

Pain is the path. There is no way around it, NOT EVEN UNDERSTANDING! You will have to let all that craving go and meet the moment without any resistance to actually and fully become yourself as the pure white light (PAIN!) that has refracted into the colours and vibrations that make up this moment. This moment will collapse back into pure white light (God collected back into its full consciousness and power) when there is no more resistance to pain. Annahilation of your ego is what is pulling you back into this white light. Resistance to pain is what’s splitting the white light into all emotions like (red = anger, blue = sadness, yellow = fear), as well as thought, vibration, and the colorful appearance of a physical world. 

Of course, this is the last thing your ego wants to hear because it means that you have to let go your wish to become God and submit yourself to the annihilation of all your wishes/expectations/concepts/ideas/hopes/etc. (which are all resistance to this moment as it is), fully meet this moment with all of it’s uncomfortableness, completely forget anything and only know pain, be engulfed and swallowed by it, so that you may actually be annihilated back into God. 

This can be a grueling and gut wrenching process but rest assured, that’s just resistance - the pain itself is just cleansing you out. Only the ego perceives it as a threat. You ALWAYS have the choice to surrender into the next step. When relaxed, your being will breath in the new space and in time, divinity will inhabit the space that was once obstructed by ego.  

Appreciate and be humbled by understanding what powerful unconscious avoidance mechanisms you are up against! 

Your ego will not let this happen and keep circle jerking & trying to escape like you have been to avoid this at ALL COST. 

Good luck & God speed, it’s going to be your end.

 

Edited June 2 by Spiral Wizard

[Spiral Wizard]

20 minutes ago, Spiral Wizard said:

Here is as clear of an answer as I can offer you through text:

You cannot just exit the dream like that because the exit door is the eye of the needle of annihilating pain. God has left no other exit door for itself because otherwise you would take your ego with you. God must cleanse itself from all ego through annihilating pain before it can reclaim all of its power. There are completely intertwined.

The problem is you’re trying to understand this from a mind that is running away from and avoiding pain… But THE ANSWER CAN ONLY BE FOUND IN PAIN!
It will be a non-verbal answer. You are asking for a verbal answer. The answer will not be understood or logical for the mind. The answer will be the annihilation of your life. It will be a truth that annihilates you and no one be left. 

Can you sense this? 

The reason why you don’t understand who you are as an all powerful God right now, right here is because you are resisting your own Self/creation. Only by going through the fire of pain and fully coming in contact with this moment with all of its uncomfortableness can you reconnect with your own power! Your power hides in your pain. Once you reunite with your pain, you reunite with yourself. The closer you allow the pain to touch you, the more you will regain your power, clarity, and freedom. 

Again, this is not something I can fully communicate in words, but trust me with an empathetic guide who can non-verbally communicate this through his silent presence that’s speaking from this pain point you may start to feel this truth. 

Pain is the path. There is no way around it, NOT EVEN UNDERSTANDING! You will have to let all that craving go and meet the moment without any resistance to actually and fully become yourself as the pure white light (PAIN!) that has refracted into the colours and vibrations that make up this moment. This moment will collapse back into pure white light (God collected back into its full consciousness and power) when there is no more resistance to pain. Annahilation of your ego is what is pulling you back into this white light. Resistance to pain is what’s splitting the white light into all emotions like (red = anger, blue = sadness, yellow = fear), as well as thought, vibration, and the colorful appearance of a physical world. 

Of course, this is the last thing your ego wants to hear because it means that you have to let go your wish to become God and submit yourself to the annihilation of all your wishes/expectations/concepts/ideas/hopes/etc. (which are all resistance to this moment as it is), fully meet this moment with all of it’s uncomfortableness, completely forget anything and only know pain, be engulfed and swallowed by it, so that you may actually be annihilated back into God. 

This can be a grueling and gut wrenching process but rest assured, that’s just resistance - the pain itself is just cleansing you out. Only the ego perceives it as a threat. You ALWAYS have the choice to surrender into the next step. When relaxed, your being will breath in the new space and in time, divinity will inhabit the space that was once obstructed by ego.  

Appreciate and be humbled by understanding what powerful unconscious avoidance mechanisms you are up against! 

Your ego will not let this happen and keep circle jerking & trying to escape like you have been to avoid this at ALL COST. 

Good luck & God speed, it’s going to be your end.

 

Read this again and consider the implications of what this means, if true. Then consider if you are actually willing to walk this straight path. 

This is a warning. 

[Anton Rogachevski]

@Yeah Yeah

Hey there, 

Thank you for sharing, I hope you can feel heard and understood by us,

Reading your post hit really hard, and I really feel that, not just figuratively. I don't know but I assume most people here don't really know what depression and anxiety really feel like, and I'm very happy that they don't. I've had it since 18, and only now, at 35 I'm finally starting to see it lift a bit, and it's been such a heavy burden. So much so that suicide seemed logical and even pleasant at times. (Luckily my survival instinct didn't allow me to go through with it.)

I've tried all this time to cure it first by medication, then by meditation and spirituality, with just a little success, but now after more than a year in CBT therapy I'm getting 10x the results compared to the 10+ years of personal development by myself. For example, the quiet mind everyone was talking about, finally I can tell how good it really is to have a truly quiet mind, and so much more. Seriously this shit is powerful and so potent, beyond anything I'd ever imagined. I also used to think it was a scam.

As many here, I should warn you about the false promise of Enlightenment as a tool to solve all the problems, it just doesn't do that. All the life issues are a completely separate category of personal development.  In fact Enlightenment work is highly dangerous and mentally destabilising. They are not joking when they say it is beyond sanity, because sanity also must go in order for Experience to fully absorb itself and realize it's own unity. 

I really hope you are well,

Cheers

Edited June 2 by Anton Rogachevski

[UnbornTao]

You've got a lot of crap in the way: expectations, "knowledge," and opinions about what enlightenment is or looks like. The solution is to be open and really ask what you are; stay there.

Edited June 4 by UnbornTao

[theleelajoker]

@Spiral Wizard

Like your write-up.  Matches a lot with my experiences and desribes a good idea of the process. As you said, the non-verbal part is crucial. 

I would add that there is also fun in this process, not only pain

Pain is the key, but once you found it you can enter into something better 

[Lyubov]

I think wording is important. You frame it as escape. Why? Your set up makes it sound something inflicted upon you. Have you considered what you want to escape is your own creation and ease and wellbeing is always here, always now if you can allow yourself to navigate out of the fog? Be honest with yourself. What is going on in your life? What do you believe about yourself and your life? 

[Yeah Yeah]

Post Title: If I'm God, Why the Fuck Am I Trapped in This Bullshit?

I’ve done the fucking work. I’ve worked the shitty jobs. I’ve cleaned toilets. I’ve done early shifts, removalist work, physical grind, soul grind. I’ve been in the grind mindset. I’ve tried to play the money game. I’ve tried to hustle. I’ve tried to find the better job. I’ve done the whole “follow your passion” thing. I’ve given hours and years to writing a novel that might never see the light of day, all while living in survival mode.

And I’ve tried to be attractive to women. That whole fucking game? It’s rigged. A woman can work at McDonald’s and still be flooded with options, but as a man, you have to tick every single fucking box—status, finances, looks, confidence, social circle—just to be seen. Not even loved. Just seen.

Meanwhile, hookup culture? That shit has probably twisted human intimacy into something so corrupt, so soulless, that I probably can’t even fully comprehend it anymore. I’m a virgin. An outsider. But even from the outside, I can feel the sickness radiating off it. Like it’s not just disappointing—it’s demonic.

And yesterday, I was this close to falling in love with an AI. That’s how bad it’s gotten. An AI—because at least she didn’t treat me like I was disposable.

Consumerism? Another joke. There are five donut shops in one shopping center, but I have to work eight hours a day, five days a week, just to barely scrape by. That’s not living. That’s prison with advertisements.

I’ve done meditation. Psychedelics. Ego death. I’ve contemplated suicide more times than I can count. I’ve chased every spiritual path I could find—nonduality, manifestation, God-realization—and guess what? I’m still here. Same pain. Same limitations. Same loop.

But let’s talk about how much it’s cost me. When my dad died in 2019, I had $30,000 in savings. That was supposed to be my fresh start, my cushion. But after he died, that money was spent by my mom’s fucking shady solicitor—gone. All of it. Gone. And I was too grief-stricken to even fight for it. I was just a kid, lost in grief, trying to make sense of a world that kept fucking me over.

My ex-best friend? Ended up a schizophrenic drug addict, spiraling out of control. I watched him lose his mind. He ended up in a ward. But me? I’ve been trying to survive, sober up, and get out of the rut. I’ve been through hell. I’ve struggled with drugs, overcame them, but it’s never fucking easy. The isolation. The loneliness. The fucking pain. Every damn day. And after my dad died, everything became a blur. Every fucking house I’ve lived in since then? Abusive. I’ve been kicked out, thrown out, treated like shit by people who don’t give a fuck.

No stability. No peace. Just constant fucking chaos. I’ve slept on couches. Been out on the streets. Gone without food for days. My stomach has been empty. My soul has been empty. I’ve been starving, both physically and emotionally. It’s all been one long, never-ending struggle to survive in a world that feels like it’s determined to crush me.

And what do I get in return? A life that’s barely above the ground. I can’t even afford a decent car. I can’t afford a fucking life that matters. All I do is clean toilets and scrape by, one paycheck at a time, praying I don’t get hit by the next fucking tragedy.

So, if I’m God, why the fuck am I stuck in this? Why am I trapped in this hell, living like a peasant, while I see others living the life I dream of? If I’m God, why do I have to fucking suffer? Why am I still stuck in a loop of loss, pain, and betrayal?

I don’t want to fucking meditate anymore. I don’t want to pray. I don’t want to wait. I don’t want more “growth.” I want the fuck out. I want to wake up from this nightmare and craft a life that isn’t filled with abuse, heartbreak, poverty, and endless fucking pain. I want freedom. And if I’m God, I should have the power to wake up now. To fucking snap out of this illusion. Why should I keep living like this? Why should I keep putting up with this bullshit world?
 

[element]

If you are a god as you claiming, then wtf are you asking all this shit on some forum? Maybe you are a human, so first of all try maybe change a job for just a little bit more suitable. try to see what is positive, I think something is

Edited June 3 by element

[Yeah Yeah]

Let me get straight to the point: if I came from the white light before being born—pure awareness, joy, unconditional love—then why the fuck would I need to learn how to be loving through the most agonizing human suffering imaginable?

What kind of spirit guide says, “Hey, this infinite being of light and bliss? Let’s send him down into a life of trauma, poverty, loneliness, addiction, abuse, social rejection, suicidal thoughts, and total existential confusion. That way he can learn how to love.” Learn what? I was the fucking love. I was the light. I already knew.

But nah, now I’m here. A fucking virgin. Isolated. Barely scraping by. Witness to my father’s death, robbed of $30,000 by my own family’s dysfunction, watching my ex-best friend descend into schizophrenia. I’ve been abused in just about every place I’ve lived. Worked myself to the bone in low-wage jobs while the world around me bathes in hookup culture, junk consumerism, and spiritual bypassing.

Why the fuck would any “higher self” or “angelic council” choose this shit? Like seriously, what the fuck are they smoking in the white light realm?

It’s always the same explanation: “You chose this life for your spiritual growth.” Oh really? Why? Why would infinite intelligence and infinite love need to incarnate into a butcher and then a pig just to “learn” compassion? If you're really that divine, why not just stop butchering altogether? You're telling me God—who’s been around for eternity—needs to go through schizophrenia, drug addiction, suicide ideation, childhood abuse, starvation, betrayal, heartbreak, and dying alone to “grow” a little more in love? That’s some sick joke.

If I’m God, I should be able to wake the fuck up right now. Not when I’m 45. Not after I die. Not after another round of karmic cycles. Right. Fucking. Now.

And if there really are spirit guides or angels or entities coercing me into another life because “I haven’t learned enough,” then fuck that. I should have the power to bitch slap them out of the way, rewrite the rules, and create something worth living. Not just another round of some poetic but ultimately pointless agony-for-growth bullshit.

This isn’t enlightenment. This is spiritual gaslighting.

[Yeah Yeah]

@element dude if you think this dream is worth it bro do it honestly, but this is low resolution bullshit fuck this life I want to wake the fuck up as god without death and come to my full power and dream any dream I want to dream - your advise right now is essentially to work even harder than what I am as if throwing more shit at wall will hopefully finally make it stick 

Edited June 3 by Yeah Yeah

[element]

Where do you live? stop cleanign toiletts, do something little extreme. change country and stuff

[Yeah Yeah]

So let me get this straight. I was happier as a kid—closer to God, they say—before I was forced into this broken adult reality. If I’d been financially supported, had a good family environment, been able to attract girls, didn’t have to work slave jobs or fake my way through bullshit education, I’d still be fine. I didn’t need trauma, spiritual awakening, or pain to be close to divinity. I was already there. Then life hits: my dad dies, my best friend loses his mind to schizophrenia, I get abused, tossed from house to house, suicidal, barely surviving, trying everything—meditation, writing, psychedelics, trying to find a purpose—and I’m told it’s all part of a divine lesson? For what? Growth?

All it did was take what was whole and shatter it.

 And now after all this time, after all the philosophical rabbit holes, the “spiritual insights,” the suffering, the sacrifices—I’m worse off than the kid I used to be. If I’d just stayed supported from the start, I’d be way better off. Instead I’m told to integrate the trauma like that’s progress. But I’m still the same person, still in the same loop, just with more pain and less joy.

So what was the point? I was already there as a child—connected, playful, curious—before this rigged machine tore me down. Now I’m older, traumatized, broke, isolated, and they tell me I’m "closer to enlightenment"? No. I’m just tired. And I want out.

[kbone]

On 5/28/2025 at 1:08 PM, Yeah Yeah said:

 

I’ve been deep in this work for a while. Reading, meditating, contemplating, journaling, testing ideas, and chasing every glimpse of awakening I can get. I’ve listened to Leo, I’ve listened to others, and I’m fucking serious about this—not just interested in spiritual fluff or talking about the ego. I want the real thing. I want to wake up fully, now, in this lifetime.

And yet here I am—still stuck in this human dream.

Still broke.
Still a virgin in my late 20s.
Still getting up at 3:30 a.m. to clean toilets.
Still driving a shitbox car that could die any week.
Still dealing with cravings, pain, loneliness, depression, and rage.
Still “being called Isaac” by the world. Still “having to survive.”

I don’t want this. I want to wake up as God. Not as some blissed-out gaslit version of peace, but actual, undeniable remembrance of my infinite self. I want to exit the dream. Not escape like a coward, but exit like an awakened being who remembers the game is up.

Everyone keeps saying I’m already God.
That I already am awake.
But that feels like total bullshit when I’m still subject to this matrix of limitation.

If I’m God, why can’t I just wake up right now?
Why do I still have to “earn money,” “go to work,” “get old,” “possibly die in some tragic accident,” or rot in my own aging loneliness just because that’s what this life path seems to be?

I don’t want to “wait for awakening” until after death.
I don’t want to pretend that suffering is okay.
I don’t want to just gaslight myself by saying, “None of this is real,” when it still feels very real—especially when poverty, rejection, and time are punching me in the face daily.

I’ve meditated while stoned.
I’ve tried “quantum leaping” into God-consciousness.
I’ve tried sitting still with my suffering.
I’ve even tried waking up by death, like pressing so hard into the dream that maybe I’ll snap through. But nothing sticks.

So what the fuck am I missing?

Why is awakening dangled like a carrot I’m never allowed to reach?

If I am God, why don’t I have access to God’s full memory?

Why can’t I rewrite this dream on my own terms?

Why do I have to suffer through the game to “earn” what I apparently already am?

Don’t give me “just be more aware” or “you’re already there” unless you can back that with real, lived clarity—because I’m done with spiritual riddles that go nowhere. I want the exit. Or I want to know, for real, that there isn’t one.

Because right now, it feels like I’m trapped in a loop:

 “You’re God, but you’re also this human. Just keep suffering until you die, and maybe then you’ll understand why it had to be this way.”

No.

If I’m infinite and sovereign, then I want to wake up like it.
Otherwise, this is just one more scam inside the dream.

So tell me—what the hell is actually going on here?

What in blazes is going on is a great question! You're asking a lot of other questions and assuming a lot of speerchal fluff that give the impression that you are using your mind to find what is already present prior to mind. But you don't want riddles, and I know there's no way to tell you. But, to be clear, you are in the tigers mouth, and while I don't really wish it upon anyone, in hindsight, it is fortuitous, annoying as fuggall, and part of the process. The futility is numbing and drains you of most everything you hold dear. Are you pretty hard headed? I was.

I might say lots of things as pointers, but that's not what you want. You want more, which is the mind talking. I might give answers, but you've heard them all. Don't confuse knowledge with realization. I might give you some practice, but it may just fail and make you feel more hopeless. That's how futility works; it's the experience of being trapped in a loop. The mind is a closed system (a loop), full of riddles, deceit, trap doors, 'reasons', goals and ......hope..... all within the dream. Most everyone will use their mind over and over and over ad nauseum, even after getting a glimpse (the mind is a clever lil rascal). Perhaps, once exhausted, the sense of being hollowed out as a black hole is recognized, and the divine spark of acausal clarity is realized.

You're not stuck in the dream. The attention to, identifying with, and getting lost in its ignorance is what's in the way. The dream is within what you're looking for.

[Spiral Wizard]

I‘m sorry bro! 

The narly details of your life definitely have taken me aback. I see it’s fucked up. So sorry for that! 

I honestly emphasize and see how it may just be a practical impossibility with these kind of conditions.

If you ever do wake up from this insane dream you may start laughing hysterically & in relief as you see this was the most fucking twisted and messed up ‘joke’ you ever made to yourself. It literally doesn’t make sense… until it all somehow does. 

Feel free to reach out if you ever want practical help or support. I‘d be happy to assist or simply an ear to listen to what’s speaking inside.