Why are people so lonely these days?

[theleelajoker]

1 hour ago, Breakingthewall said:

Yeah, humans are part of the hive, not real individuals. It is extremely rare for humans to prefer real solitude. The jungle where the leopard hunts is the social matrix for humans, and their instrument is language. A human alone couldn't survive, he's a weak being without the hive. 

Like that analogy. Only addition is that it is not only language but all ways we use to express ourselves.

 

[LastThursday]

2 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

A human alone couldn't survive,

And that is exactly why being lonely is so painful, our biology tells us that being alone could mean death, it just does so indirectly.

[Basman]

We are better at reporting misery today than before, so it is not completely clear if we are actually more miserable now than before. Go back far enough and depression wasn't even a concept that existed like it those today.

Another notion is that we are more materially secure so we have more time to fret over how we feel. Less war and starvation.

Another factor is that we've eliminated a lot of naturally occurring socialization for the sake of convenience and productivity. For example, Car-centric urban design atomizes communities as you step in and out of your car when going from A to B instead of traveling the road by horse for instance. Car centered urban design is self-reinforcing as the layout changes to adapt to the use of cars (bigger roads, parking lots, more distance between amenities, etc.) which further contributes to the atomization. Or another example, we don't have to barter over goods anymore and trading has been depersonalized. You just buy from X faceless company and the sale is completely scripted ("hi. That'll be 69.99. Goodbye."). Nowadays, you don't even have to leave your house to live your life. You can work from home and you have all the entertainment you could ever want via the internet.

[Basman]

There's something much more actual about having to negotiate the weather, nature and your body for your daily labor. Nowadays, you just drive to work, the weather is irrelevant, you show up on a rotor and kind of plug into being productive like a machine. It is almost surreal.

We've lost that essence of humanity in the modern age I think, for better and for worse. We don't have to feel anymore to survive. In fact, it might be better that you don't. That would make it much easier to put up with the seemingly senseless grind.

[Princess Arabia]

Humans dread the feeling of loneliness, and we tend to be herd-like because it is other humans that strengthens the sense of self. Confirms the identity of being human and a person. Without it, they could slowly die (not the body). If you notice we need to stay grounded, we look for meaning and purpose, sense-making is a thing, we long for marriage, sex and relationship with other. All of this, including the urge or need to socialize is a way to keep the dream going. 

Notice how the lock-down drove some people crazy, how prison walls drive prisoners to proclaim they've found God. It's because of the solitude and no one around much to confirm their identity. It loosened up a bit. That's why monks go in caves, not much to keep that sense of self going. Notice how it is by relations with others when we get to know ourselves, we fight with people because they are in contradiction to what we've constructed for ourselves. 

Without others, there is not much confirmation. A pet doesn't really confirm it. Infact, that's why we have them - to feel that true sense of oneness without the baggage that humans carry. It's closer to unconditional love. What we long for. Feeling lonely for too long can feel like loneliness is overstaying it's visit and one finds it hard to be or feel validated as a person. We need others to help us stay in the dream. Lots of people can be around, and someone can still feel lonely. That's because not too many are paying much attention to them. Not being too involved and just in their own world. This is why bars and nightclubs tend to feel empty, who there really cares about you and your problems. Not much. That's why this forum attracts so many personal questions asked and advice for the self is popular. It is needed for one to continue it's sense of self and to confirm. People will pay attention here more than in your personal life and it doesn't feel lonely here. Your sense of self is being hardened and cemented and that's addictive to the self. Having doormat friends and family doesn't do the trick. 

Loneliness is an effect not the cause. The cause is, not just a sense of self, but one that needs constant validation for fear of annihilation. Be in that position too long and one will start to feel empty inside. We take for granted all the things we use to keep ourselves busy in the dream, we don't miss them until they're gone. Leave this forum and you'll be back if you haven't found a replacement if it is being used to fill this loneliness void. If it's being used for knowledge, awakening, higher consciousness, you will feel dissatisfied when 'other' doesn't validate that sense of identity you've constructed for yourself. You will curse and damn them. Loneliness is the effect. You're feeling annihilated and you need that sense of sense to strengthen. 

I'll stop here. Just thought I'd share some insights on what I found loneliness to really stem from on the spiritual and existential level.

 

 

[Aaron p]

On 02/05/2025 at 7:10 PM, Princess Arabia said:

People are lonely because they have eyes?

Haha no... technology haha..

[Princess Arabia]

2 minutes ago, Aaron p said:

Haha no... technology haha..

Haha. Oh, haha

[Hojo]

They are lonely cause they hate themselves. They have limited their imagination to nothing and are now sad. Its basically fuck I gotta be with myself? NOOOO Im just gunna sit here any police my thoughts !

Edited May 4 by Hojo

[Joshe]

Loneliness occurs in people who rely too much on the external world for their sense of self. Most people, I’d say at least 80%, need the external world to let them know who they are. With that orientation, when there’s no one around to validate their existence, it often causes sadness, boredom, depression, or fear. To them, loneliness is like an existential crisis. 

The ones who derive their sense of self from their own critical thinking don’t suffer like that. The same people who suffer from loneliness are the same people who complain about boredom. But if you have a rich inner world and don’t need others to validate your existence, boredom and loneliness are very rare.

In other words, loneliness is a consequence of too much extroversion or warped ideas about what one needs to be happy. A rich and secure inner world can solve that problem, but that world can’t be built if you spend all your time extroverting. 

Just thinking out loud really. Might be some holes in this but there’s definitely some truth to it. 

[PenguinPablo]

4 hours ago, Hojo said:

They are lonely cause they hate themselves. They have limited their imagination to nothing and are now sad. Its basically fuck I gotta be with myself? NOOOO Im just gunna sit here any police my thoughts !

Eh I mostly feel that when I’m around people. 

For the most part I love being alone. Unless I go extended periods. A few minutes here and there of interaction + 1 day a week of longer interaction keeps negative feelings at bay.

[Ramanujan]

people are programmed to be selfish and not co operate with each other

[Princess Arabia]

10 hours ago, Joshe said:

Loneliness occurs in people who rely too much on the external world for their sense of self. Most people, I’d say at least 80%, need the external world to let them know who they are.

Imagine a baby being born and never had access to others at all not even their momma. I'm just saying imagine that. They live their whole lives never interacting with a human. Forget about the logistics about eating and communication and being able to survive etc, just imagine a human never interacting with another human ever. They wouldn't know who they were either. The only reason you have a sense of self is because of your interactions with others, period. That % is 100%, not 80%. The difference is now they don't need them to validate it they need them to keep it going and build upon it or as a reference point.

[YIDIRYIDIR]

@Princess Arabia princess Arabia you cooked with the loneliness explanation. after i read it everything all of a sudden makes sense and it just clicks. if you still have more insights about that please comment them.  also does that mean loneliness is an illusion and it is just the ego's way of screaming for attention? 

Edited May 5 by YIDIRYIDIR
i added a question

[Princess Arabia]

8 hours ago, YIDIRYIDIR said:

also does that mean loneliness is an illusion and it is just the ego's way of screaming for attention? 

The person that claims to be lonely is the illusion but that doesn't mean it's not felt within the body as real. The sense of self is illusory. It's just not happening. It's not a screaming for attention, what comes with that separate sense of self that arises within and felt in the body is a sense of doubt, fear, anxiety, and a feeling that something needs to be done because this isn't whole and completely. It sets out to find what it thinks is missing and it looks for it in objects and people and circumstances. People as in who will complete me or validate my sense of self etc. When neither happens, and it never will, because that is wholeness also looking for validation and how can wholeness validate wholeness. That requires something outside of it. That's why humans are never satisfied and can never feel permanently fulfilled or whole or even happy. It looks for those things in objects and those objects including people is also wholeness.