Good looking guys getting rejected at clubs

[something_else]

1 hour ago, Princess Arabia said:

Well, you've made my point here.

Not really. Looks are still a big factor. "women don't care much about looks"  implies that being good looking is barely, if at all, important for guys. Which is just plainly not true. It might not be the highest priority for every woman, sure. But for many it's certainly high up the list. And there are probably many for whom it's top of the list.

Personality-wise, "don't be weird and be at least a little bit chatty/funny" is good enough for me to find women who want to hook up from bars/clubs most of the time, but for a lot of my friends that doesn't cut it.

That 80% rejection figure I gave there could be 95%, 99% or even close to 100% for some guys in a club. Some of my friends really struggle because they are both shy and average looking, which is basically a death sentence for a guy in an environment like that. I've also met guys for whom it is like 50% or less, who were invariably extremely good looking.

I would say this rejection percentage is largely determined by your appearance, and you can adjust it probably +/-5% depending on your personality.

I don't particularly like using broad numbers for stuff like this, because people can vary quite a lot. But it serves as a good way to express what I've experienced in clubs/bars here.

Edited March 19 by something_else

[Schizophonia]

45 minutes ago, meta_male said:

You probably misinterpreted my original comment, I don't see the connection bro.

I offer a psychoanalytically inspired opinion on what drives people to ruminate about women, or to ruminate at all.
Forget it, it's not important.

[Schizophonia]

Remember that if you often hang out on a personal development/spirituality forum, and moreover in a dilettante way, it is because you are probably wired to "I am not enough" and similar beliefs; So automatically the people you meet on this forum will mirror this belief back to you, enriching the echo chamber.

 

"I said therefore unto you, that ye shall die in your sins: for if ye believe not that I am he, ye shall die in your sins."

John 8:24

Edited March 19 by Schizophonia

[Princess Arabia]

53 minutes ago, something_else said:

. Some of my friends really struggle because they are both shy and average looking

That's it. It's the shy part that gets them. A shy good-looking guy is probably in the same boat as a shy average-looking guy, maybe only a little bit above because of his looks, but the shy part is the killer for the average looking one. If he has game, there's no stopping him. With looks comes confidence and it's not the looks that gets the women mostly, it's the confidence that comes with it. All one has to do is look around to see hot girls with average-looking men. Those men aren't usually shy men.

You probably have the whole package or most of it, but looks alone won't cut it for most good-looking men. From what i've seen on here with you, you seem fairly intelligent and seem smart in the way you look at things and communicate very well, amongst other things. So I would assume you get them with more than just your looks. Women can just look good and that'll be enough most of the time but not for men. Initially, maybe for starters, but the end game usually depends on his personality.

At the end of the day, it's just a matter of perspectives so I'm not saying you're wrong or I'm right, just speaking from my own experience and what I've seen. We didn't even mention being rich, will can override all the characteristics and traits we've mentioned. Just being rich he can be shy, ugly or a crude and stick get plenty of women; but that's another story.

Edited March 19 by Princess Arabia

[Princess Arabia]

26 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

Remember that if you often hang out on a personal development/spirituality forum, and moreover in a dilettante way, it is because you are probably wired to "I am not enough" and similar beliefs;

Such crap and limited belief.

[Schizophonia]

4 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

Such crap and limited belief.

What’s your problem ? 
 

+ I am confident in what I say.

[Princess Arabia]

13 minutes ago, Schizophonia said:

What’s your problem ? 
 

+ I am confident in what I say.

It's not a problem. Both are opinions and not truths. It's my opinion that just because you spend time on a forum doesn't mean you think you're not good enough. That's all. Seems far-fetched. Doesn't matter.

[something_else]

36 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

A shy good-looking guy is probably in the same boat as a shy average-looking guy, maybe only a little bit above because of his looks, but the shy part is the killer for the average looking one.

Given that I used to be (and still am) very shy sometimes, I can tell you that's not the case. There's a significant difference in how most women will treat an attractive looking shy guy versus how they'll treat an average shy guy. An average shy guy is essentially invisible.

36 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

With looks comes confidence and it's not the looks that gets the women mostly, it's the confidence that comes with it.

Yes and no. Good looking people are more confident but that doesn't mean that looks aren't playing an important part either.

Good looking people are more confident because they see how much of an advantage they have from being good looking. You see how people respond positively to your good looks, which makes you more confident.

36 minutes ago, Princess Arabia said:

At the end of the day, it's just a matter of perspectives so I'm not saying you're wrong or I'm right, just speaking from my own experience and what I've seen. We didn't even mention being rich, will can override all the characteristics and traits we've mentioned. Just being rich he can be shy, ugly or a crude and stick get plenty of women; but that's another story.

Yea, fair enough. I'm not denying confidence and personality are very important. They definitely are. But looks, on the whole, give you a greater advantage.

It's weird because although this is about women's behaviour, men tend to have more experience with it than women do. I always feel like an asshole when I talk to women about this because it feels like I'm trying to tell you how your own gender behaves, which is obviously kind of a dick move. But at the same time, guys are the ones who typically experience how they're treated by lots of different women and so they have a more real sense of how important different traits are in dating.

The inverse is true too, women tend to be keenly aware of how important their looks are in dating. Even though some guys will try to convince them otherwise, they know from how they're treated by guys overall that looks are undeniably important.

Edited March 19 by something_else

[Princess Arabia]

4 minutes ago, something_else said:

Given that I used to be (and still am) very shy sometimes, I can tell you that's not the case. There's a significant difference in how most women will treat an attractive looking shy guy versus how they'll treat an average shy guy. An average shy guy is essentially invisible.

Yes and no. Good looking people are more confident but that doesn't mean that looks aren't playing an important part either.

Good looking people are more confident because they see how much of an advantage they have from being good looking. You see how people respond positively to your good looks, which makes you more confident.

Yea, fair enough. I'm not denying confidence and personality are important. They definitely are. But looks, on the whole, give you a greater advantage.

It's weird because although this is about women's behaviour, men tend to have more experience with it than women do. I always feel like an asshole when I talk to women about this because it feels like I'm trying to tell you how your own gender behaves, which is obviously kind of a dick move. But at the same time, guys are the ones who typically experience how they're treated by lots of different women and so they have a more real sense of how important different traits are in dating.

The inverse is true too, women tend to be keenly aware of how important their looks are in dating. Even though some guys will try to convince them otherwise, they know from how they're treated by guys overall that looks are undeniably important.

Fair enough, but at the end of the day all one has to do is go about their daily lives to see what's really happening. Club atmosphere is different also and people usually look at looks and carry a more superficial aura. Those same people looking at looks in the club might not be in the outside world or who's looking to settle down. So it's just a matter of environment and stages of life.

[PenguinPablo]

On 3/18/2025 at 0:31 PM, Schizophonia said:

I've been openly hit here and there on by 8/10s and rejected by average women.

That doesn't mean much.

The less attractive the woman, typically the worse the response I get lol.

[Lyubov]

Space in a woman’s life (or rather her body) is quite competitive. It’s like one of those decent online jobs. For every  opening (pun partially intended) there are hundreds of applicants. Women will screen pretty heavily for a guy they believe is perfect for them (status, smart, strong). It’s not uncommon to see mating not take place out in the open either. Picking up women is so random and out of your control sometimes. Just seeing the effort itself is a major turn off for women and it really needs to just flow and be natural for her and/or you need to strike gold and be seen as a prize from your first impression. You gotta be upgrading your life in every single way as well as actively socializing and going on dates and most importantly dissolving every belief keeping you unaligned with your higher power. 

[meta_male]

@Schizophonia I see where you're coming from, but your analysis is way off. All I said was that women do want to be approached at clubs. Nothing about personal insecurity or rumination. Also, if hanging out here 'in a dilettante way' means someone is wired to 'I am not enough', then by your own logic, wouldn’t the person with more posts be even deeper in that mindset? Just a thought from my end

 

[Basman]

Women just aren't as interested in having sex for the sake of it to the same degree as men are. It is a logistical bottleneck.

Being gay is much more straightforward as you just skip all the song and dance. And gay guys tend to be very crass as a result from what I've seen as you don't need nearly as much restraint. If guys where 100% honest they'd be a menace, prove me wrong.

[Tenebroso]

Good looking men don't need the clubs women go straight to their DMs on social media. Personality means little to nothing to women. A man has to reach a standard attractiveness just to not be invisible and the woman has to be in a place in her life where she wants those kinds of encounters.

Edited March 20 by Tenebroso