Curing social anxiety externally vs internally

[something_else]

I have a very strange relationship with social anxiety.

No one would call me socially anxious, at least not anymore. I’ve been backpacking for 8 months, partying, having fun, making lots of friends around the world, getting laid. Not something you usually associate with someone who has crippling social anxiety. From an outsiders perspective on my life, my social anxiety is essentially cured.

But internally I am still often extremely anxious over some random basic social interactions. Like right now some guy in a hostel bathroom was asking me about my shaver and if it was good and I was literally sweating from anxiety over this extremely basic conversation. At times like this I wonder, have I really made any progress at all? I have all of these results, but I still fundamentally feel a sense of being weird, different and socially inadequate in my core.

In short, up until now I feel like I learnt how to ‘fake it’ and be fairly confident around others, but I still haven’t fixed the root feeling of social incompetence that is fuelling the core of my anxiety.

I feel like I need to address this in order to make any further progress, so I’m wondering if anyone has experienced anything similar and has any advice.

Thank you

Edited September 22, 2024 by something_else

[NoSelfSelf]

 Everything ive been talking about on here is about this issue, where you place everything but yourself as number 1.Then you will never truly grow internally only externally...

 

[UnbornTao]

Not entirely relevant here, but I've been paying attention to the fact that, at a deep level, we are fundamentally afraid of "others." Even if subtly, it is a constant background sense that determines our interactions. This sense is so prevalent that it is difficult to notice.

Edited September 22, 2024 by UnbornTao

[Sugarcoat]

I feel this answer is very simple but I think self awareness is the key to breaking through yourself. What you’re dealing with is a negative identification you have of yourself as being socially awkward so it causes this social anxiety. In my experience self awareness is the foundation that allows you to know what to do and how to think and work to breakthrough this negative identification. Like how you gonna get rid of something if you aren’t fully aware of its nature.  self awareness sounds simple but it’s very deep

and then I think you must desire your confident authentic self for the sake of itself 

 

Edited September 22, 2024 by Sugarcoat

[El Zapato]

Psychological problems are 'mostly sourced in brain chemicals...I am a proponent of medication and I don't blame my biological mother for saddling me with that poopoo, but today I think I will anyway.

In discussions with shrinks, I referred to the residuals of social anxiety as something I couldn't conquer.  I fought it tooth and nail for many years until a psychiatrist saved me...Give me drugs!

 

[UnbornTao]

What is anxiety? We can see that fear underlies it, it is a form of fear, which itself can only exist in relation to the future.

In what ways are we resisting our experience such that anxiety can occur? Why are we producing it, what do we get out of it? What are we anticipating might happen that we are not willing to experience (getting hurt, being laughed at, being humiliated or betrayed, etc)? 

If it were fully embraced as it is, that would eliminate anxiety. Similarly, if we didn't conceive of a future as a possibility, anxiety could not arise. 

Sounds simple in theory, yet our challenge lies in actually being able to do this experiential shift rather than just thinking about it.

Edited September 24, 2024 by UnbornTao

[Sandhu]

You've developed coping mechanisms, but the core feelings remain. You've developed a confident facade, but beneath lies self-doubt and anxiety.

You've made significant progress. Acknowledge your achievements and continue working on internal growth.

[El Zapato]

10 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

To add something useful, we could consider the experience of anxiety, particularly in social settings. Clearly, it is a form of fear that exists in relation to the future. It cannot occur in relation to the past or the present.

We are imagining a future experience that we do not want to go through and are unwilling to face. We can start examining this by asking ourselves: What are we imagining that we are not willing to experience? What scenario are we anticipating? (e.g., being embarrassed, hurt, betrayed, left out, humiliated, laughed at).

If we either stopped generating these images or scenarios, became willing to experience them, and/or did not hold the future as a current possibility, fear could not happen. This sounds simple, but making that experiential shift is another challenge.

In what ways are we resisting our experience such that anxiety can occur? If it were fully embraced as it is, that would eliminate anxiety.

Again, the challenge lies in actually being able to do this rather than just thinking about it.

That sounds like shrink talk, nonetheless accurate...but, those brain chemicals will still do their own thing if there is a genetic predisposition.  There is no shame in that, sometimes one has to go with the flow.

[Hojo]

@something_else It is all progress when you heat up you are burning your karma. Its good to heat up. Its showing you you are doing something uncomfortable and if you just sit there and burn up without shitting on yourself after you are done with it. You are curing yourself already but thinking you are doing something wrong is a trap.

Edited September 22, 2024 by Hojo

[Sugarcoat]

1 hour ago, El Zapato said:

That sounds like shrink talk, nonetheless accurate...but, those brain chemicals will still do their own thing if there is a genetic predisposition.  There is no shame in that, sometimes one has to go with the flow.

Don’t limit yourself by that thinking 

[Keryo Koffa]

8 minutes ago, Sugarcoat said:

Don’t limit yourself by that thinking 

Genetics = Past Karma | Beliefs = Epigenetics

[Sugarcoat]

1 minute ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Genetics = Past Karma | Beliefs = Epigenetics

Maybe 

[Keryo Koffa]

Just now, Sugarcoat said:

Maybe 

Don’t limit yourself by that thinking

[Sugarcoat]

37 minutes ago, Keryo Koffa said:

Don’t limit yourself by that thinking

Lmao 😂made me laugh

Edited September 22, 2024 by Sugarcoat

[Javfly33]

4 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

 Everything ive been talking about on here is about this issue, where you place everything but yourself as number 1.Then you will never truly grow internally only externally...

 

Have you noticed your messages are always about 'you are not doing it right...but i have no idea how to explain to you how to do it right' ?

 

5 hours ago, something_else said:

I still fundamentally feel a sense of being weird, different and socially inadequate in my core.

Welcome to the club. 

How much you really want to 'destroy' that core? 

 

[NoSelfSelf]

56 minutes ago, Javfly33 said:

Have you noticed your messages are always about 'you are not doing it right...but i have no idea how to explain to you how to do it right' ?

 

Welcome to the club. 

How much you really want to 'destroy' that core? 

 

When i start explaining stuff then you get into your feelings, so i pick and choose who's worthy of the information...

[El Zapato]

Those opinions are correct in theory.  I guess I am just too lazy to do anything.  I spent better than 20 years of most if not all days a painful and challenging experience.  An M.D. did offer 'the brain heals'.  Been waiting for another 20 years and it ain't be happening to my satisfaction.  It's a compromise in the end.

[Whitney Edwards]

I haven't cured my external social anxiety so internally..... Well.

[Chadders]

@something_else as with any form of anxiety regardless of what it is you have to open the door for it. You’re running from the feeling

The situation is irrelevant 

[Javfly33]

On 22/9/2024 at 8:50 PM, NoSelfSelf said:

When i start explaining stuff then you get into your feelings, so i pick and choose who's worthy of the information...

pathetic  😂