I am not suicidal but I kind of want to die and fantasize about it a lot

[Something Funny]

Death feels like an ultimate escape. Suddenly everything doesn't matter. 

Responsibilities,  work issues, health issues, psychological issues, family, society, other people, war, disease, end of the world. Nothing matters. 

It's like you suddenly gain ultimate control over everything.  All those things that you were so afraid of and worried about are powerless now. 

It's like when you graduate school and realize that you don't have to care about opinions of your stupid teachers anymore,  or grades, or relationship with other kids. 

Or like waking up and realizing that you don't have to go to that work that you hated anymore, because you've just won the lottery.  Not even for a single day. It's over. 

I think a lot about how you can just drift away into nothingness and everything will be gone. And you will finally be at peace.  Darkness and total silence. 

[James123]

26 minutes ago, Something Funny said:

Death feels like an ultimate escape. Suddenly everything doesn't matter. 

Responsibilities,  work issues, health issues, psychological issues, family, society, other people, war, disease, end of the world. Nothing matters. 

It's like you suddenly gain ultimate control over everything.  All those things that you were so afraid of and worried about are powerless now. 

It's like when you graduate school and realize that you don't have to care about opinions of your stupid teachers anymore,  or grades, or relationship with other kids. 

Or like waking up and realizing that you don't have to go to that work that you hated anymore, because you've just won the lottery.  Not even for a single day. It's over. 

I think a lot about how you can just drift away into nothingness and everything will be gone. And you will finally be at peace.  Darkness and total silence. 

It will come sooner or later. Just have fun with life, and forget about death right now. You are already what you are. And to realize this, yo do not need to suicide.

[Something Funny]

7 minutes ago, James123 said:

It will come sooner or later. Just have fun with life, and forget about death right now. You are already what you are. And to realize this, yo do not need to suicide.

But what if I can't have fun and don't enjoy living for the most part? Ands if I don't want to keep struggling and suffering for no good reason?

[puporing]

Are you on the brink of bankruptcy? Are you isolated and have no one to talk to/support?

I know money can be a big one that brings you down..

Listen to "spirit" and usually they'll give you something (like an idea) that point you a better direction.

Edited May 27, 2024 by puporing

[Something Funny]

@puporing no, I just have a broken adhd brain.

6 hours ago, puporing said:

Listen to "spirit" and usually they'll give you something (like an idea) that point you a better direction

I don't think this is going to work

[puporing]

@Something Funny hm.. I was pretty "adhd" too before awakening, just an fyi.

Ok, just a suggestion as it helped me so far. It's really how I got through a lot of what you might call "tough times". Spirit (higher mind) gave me better answers than most humans could give (Which ironically as I'm typing this..but I'm hardly human at this point..).

Edited May 27, 2024 by puporing

[Something Funny]

@puporing yeah, but how do I contact this spirit

[James123]

13 hours ago, Something Funny said:

But what if I can't have fun and don't enjoy living for the most part? Ands if I don't want to keep struggling and suffering for no good reason?

Don't you love anyone or care someone who really loves you?

[UnbornTao]

Your logic is foolish. To start with, don't take yourself so seriously. Enjoy life without needing things to be different from how they are now. You'd first need to allow things to be themselves, even one's resistance, and from that love and beauty come more easily to the forefront. So, it's fine—whatever you're going through is just a state. Let it come and pass. Then, you'll experience something else, and that is life for everyone. Enjoy the ride.

[puporing]

2 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@puporing yeah, but how do I contact this spirit

Try putting yourself in a state of openness to guidance, and you could literally try to "call for help". And just throw some "problem" you're having with that, and wait for a day or two see if any "solutions" comes back to you. 

Edited May 27, 2024 by puporing

[Something Funny]

@puporing ok, thank you

[Something Funny]

@James123 not to a point where I would be willing to keep suffering my whole life just to not make them said for a while if I die.

[Something Funny]

47 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Your logic is foolish. To start with, don't take yourself so seriously.

How is it foolish, and how am I taking myself too seriously?

48 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

Enjoy life without needing things to be different from how they are now

Easy to say when you already enjoy the way things are.

 

49 minutes ago, UnbornTao said:

So, it's fine—whatever you're going through is just a state. Let it come and pass.

Yeah, the state that I've been in for 20 years. I am sure it will pass tomorrow.

[UnbornTao]

@Something Funny Enjoyment seems to be a relationship or disposition towards events rather than a reaction or effect dictated by pleasurable circumstances.

Take a look at your willingness to let this negative pattern go. If you're not willing, then enjoy it nevertheless, since you want it. You get to be a victim and to defend your position, or whatever it gets you. If you're generating it--experiencing it--it means you want it. Become conscious of what that's about and drop the assumption/s underlying the motivation to act in such a way. I hope this helps, good luck. 

[James123]

6 hours ago, Something Funny said:

@James123 not to a point where I would be willing to keep suffering my whole life just to not make them said for a while if I die.

What makes you suffer so much?

[Hojo]

If you dont know what to do like Jesus said say yes to everything that happens and be open and have a positive vibe the whole time.

[Basman]

@Something Funny What kind of pain/suffering would you be proud/find fulfilling to bear?

For example, working hard to provide for your family. Or study hard for an exam so you can get that degree.

[Atb210201]

@Something Funny You just endure the process of life I promise you the more you endure the hardships and sufferings of life the better prizes are in store for you on the way when you die even if you have no idea what awaits you after death you just have to trust me on that

So see life as a game in it you have to score goods for the ultimate end of it

That way your life becomes more meaningful than ever

[ZenAlex]

On 03/06/2024 at 6:35 AM, Atb210201 said:

@Something Funny You just endure the process of life I promise you the more you endure the hardships and sufferings of life the better prizes are in store for you on the way when you die even if you have no idea what awaits you after death you just have to trust me on that

So see life as a game in it you have to score goods for the ultimate end of it

That way your life becomes more meaningful than ever

What it if never gets better though, that's a possibility.

And what if someone decides that despite recognition of life having positives it's simply just not worth the negatives?