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Just finished reading "A Million Thoughts" by Om Swami. The book is good in general but The first parts are weak sauce, it becomes better in the second part. These are the concentration meditation techniques explained by him in the book: Breath meditation: the most common one, you concentrate on your breath, inhaling and exhaling, very calming. Mantra meditation: My personal favorite. you repeat a certain mantra internally. Very enjoyable. I personally use " Thank you God" ,"Allah" or "Imagination! Formless meditation: I like this one too. you focus on The formless consciousness at the point between the eyes or at the tip of the nose. Expansion meditation: focus on making your sense of self expand and merge with your surroundings. Form meditation: This was the main type of meditation practiced by Om Swami. visually materialize a certain form while the eyes are closed. Keep the form vivid for as long as you can. Reestablish the form, whenever it fades away. Neti Neti meditation and I Am meditation: while sitting in Satsang, You engage in denying what you are not, "I am not the physical body, I am not made of atoms, I am not on earth,,,etc." and acknowledging what you are, "I am pure consciousness, I am infinite love, I am the vast universe, I am imagining everything,,,etc." mindfulness meditation: This is a meditation that you engage in all the time. It is basically being aware of what is happening in your direct experience. You notice the sounds, the colors, the objects, the feelings, the tastes,,,etc. It creates mental sharpness and a beautiful kind of peace and it makes your experiences much more concentrated and "there". Observer meditation: Be an observer, don't react in any way, positive or negative, to what arises in your experience, including thoughts, feelings and daily life events. This is practiced while engaging in life. For example, someone curses at you while passing by your car, just allow it to happen, don't react, just watch it happening. You will face two main obstacles while meditating, restlessness and dullness. The mind is restless and want to think about life, about life events, about fights, about food, about everything. On the other hand, you may lose your mental sharpness and enter a state of semi-sleep and dullness. This state offers zero benefits and you may think you are meditating but you are not.

Yes. It’s just something I noticed when I embarked on this journey. I wasn’t following anyone or reading anything when I tried to figure out a way how to discern what was true and ended up having a spontaneous mystical experience where the whole of reality dissolved and there was nothing left except a dim awareness… which was nothing, nowhere, no time etc. shot back into reality in shock as an atheistic science fanboy having stared infinity in the face recognising it as god and me simultaneously and freaking out. I Tried to figure out what happened and came across an actualised video talking about neti neti meditation that sounded like what I had just done. I took it further by getting comfortable then with psychedelics and discovered the consciousness part during my first ever cannabis ceremony. The facilitator said I was the first person he ever had collapse unconscious but for me it was straight back to the infinity ‘non’ space of dim awareness and I became the thing I was trying to understand. I had to pull myself from that awareness and focus myself into a mind ( some form of mental mechanism with an order to it) but it itself was also infinite. An infinity pulled from infinity almost like two sides of a mirror. One infinity or darkness, nothingness, awareness looking out and the other infinity a mind projecting mental forms, dreams, imaginings reflecting back at itself to discover itself as something as opposed to nothing. I had to focus my mind, consciousness and create structured forms and narratives to recreate the reality I just dissolved or I was not getting back in there. I essentially imagined myself back into a human and became aware of how I was doing it. I became aware of how god imagines things into being including ideas, thoughts, coherent thoughts and linear thoughts to perceive linear moments or ordered time. I was creating it as I was focusing it with thoughts. To hold it within my consciousness I had to believe it was real. I had to deceive myself into believing I was a human and forgetting what I really was and suddenly remembered how I got into this mess 🤦‍♂️. I did it to myself. that’s where I understand Leo’s description of infinite consciousness or the exploration of the mind of god that on the reflective side of the mirror (symbolic description) there is an endless exploration of consciousness, forms, realms, realities, states of consciousness etc etc which is what you get if you go beyond bog standard awakening or enlightenment ( taking that to mean the discovery of the infinite nothing void that is the truest fundamental). coming back a little bit within that awareness void is where consciousness resides. Having become familiar with the placebo tool belief, I’ve been able to shift realities at night while going down into subconscious states so I can explore. strangely I find it easier to explore consciousness this way than with psychedelics. Psychedelics dissolve me too much and bring me to abstract realms where all the exploration and understanding is imageless and formless. I prefer being able to construct ordered realities so I can explore them. I do go into psychedelic like spaces from time to time including 5MeO space but it’s rare and I do psychedelics when I find myself getting rigidly attached to beliefs about this world just to release myself again. it’s wonderful but no one around here ( where I live or even the integration groups from the ceremonies) really understands. This forum helps as there are those who have experienced that and I recognise the same experiences even if they are described differently. so yeah I’m a perception within consciousness and all narratives consciousness conjures up about its forms or existence on this side of the mirror are a way of justifying their existence as real, dissecting them and creating ever deeper stories about them is consciousness expanding itself out, separating itself into more and more ‘things’, decentrating itself…another deception because consciousness itself is still an occurrence within awareness. To get back to awareness it concentrates back to single pointedness or singularity. shit!….. sorry im just after having a small god realisation sitting here. It comes and goes 🤣

@Leo GuraThere was this out of body experience that I had that lasted very briefly. I had some serious negative emotions without really knowing why. How do I know if there is just pure consciousness or pure consciousness within the soul? If everything is imagined by conscious, it would mean that consciousness imagines astral projections and NDEs but who is the one experiencing these things? Since I saw a ghost, wouldn't this mean that there are souls? You would probably say that a vision of a disappearing lever as alien technology is more likely to be true according to your beliefs but you know that everything is imagined by consciousness and I don't really know what such an experience actually means but something probably changed about my life as the one who experienced it. If my beliefs shape my perceptions and experiences from phychadelics, how do I know that such mystical experiences can be trusted? Since my dream self dies after the dream ends (while I'm in bed) and the perceiver lives on, wouldn't this represent the afterlife because death is imaginary? If I were to take LSD and experience other experiences according to the book The Holographic Universe in which these experiences are still held within my own consciousness, would this mean that there is a samadhi experience with someone else's experience as my own since I only have my experience? The neti neti method proves oneness making such an experience possible because of Oneness since everyone would then be nothing. Oneness would imply that there is no other so what would make this idea more acceptable than Absolute Solipsism in spirituality? Why mention a reuploaded version of the Absolute Solipsism video if you didn't want people to watch (or listen) to it? If the ego is able to interpret mystical experiences, why do some psychadelics kill it, how do I know what will, what would be required for an ego death, does my ego paradoxically want one and if so, why? I only thought about these questions as I was typing all of this which means that I should contemplate them before receiving the answers from you. Have you already talked about what is required for an ego death? I think that this is very important to know right now. You have very long content so it's difficult to remember and I would have to look into my notes to find that which I probably don't have. How would I know if online information about this topic would be misleading? By the way, would you say that your responses to my thoughts and actions through your videos beyond coincidence be conidered samadhi experiences since such knowing about my thoughts and actions to your videos were generated from being and that my state of consciousness was deeper and more concentrated? If it seems like these questions are too much, you can briefly answer each of them. It seemed like you were only cherry picking last time and am curious to know how the result of that works. Please feel free to do what you like with this and I would highly encourage for other people to answer this post.

WHAT I LEARNT WITH 1 YEAR WATCHING ACTUALIZED.ORG I started watching Leos videos one year ago (around 50 videos this year) Started with the videos listed in the: ‘Start here’ page. So basically with foundational videos. (Didn't watch all, around half, and also other videos not in that page) I already had a few years, maybe a decade in personal development, so I could label myself intermediate when I started. And when I say watching videos, I mean seriously. For every video, I took notes, wrote word for word the highlights of the video (around 2-4 pages each), also writing the stuff that came to my mind in relation to that topic, how it related to my life, and actions steps. So, 1 hour video, could take me 2-3 hours to complete. And place then in a proper folder, separated by topics. Sometimes I binged, watching a few of them straight without taking action, which is ok. But then recognize it and got to it. Some things that I implemented this year: -Building a better infrasctructure -Reading some of the best books on his booklist (Reading habit of 30 mins+/day; not everyday though) -Reducing porn almost to zero (usage and cravings) -Reducing social media (usage and cravings) -Reducing screen time to less than 30 mins/day -Re taking meditation habit -Going to a meditation centre 1-2/week. -Spending some Saturday with no tech, no socializing, just alone in the forest. Meditating, contemplating, introspecting… -Cleaning diet, with fasting and trying keto successfully. -Trying psychedelics for the first time. -Trying a few classes of yoga for first time (and understand basics of real yoga). -Reducing the things I do. Just focus on: Working on business, learning/reading, meditation, spending more time in solitude (nature, walks...), quality time with girlfriend and some few friends, and gym. -Quitting most of hard addictions (coffee still there, still some sugar and social media cravings) -Being aware of soft addictions (judging, moralizing, arguing). This ones are tough, but at least Im aware of those now. -Writing a draft for a book in just 1 month (+40000 words for now) -Redefining life purpose (Creating a Lifebook: with vision boards, 3 main life goals, 10 virtues (Ben Franklin style...), Seasons goals... Some things were easy, like cleaning up diet, since I almost always was in shape and eating decent. Others were completely new habits. And in general, I got higher perspective in life, not that ‘practical’, but maybe more important: -Understanding how everything is a distraction from being, from looking inward, even relationships, marriage, career, business, success, family… (This one is tough, since balance is key here) Those things are important in life, the Big Rocks if you may; but being, looking inward is VITAL. -Differentiating what enlightenment is and is not. (Not Tolle’s, hatha yoga, dogma spirituality, more in the autolysis, self-inquiry, deep solitude, neti neti stuff) -Changing my approach to learning. Learning = Behavior change -Im shifting towards a Mastery, Craftsman mindset life. (still hard to scape from the shortcuts distractions) -Understanding the value of solitude for real insight, original though. And how being constantly around people and culture (info input), is as toxic as it can be without noticing, like the frog doesn’t notice how the water is boiling. -Seem obvious that we don't have free will. That we are machines moving around to get our pleasures/dopamine hits, and get our survival needs met. That all our thoughts, emotional patterns, habits, values, are programmed in our minds by culture, society, family, country, regional area etc.. -Having a ‘feeling’ of no self through neti neti. Probably some intellectualization, but I got something there. I understood for the first time the ‘no-self’ thing. I can't locate myself in space. Damn. Am I nothing? So, there is no-one? My girlfriend is nothing? Shit! -Everything is an hallucination, not just the color red is hallucinated by my brain. The brain is also is part of the hallucination, the same as red. There is no observer, and no observed. Damn. After hundreds of times hearing it I got it, at least on an intellectual level. Consciousness is not generated in the brain, the brain is inside Consciousness! ‘So.. Who/what is hallucinating the brain?’ -Understanding spiral dynamics, specially stage yellow, as I can see something to shoot for. This was DEEP. My values shifted, I had to change things in life purpose, values, principles, virtues... people that I admired. I was heavy orange, with lacks in healthy blue and understood the value of green, yellow and blue; and where I was lacking. Im also (a bit) less judgmental since I get that people are in whatever stage they are, and thats ok. Their background was different than mine. Every color is important, and necessary in its healthy way. The Earth as a system depends on the healthy side of every stage. Not everyone has to be like me. -I understood the shortcomings of science (being myself a stage orange rationalist). I even have some hate for scientist and atheists now haha -I open myself to the idea of God, coming from a soft religious background, and then being hardcore atheist since adolescence. -Im not religious, but now I don't hate religion. I don't love religion. I understand religion (even Islam, that was tough for me), and the role it played in society, and for individuals. -I understand now the shortcomings of capitalism and libertarianism. I liked the liberitiarian POV for a long time, since I started my business, but now I see the flaws. -I see the flaws of stage orange, and understand green people/ideals (Still don like some green stuff, the same I don’t like some blue and orange stuff). But now I can see how orange generates a lot of problems and more healthy green (and yellow) is needed. Still had some big ego backlashes in this year, with a couple months hard on social media and youtube, porn, politic news, self help mental masturbation and eating pretty shitty. Is the way it is. I accept that. Growth is not linear. Setbacks are ok. Just get back to baseline and get another growth period. Now that Im on another spike of growth I was ver happy... But... Yesterday I was re watching one of the most important videos in the channel: Real Growth VS Fake Growth. (this video is deeeeeep). And asked myself: -Did I really grow this past year? -Did I really grow the last 5, 10 years since I started in personal development? All this shit about understanding spiral dynamics, that there is no free will… is real growth? Or is mental masturbation? Things can become tricky. Even Leo reaching the highest of highest enlightenment. Is that real growth? Is he more loving day to day? Is he more fulfill day to day? Is he more or less judgmental? Is he more or less arrogant? What really changed? (I ask the same questions for myself, off) Sometimes is tough to draw the line from real growth and fake growth. Some of the deep questions that are more important for me right now: -Am I escaping from something? Am I doing this out of fear? -What is real growth for me? -Am I doing the emotionally challenge thing? Or the cushy thing? -Am I doing this to hide from something? -Is my day to day/week to week improving? These are ones to ponder DEEPLY. - So my point in this one is: -Do you remember that video/s that blew you away a few months/years back? Go REWATCH them (and consult the notes you took). Contemplate and journal. Deep. 1 hour min -For every video, take notes, write your own shit, and write at least an action plan. If you are not going to do that, is probably mental masturbation (even if you do that, it could also be, since only if you take action are this videos really useful). Watching the best video once is not enough. -Is mandatory to spend some time pondering what type of videos to watch. -Is best to watch 10 videos 10 times, taking notes, journaling about those topics and your life, and (throughout a few years), than to watch 100 videos and talk shit on the forum. I read the forum and everyone is talking about Israel, Tate, Trump... that is a HARD DISTRACTION. I get it. Is fun to talk shit sometimes, buts thats gets expanded in time, and then regrets come. Im talking from experience. So if you want to take something out of what I learnt this year is: > Pick 3-5 foundational vids, a couple foundational habits, and go full on that for 3 months (1 season), minimizing distractions. So a good question can be: ''which ones could be the 5 videos am I going to watch, rewatch, take action and contemplate on for the next season?' Some for them from my POV: -Real growth vs fake growth. -High consciousness vs low consciousness -Minimalistic lifestyle. -One Rule for Acing life (emotional labour) -Setting propter expectations -Stop backsliding -Overcoming addictions + Subtle addictions -Spiral dynamics Is easy to get lost. The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing. This kind of videos are perennial. Making 1000$ a month or a million a year... this shit is still going to determine our baseline level of happiness. Those are some videos that have to be integrated, coming back to those concept again and again. Why muslims pray 5 times a day? Forgetfulness... Distraction. Is so easy nowadays.. These concepts are going to be our life compass. With a damaged compass, all advancement can be in the wrong direction. Even after this rant... Im still confused. Did I really grow? I think I did. Did I make a lot of mistakes? I also think I did. One thing is sure: Ill keep going. With solid foundations, doing the emotional challenging thing, with patience, focusing only on vital and important things... in a few years who knows where we can be What are your thoughts on Real Growth?

Maybe for the same reason it was possible for religion to form and be possible before science even though humans have had acces to the same set of circumstances for 100,000 years (according to science) ... intellignece or lackthereof. Also, it gets tricky to answer with language because our very language is structured around causality, the flow of time, symbols frozen in time etc. One answer might be mu. Another might be 5meo dmt applied to anus. Another might be smacking with a zen stick. Another might be neti neti until silence, i.e. all possible explantions are exhausted and all you have left is reality. Im off to bed because I have more wood to chop and water to carry in the mornin'

@Jehovah increases I got the neti neti experience, please no more, that damn near put me in a repeat of the dark night of the souls. Also, apparently other businesses and billionaires are getting interested in some form of space mining, and are planning a lunar economy. That is interesting because the two main elements gound in the moon actually are really good industry minerals to make pretty powerful machines: https://www.space.com/moon-mining-gains-momentum Also, and finally, a legit reason and pressure to ACTUALLY SEND PEOPLE TO THE MOON FINALLY! I mean damn took many decades ago, forgot NASA and it's space program existed for a minute, them people be sleeping. Finally the astronauts waiting in virtual suspended animation somewhere in some pocket dimension will get reanimated to go back to the moon. Finally a lunar restaurant, maybe a lunar supermarket, and we'll be even closer to actually see if the moon is hollow, and is a forgotten space ship BOY! Imma be honest though, I think at this point maybe alien life isn't a big deal though? We've got media and mainstream movies and stuff about martians, UFOs, Reptilian people, some whacky depictions. I mean we've got wild imaginations. Is jt really a big deal? Even me, and I don't buy too much into UFOs and aliens cuz I survived a haunting experience in my childhood so paranormal experiences to me are already possible and are far more shocking than UFOs, but maybe it's relative.

To open blockages, go to the core/heart/seed of that blockage, quite literally. Keyword is "pure". Example: You feel blockage in your heart, think "Who am I at my purest?" and focus that questions towards your heart. You are trying to find the heart of your heart. Penetrate the blockages like a hot needle falling on a block of butter. Once you feel instinctively you are at that seed, that's it. Meditate on it. That's your true self. Whether this is literally true or not does not matter, what matters is if you feel that way or not. After meditating on it for a while, go even deeper in that seed if you can, and you'll see there's nothing left and what you call the core of your heart has now encompassed everything. To help penetration, you need to soften your heart first. One way is to remember the most meaningful moments of your life, have nostalgia and try to forgive yourself for things your blame yourself. This will only soften your heart, which may itself feel liberating. But remember that goal is to go to that seed. If you cannot transcend the seed and feel your heart encompasses everything, it's enough to simply practice enough to stabilize yourself in that core. If you cry, then you know you are going the right direction. Example 2: For blockages in the solar plexus, focus at the bottom of your diaphram. That's where manipura is. It can be hard at first, so take your time. It's deep in, but you know you have reached it when you realize this is the very core of your body. When you start penetrating it in a similar fashion with your awareness and love, you'll lose your voice, and you'll stop breathing. This is because all these activities are given power by your Manipura. I haven't experimented much with Manipura yet, so I don't know how dangerous it could be. It's exactly the place where I felt anxiety. Example 3: As for the head, you need to work on the traditional "detach from thoughts, personality and ego" and exist as simple awareness. A step beyond into full self realisation would be understanding even this pure witness is illusory and that there is truly no one. What helped me was, in order, "I AM" meditation for a few days then "Neti Neti" Method (which I performed for about 4 -5 hours at night, until I reached my first ever self-realisation at dawn.) Example 4: Gut probably deals with the Swadishthana (Sacral Chakra). I haven't done any work for this chakra so I don't know much. But I'd assume that having a fit body, healthy diet, good self hygiene, acquired good looks(as in you worked for it like having a nice hairstyle, fashion sense and such) and most of all conscious ways of gaining pleasure from life, are indicators of an open sacral chakra. Example 5: I know even less about Vishuddhi (Throat Chakra). All I know is it deals with honesty, integrity and maturity. Once it's free of all blockages and radiating unrestrictingly, you stop self-sabotaging and all procrastination. While unblocking Manipura will get rid of shame and anxiety associated with self-expression, unblocking Vishuddhi enables you to do the expression itself. But creativity doesn't necessarily come from Vishuddhi.

Infinite Consciousness/Reality (I don't use God though technically correct because it creates more misunderstandings in this context than it solves. Like blowing up the Ego to God-sized dimensions, which the exactly opposite route than transcending the separate self/Ego) is awake throughout. IT is aware, and is what you really are. "It" (True You) is nothing specific (despite containg/being everything), but empty Awareness. Totally empty/nothing, but aware, and containing all form. But arising in it is what you think yourself to be right now (I-thoughts and I-feelings), that you don't see/view fast enough to transcend. You see "through" them, like coloured lenses. These lenses of perceptions (I-thoughts and I-feelings, separate-self arisings, making you feel and think you are a body or mind WITHIN Reality, but somehow separate from the boundless Reality) are what cloud your understanding of the Nature of Infinite Consciousness/Reality. When you learn to view (and cut) these arisings fast enough (long training process normally), awakened or nondual states can appear. Then the locatedness of "you" drops, making You the whole field. And other effects (infinite, eternal/always here, empty/impersonal). The three points above are at least in my perspective more useful to describe the process (than asking what wakes up, God or Ego), because: God or Infinite Consciousness doesn't awake. It is always awake/aware, can't be different. The Ego doesn't really exist (EXist=stand out from Raelity). So it can't wake up. It the sum/Gestalt of the appearance of I-thoughts, I-feelings that arise in True You. Once your mindstream/perspective awakenes, these arisings are no longer believed and (if wanted) totally cut off. Your Ego/character becomes literally something like moskito buzzing around in you. And if the character becomes annoying/suffering, you can "chase" it away like an annoying insect. The volume/believeability of its voice goes to "lower than 5%" of what is was before. That is just a pointer. It can only be really understood what it happens. The tools you use to imagine that state (necessarily including I-thoughts) are those that prevent the awakend state in which you could understand it. So the path is Meditation, Trekchö/Cut-Off every thought, Neti Neti, get empty, change to awakened states. And let these states refine and empty your Identity towards Truth. Because what clouds your mindstream, what you think you are, the I-feelings and I-thoughts, are not what you really are. You are much more. But you can only authentically say that when you are in awakened states. Before having stabilized these nondual states, thinking you are everything is just wishful thinking. It doesn't end suffering. Because it is not a change of thinking/concepts. It is not deciding or believing to no longer belief concepts (That "stripping" would be more concepts). it is learning to cut any arising concept/belief/I-thought/I-feeling FAST enough so that your state changes to awakened and nondual states. Thinking to want to no longer belief or stripping of beliefs/ideologies is itself a thought process, not the cutting of all thought arisings including that one. These are very specific states that have counterparts in the bodily energies for example. Enlightenment is a state shift towards nondual, boundless, and empty/impersonal (at least if there is intention for cutting the mindstream if wanted, for example for getting the bliss of the primordial Consciousness). At other times, the character can do its thing. But the body-mind has become an object doing its thing within YOU, Reality itself. (1) If it wouldn't remove suffering, what should make you stay in these enlightened states? You would continue grasping and searching for evermore experiences, like every unenlighened being. (2) Also, you will know the nature of Absolute Reality beyond any doubt. That includes what You are, what Reality is, what every arising/form/phemenon is in its essence, and that you are immortal. And nothing else can be anything different than THAT. Since anything there could be, in any dimension or realm, would just be more "form" or content arisings within Infinite Consciousness. But what would (2) be worth if you still suffer? You would search and grasp for some other experiences... Which obviously the enlightened ones stopped doing. All of them, at all times. They didn't grasp for experiences, and didn't suffer when they didn't get certain experiences. They for sure had preferences, could feel pain, but they didn't grasp or "psychologically-suffering-wise" resist what is. She who is centered in the Tao can go where she wishes, without danger. She perceives the universal harmony, even amid great pain, because she has found peace in her heart. - Tao Te Ching Since every separate being (or better: perspective) is at its essence Infinite Consciousness/Reality itself, every mindstream will end up enlightened. The game is to cast the formless out into form, explore the infinities of infinities that can be manifested (God will never run out of these), and come back home. It is the nature of Reality. It is apparently what Reality does. Love is what throws it all out, and pulls it all back, and its also the essence of every form. That btw. is not fancy mental musings, but actual Reality, potentially directly experienceable by every(!) being in certain awakened states. Water by the River PS: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arrival_(film) "During the evacuation, Donnelly expresses his love for Banks. They talk about life choices and whether he would change them if he could see the future. Banks knows that she will agree to have a child with him despite knowing their fate: that Hannah will die from an incurable disease and Donnelly will leave them both after she reveals that she knew this."

No-self is only arriving at the gate, by realizing what you are not. You are not a person, thoughts, emotions, or experiences. Neti neti will help you realize this. Awakening is direct realization of the absolute, which is who you actually are. Enlightenment is the integration of this realization. Surrender means letting go of all imaginary identifications, not conceptually, but directly. You live anchored in awareness, and realize that it is the only reality. Everything else that you encounter is the dream, and while you can enjoy phenomena, you don't attach yourself to them. I've never stated, in any thread, that I am enlightened. I've said many times that there are infinite degrees of enlightenment, and that it is a continual process of sinking into the absolute and dissolving attachments. It is far more difficult than most people imagine, and it will test your sincerity to the dregs. You have no idea yet what ego death is.

there are two dual things space and shape, awareness and thought, selflessness and self in all 3 cases you are the former for example if you think something, what happened is a thought arose by its own volition, you can be aware of that and that is you selfless is to bring your being to zero to nothing to emptiness ... how? meditation, neti neti, self enquiry, contemplation, prayer ...

It's true that the mind has a deeply programmed survival instinct. Despite that, it is a supercomputer with capacity beyond what most people realize. Chat GPT 4.0, even the paid version, doesn't come close. Every decision the mind makes is the result of a satisficing formula that it runs, with each variable weighted based on its current evaluation of reality. This weighting is the result of biological and social conditioning, which continuously evolves. For many, the formula is built entirely on external variables. What will pursuing x, y, and z do to contribute to my survival and well-being? Awakening becomes possible when the mind realizes that every formula it has used to this point has actually been detrimental, rather than fulfilling. It becomes necessary to modify the formula, in order to free itself from the suffering state. The absolute can't use the mind to directly realize itself, but it can leverage the remarkable subtractive capacity of the mind to realize what it is not. This begins the process of elimination. I am not the body. I am not thoughts. I am not feelings. I am not perceptions, sensations, or experiences. I am not memories or anticipations. I am not desires or fears. The neti neti journey applies the remarkable power of the mind to guide the absolute to the inner gate of itself. It is as far as the mind can go, but still, what a triumph. Here, in the shadow of the gateless gate, spiritual practice helps to sink awareness into the ocean of its essence. Meditation, contemplation, and inner inquiry gradually distance awareness from the external, and draw awareness deeper into itself. Identification with the external is surrendered as identification with the internal is increased. Often this is a long and painful process, of relinquishing cherished beliefs and fears. Awareness spirals itself deeper, into the dark night of the soul, which is terrifying to the remnant of the self, but is necessary to create the cataclysmic will to finally let go. It only becomes possible when it is realized that letting go will actually set you free. Even then, surrender alone is insufficient to propel awareness through the inner gate. There is still too much conditioning, a lifetime of attachments which block the spiritual passage, and cannot be dissolved by will alone. It is only by the light of absolute grace, on the other side of the gate, that these attachments gradually dissolve, until the sliver expression of the absolute is finally refined enough to fit through the gate to itself. This reunion is entirely lifechanging. The dream continues, but awareness is no longer at the mercy of experience. It clearly sees that everything arising and dissolving is its own essence, in this penultimate adventure within its imagination. It's not over yet, not until love and light have poured through the portal of this perspective, cascading through its cosmos, helping the absolute continue awakening to itself.

So similar to the process of neti neti where every aspect of your ego gets short circuited until you become "nothingness". Hmm interesting. I hoped someone here maybe has some direct experience with this kind of technique.

@Jannes The spiritual journey has two phases, the negative withdrawal from illusion, followed by the positive embrace of truth. The path to truth begins with the absolute riding the wave of the human mind along the neti neti current, until it breaks upon the other shore. Realizing what it is not is as far as the human mind can take the absolute. It is the surrendering phase of the spiritual journey. Once it has released the illusion of what it is not, the absolute steps onto the other shore, and directly realizes its true nature. It is free to continue exploring the dream, grounded in the absolute reality of itself.

True. I think you would like the Mahamudra-system a lot. Yoga of One Taste is the Neti Neti path to its end, Yoga of Nonmeditation throws away each and any effort and reamaining separte-self doing anything: One just rests in nondual state that one knows very well then, and waits for the grace of crossing over. Gateless Gate. "One can do NOTHING here to cross over to Full Enlightenment/Basis Enlightenment. Because that would be an act of a separate self. An effort. A movement of a separate self WANTING something, manipulating the mindstream, grasping for the understanding, doing something.... One can only automize the meditation/mindfullness, staying fully present, letting the Awakened Impersonal Awareness flow by itself, let IT do the meditation itself, get out of the way... Bringing out the full force of this Utterly Impersonal Awakened Awareness. Ones True Identity. And that is the last contra-intuitive trap: ONE CAN'T FORCE IT ("artifical activity"). Because forcing it would be a separate self arising doing it. One can try to force it (for example Koan-style), but then the Crossing Over normally happens in a moment of grace, of relaxation, when artificial activity is not present." Selling Water by the River

Yes i understand that, but don't you think that this is still somehow limited? No. Go see for yourself. It is the only and final Realization that comes with "no more n+1 Awakenings". That is where the exquisite peace lies. Any other further Awakening after the Full Realisation of what you really are can only be insight into more form/manifestation. One can theoretically (and practically) become aware of all of Indras Infinite Net in all its endless possible dimensions. Go exploring it. ALL OF IT. How its imagined/created, up to Buddhafield-Entities creating and managing whole Universes. There are more than enough Trip Reports about that, often centuries old, but also contemporary. Let me know if you want links. Nothing I have seen on this site here I have not found in essence somewhere else also when it comes to the topics above. Hard to find, but can be found. And that (above) still wouldn't be the Abyss of Fully Empty Infinite Boundless Impersonal Consciousness, the one Infinite Reality without a second. YOU. The real YOU, not the Illusion of what you mistake yourself to be right now. It would be just more form. More form Of God fooling itself in n+1 ways. But still only more form, or the manifested side of Infinite Consciousness. Not the unmanifested empty essence of Infinite Consciousness. (Of course both are nondual, but one "side" is eternal and timeless, and the show passes and ends in time). So: If one knows who one is, one knows who one is. And it is then known that all possible forms/arisings can only be dreams, a magic show, a beautiful (or not so beautiful) illusion, a play. All of it, n+1. That final Realization is where all pointers end, duality collapses IN YOU, and nothing can be prooven by just using language. Only YOU can REALIZE it by BEING IT. Water by the River And if you want to see an answer on that question as authentic reaction on video, below it is. But find out for yourself. Nobody can proove you that. Only you can realize it by BEING it. Choose who you believe, and listen deeply into your heart while doing so. In your case, the answer won't take long. Consider it takes Neti Neti to the final end, and ask yourself who you assume could have done that. And who hasn't done that. Pointer here: Daily life and conduct. At the end, Realization finds itself in conduct. If not, probably a not a too blissfull "Realization". And then place your bet, and walk the path (and your path) to its very end. PS: And if you are so inclined, go hunt the Aliens AFTER knowing who YOU really are. If you are so inclined...

Well said. The unveiled absolute is neither aware nor unaware of itself. It is awareness. Not unaware awareness, but unconditional awareness. Within the dream, it can forget or realize itself, but the appearance of unconsciousness and enlightenment is only the seemingness of transient relative states. Neti neti helps the absolute unwind its false identification with the mind, but only brings it to the gate. It realizes what it is not, but not yet what it is. To pass through the gate requires absolute grace, which reunifies that which was never actually separate.

Awareness is only aware OF itself within its dualistic dream, which is existence. It's a subtle but significant point: the absolute is inherently and essentially awareness, beyond existence. To realize awareness requires the illusion of boundaries, but beyond boundaries, awareness is without requiring the appearances of forgetting and realization. Yes. "It" never (could) loose its eternal nature of Awareness. As the only Infinite Aware Reality without a second. If one fully understands what you just wrote... that alone is enough. Beautifully written. And that Awareness can be unaware of itself prooves its fully Empty Impersonal Nature. That is the point I want to bring across, above all else. Neti Neti to the final end, where concepts have long stopped working. Never stop early while the separate-self-gestalt-arisings are not fully transcended. And having walked the path of Neti Neti to its end: Infinite and Everything/Nondual. The pointer (fully empty impersonal nature, or Neti Neti) is the ticket for the way back home, And "can be unaware of itself" prooves this pointer. If IT would be anything other than empty/no thing/infinite, IT could look over its shoulder to see itself. IT can't. When IT does (or better tries), looking deeply into oneself in meditation, it/one has an experience of Emptiness/Nothingness. quod erat demonstrandum Water by the River

This philosophical position does not suggest anything about how many "parallel" POVs there are - it is not about that. It merely states that there is no "objective reality" beyond your "subjective experienced phenomena", i.e. qualia are the bedrock reality. Might be a single solipsistic POV, might be many parallel POV bubbles made of qualia. Is water wet? No, really - is it? See, the meaning of "wet" is "covered in water", which implies that there has to be something else than water, that that something is finite, has an outer boundary or surface, on which water is applied to make it wet. Now, hypothetically, if there was only water spanning infinitely in every direction - would it be correct to say that "water itself is wet"? Probably not. You would rather say something like "water is water" - but, see, this becomes tautological really quickly. Water is water = Water IS = Water = ... ??? (because when all there is is water, it is meaningless to try defining it, because there isn't anything to define it against). Well, it's the exact same thing with "experience" (or perception, or awareness, or knowing, or understanding). All of those contain implied duality: that there is an object to be experienced, the subject who is separate from object and experiences it, and that there is the process of "experiencing" going on. The claim advaita makes is that all there is is "consciousness all the way in every direction". If that were the case, the word "experience" kind of becomes redundant. Consciousness isn't experiencing the phenomena - it is appearing AS phenomena, or sort of "takes shape" of phenomena. So consciousness is consciousness = consciousness IS = consciousness = ... ??? Hence "neti-neti", not this, not that, not anything in particular. The difficult part is to grasp the sheer TOTALITY of it. It is somewhat acceptable for a dualistic mind that colors, sounds and other senses are "made of consciousness", as are thoughts and concepts which are pure abstractions. But once you continue with this line of thinking towards something like "consciousness does not know itself/MYself - it only takes shape of the thought "I am""; or that "consciousness does not know or understand anything - it only takes shape of "knowledge" or "understanding" (even "absolute knowledge and understanding" - because there is no limit to what shape consciousness can take) - then it might start getting existential... You will, in fact, never understand it - IT will appear or take shape of the story of you understanding it. The lights are on but there's nobody home.

Yes. If you work carefully with Solipsism, and what I have read from you so far sounds very responsible. Danger is: When there is no other, there can still be you. Only you. One. Not One without a second. One, but not fully nondual/impersonal. Breakingthewall, from what I read you understand this very well, the danger and potential of that concept. Please allow me some general musings on the topic, not specifically adressed to you. The idea that the ego/separate self is God is the worst idea one can have. We agree on that. Blows up that which one has to kill/transcend. The opposite of Neti Neti. Shooting oneself in the knee and then starting the Marathon, and saying: I have done a good preparation for the run. At least in my perspective, there is zero problem for integrating the different views concerning Solipsism, and its partial truths: Solipsism on the level of the separate self: Wrong. The separate self IS NOT GOD or Reality. Ones True Being (Nothingness) is Infinite Reality, not the separate-self-cloud covering exactly that deep impersonal immortal always here True Identity. Solipsism on the level of the Absolute/Infinite Consciousness/Universal Mind: right. But totally useless once one is there, because it is just another fake concept floating in ones most obvious True Being. One snips it off like a fly. And before being there, it harms one also, because in any way it blows up ones ego, even if very subtle. And even if its just one more concept floating in oneself. I never had the need to think in Solipsistic terms while letting Nonduality ripen. Never. It would have only hurt me on the path, probably big time. How to get rid of "other", the loving style: And if one starts really feeling and intuiting that ones own being and consciousness is looking out from the eyes from another human (or any being): You would never ever start with ideas of Solipsism. Never. Instead, that beginning recognition is the highest level of empathy and love. But at that moment, there is no "you". Just impersonal Consciousness, in you, and the "other". It doesn't even make sense to say there is no other, because that implies that you are there (as concept and subtle separate self identity, not as Reality), because there really is no other. But also no you. Not one, but One without a second. Nondual, and not just Union of one with the Totality. So one can't say there is only me. There is only THAT. And nothing more can be said about that. And it is not one! It is not two! It is the one without a second. Nondual. Not one. And THAT is love, THAT is impersonal being, THAT is the essence of all of Reality. And THAT is also Nothingness. But anyway: If one thinks about it while on the way of getting to the Absolute, the concept of Solipsism is not useful. And when "one" is there, it is another crappy and redundant concept floating through oneself that also doesn't make sense. Which means nothing else then: The concept is not useful at any point in time on the path. It is a half-true half-false concept, making it completely false. Like every half-truth. If one wants to get home fast, better forget about it! Or use it with extreme care. I personally would rather recommend dissolving each and every concept, let real nonduality (an awakened state) ripen in an nonceonceptual empty mindstream, than playing Russian Roulette with such a concept. Ones separate self is not even dead when the shot goes off, but even more alive and bigger than ever.... Selling Water by the River

@Razard86 How did you realize that Absolute Solipsism is the Absolute Truth? Contemplation? Psychedelics? Neti Neti?

So true. A good path can drop one at the doopstep of the Absolute. But there, all concepts fail, all duality must come to an an end, and the last separate self subjectivity/individuality must be seen moving in oneself/transcended and cut off/dropped/died. Only then will ones True Being reveal itself. That is the essence of Mahamudra Nonmeditation Yoga for example. And one throws the stick into the fire when one is there, not before. So good concepts (the stick one later throws into the fire) get one to the doorstep of the Absolute, and for that one must already by very very empty. Neti Neti. A concept like Solipsism is not at all useful for doing that, despite certain partial truths hold valid ONCE having realized the Absolute. But then one doesn't need to talk about. Because there are no others... And one doesn't want to blow up the separate-self-image/narcicissm of "other" perspective that still have the Illusion-separate-self-ego well and alive appearing in their mindstreams with concepts like Solipsism, which just are not true on the level of a ego/separate self still well and alive. Solipsism is a path that leads nowhere, promises things it can't hold, and leads in circles. While Maya lovingly smiles at oneself, enjoying the show, and tells one how much she loves one and how oh so great one is. Neti Neti delivers, and that is why each and every meditation system and spiritual traditions goes that road. Not one system goes the conceptual Solipsism road. Either all that came before must have been iditos (Remember Ken Wilbers: Nobody is smart enough to be wrong all the time), or there is a deep deep truth to the Neti Neti approach, since Humanity has used it ever since. And if one wants to go a certain part of the Solipsism road on ones path, how about doing it with style: We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all. - Kalu Rinpoche Selling Water by the River

So, lets go through it. Number of Pictures 1 5 9 2 6 10 3 7 11 4 8 12 1: Identity with THAT (That=anything, any CONCEPT. Body-Mind. Ego. World. Whatever. n+1). Roger Thisdell stage 1: 2: Wiping/Process of Transcending the Identity with any self-concept (Body-Mind. Ego. World. God. Whatever. n+1) 3: I AM (identity with being, but nothing specific anymore. "Opaque" witness, not fully empty) Roger Thisdell Stage 2 4: Wiping/Transcending/Killing the BEING anything at all 5: There is still some Identity: I. But nothing specific at all, pretty empty. A pretty empty "Transparent" Witness. Can be quite nondual (One Mind/the whole visual field. One (but a not empty one), united with the nondual visual field. Many Psychedelic Experiences throw one here. Nondual, but not fully empty, Sense of transparent/pretty empty Self/Witness still well and alive. Roger Thisdell stage 3. 6: Wiping/Transcending/Killing the transparent Witness 7: One is No-Self. Nothing. Buuut: Identity with No-Self/Nothing, the perceiving or understanding of being Nothing. Still one arising/subtle identity/concept too much. A Portal to the Absolute. Awareness OF Emptiness. Awareness OF Being. Any Awarness OF is still not fully nondual. Even if Awareness OF Emptiness/Being/Infinite/whatever n+1 . Psychedelics can bring one here, if "one" gets already quite empty, but Individuality (very subtle/murky here) is still there. Roger Thisdells Stage 4: 8/9/10/11: Understanding and letting go even this last self-referential concept/thought/identity 12: Nothing. Pure Suchness. Infinite Consciousness so empty that there is not even a Watcher/Awarerer/Identity with No-Self. Final Enlightenment. Ultimate Reality itself. Only then, daily life is nondual, infinite, enlightened. And the bliss of ones True Being, NOTHINGNESS, flows freely. Really no separate self/individuality left. Only then one is really the whole Enchilada without any filters/lenses/localization of any separate self/individuality. The character keeps continuing doing its thing in ones True Self, Reality itself. The price of that: Any self-reflective awareness of being anything (separate) at all is transcended, and can be seen happening within oneself. Understood, and no longer believed, mostly just cut off (that Illusion again). And that is not even being the "No-Self Self" of Thisdells stage 4, or picture 7. To be fully everything in daily life (fully nondual) without any separation, one needs to be fully nothing at all. Totally empty. Any separate self, however subtle, fully gone. And the last remnants of Individuality or separate self can be very very subtle. Only that gets the permanent bliss and love flowing that has got its home in the Nondual True Self. "We are that reality. When you understand this, you see that you are nothing, and being nothing, you are everything. That is all. Kalu Rinpoche" Roger Thisdell Stage 5 And by the way, any just conceptual identity with anything (The THAT of I am THAT), That=anything, any CONCEPT. Body-Mind. Ego. World. Whatever. n+1), even with God/Reality/whatever, is picture 1 of the path in daily life. I AM THAT (That=God/Reality/whatever). Because it is normally not a nondual awakened state in daily life, but just some ideas taken away from a trip that got one to Nonduality. A hang-over of the trip, while being currently not at all in an awakened or nondual state. And hopefully it is at least this (a hang-over from a trip), and not just some pure conceptual trip without any change in states towards at least a bit awakening, and not just a pure head-trip. And actually a much worser starting place, because the lovely concept of being God blows up ones sense of self (THAT) tremendously. Neti Neti didn't get easier with making THAT bigger than it was before.... Pour encourager les autres.... Sorry Selling Water by the River

Yup, agree with that. emptiness [small e] in the meaning of nothing, as in opposite of something, is imaginary so to say. At least for me, the usage of Emptiness/Shunyata is more something along these lines, as per my last post: "A good meaning of Emptiness/Shunyata [big E] is (in the opinion of yours truly, in the meaning of "a good meaning/concept brings one closer to realization, not away from it) all is just a construct of mind (emptiness of concepts), and the passing nature of everything (of even empty/void states/cessation/Nirvikalpha) basically, that everything (apperance, state, self-thought/concept-arising, anything at all) is just an imagined arising in the Absolute. Just an apperance, a process, a verb, not a noun, a self-existing substance or thing. It all happens in True Infinite You, nothing is permanent, all changing and in flux. a verb, not a noun. every and each appearance "thing"/arising is finite, temporary, passing. Not the Infinite/Absolute." So the Buddhist usage of Emptiness/Shunyata normally aims not to emptiness in the sense of nothing there or nothing, but more on the transient character of all manifestation/phenomena/arisings (which then could be called imaginary, or temporarily arising IN Reality made OF Reality/Nothingness). And so it also emphasizes the unlimited potential, or infinite potential of the Absolute, or Nothingness. So in that sense it means more Infinite Reality. Although considering THE Emptiness as a thing is then the so called eternalist error, making it a thing. Considering it as non-existent would be the Nihilist error. Its nothing specific, yet it is not nothing. Emptiness/Shunyata is Infinite Reality itself. The Buddhists take the Emptiness perspective, Vedanta takes the Infinite Consciousness perspective. Both are methods to point to Absolute Reality where both Dualities (Something, Nothing) collapse: The Opening of Reality itself, nothing specific that appears (in it), but also not nothing (like in nothing at all). But yeah, I agree with your posts. It is always a question of what one understands under these terms, like emptiness/nothing, or Empitness/Shunyata/ Nothingness/Absolute. There is a lot of "gray area usage" in many articles, and sooo much potential for mutual misunderstanding because of varying use of terms. The Buddhist Emptiness/Shunyata normally is not equated with nothing, but more with the list of items above. But that is just a question how one defines and uses these terms.... Saying the Absolute or True You needs to be fully empty on the other side means exactly that: It/One needs to be nothing at all, Neti Neti gone to the end of full infinite nondual No-Self, else one confuses it with an object/arising. Only when fully empty, it/one can conforms with Nothingness/Absolute, the essence of reality. And that then (when fully empty) can contain everything. Okay, I admit, that post was for the hardcore-aficionados-fraction . Bassui finished his letters always with something like this (to not get anybody get caught up in unnecessary concepts): After reading, throw it into the fire. Same with this post of yours truly... What I want to say is: if one continues with Neti Neti in meditation and practice, one is doing fine, and doesn't associate the Absolute/Nothingness with anything that can be described, pointed to, talked about, has properties, and so on, but PURE indescribably, or being totally infinite (which is the same as totally empty/Empty), then one is also doing fine. One only gets problems when ones Absolute is not fully empty/Emptiness/Nothingness. For example if it changes or has certain properties attributed to it, like the manifested side of Infinite Consciousness/Absolute can have (like God, Gods, Intelligence, Love, whatever n+1). Or even "better", pretty empty remnants of the separate self (empty nondual witness, Awareness "of" sth., and so on). And the Absolute can be fine without any show appearing in it. Empty, Infinite. Cessation/Nirvikalpha/Deep Sleep. Water by the River

Neti-Neti (Vedantic) is a technique used to disidentfy any subject in ones mindstream. I am not this, I am not that. Making it from "being it/subject" to "seeing it/making it an object" moving within onself. Any I-thought and I-feeling can be watched as arisings/objects moving within Oneself. Differentiate, transcend, integrate. Why? Because ones Real Self is TOTALLY empty. Anything one thinks one is has to be made something moving in onself, an object. Or even better: I am not only this. Neti-Neti is the basis/core of all meditation, Buddhist and Vedantic alike. Maybe you like the check Daniel Browns Dissertation on the central meditation system of Yoga (Patanjali), Mahamudra (Tibetan Buddhism), and Theravada. They all have the same "deep structure" of the path, but take views from Emptiness (Buddhism) and Infinite Conciousness (Yoga, Vedantic, Hindu-style). These concepts colour the experiences, but Reality and the outcome of Enlightenment has the same deep structures. But better read directly Pointing Out the Great Way, the Mahamudra system is the most efficient and highest developed system of all of them, according to Daniel Brown. Yours truly can confirm its efficiency from own experience. Madhyamaka ("4 negations" above), the central tenet of Buddhist Philosophy since the Mahayana, basically says: The Absolute is truly Infinite. Or neither existent, nor nonexistent, / Nor both existent and nonexistent, nor neither. One can not describe it in any way, since it transcends and contains all limits. Any "positive" description would limit it. So one can not say it exists. Ex-isting literally means "standing out from reality"[as something specific, discernable]. But the Absolute is Infinite Reality itself, so it can't stand out from itself [as Reality] as something specific. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Existence from Latin existere, to come forth, be manifest, ex + sistere, to stand. One can not say it doesn't exist, because there clearly are at least perceptions perceiving themselves. There is some kind of show. One can not say its both existing and not existing at the same time. Because that doesn't make sense. And to rule out the last option: one can not say it neither exists nor doesn't exist. That also doesn't make sense. And Buddhism does this Madhyamaka-thing pretty much ever since to avoid any funny idea/concept being put on the Absolute, like Consciousness, God, Love, whatever, n+1. Sure, God is so to say the first manifestation, and love is also the essence of it all. But its too easy to project that on the Absolute, and make it not fully empty or infinite. Which then prevents its full realization. To say the essence of everything is God or Love is fully ok, because that refers already to something manifested, something, something no longer infinite. Emptiness/Shunyata wants to make sure that one doesn't identify anything positive with either ones True Self, nor the Absolute. Empty it out. Or make it fully infinite. Of course, Emptiness again can be made to something "self-existing". Like a state of void/emptiness, or cessation, or Nirvikalpha Samadhi. Then, it is said one has to empty out emptiness: The void is also just a state, something self-existing. It all appears in the Infinite. Emptiness as concept or theory has been used in Buddhism "to death", in many different, often incorrect usages. A good meaning of emptiness/Shunyata is (in the opinion of yours truly, in the meaning of "a good meaning/concept brings one closer to realization, not away from it) all is just a construct of mind (emptiness of concepts), and the passing nature of everything (of even empty/void states/cessation/Nirvikalpha) basically, that everything (apperance, state, self-thought/concept-arising, anything at all) is just an imagined arising in the Absolute. Just an apperance, a process, a verb, not a noun, a self-existing substance or thing. It all happens in True Infinite You, nothing is permanent, all changing and in flux. a verb, not a noun. every and each appearance "thing"/arising is finite, temporary, passing. Not the Infinite/Absolute. Now comes the funny part: Since the Absolute is also NOT Emptiness, the Hindus use the term Infinite Consciousness. Which is also correct, once its fully empty and impersonal. One can more easily project unncessary properties on Infinite Consciousness than on Emptiness/Shunyata. But Shunyata sounds like Nihilism, which also isn't IT. Basically IT/Absolute is Infinite Reality or Infinite Consciousness itself, with potential for sentience if something manifests (perceptions perceiving themselves, that is why it is not Nothing, and has infinite Potential), but at the same time it is not something, because if it would be something, it couldn't be everything. It would not be infinite, but finite and limited. If you are so inclined to read a long post of yours truly, Nothingness is in my humble opinion the best pointer (a term coined by Andrew Halaw): Sounds complicated and paradoxical, but after having passed certain awakening states, only these views makes sense (in that they are able to translate ones new awakening experiences in ways that make sense, or facilitate further growth/transcendence). Then, its no more paradoxical at all. So, if you are so inclined get some nondual experiences, sobre or not, get pretty empty yourself, and see for yourself what you truly really are.... Selling Water by the River

I'm not very well versed in Buddhist terminology. Are the "4 negations" above the exact equivalent of the Vedantic "neti-neti", or do they imply something extra? Also, the term "Shunya/Emptiness" has always rubbed me the wrong way, too positively loaded for my nihilistic tastes, but now I'm just rambling.