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@Neo If you don't mind me asking where are you now? I'm just curious of how any previous beliefs you may have had could affect where you are today.. It just bothers me that religion is blamed for people's closed minds.. All I gotta say is when I read the Bible it reads of enlightenment and of current events.. And if you think sitting there doing nothing or inquiring where, what or who the "I" is somehow is letting the devil in you know not yet of what that could possibly mean.. There's not enough education and history that comes with these guided meditations.. People I believe are mislead and are chasing after things they don't even realize.. Anyways, how could any religion discourage or stop you from doing that? You can call it whatever you want "Neti Neti" but to me it's called curiosity.. Labeling it as neti neti might put into association with another religion and therefore conflict with what one teacher is trying to teach you. Now that I have experienced some stuff I think there's truth to all the religions and I'm starting to think they're beautiful and something can be learned from all of them.. Like mixed martial arts.. Jesus loved everyone and I'm sure so did Buddha regardless to what they believed.. I'm ignorant at the moment to other religions so I can't say much.. I hope to learn more about the different religions in the future.. I think it's important to have respect for others beliefs and customs.. I'm hoping to be able to go back to school come January and if available I'm going to take a world religions class to learn more. I'll add the same people preaching love, peace, and positivity are judging and bashing others everywhere.. People have forgotten what love is

According to leo is the neti neti method or self inquiry, but Shinzen Young talks about strong determination sitting plus some form of meditation called "expand contract". does anyone tried both tecniques? here is the tecnique of Shizen Young https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gYSSf71Vo7w Also I want to know if is better do the self inquiry with the guided video of leo, or by oneself. because with the video sometimes I am trying to focus my atention in the sensation of my skull (where I believe I am until today) but then leo keeps talking and that distracts me, but without the video it is so more easy to get lost in monkey mind and miss the flow.

When Leo refers to meditation with self-enquiry is he talking about Neti Neti or is there a different video where he demonstrates this? EDIT: never mind, found it on his channel.

@Mikey I really implore you to ask yourself what is knowing something? You just claimed to know truth but a few posts ago said you weren't 100% sure you even knew what truth meant, you assume to know Leo's motivations but an assumption is all it is, I have no idea what Neti Neti method is, all we're doing is playing the intellectualising game, pitting words against one another, that's why people recommend meditation my friend, to explore your own experience to find what's real and not what's just knowledge! You'll never find what you're looking for listening to the words of others and forming your own opinion, you need to question YOUR reality, YOUR thoughts, YOUR experience, YOUR knowledge, NOT somebody elses.

@Matthew Lamot A few days ago I read something about Vedanta in an article that follow this comment, would you agree with the author of it? I'll have a read at the article you display as well, seems interesting, thanks. http://www.whatneverchanges.com/blog_files/neti-neti-is-not-enough.php

WEEK 8 DAY 50 20 minute yoga in the morning. 22+25 minute meditation Today is a day off. Despite of that from the very morning I did not feel well. Tried to meditate at midday and I did not manage to sit for entire 25 minutes. Towards the end I realised that I was only waiting for the timer to go off and was not really meditating anymore. There were cravings for sweets and gaming. They kept reoccurring throughout the day. It was tough to resist. Decided to re-watch koyanisqaatsi one more time. After watching cravings came back and for a moment I was seriously considering dedicating this day to some computer game. In the end I managed to foresee the consequences and understand that I do not truly want that. In the evening I meditated again. After sit I thought a lot about letting go. Today most of my commitments were tested multiple times. Mindful eating: Breakfast - totally forgot about it. Lunch - remembered half way through the meal. Dinner - same as lunch. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 51 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute meditation. Kept coming back to the idea that it is shortsighted to sacrifice one's authenticity for something that you think you might get from other people by not being who you are. This is an important idea to work on. Today was my girlfriends birthday and we went to a vegetarian restaurant. Food was delicious but something happened in my stomach. Food just stood there for 3 hours. I am going to meditate now but I can not sit cross-legged right now. Lol. Ironically that it is what happens when I finally decide to try some vegetarian food. Not very encouraging. Meditation was very challenging. I felt pressure on my chest, that kind of pressure that used to cause panic attacks for me and my mind kept spinning. Despite of that I kept refocusing on my breathing and had some very pleasant emotions when I understood how difficult it is right now to meditate and how much dedication I am showing when ignoring all the negative circumstances. Mindful eating: Breakfast - started slowly ended fast. Lunch - partly mindful. Dinner - Partly mindful. Fingers cracked 3 times. DAY 52 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25+20 minute meditation. During the day thought a lot about "letting go". I experienced moments where my life looked a bit like a movie. I felt negative emotions but I was not as attached to them as usually. That is actually the main thing that I noticing lately - the gap between awareness and emotions is increasing slowly. Same is with the gap between awareness and thinking. Slowly. Very slowly. Meditation was difficult today. At one point I thought that I forgot to start my timer and decided to check it - there were 5 minutes left to go. Few hours later before sleep I decided to do another sit, because I felt tension in my body and pressure in my chest area. Lasted 20 minutes. Felt a bit better but still restless somewhere deep inside. Mindful eating - a little bit of mindfulness with every meal but still eating too fast. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 53 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute yoga at work. 25 minute meditation focused on sound. 25 minute breathing meditation + visualization. What is this craziness with meditation you may ask? Today started my meditation courses that I registered to a while ago. There will be 7 lessons, in each of them there will be 2 different kind of meditation techniques introduced. Teacher seemed legitimate. 18 participants. It was the first time I experienced group meditation. After the first session I opened my eyes and almost laughed. I kind of forgot where I was so there was a moment of surprise when I saw all those people sitting in a circle. I tried staying open minded, some of the things seemed a bit woo woo but I was focusing on what is useful for me at my current stage of life and there was plenty of stuff to learn. First of all, meditation has stages. It is recommended to have an "intro" an "outro" to your meditation. I have already downloaded a timer designed especially for that. Intro is all about relaxing which I often had problems with. I got some tips how to relax and also how to make sure your sitting posture is correct. On top of that teacher demonstrated various possible meditation poses. I decided to stick to the one I was practicing until now which he called "turkish sitting" and some other word I do not remember. I want to sit cross-legged with my knees touching the ground but so far I am unable to do that. All in all, it was a good experience. Looking for the next lessons where I will learn about Zen, Neti Neti, Sufi, Mantra and some other words I have no specific meaning attached to. Mindful eating - same as yesterday. A bit of mindfulness and a bit of fast pace food obliteration. Fingers cracked 4 times. DAY 54 20 minute yoga in the morning. 20 minute meditation. The anxiety. The worry. Overall I can say that it was handled better than usually. I was focusing on accepting the feeling and tried not to resist it though I admit efforts were not entirely consistent. Today I went for lunch with my co-workers. Attempted mindful eating and tried to slow my pace down. Despite the intentions I finished my lunch first. Gosh I am fast eater. In the evening as a birthday celebration of my girlfriend we met with friends and later went canoeing. Ate well (avoided sugar), did not drink any alcohol but as we were canoeing I smoked 2 cigarettes. Came back home very late. Meditated at about 1:30 at night, forgot to use my new timer. I was exhausted and my back hurt. Ended meditation session after 20 minutes because of the lack of energy and concentration. Fingers cracked 2 times. DAY 55 20 minute yoga in the morning. 25 minute breathing meditation. I think I hit a plateau when it comes to smoking. I have no problem during workdays but during weekends I sometimes really want to smoke. There comes a question: do I resist smoking or do I avoid resistance and smoke? My emotional state welcomed smoking. I feel a bit tired and lost. Smoked 6 cigarettes today. This week was supposed to be extra focused on my detachment from smoking habit though I totally forgot that when I was smoking. One thing I should mention I do not buy cigarettes. My girlfriend smokes and that does not make my life easier. I had a period where I quit smoking for 6 months and did not struggle much. Now when I have someone close to me who smokes additional problems arise. Shiet. I used new timer for meditation today. It goes like this: 4 minutes for relaxation, 20 minutes focusing on breathing and 1 minute to feel the body and end the session. Really liked this format although struggled with sitting posture. At one point I had to stretch my legs. I will buy a pillow filled with buckwheat as soon as they restock (currently sold out). In meditation "class" they had pillows like this and sitting was very comfortable. Fingers cracked 0 times. DAY 56 20 minute morning yoga. 25 minute sound meditation. 25+25 minute breathing meditation. Attempted sound meditation. I am so used to focusing on breathing that I need some time to adjust. My mind wandered more than it usually does during breathing meditation. Few hours later I sat and focused on my breath. I have finally managed to relax. Finally! What a relief. It was not a complete relaxation though, there was something that still kept some tension going but mostly I was relaxed. Did not last very long though. Sunday was productive - spent 5 hours concentrated on the project. Smoked 2 cigarettes. Sat for another 25 minute breathing meditation to close the week. Fingers cracked 1 time. REVIEW OF WEEK 8 Goal review Quitting smoking - Failure. 3 days of smoking, 8 cigarettes. This is not much, I used to smoke twice the amount in one day but it does not matter. I might actually stop being so strict about smoking because I still do want to smoke sometimes. I know it is possible to brute-force it but it is not likely to be a long-term solution. Quitting any kind of contact with video games - Check. Limited social media time - Check. (facebook intensified advertising and that sometimes naturally makes me want to stop using it completely) Eating healthy - Check. Exercising daily - Check. (starting to feel more and more comfortable with yoga routine) Meditating for at least 25 mins everyday - Check. Setting at least one hour per week for review - Check. Healthy sitting posture - Check. (although I caught myself sitting like a potatoe couple of times) No excessive use of alcohol - Check. (no alcohol at all) No sugar in coffee - Check. Finger cracking - Check. (not perfect but alright, keeping the counter on until I get less than 3 cracks per week) No more porn - Check. Affirmation habit - Check. (not consistent) Mindful eating - Check. (I will give it a "green" because it is the first week but I this needs more mindfulness) Thoughts This week I often felt restless. Not always sure why but there is tension - a lot of it and often. I am more aware that my thinking is mostly negative and I got some insights about why it is the way it is. I grew up in the environment where I was always punished for things done wrong (very often I was not aware that something might be wrong) and I very very rarely got any positive feedback. I was focused on learning the "rules" so that pain can be avoided. The problem was that the "rules" were contradicting with itself. I always looked for logical explanation and focused only on the rational part of the problem. I was emotionally clueless and in my early years it has never came to my attention how significant emotions are. Under different emotional circumstances different "rules" applied. If parents were happy I could relax, if they are tired or conflicting with each other (which I saw a lot of in my childhood) no matter what I did some "rules" might be broken accidentally. Because I was not able to follow the rules and even if I tried I was not able to understand why rules are inconsistent I was ALWAYS focused on what could go wrong. Sometimes something I have done seemed to be completely fine by my standards but I knew that my standards did not matter much. I might be punished one way or another so I had to find the SAFEST way to do things. This is probably the main reason behind my neurosis. I always look for something wrong. Since I have always blamed myself more than the environment and accepted the bigger part of responsibility on my shoulders I became extremely self-critical and judgemental. My model of reality is incredibly distorted. I remembered few situations where people reacted to something I said as if I was very worried. I was surprised by that because I thought I was fine, I was not able to detect the emotion. If I worried less for me it used to seem like I am fine, like I am relaxed. Now that I am working on myself consistently and my soft addictions play smaller and smaller role in my life I am more AWARE of what I am FEELING. Now I just fucking feel like I can not relax ever. Right this moment as I am typing I am feeling some pressure on my chest and my shoulders are slightly tense. I relax my shoulders but minute later the tensions is likely to come back. As Leo said in this week's video "first three years of self-development might feel like you are regressing". Well, it does sometimes. I have sweet moments from time to time but the fact that I am putting more effort than ever and I mostly feel like shit is not an easy one to accept. I kind of want to say something like "god give me strength" lol. I am not religious and have never been religious but I sure could use some bliss or revelations. Goal adjustment — Focus on observing physiology and relieve tensions once they are detected. I have plenty to work on for now. Than you for reading, TakeCare Next update is planned on 2016.08.21

Saturday, 16/07/20 Enlightenment Work: 52 minutes of do nothing in the morning, 60 minutes of the guided (edited) neti neti meditation. As I was really trying to find the nothingness in the neti neti meditation and I failed. And later in that sitting after finishing the guided part, I realized that I want to reach Enlightenment too much, and this wanting/attachment prevents me from getting it or experiencing the nothingness. I need to let go of that and of everything else (like success and good grades in school), but that is hard. How should I do this? Life Purpose Work: I prioritized my values again and tried to figure out my new Zone of Genius, but this is hard. I don't know if the answers I am writing down at the work sheet are right... I wanted to code a little bit, but the Internet was gone. And coding without being able to search for solutions on the Internet is not so sensible. School Work: I summed up stuff for chemistry and wrote it down nicely. And I revised stochastic stuff for math and did a few exercises. I love math, but I hate probability stuff. Things I am grateful for: calling my best friend seeing how depended I am on having Internet access seeing that I am too attached Since yesterday evening our Internet and telephone connection was gone. So until this afternoon I only had Internet access on my phone and that was really slow. I had to do things where I don't need the Internet like school work or thinking about my life purpose. I also stopped procrastinating and started to edit the neti neti meditation. I wanted to do this for a long time, and finally I did it. I edited out of the audio file the stuff where Leo explains things about open-mindedness... which just annoyed me. And I added a few breaks with just silence where Leo is to fast for me.

Guys please do not laugh at me I have phobia from dark places when I be alone lately I watched both of (neti neti method and the next level of meditation) and both of these methods required to be my eyes closed. So when I practice these methods I start to be afraid because my eyes close and everything dark and no one near me So my question is there any solution for my phobia or can I practice these methods with my eyes open

Today I did 55 minutes of strong determination sitting. The first 30 minutes I had a lot of thoughts. After that I began the self inquiry / neti-neti. I asked myself: "who am I?", "I am not my body, not the sounds I hear, not my breath, not my feelings, not my thoughts." "What am I when all this falls away?". Then at one moment I saw myself in an elevator shaft, hanging on to the ramp with one hand, clinging to it. A voice said: "let go. Just let go". I let go and what I felt was like an orgasm. It was a release. I fell down the shaft. Everything went black as I was falling down in this black hole. I felt a tinkling sensations in my whole body like an orgasm (not in the genitals btw). Mostly in my head and spine. But as I got emotional about this breakthrough sensation, I started thinking about it and then the effect stopped. Anyone had similar experiences?

I know that's why I said I will start a self inquiry habit! If I do Neti Neti and combine it with strong determination sitting I will definitely get enlightened within 3 years at most. Once I'm enlightened I'm no longer orange!

@How to be wise Neti-Neti is a good one too. Did you experience it directly? It can really open up the space that is what you are beyond all the silly ego stuff. Don't spend your life fighting it. See it for what is. The gross level of awareness. The surface of what is really there.

i watched the Neti Neti episode because it's more new. Enlightenment is quite cool but if you spend your entire life fighting the ego, then...er... you won't be satisfied when your in your deathbed and looking over what you did with your entire life.

So yesterday I went to swimming with my friend and it was like 1:30pm so it was hot and the sun was so bright in the sky that we just jump straight into the pool we did some laps and other stuff then suddenly my friend decided to stop but I continued through,I hated doing laps so I changed into just diving but I had no googles hence my eyes were closed I would dive for like 15 meters without breathing for like 1.5min and as I was under water I saw the skin covering my eyes looking transparent which is normal but then I asked for reasoning so I brought up some physics reasons and so on but also noticed that when I was underwater my face was facing the sun but eyes closed I acted like I was the sun but when I was submerged hence eyes open. I hated the sun and lost the feeling of being the sun so I had an insight on how to become more authentic. The insight was that bassically I should see my self as an idol and not see others as idols this might be controversial to Enlightened folks (idea of no self)but I never did self enquiry or any or neti neti I just do daily meditation and once a week I do strong determination sitting if any one who's Enlightened/not Enlightened can tell me his opinion over this insight.

I think also open-mindedness is being able to think beyond current belief system. Being open to new suggestions. People raised in a different environment with different experiences also store different signals in the subconscious mind, which will produce emotions of what's perceived from the external world. I tried Leos video about that neti neti method. I think open minded is unavoidable if you want to experience the enlightenment,

Every time I feel pain in strong determination sitting I just remember the marathon monks who sit motionless without food, drink or sleep for 7 and a half days, really really helps. In the future I'd like to try it. also, recently I got the brilliant idea of listening to the Neti Neti episode from Leo every time I do strong determination sitting, it passes the time and also I could do self inquiry and meditation in the same time.

When you are practising neti-neti you are becoming aware of an experience and then noting that the experience is not you (because you are experiencing it, you logically deduct that you cannot be it) and then you become aware of the next experience and you repeat. When you are practising the letting-go technique, you are becoming aware of an experience and then you are just letting it go and becoming aware of the next experience and you repeat. They're both getting you to do the same thing, it's just described differently. If you keep doing this sooner or later it will dawn on you what you are. But you can't control that and nobody can tell you what "that" is. Paradoxically, you will merge with experiences, so you stop seeing experience as different from you. Again, it isn't something you can actually do, it just happens when it happens, so keep recognising experiences, feeling them and moving on. You don't actually have to "move on" to the next experience, it will just arrive by itself. Strong determination sitting just makes this process more intense i.e. you practice with more intense experiences like pain, so you drop your bullshit quicker. You don't need to do strong determination sitting though, you can do this lying down in your bed with stuffed toys and it will still work.

@Epsilon_The_Imperial oh okay thanks for clearing it up!! So would u say the main ways to find the true self is neti neti + strong determination sitting??

@xXguitarsenXx Let go of the illusion of self. Allow "you" to fall away. Absolute surrender of everything. If your not experiencing a breakthrough at this point, you may not be totally letting go of yourself and still holding on. Give yourself some time. Than when your ready, give yourself a gift by totally surrendering all self. *Just as a note: if it starts to feel a little freaky at some point, that's it. Don't shy away from that. That's the doorway to a completely different experience. Different from anything you have ever experienced from the perspective of "you". Leo's video "Neti-Neti Guided meditation" would work nicely here. Don't just hear the words and conceptualize what he is saying, actually experience it. He is creating a crack in the wall of illusion for you to look through. It lies beyond all the words and conceptualizing.

After a second failed attempt at performing the Neti Neti inquiry method, I've discovered something extraordinarily critical, if not totally imperative, to successfully performing this work. I have discovered that any beliefs, prior knowledge and/or convictions about reality that you hold (whether they be dictated to you in a science lecture by an esteemed professor, or by your parents, or by religious teachers, or by books, or by enlightenment gurus/lectures given by spiritual teachers, or even by Leo himself) must be completely extinguished and recognized as potential malarkey the second the work commences. You have to disregard everything, or completely unlearn everything. You have to admit to yourself that you don't know anything about anything authentically. If this admission is performed authentically, your awareness opens up and curiosity will naturally lead the way and the work itself (in the inquiry process after a question is asked, your mind should not be pointing to a belief or an idea that you may already hold. If you see an affirmation to a belief/an idea you have, arising to a question you have heard in your awareness (in presence), you have failed). The millisecond you recognize these affirmations, you have failed, as all affirmations are genuine to you whether you choose to see them that way or not. You must be genuinely curious and admittedly, dumb about everything. You must be extremely honest with yourself in this work. Also, I've realized that the more you do the work, the harder it becomes, because you have an expectation already set up for yourself in the work, including the future sequence of steps in inquiry (for example, in replaying Leo's Neti Neti video for every new inquiry session, you have a subconscious expectation of what's going to be said and done, which diverts your awareness to your thoughts about the experience and not to the experience itself). If you already have the logical answers known, either consciously or subconsciously, it is extremely difficult to not refer to them in your awareness when the questions are asked instead of searching for them. However, you must search for them. Knowing this, I somewhat regreat soaking up all of that knowledge that now seems to be regressing my awareness work. This is all I have to say. Now forget about everything I said, and just do the work. No, but seriously. This is all bullshit -- everything that's been said. And everything that Leo said is bullshit, and everything else that anyone else has ever said for that matter.

yeah, i just read an article about self-inquiry (ramana marashi method) and how it is similar to neti-neti , this helped me a bit , i´m motivated to try self-inquiry with a new aproach, (lol no wonder i had no succes i assumed self-inquiry to be smth totaly different, more like a rational internal dialog, which always lead to an impasse for me XD) Thx! ..here is the arcticle if you are interessted (quick read, but helpful) http://www.hridaya-yoga.com/meditation-retreats/what-is-hridaya-meditation/the-self-inquiry-method-of-ramana-maharshi/

@Falk Personally, I haven't done much self inquiry work so I can't be to helpful with that. Have you seen Leo's Neti-Neti video yet? I would think that would bring similar progress as self-inquiry would. I just watched it for the first time and thought it was excellent.

Monday, 16/08/02 - 4h Meditation Retreat Day 2 Meditation: I twice tried to apply the Neti Neti Method myself. It kind of worked but kind of it didn't. The monkey mind often interrupts me and I forget about what I wanted to do. Then I have to start all over again and never truly reach the state where I can glance at Nothingness itself. I watched the Radical Open-mindedness video and did the meditation there too. The rest of the day I was much more open-minded, although I would consider myself a pretty open-minded person normally. I was much more open to the content I consumed. Life Purpose Work: I read a few chapters in my book "A little history of philosophy". Some chapters I like, some I am absolutely not interested in, e.g. when the author talks about much to logical concepts. When I was taking a walk in the rain I came up with the idea that my domain of mastery could be consciousness. I was really sceptical about consciousness being a domain of mastery. But now that makes sense to me because it is related to Enlightenment as well as discovering new wisdom. Things I am grateful for: coconut oil all the high quality food I am allowed to eat my best friend Ways I could have made today better: reading "The War of Art" spending less time on the internet

<08-02-16> I Found My True Self I'll just outright say it, I found my true existential self during my meditation session today! I couldn't believe after all this time trying to "search" for the existential self, I actually grasped what it is. Pretty much what I learned from watching Leo's videos basically got confirmed. The existential self is NOT and experience at all. It is NOT a thing! It is completely empty and I was also able to see that it was inherently self-aware! How did I "find" it? Well, I simply had to grasp was that whatever I am, it had to be something that was constant. And so during the session, my mind basically wandered into doing a sort of spontaneous "Neti Neti method" where I noticed just how different kinds of experience came and went, and because of the constant flux, I couldn't possibly be any of my direct experience. It didn't take me long to realize and find that what was constant was pure awareness that experience was happening. And there I finally grasped that what I am is not only the "thing" that is aware of experience, but that it was also the fact that experience is even happening, if that makes any sense at all. Maybe you might be reading this and getting skeptical with my claims, maybe you might think that I have not actually found my true self and am just talking shit but I can assure you, what I discovered was very profound and very true. The real problem is is that I can't communicate my direct experience. I mean, how am I supposed to describe empty self-aware nothing to you if you haven't "experienced" it for yourself. I'm using a lot of quotation marks in my writing because the words can't really accurately describe what I actually found. Also, I realize that today was only a step forwards in my consciousness journey. Today I only "found" my true self. I only managed to genuinely grasp what the self exists as but I have not gotten close to being it yet as a human individual. I still recognize that merging with the true self will require significantly more work and years in order to truly live without ego or lower self. That's all for today, see you again tomorrow.

Monday, 16/08/01 - 4h Meditation Retreat Day 1 Yesterday I spontaneously decided that I will make this week a 4h Meditation Retreat. This means that I will meditate from Monday to Friday each day at least 4 hours. Meditation: I meditated in the morning 1h and right before lunch another hour. This way really relaxing like yesterday. I once got into a state where I looked at the light switch and just saw the visual sensation of it, nothing else. Then I meditated right after lunch for almost two hours. First I did 35 minutes, switched positions and started the guided Neti Neti meditation by Leo. This took about 50 minutes and at the end I got a little little sense of my true nature, of nothingness. I wanted to stop the mp3 on my handy, so I had to move and open my eyes. I lost the sense of nothingness and meditated for another 20 minutes. Life Purpose Work: I started writing a little bit about happiness. I felt a lot of resistance and stopped after one hour. I am asking myself whether this is really my life purpose, writing blog post like stuff about some philosophical/spiritual topic. It probably is something like this. The problem though at the moment is that I do not have a lot of wisdom. I need to investigate a lot of time in research and personal spiritual growth before I am able to share something. Who would want to read something by a 17 year old inexperienced one? Maybe I should first do a lot of research, study and spiritual development first. This means a lot of meditation, reading books, hearing spiritual teachings on YouTube and going out of my comfort zone like hard intense exercise. I consider becoming a none after finishing school. Personal Development Work: Nothing really. I could have read a little bit, but I rather wanted to think about my meditation experiences and life. Things I am grateful for: the time to meditate a lot nothingness music Ways I could have made today better: longer meditations to feel and surrender with the pain in my legs

I'm 16 years old I started with Actualized.org recently just because of an arbitrary experience and I would like to share it with you.One day I was on youtube searching for a video about politics....and in that video there were words that were used,the words were so irrelevant to self actualization it was "Brain wash"I really had a thought in my head so profound!it goes like this.......... I'm a chimp and I get brain washed everyday by society the insight was similiar to the video Leo made about "30 ways society fucks you in the ass" But mysteriously the night after that insightfull experience I got depressed,neurotic and I was acting the victim so eventually I looked for soloutions for those problems and so I discovered Leo and Leo's videos are so exciting though there long but still he gives accurate simplified information that suits the myopic,unwise(unactualized)mind which I believe is a gift he has,so now I'm after meditation for the rest of my life,I'm through 1 month now and through 5 months of that I would like to start touching on Enlightenment through self enquiry and the neti neti method so now I want to read more on Enlightenment and other quartered techniques. I was never so sure of what I want till I started watching Leo(Actualized.org).....so thanks so much Leo!!!!!!!!!! For providing me with ideas from your far sighted mind to understand the self actualization needs hence build my own.