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Stop suppressing so much. Change the flow of the energy instead of suppressing it. This post is at least a start. But also consider going to your friends and complaining a little. That is, talk to physical people out in meat-space about the struggles you go through. Get them to help you on your journey. Perhaps instead of automatically labeling the feeling as "jealousy" and getting mad at yourself, try using it as a signal for what you possibly would like out of your life. For example, if you see that a certain guy is amazing around women, then maybe that's a signal that you want to focus a little more on your personal relationships. Then, go up to him and ask what he did. That same feeling of jealousy can actually turn around into a form of pure positivity and joy for the success of others as well as motivation for yourself if you examine it properly. You stab yourself with your assumptions. No one else stabs you. Moreover, you don't even stab your true self, for the true self is untouchable. What you stab and what does the stabbing is your ego/limited perspective/pain-body that clings to suffering as a way of life. Examine how much pain the ego throws at you. Observe how much the ego bleeds when it cuts itself. Ask yourself if you truly wish to suffer the way you do. Make your ego as aware of its faulty practices as possible. Allow for the thinking to pass. Stop identifying with it. You perceive the thoughts, but you are not the thoughts. Meditate and pay more attention to what's going on. You do not know that it is you doing the analyzing. Perhaps, thinking is the universe attempting to analyze itself in a way that you can't actually stop. Perhaps, you are solely a witness to the process of trying to understand the world. Perhaps, the thinking is the universe attempting to use the wrong tool to solve the problem. Perhaps all you have to do is recognize that no amount of thinking or doing will solve the problem, for thinking and doing are limited to experiential mindspace, when indeed the answer lies in non-experiential witnessing. Perhaps, your job is to be the answer by simply existing. Notice that the lack of excitement comes from a lack of perspective. There are a ton of potentially exciting things in life. In fact, nothing in life is not exciting. Your ego places a judgement on what's exciting or not exciting and then your ego takes this judgment as fact, when it is indeed the exact opposite of fact: total make believe. Stop assuming everyone else that is "prettier" or "doing cool shit" is overall suffering less. That's just a projection on your part. Even supermodels suffer and they get to look pretty and do cool shit all the time. You're not a special fucking snowflake. You don't have it worse than anyone else. People aren't necessarily as "happy" as you think. The big reason you feel this envious upset is because you have yet to take your head out of your ass and become more empathic and pay more attention to other's lives. If you actually paid attention, you'd realize that 99.9% of those people you're so jealous of are suffering just like you. But perhaps the main question is why can't you just be happy, regardless of other's? The main reason is that you place conditions upon your happiness. You secretly like being unhappy. Yes I said it: You like being unhappy. You think that by forcing yourself to be unhappy, you will motivate yourself to reach the conditions of your choosing for your own survival. See to be truly unconditionally happy means that you are okay with absolutely anything and everything that happens to you. That means being happy with your mother getting raped and killed in front of you. That means being happy with getting rejected by women and jobs. That means being happy with getting tortured and killed by the exact same people you're trying to help. But noooooo that's taking things to far! You think you wouldn't accomplish anything, let alone survive, if you actually functioned that way! That reaction - that inability to be unconditionally happy out of fear that it will lead to your death - that is the fucking reason you are not happy all the time. The moment you started creating a story for you to remember is the moment you started forming an ego. And as soon as you formed your ego, you stopped being able to just live life. Before that, you were a nonjudgmental witness of pure experience who did not attempt to form a story. You still are the nonjudgmental, non-existence witness, but you've identified with a make-believe story. Don't kill your current body just yet. 1 - I know this sound's weird, but you can't actually die. It's only from an egoic perspective that death is a solution, for only the egoic perspective sees death as death. The ego dies, not You. In other words, you won't simply become "free of problems" if you kill yourself physically. If anything, you create more suffering for your true self because you are the identical to everyone around you who loves you. This is nuanced, so reread what I am saying and think about it. 2 - look into this apathy, frustrating, hurt, and lack of motivation. If you take the right steps, this will be a launching point in your life. The world stinks because you're head is stuck far up your own ass and you keep taking whiffs of your own shit. The world will stop stinking when you get your head out of your ass and begin to smell the flowers all around you. Ego = limited perspective - a part of The Universe/Buddha Mind/The one fabric of consciousness that thinks it is separate from the rest of The Universe/Buddha Mind/The one fabric of consciousness. Increase the breadth and depth of your perspective to include new wisdom and other's perspectives as much as possible. The more breadth and depth of your perspective, the better off you will be. Don't fake this. Actually look into what it is that you're missing in your understanding of the Truth every fucking moment of the day. For now, use as a mantra that "you don't know." So next time you feel jealous about others looks/dating/coolness/ease say "I don't actually know what its like to be them. I also don't know if I actually want that stuff. Perhaps I should look into it." and next time you want to kill yourself say "I don't know that killing myself is actually a good idea. Perhaps I should look into whether people who commit suicide regret their decision (PROTIP: they instantly regret it.) and next time you think that the pain you feel is 'bad' say "I don't know that this pain and lack of motivation is bad. Perhaps there's more to the story." Basically everything you think you know is an example of yet another thing you don't know. If you embody this principle, you will find the "rollercoaster" effect go away while also becoming more exciting with greater twists and turns. Here the roller coaster analogy seemingly breaks down because you may assume that the roller coaster's problem is the ups and downs when instead you want more ups and downs but you need to change your interpretation of the ups and downs. This is very counterintuitive for the ego. But don't take my word for it -- perhaps I do not know anything -- so investigate all of what I have said thoroughly by seeking direct insight on your own.

Well, I know these topics very well. My teacher talks about how awakening doesn't mean you are trauma-free and talks about trauma-work all the time. And I also said it myself that you can be awake and be a psychopath and serial rapist at the same time. I was talking about "enlightenment" which for me means more an embodiment of truth and love. I still think you can have patterns going but if there is an interest to live as an expression of love (ok, you could argue that everything is an expression of love) imo it is impossible to rape someone. I don't know about suicide. Might even be the case that even masters kill themselves as happened with Radha Ma for example. I don't know the exact details, might have been "vasanas" that led to this, might not have been.

@street19 I hear you. Life can be unreasonably shit sometimes.. When you’re dealing with intense pain everyday, it feels like you’re living in hell. And while the world around you is going on as normal and people don’t understand why you can’t play the game - even blaming you for not being responsible/in control of your emotions, it just compounds the problem.. The truth is that you’re not able to because you’re debilitated by this pain. Please understand that this is a mental illness - It’s not you - you are a great person and you still have the goodness of life at your core, it's just that you got sick and now need time to recover. Take time. Tend to yourself in whatever way that may be. Even if it’s not “positive” or “productive” by other’s standards, even if it’s just lying around and waiting for things to settle. You don’t have to meditate if you don’t want to and you don’t have to rebuild your life right now. All you have to do is take your time and do whatever is right for you. Whatever will help to make you feel stable and strong and hopeful again. Think back: What made you happy as a kid? Where have you found refuge/solace before? What makes you come alive? Find the things that make you feel happy to be alive in this world and focus on them. Do the things that you know you like and if they don’t work, do something out of the ordinary - explore. Listen to your favorite music in a dark room. This really helps to process emotions at an subconscious level. When I really connect with the music, I find it incredibly healing. Pay attention to every little sound and let it take you on a journey. I also find this helps with mindfulness. Exercise/movement is great at circulating pain so that it doesn’t get stuck in your heart or mind (but I know this is the last thing you feel like doing when you feel this way). - In general, shaking the body shakes up the mind and emotions. It gives you strength, resilience and momentum; gets everything flowing, gets your heart and brain pumping and working again in proper order. Keep reaching out online and especially in person to anyone who has helped you in the past. Relationships make us happy. Especially intimate, loving ones and ones where we feel understood and close to the other. In my experience, there is nothing more powerful than connecting with another person. Find a teacher/guru that you admire and learn from them. Use them as a role-model, imitate their actions, get into their mindset and emulate them. Try to study depression/suicide as an objective phenomenon. It’s an affliction that many people struggle through silently, or in their own ways and understanding it as such can help you change your perspective on it and even transcend it. Help others who feel this way. You probably understand something about depression/suicide that is unique and that someone else in the world needs to hear from your perspective. You have a piece of the puzzle and you have probably figured out ways of coping with it that would help others and that only you can share. Depression is so subtle and insidious because the whole time you really believe that the pessimistic, defeatist thoughts/feelings are the Truth. But they’re really just illusions - part of this crippling pathology that slowly sucks the life out of you. It traps you in fear, hopelessness and low-self esteem and it’s because it’s in the mind that it’s so tricky and easy to fall into. It’s because you believe it’s your self when actually it’s just malevolent ideas and memories accumulated over time and identified with. When you have no means of detaching from them and identifying yourself in being and awareness again, you don't have the stability to navigate yourself back to love and happiness and unconditional positive regard again. The depressing thoughts become your only reference point and that’s when they take over and why you start to believe they're true. This turns into angst and hatred and disregard for yourself and the world and can spiral out of control into suicide. These thoughts happen specifically when stress and pain become too heavy for the body; and so you want to throw the body away - but this is too drastic and permanent a solution to a problem that is temporary and can be cured with some changes in lifestyle. Whoever the “me” that you think you are now will grow and change and not be the same “me” in time. The answer is in finding ways to increase pleasantness, to relax deeply (however this may be), to foster well-being and increase contentment by doing good things for your future self. When you’re in a slump, practice acceptance and understand that it'll pass and when you’re motivated, build on your strengths/passions/talents. I know it might be hard to see from here but as @TJ Reeves said, when you overcome this hurdle, you'll look back on it as one of your greatest sources of strength.

Suicide. Why end suffering? It is the greatest thing ever, it literally enables life (look at a newborn child and see the suffering in its eyes as it screams - welcome to life). This game of humanness is all about polarity. without suffering, there would be no pleasure or joy either. Spirituality reduces suffering, but this comes with a cost: You gotta give up your human pleasures and needs aswell. All the "Wanting" the Buddha was talking about. For ultimate enlightenment, give up breathing aswell (half-serious). But there is a middle way: Radical detachment. Do stuff, get stuff, and pay the price for it (suffering). It just wont be "your" suffering anymore, but you sure as hell gonna notice it. Also, simple human pleasures might suck now, because they are only fun with full attachment. Please take this with a grain of salt. Ultimately, everything is wrong, I am just trying to express myself. Cheers

Hey guys, what's up! Sorry for being here again asking for help, I really don't know where to go anymore My life is getting down and down and down, and I can't seem to find a way out of this...I have oficially 0 friends, my mom is too passive and don't "PUSH" to wake up in any way, I feel terrible about myself and what I've become that I can't even wake up without feeling anxious...my routine is been waking up feeling depressed and anxious and can mostly do nothing. My ex-girlfriend triggers me emotionally every time I see her, and I can't get over it either, it destroys me everytime I see her. These days she's been in my mind the whole time and I really don't know what to do. I don't have nothing to hold on to, and I'm not taking porn as a scape anymore, so I keep wondering and I'm lost. I've considered suicide as a matter of fact, since I'm mostly useless to everyone around, but I'm trying some help again If someone can help me a bit, I would be so so glad. Thanks buddies

You say you seriously consider suicide. Simply by the fact you're posting this here tells me you're actually screaming for help NOT to do any self-harm. So you're on the right track. If you manage to get out of this hole you will come out as a stronger person. You need to identify the true core of your problem(s) and find a solution. Nobody said life's always fun and easy but it's a learning process and learning sometimes brings us to the brink of collapse, wanting to give up. I guess we've all been down that road at some point in our lives but the show must - and will - go on.

It gets tiring sometimes. I understand. But it gets better. No matter what you think in the low, it does get better. Don't be a selfish asshat. That "easy" fix totally fucks over everyone you know. You might think that your existence is a drag to them, but you don't consider how much worse it makes things for everyone around you. Even people who you may not think care, actually do care and will be negatively affected by your taking the "easy" way out. Your perspective is unbelievably limited right now Your ego is clouding what you think of as reality and your number of options. I know because I was once like this and I eventually gained enough perspective to see myself out of it. I wish my previous version would understand that. Listen, you absolutely positively always have other choices. You are always able to respond to whatever comes to you in life. That's what it means to take responsibility. Even if someone mugged you and held a gun to your head and said "you have no choice other than to sit there while I shoot you" you still have a responsibility and a choice for what to do next. Take fucking 100% responsibility for your life and improve it. No one is holding you down other than an imagined version of yourself. Williams James had a life story far more pathetic than yours -- whatever yours is -- and as a result, he got himself severely depressed. When he was about to kill himself, he decided to take 100% responsibility for everything in his life for the next year, and if that didn't work, then he would kill himself. What happened with his experiment? He became the best psychologist of the past 200 years. Don't we all. You imagine there is peace waiting for you there in death, but you act like there is no possibility for peace here now. The peace? It's there for you right now, but it's not what you think of it. Look, man. Look! If you're so desperate for killing yourself why don't you become desperate for something like finding help? Put the depressive energy to good use. It doesn't necessarily take 10 years to feel better. Nor one year. Nor, technically, even 3 months. I've been in a position similar to yours plenty of times and plenty of times it's only taken one or two key moments to feel better. (Note: and if you're reading that and thinking "oh well if you snapped out, it must have not been that bad for you so you don't understand" - then fuck you - it's pretty bad when you have an entire bottle full of oxycontin held to your mouth and notes to loved ones written out. According to some multiverse theories, there's probably another universe where I'm dead. And more important, let's not get into a "who's more depressive" pissing contest where everyone loses.) A permanent solution like suicide is well, permanent and you don't even know whether it will work to solve your problems. 99% of suicide jumpers who have survived high falls say they regretted it. As one writes: “I instantly realized that everything in my life that I’d thought was unfixable was totally fixable—except for having just jumped.” Also, I want you to know that in the future, this worst moment of life will be your best moment. I'm not kidding - if you make it through this it will be one of the life-defining moments for you. When you are an old man, you will look back and smile at this time. I'm not going to bullshit you and say it will all be rainbows and field of flowers - you will have to go through more stuff - but still this is an amazing chance for you to pull yourself to the next level. Overall: You have three options here -- you can kill yourself physically, you can sit there miserably doing nothing, or you can kill your "self" by taking responsibility and getting psychological help. The last option is the best one by far. How about you decide to do absolutely positively everything in your power to reach enlightenment and then, if you are enlightened and you still hate life, then you can kill yourself with whatever means you'd like? That way you know for sure that you gave it your all and you can die with a smile and no regret.

You deserve a peaceful and happy life, what's wrong? Why do you want to kill yourself? http://www.spsamerica.org/considering-suicide

Death is not ugly, death is beautiful. But death is beautiful only for those who have lived their life unhindered, uninhibited, unsuppressed. Death is beautiful only for those who have lived their life beautifully, who have not been afraid to live, who have been courageous to live – who loved, who danced, who celebrated. Death becomes the ultimate celebration if your life is a celebration. Let me tell you in this way: whatsoever your life is, death reveals only that. If you have been miserable in life, death reveals misery. Death is a great revealer. If you have been happy in your life, death reveals happiness. If a person lives his life without any fear, authentically, spontaneously, death will not create any fear in him, not at all. In fact, death will come as a great rest. Death will come as the ultimate flowering of life. He will be able to enjoy death too; he will be able to celebrate death too. And remember, that is the criterion. If a person can enjoy and celebrate his death, that shows he has lived rightly; there is no other criterion. Your death will prove how you have lived. Death is the culmination of life, the ultimate blossoming of life. In death the whole life is summed up, in death you arrive. excerpts from Osho talks I have been in favor of euthanasia, that people after a certain age, if they feel that they don’t have any reason to live, should not be forced to commit suicide, but they should be provided in nursing homes or hospitals with at least one month of rest, a peaceful atmosphere and a help to meditation, care of their body by the doctors. And one month’s time so their friends can meet them, faraway people can come and see them, and they can learn how to be silent, how to be peaceful, how to die with awareness. That is not suicide. Only one religion, Jainism, has accepted it for almost ten thousand years. They call it santhara. They don’t call it suicide. Santhara simply means a man has become ripe; just as a fruit becomes ripe and falls from a tree, a man has become ripe, has no need to live in the world. He has experienced all that the world provides and now to go on living seems to be unnecessarily troublesome for himself and for others. He should be allowed to leave his body. That is the only spiritual philosophy which gives euthanasia a validity. And I also feel it is valid. It should be man’s birthright – but not that a young man wants to die because his girlfriend has gone with somebody else. That will not be enough for euthanasia. That simply means he has to find another girlfriend. When there is no reason, no complaint, no grudge, no grumbling, if one is not against life, one simply finds that all that has to be lived has been lived – now what are you doing here? Up to now society has been forcing such people to commit suicide, which is ugly. And the responsibility is of the society because the society does not provide proper means for a man to have a beautiful death. I am in favor of beautifying everything – death included. The Transmission of the Lamp ~ Osho

On a related note this is why I plan on ending my life in old age with a psychedelic and nembutal. It will be the most beautiful painless way to go. And it just might release me from the samsara the cycle of death and rebirth. And if not that it would likely release me from negative karma. The meditating religions of the world stress the importance of having a good peaceful death, so much so that some of them even recommend one commit suicide (Sallekhana among others) in order to prevent the body from gaining a ravaging disease and messing up their transition to the afterlife.

@Lai Some people take drugs and end up in psyche wards or even committing suicide. Some people take drugs and it aids in releasing them from depression, anxiety, neurotic behaviors, etc. It's up to you. You're underestimating the power of your mind. Look around, that's you. I don't pretend to be responsible for anyone here. I couldn't choose for them even if I wanted to, and why would I want to? Why is it that you want to?

There are people who suicide, there are people who are in mad houses, and everyone in the end face death. But those who have never experienced meditation don't choose this kind of life style. When Gautama Buddha, a prince ,became a mystic , he was not in a trouble still he was tremendously intelligent that he realized that suffering in mundane life is inevitable. Most of the people who give up hope too quickly , drop out from the path of mystic very soon. Those who have seen futility of all hopes, those who have realized that whatever you do , it will bring misery in the end, those who know that no success can bring contentment, those who give up their hopelessness and hope both, are able to know ultimate mystery of life, they are the blessed ones.

@Steph1988 I was responding to Captain Flint question, "Can you provide a way to experience samadhi?". That was path of a mystic. If you just do meditations and nothing else that is like preparing and preparing and never going to the examination. The test has to be there every day - one hour meditation, twenty-three hours test. And you will grow strong. Responsibilities have to be fulfilled - fulfilled with great joy. Your wife, your children, your parents, your old father, your old mother, they need you. That is where god has put you - into a certain responsibility. If you are disillusioned, if you are hopeless, if you have completely become aware of the futility of all desires, if you see your life as meaningless – whatsoever you have been doing up to now has simply fallen dead nothing remains in the future, you are in absolute despair. If you are in anguish, suffering, not knowing what to do, not knowing where to go, not knowing to whom to look, just on the verge of madness or suicide or death, your whole pattern of life suddenly has become futile. If the moment has come where you feel that all directions have become confused, all roads have disappeared; the future is dark, and every desire has become bitter, and through every desire you have known only disappointment; all movement into hopes and dreams has ceased. Sometimes you feel hopeless, but that hopelessness is not true. You feel hopeless because certain hopes have not been achieved, certain hopes have fallen. But hoping is still there: hoping has not fallen. You will still hope. You are dissatisfied with this hope, that hope, but you are not dissatisfied with hope as such. If with hope as such you are disappointed, the moment has come and then you can enter 'path of a mystic'.

Lorenna pointed to something that answers your question. That is, the bad stuff, such as embarrassment (or any other fear based experiences) get remembered more easily for most. The reason is that the ego-self only wants validation for, and not losing, self-esteem. The mind remembers what to avoid. Yet it can be very irrational because it governs what to avoid by feelings and not necessarily by logic. That is why some people commit suicide over emotional pain, which will pass in time. The ego wants to stop the emotional pain at all costs, even willing to die (though the ego does not even exist except in the mind. So what the ego censors to remember or kept hidden can be a tricky thing to understand. In regards to drinking, or getting drunk, there is a matter of short term memory loss. Alcohol effects the brain's capacity to store memory. So if a person drinks too much they can experience what some call 'blackouts'. These are extremely short memory loss, where anything new does not get recorded in memory. But that same person can run on memory stored from the past. Example: a drunk person, driving a car, finds themselves at a place but cannot remember how they got there. They used past memory of how to drive a car, but the actual journey from one moment to the next has not been recorded. Note: there are many people in goal due to drunken blackouts (like hit-and-run incidences). Other seemingly lost memory is not really lost as such. It may be still there in memory but takes a longer time to re-assemble. Memories are quasi. They are like a scar. Some are deep and easily recalled, others are fine and hard to find. Though if one keeps finding a memory the scar gets deeper and easier to recall. Also memory recall works by association. Each associated bit is like a piece to a jigsaw. As we try to remember something, the mind assembles associated pieces to form a memory / story but not necessarily exactly how it was first experienced. That is why witnesses to a crime recall the same story in a different way. Memory is quasi and what it recalls is not necessarily so. Hope this has helped you to understand what you are looking for.

Ekhart Tolle sought till the brink of suicide. So that should give you a good idea of how much effort this process demands. I'm not here to be ideological. What I say, I say for pragmatic purposes, to guide people, anticipating common traps. The most dangerous idea they can get is that they will reach enlightenment by continuing their lazy, unconscious way of life, hoping to mirror Ekhart Tolle's 1 in a billion instant enlightenment. That is a totally invalid strategy. Not based on my ideology, but based on simple common sense pragmatics. Seeking tends to auto-correct. Non-seeking rarely does. As evidenced by 7 billion non-seeking, unenlightened people. This is not about Leo. This is simply about laying out the raw facts of the spiritual path and what it takes to get shit done. The overwhelming problem is that people fail to get it done. If 90% of people were getting it done, I wouldn't be writing so forcefully. The reality is that less than 1% will get it done. Don't worry about me, I will get it done. My cause isn't just to get myself enlightened. I have bigger plans. If you feel that's egotisical, well... that's your projection. I know my cause and what the universe wants me to do. I'm not gonna wait for my own enlightenment to help others. You have to understand that everything you know, absolutely everything, including physical space, is a mental construction. You have to appreciate how brutally significant this is. It means that the distinction you make between physical/non-physical, real/unreal is a construction! Which means -- when you realize this -- that you will physically die! Enlightenment is equivalent to physical death from the ego's point of view. Not just psychological death, but physical death. Because you will cease to exist as a physical object. Because you will realize that physical objects are illusions. This is why it's so difficult. Everything you think of as solid physical reality will unravel like a cheap sweater, and so will your physical body and brain. The body, the brain, the mind, you, other people, life, sentience, language, physics, chemistry, history, morality, mathematics -- all of these things are totally unreal. This is a very radical thing we're talking about. It's nothing short of annihilating reality. To complete this enlightenment processes fully means the body will remain, but you will be dead inside. Because there will no longer be an inside! The idea of "an inside" will die. It never existed in the first place. You merely assumed it. And as you should know by now, assumption is the mother of all fuck ups. Don't worry too much about it though, your death is the most beautiful thing that could possibly happen. P.S. Did you really think you could become immortal without dying? This enlightenment thing is good, but it's not THAT good. You gotta pay the ultimate price. Your head has to go on the chopping-block. Yes, it boosts self-inquiry enormously, as I have said many times. I use exactly the technique as I say in the video. Don't make it complicated. It's a very simple technique. You just have to discipline yourself to do it. And it's not even that difficult to start.

Name: Matthew Shepherd Age: 22 Gender: Male Location: Hungary, Szeged Occupation: Network -Computer administration, Library IT. Marital Status: long distance relationship Kids: No Hobbies: enlightenment, meditation, personal development, reading, learning, nature, healthy eating, Streaming, Technical support on game clients I faced several suicide attempts in my life. Once I almost killed myself. I became a nihilist because lack of willpower, bad relationships, lack of tolerance of other people. I played the victim and made so much excuses. Stucked in theory of nihilism. My healing proccess from depression took 1.5 years with antidepressants and tons of xanax... It was just pure poison to my mind. I found this forum and the youtube channel a month ago. I learned so much and claryfied my purpose in life. I had so much hatred againts the world and filtered everything with a negative perspective but Leo's videos gave me a rational answer and his practical psychology seems to work. I do meditation and inner and outer sense practice plus concentracion practice everyday. Its only 1 hour but work wonders. I wish I was taught this in school. Sorry for my grammar mistakes. Personal challenges I've overcome: Defeated depression Find the right path Cleaned or at least started to clean up my diet Started university No more hate againts the world and people. Gave up living in a false theory started to be more pragmatic and results maker What I'm working on now: Working on enlightenment (reading books from Leo's list, building up habits) Working on improving my health & diet Working on being more authentic in relating to others Working on my relationship( how to avoid needeness , jelaousy and be honest) Self-mastery Become a non-neurotic person

All negative emotions stems from the lack of understanding of who you really are. Take anger, why would you be anger at anything ? If a situation happens, it happens, ends of the story. If someone acts as an asshole, he's acting as an asshole because he's one, ends of the story. The only reason why you can feel anger is because you reject the present moment as it is, and would want something else, but it can't be, what happens now is what you get, no matter how much you would like something else. Jealousy is a funny one. If it's about material success like money, possessions and status, or even physical appareance, it's all about the fact that you really don't get how and why happiness can only come from the inside out. External success is hollow, it if was a real thing, there wouldn't be so much suicide and drug users among hollywood stars, and there wouldn't be that many scandals about CEO/Politicians being total jerks either. It's really easy to see that it's stupid, you just need to take a day off and doing nothing else than walking in a forest, and meditate/being aware in total silence, see how much happier over any of your typical habits you can experience with absolutely nothing. Not so many people can experience that though, first the idea seems silly, and even if they do it, they'll experience heavy loneliness/anguish and their monkey mind won't even let them enjoy a minute of silence. If it jealousy about your bf/gf, it's very similar to what I talked above, because what you call a relationship is actually a "property game", not a real relationship. There can't be any jealousy in an authentic relationship, because both people aren't needy and let the other be totally free. That doesn't mean you can't agree on some boundaries (sex exclusivity or not, intimacy exclusivity or not), but once they are set, you really don't give a shit about what your partner do when you're not together. Sadness, well sadness is mostly related by the denial of the present moment. Of course if some of your relatives/close friends dies, you will be sad (you can't prevent attachement, except if you're enlightened), but every other "reasons" to be sad are self-created. There is no reason to be sad about anything, the only reason you could be sad about something is if you thought it would make you happy (nothing can except yourself), or that you thought it was a part of your identity (which doesn't even exist).

Don't assume anything about the states of higher consciousness, you can't know about them by reading or viewing videos, unless you experience , you can't know. When you are awakened, your memories are not lost but you don't identify yourself with them , you remain witness to them, you don't judge them. Then memories don't disturb you. If past memories can disturb your serenity then you are not awakened. Don't think that only you have suffered in the past and your miseries are greater. My childhood was very horrible , my elder brother committed suicide but I managed to survive. Now my past can't make me miserable.

@Annetta Teal is very metaphorical, you have to remember that. And her background doesn't really matter. Can you find any existential evidence that her background exists? Or yours? Youre basing your answer based on a fantasy that doesn't even exist? There are flaws with Teal, but she has a lot of amazing content. The 2 people in the video criticizing her, are clearly stuck in a paradigm. Particularly one where death is seen as demonic(why is death demonic?) and one where your imaginary background matters. Leo said 2 years ago that he had just begun his enlightenment journey, and even though he had just begun, he would teach spirituality to people. Reason is because of his lack of experience, he would resonate with people of the same frequency, and people would understand his teachings a lot better than Echkart Tolle. Life contradicts and overlaps in many different ways. Sometimes credentials matter, sometimes they don't. When Teal said that her patient should commit suicide, because she wanted to, that makes a lot of sense to me. I wouldn't advocate it, but there's no universal standards on what your opinions on death are. Favoring condemnation of suicide over advocating it as if its some universal law, is no different to ISIS wanting to kill everyone for their imaginary god. Funny thing is that, the 2 in the video say that people who follow Teal are ideological crusaders(which some are), yet they can't even see that they too are ideological crusaders, holding the belief that death is evil, that credentials matter, that judging other people's teachings is a good thing, that there's only one way to do spirituality(and its their way) that contradictions exist, that she is being literal when she says that she is an enlightened guru, that and a billion other things. Those 2 in the video are as sucked in by Satan as Teal is, yet they are sucked in by society's standards, and not Teal's standards.

Notice what's happening here. You've undertaken a path to eliminate the "I", and yet you're sitting there worried about how not having an "I" will not be good for you. OF COURSE it's not good for you! It's suicide for you. Literally. What if you already were crazy and now that you've finally started to become sane, your craziness was so deep that it is telling you that sanity is craziness, and vice versa? You deny that you already were crazy, yet isn't that exactly what a crazy person would think?

@TJ Reeves Thanks a lot. Only had a flick through but this paragraph definitely stood out. "We have much to learn in terms of what separates the founder of a soup kitchen or a home for lepers from a suicide bomber; however, the uncomfortable truth is that there is a dimension in which they are similar: devotion to a cause or purpose beyond the self"

234th day: Challenge (71 days) I can hold my fingers way further down. It feels good. Head is about 7-12 centimeters above knees, I am better when sitting down. I need to use chairs for side split, not that I would be so good but its simply otherwise difficult to practice it. CZC I did not do anything in particular though I realised how many people greet me back when I run for example, not other teenagers though. I realised that there are some challenges that are simply "kill level" some things that would be best for hard core nightmare. Math I am just practicing some math. In today's test I got 97/100 points. I lost the three because I did not provide sufficient explanation, thats important too. I am wondering what will happen when I return to Czech and we learn what I already learned here or in Khan Academy. I guess I will have to bringing my own work. In this sense there is nowhere to run because school will at some point provide the stuff especially if I want to go to University to study physics. I stopped watching all Khan Academy videos because I can do it a bit faster. I focus more on practising and moving onwards. I also really like to write on paper the symbol for integral, its so elegant! My papers where I do math and physics are quite full but I do not want to use new ones so I will continue to just fill them up, I like to do it if I first write with pencil and then with pen I can basically make two layers, thats cool. Diabolo I improved quite a lot. I can start vertax now and I even started to learn tricks like: infinite suicide or genocide. Its fun just to go out that do that for half an hour. Running I was running out again today. I was a bit slower than yesterday but I found out nice way where I can run on grass (not so bad for knees). Repeating thoughts Today thanks to @JKG and her very brave idea () I realised something about my pattern of thoughts. It started with me getting to know rationality and also as I later realised, with something me and my sister were doing. Every time when it was some "nice" time like: 11:11 or 12:34 she would say "Wish something its eleven eleven". I did that for fun and then after some time I realised that my wishes are limited and that I do not think big enough.. I wished for something small to happen that was in my mind at that moment. Then the only wish that I started to use was "I wish for universal peace". Now this way of thinking is stuck with me and might blind me to other perspectives (as always). For example when I wonder what would be the perfect day I take it to extremes and say that in that day everybody would get enlightened and there would be no wars etc. The thing is though that I wish this only in the "rational way" and not really listening to what I would want even if it would something smaller. Also there is lot of showing off included which makes it less authentic. Dragallur

@Leo Gura Like I said, reality seems hazy. It's causing a lack in motivation for everything (though I continue to maintain my meditation practice). I don't feel love for others or for myself really. I don't feel connected to any other people. I don't really see the reason to keep living (though I don't contemplate suicide). I guess I look at enlightenment as the only way for me to get fulfillment again. But from what I understand enlightenment shouldn't be something you actively strive for.

@Socrates I feel you man and I don't know if they'll ever clarify it for you or even attempt it. @eskwire lol, besides the snark and the strange opinions you seem to have about how I operate, those are interesting questions! Yay, we're talking about real life finally But, a couple clarifications first. "Eradication of evil" is a primitive focus that's reactionary and extreme in my opinion (no offense, but you asked for my view). You don't destroy evil, you build harmony and stability through the evolution of our capacities, which gives people the choice and the capability to choose something better then evil. Rather than focusing on eradicating one thing, we instead focus on building and developing a whole host of foundational elements that branch out and interconnect with each other and depend on each other for the capability needed to consistently choose and maintain better options then "evil" even in the face of intense stress and scarcity. Basically you outgrow "evil", just like a person can outgrow depression and other issues. Second thing, YOUR plan (not everyone's plan) to "get liberated" and "eliminate evil within yourself" has not been clearly explained, especially when it comes to its actual application in the face of intense stress and scarcity. The scope of this life strategy always seems to fail in addressing this side of life and is a big part of why Socrates started this thread in the first place. This view, this strategy will not gain acceptance from skeptics if it can't hold up to a basic stress test. But anyways, my plan revolves around those foundational elements I briefly mentioned above and their actual application in real life. Building the capacities and adaptations for each element, mapping out their inter-connections, harmonizing their points of conflict and incoherence, and expressing or channeling that goldilocks zone of inter-connectivity in a way that protects potentiality and integrity while cascading along the five realms of health, choice, capability, expression, and connection. I've been working my ass off in that respect for over a decade and have achieved some pretty amazing things for myself and others. Things that I share and give to others in not just my radio show, but in workshops, retreats, one-on-one sessions, and more informal interactions. Plus, my writings, articles, books, and videos I'm working on. There are many people who I've helped that have experienced immense healing and change. People suffering from sexual abuse, depression, mental and emotional trauma, relationship issues, identity issues, masculine and feminine balance, fear, loneliness, suicide... you have no idea of how much time and energy my wife and I devote to helping people heal and empower themselves. And not just from a distance, but actually inviting people into our home or stepping into tumultuous situations to help people when things are hard and messy. We do our work in the trenches and the mud of real life and people are grateful for it and tell us how we keep their hope alive about love being real and dreams being achievable because we live and hurt and heal and grow honestly. We touch all sides of life, the brutal and the beautiful and we succeed, no matter the pressure or difficulty. I do all this while still working a full time job and using my abundance from my success in that job to provide a home and aid for people who need my support. I don't just sit here and isolate myself, disparaging people like some armchair quarterback or backseat driver. I risk myself and invest and apply effort. Making things better. So yup, if you have any other questions just ask, the plan is huge and multi-faceted and always evolving. It has to be, because it aims to encompass the harmonization of all aspects of humanity and the world around us. @aryberry You seem to assume that I'm overly attached to the concepts of good and evil, when I'm not. I'm focused on the actions and consequences and pressures that drove life before those words even existed. Being blind or unseeing of the concepts of good and evil don't change those fundamental issues. Can you handle a scarcity of resources and the pressure of that scarcity to such a degree that you can still cooperate and not exploit others around you? Can you handle rejection from another person and not retaliate? Can you handle your desires for energy, procreation, and expansion without harming those around you? Can you give as much as you take? Are people and the world happier, healthier, and more energized around you? Can you protect those beings who are newly arrived to the physical realm and depend on the shelter of others to grow enough to contribute and care for themselves? Can you handle the fact that human beings are still evolving and still carry "flaws" or vulnerabilities that must be balanced, developed, and harmonized? Each of these questions come with conditions and stresses that must be faced and adapted to, that do not happen just by being blind or un-seeing to the concepts of good and evil. They don't automatically come from sitting and meditating all day or experiencing moments where everything is undifferentiated everything. There is a process that includes more than the dropping of concepts. It requires action and involvement and many other things. Not passivity and isolation. @Scholar Not liking or not wanting something is a poor definition of evil in my view. Life is more dynamic then that. Just because I don't like the thought of eating brussel sprouts right now does not make them evil. It sounds like your mistaking the feeling of repulsion for evil Also, feelings are signals and a form of communication, they have a reason for they way they act and express and can be pretty damn coherent if harmonized with. Like their really good with describing distance, contrast, intensity, and when you can read the mixtures within feelings, and the different layers and nuances, things can really get cooking. Pressure, flow, composition, contrast, captivation, distance, direction... I read all that stuff like braille within my body. It's pretty damn peaceful within my body to be honest. But, that's because I have a great connection with my feelings and a high degree of communication and mutual cooperation with them.

@MiracleMan Hi. here is a diagnostic criteria for major depression. If you find that you fit into this criteria (by honest) I would make an appointment to see a doctor. The doctor may recommend a referral to a psychiatrist who will help you to manage it. This is important, because your thread title "Wishing for an end" may also suggest a wish for suicide. Such suggestions point to what might be coming around the corner. I strongly suggest you seek professional help.