T_i_m

You still have to go outside and approach women though, right? You're just not gonna call it pickup? @Joshe I love what you are saying. I've noticed myself recently that overstressed nervous system is capable of making dating hard. Anxiety grows, relaxation becomes impossible, hard to be yourself and grounded. Do you have any advice on how to do that?

Funny. I'm the same age and I'm in a very similar situation. For the last month and a half of the summer my lifestyle changed drastically, it became much more social and eventful after ages of staying at home and not talking to new people. And technically I got everything I wanted to get this year, hit all the goals. Although there was always some catch that made it bittersweet. Maybe I'll get into the details another time. But by the end of that time I got too stressed, with insomnia and night terrors. While trying to fall asleep I felt lonely and desperate. And I though that I suffer because I don't have close people in my life and that someone close is what I need the most. So I was ready to fall in love with anyone who would have good vibes with me and some things in common. Things changed after a night that felt like break-up because in seemed to me that I fumbled a very important and amazing romantic opportunity by somehow missing all the chances to move things forward and missing some obvious sub communications on her part over a few days until her interest moved on to somebody else. Maybe a lot of it was only in my head, but it was painful anyway at the moment, considering the desperation for someone close that I mentioned. It felt like she could finally be that person. I even rewatched Leo's break-up video the next day. Next day I was thinking damn, it'll be hard to meet a girl like that again. Next thing you know - I'm going to a club to party the misery away. I see a girl that I like the most in the whole club. I'm saying to myself that I have to do something, to not be lonely, that's why I'm here. I approach her and she's amazing, we have great connection, a lot of things in common, she's gorgeous, we talk and share many thing, she seems very close to me in spirit. Now I see like yeah turns out there are a lot of great girls out there, it was like the universe was answering to my concern. The girl left though, either my game could be better, oh she got sober and had a change of mind (she had a boyfriend or sth). I'd say it's both. Still it was an enjoyable experience and now I wasn't sad so much about the previous girl, cause I was sad about the new girl. It seemed next day that some women in public places started staring at me. Like did I have some change in my face and body language after finding that confidence to approach that directly and all the more confidence after it was a success (for a while)? Sorry, I went off topic here a bit. All those emotions and suffering mentioned before made me change my ways. I realized that it's not the lack of someone's love and a close person that I'm missing, it's the lack of self-love and healthy lifestyle. So I began meditating everyday again, resting and sleeping more, exercising a bit with weights and by running, eating more. Now all that stuff is disappearing. I fall asleep much faster, no night terrors, much less feeling of loneliness and negative emotions, no obsessing over people I barely know. My troubles of the last weeks seem ridiculous now. Your problem of not belonging might be the similar kind of problem with the similar solution needed. Healthy lifestyle and inner work. And not much to do with others and how they relate to you. I go socialize on weekends still. Seems I got a bit worse at that after coming back to more relaxed and less social lifestyle. I hope it's not meditation that makes me passive, I don't want to quit it. Meditation practice also seems to make me feel amazing at dawn at the end of a night of drinking somehow, that's a nice added bonus. So I'm trying to strike some kind of balance now - keep the healthy practices to be emotionally and physically alright but still go out and socialize enough to improve fast. I'll see where it get's me. For now it seems like the wisest thing to try to do. Youtube recommended me this Alan Watts speach after the Leo's how to deal with break-up video. I loved it, I think it helps with getting a healthier perspective:

Leo meeting a Buddhist

Some lucid dreaming teachers say that it's good for your mental health to be nice to your dream and the characters there when you are lucid, because in some way they represents parts of your psyche. And I found that being nice to the dream and the characters makes the dream more cooperative. When you don't try to force things and stay nice and respectful the dream is more willing to help you have the good experience that you want

I recently killed a puppy, smashed his skull. Another night I tried to drown some rodent with cute big eyes

Hypnogogic states are quite interesting to explore. You can also develop that. And it's a door to lucid dreaming.

Go find them yourself, shouldn't be hard if you speak Russian. I personally don't care if you believe it or not.

It's not the point. They quote Russian officials there. You can just go find their statements, they are there. The location of the offices doesn't change the fact. I just sent the first links I saw, cause the sources I heard those news from myself were in Russian.

Speaking of burning Quran in Russia: https://meduza.io/en/news/2023/08/16/volgograd-man-arrested-for-burning-quran-says-kadyrov-s-son-assaulted-him-in-prison https://www.themoscowtimes.com/2023/08/18/chechen-officials-praise-kadyrovs-son-for-beating-teenager-accused-of-burning-koran-a82173

i like that Tyler more than the modern Owen

@BojackHorseman Thanks for the advice. I might do that. I've always had that little plan/desire to work on movie music or games someday. sad but true

Sounds like fun, thanks! I've tried composing movie-soundtrack-like music once before. Here, I've got 60 seconds of it. I don't know if it's good enough or not really. Would people be willing to use this in their art?

What kind of music jobs did you do? Was it composing soundtracks or recording an instrument or something else? I've tried some music-related freelancing before, but only got some money transcribing music sheet. Didn't put much effort and thought into everything though, probably could've done better

have you heard about milfs?

I mean the more technical Rick Beato is Adam Neely I assumed you might know him since you know Rick.