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About pfletcha

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  • Birthday 12/30/1988

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  1. I kinda hail from a background in Alcoholics Anonymous (it’s kind of the cornerstone of their spiritual program ) , would like to start a topic on the meaningful act of giving back/helping others as a form of diminishing Self , often quite dramatic and literally ! It’s not just AA ; many of the spiritual leaders knew what was up ! Iirc , that dude that was guru to Ram das put feeding people at the very tip top of what I assume is a very long list of things to do to become enlightened. Helping make a difference in someone’s life , and especially doing something that’s unique to your skill set/experience has paid off in ways I’m still coming to grips with …but before I go into any more detail , I want to hear any of you guys’ experience with helping others, good bad or neutral .
  2. sorry for the delay y’all, been out sick and not so thrilled to discuss this horrific subject …swear to fuck , sometimes i wish sex didn’t even exist .. -It was never really discussed in our home growing up , but it wasn’t exactly condemned either … just had this forbidden air to it , guess you could say (only child to southern baptist boomers …) Penis, vagina , tits , etc were never used , you get the idea. regardless , I wasn’t getting any until the ripe old age of 21 , so from the very start have had the issue of “locking up” and impotency …”im not worthy “ or “she’s not worthy” or even as simple as “am I actually going all the way in there ?”along with my nerves feeling shot/detached from sensory input/depersonalization/what have you . there is also this immense pain in my 2nd chakra/prostate area that gets lit up with pain , I mean it’s something I deal with randomly as is , but the pain is especially awful (think kidney stone) when I’m undergoing a major awakening/shift in kundalini/chi , or when I’ve just gone soft for the night … take from all that what you will . “when you know you have a date at home with a new girl? Does that already create anxiety?” Oh yeah lol. Because even from the start I can tell im weaving my way directly into another self fulfilling prophecy/failure ! As far as body image issues…yes until quite recently , I had gynecomastia or enlarged male breasts for most of my life . and while my case was relatively minor , would say it drove me up the wall mentally and physically (particularly in public ) to the degree where I couldn’t even tolerate wearing certain clothing textures, would just feel this outline of my nipples/chest and yeah I would say it contributed to my low self esteem and feelings of manhood. But I got that fixed at least “How is it actually when you know you have a date at home with a new girl? Does that already create anxiety?” -there is always this underlying tension that I’m not going to be in the right “space” to stay hard and go all the way with her / score . What sucks even worse is that even when I do get going, I tend to get caught off guard and instantly lose my load …the only workaround I’ve ever known has been just the right amount of alcohol ,or a medium/small dose of opiates… but that isn’t an option anymore. funnily enough I haven’t watched porn in ages …yet itsmark was made on me early on, and I do believe it’s some evil shit, for better or worse …I mean just think about all the years going through high school and first couple years of college,having to watch from the sidelines as everybody else got to enjoy themselves this case porn just becomes this sick void you can fall into , but I digress …pretty sure It did program me to get myself off asap. Meaning that I feel that porn is to blame for at least some of those times I was aroused and then instantly either went flat , or wanted to just get it all over with asap .. hope I’ve made myself somewhat clear tonight ! Edit : sorry , realized I answered dudes question twice . It works out
  3. so I'm 33 years old and have never been comfortable having sex with a girl unless I was notably intoxicated (alcohol, opiates, etc...) and even then the conditions had to be just right (not too fucked up, decent connection with the chick, good looks, etc....) or else Im good as fucked: At some point my anxiety just takes over to the point where I dissociate and can't feel anything down there for the remainder of the evening... Well as of about 8 months ago I began opting for the (mostly ) sober and best version of Philip I could possibly be...the adulting has steadily paid off i believe.. have received a lot more female attention in recent times, including two opportunities for intimacy! yet again and again i feel, this feels like some freak forbidden act to me. Will usually start off greatly aroused , in sync with her, touching, making out... then right when it comes time to do the deed, a voice in my head kinda tells me that this is some sort of advanced activity for grownups, what the fuck do you think you're doing, etc?? You couldn't possibly fathom the frustration I've been through with this sex balogna through the years, like holy mary mother of fuck! Would estimate that I've had sex less than 50 times in my life ; could count on maybe 3 hands the number of times I've actually enjoyed sex without completely stressing the entire time and thinking myself into a deep dark hole... it tortures my fucking guts out having to hear about other people being happy ever day , in love, having sex casual or otherwise, etc. I honestly believe that the lack of sex and intimacy has been one of the if not the major contributing force of my issues with addiction, depression, etc. Has anyone else struggled with sex/intimacy to this degree? It's one thing to get rejected (which believe me, am incredibly well versed in too!) but this not being able to perform makes me feel like a freak of nature, or at least something thats positively less than a man. I'm too afraid to bring this kind of personal shit up to people in real life, so I appreciate the opportunity to vent here again . Thanks
  4. Id be willing to bet , even in more conservative leaning states , they would show you a good deal of mercy if it was simple possession , without any priors . Speaking from personal experience (not with psychedelic but something similarly "bad") as well as other people I've known. Edit: sorry I shouldn't assume you live in the states, but in case you do...
  5. Hahaha omg . Thanks a lot, now I've gotta go out and try this shit
  6. Lmao. How bout try some, wasting your early 30s away ? U good, bro
  7. so would you say that it's possible for ketamine to have the same "sticking power" as the more traditional tryptamine psyches? it gave me some amazing glimpses of enlightenment at times, but as soon as it wore off, that was it
  8. Iirc, In the psychedelics guide by Mr dm Turner, the combo of Syrian rue mixed with 3.5grams psilocybin is mentioned. Supposed to intensify the fuck out of the trip , think approaching dmt realms...
  9. Edibles are an ideal alternative to smoking pot IMO, particularly if your aim is to incorporate THC into a lifestyle conducive to growth. Less intense of a peak , hence less "burnout" effect imo...more consistent throughout the day. Just better! Still, it is not easy at all retraining the mind to use it as a continuous source of motivation and inspiration , rather than succombing to "couch potato syndrome" . But I swear it's worth it. With cannabis you can learn to have fun and be fully present in everything you do, laborious or otherwise . However I suppose the training wheels gotta come off sooner or later, no? I currently struggle with this aspect
  10. it's like, until i did psychedelics, i got absolutely NOWHERE with meditation, no matter how long or consistently it was done for... why not incorporate both into your overall routine? hellyea
  11. most of my humor and way i express myself seems to go over the majority of the ladies' heads...or they get offended..or both. not sure how much to compromise myself , meet everyone in the middle (mental note: I refuse to compromise myself!)
  12. Thanks, thats a lot of useful info I'd say ...yeah I already read roughly half of the first book that guy suggested above you ...still doesn't address a lot of the struggles I deal with's a good example This scene was absolutely gut wrenching the first time I saw it ...this fucking inability to differentiate between feigned and genuine interest . Even worse is trying to tell if theyre super excited and happy talking to me because theyre attracted, or just excited to meet a new like-minded friend . And in the end there is no way to really gauge what I did to fuck up , or if it was even my fault to begin with, etc ...
  13. Nothing that centers around pickup or dating methodology , not just yet...think something more along the lines from "women are from Venus ..." , But even more technical and deep . And modern. Also the authors gender could be an important intuition tells me it would be more effective from a male perspective, at least for me. My hope is that the more I can learn, the more I could channel all the resentment and bitterness that's built through the years into something more akin to love and understanding!!!
  14. If you barely felt anything to begin with, then your tolerance did not grow substantially at all . 2 days is def. enough time to baseline ,even if u ud taken enough for a mild trip..Ok maybe 3 days in that case