Emerald

Member
  • Content count

    3,610
  • Joined

  • Last visited

About Emerald

  • Rank
    - - -
  • Birthday 04/26/1989

Personal Information

  • Location
    USA
  • Gender
    Female

Recent Profile Visitors

21,144 profile views
  1. There would likely be some age related incompatibilities because of the difference in life-stage for sure. That can certainly cause some issues. I have some experience with this. My husband is 12 years older than me. The biggest age difference I've had in a partner has been 17 years. In my early 20s I used to really seek out older men to date... though I was always on high guard if they approached me as I recognized it as a red flag. I was craving a mature partner and I recognized that men who go around specifically chasing younger women are not very mature and are usually really creepy. So, I would usually do the approaching. It was fun for the time, but I was definitely with guys that were too old for me then. And I was looking for a power imbalance... mostly to be able to feel powerful myself. But there was a real double edged sword to the power I wielded over them... where their power over me was not a double edged sword. So, seeking out that age disparity, especially at a really young age isn't very wise. And I would agree that it's best to avoid deliberately seeking age disparities. It's not a very strong foundation for a compatible relationship. But I can also tell you that it's not really all that much different to be with an older man. It does make you age a bit faster in terms of the life-phase that you're in. I became a mom at 22, and my husband became a dad at 34. So, I feel like I've been in my 30s for a very long time... and I'm only 31. So, it does steal your youth a bit. But my main concern exploitation-wise, is if the younger woman (or man for that matter) isn't old enough to make informed choices about a partner and that the older partner can manipulate them. So, I put that mark at age 22 because that's the age that I consider someone fully adult enough to make informed decisions based in experience. It's also the age when the brain stops developing. That's why I chose 22, as I see that as the age of full adulthood. Thought the potential for exploitation still exists in any dynamic.
  2. Thank you!
  3. The age difference by itself is okay... though it is drastic enough to create some issues if they grow old together, especially because men tend not to live as long to begin with. And of course, there will likely be compatibility issues because they're in vastly different phases of life. My only concern is that 19 is truly very young. And it is often the case that significantly older men may try to prey on very young women who don't have a lot of experience being an adult. But it would be a different situation if she were 22 and he were 39. It's still pretty extreme, so there may be compatibility issues that arise as a result of such an extreme age difference. But I would worry much less about the exploitation factor if she were 22+.
  4. This video is a silly caricature of leftism, and you'd be wise to recognize that. Nobody actually exists like that... yet there's this huge backlash of selective outrage and strawmanning of the perspective of those on the left. And I, as a political lefty, have nothing to do but roll my eyes back in my skull at how easy it is to feed people propaganda. It just surprises me that so many people believe that this is a real problem and believe that leftists care about Mr. Potatohead or Dr. Suess or Santa's gender or any of that nonsense. No one cares about that... just corporations wanting to look woke because they're marketing to strawman lefties. One time, I got an offer through my email from a person who was wanting to enlist my services to help him market his video editing services to leftists. His video editing skills were not political in nature... just very general. He was saying that he wanted to position his pitch in such a way that all these crazy sensitive leftists won't automatically weed his company out because he's white. He was hoping I could help him be persuasive enough to make 'idiot' leftist video creators come to their senses and choose his company with quality editing skills instead of just hiring a bunch of women/minorities. So, I told him the best advice that I knew how to give.... Strawmen don't have money because strawmen don't exist. So, if you try to market to a strawman, you're throwing away your effort because strawmen don't need video editing services.
  5. Is this more of a tell about the way you see yourself? Mark Twain said something like... "I wouldn't belong to any club that would have me." Could it be that, once a woman is interested in you, that you begin to see her as lesser because she's into you and you see yourself as lesser? Like projecting your own self-deprecation onto her? Just something to consider...
  6. What you said makes no sense. "Sluts" have a lot of sex... which means that they DON'T get weeded out by natural selection. Lots of sex = Lots of kids = Lots of DNA being passed down = Lots of people with "slut" DNA
  7. Women do get turned on more slowly. It isn't conditioned in, it's physiological. That's just the way the female body works. I would suppose that it's because women have to make a deep intuitive decision about who she wants to father her children. So, the slow-burn of gradual attraction and gradual sexual arousal helps with giving her a time of clarity to suss that out. I imagine that if women were as easily turned on as men, then we'd also be as non-selective in who they'll sleep with as most men are. Most men are usually always ready to go. If most women were also always ready to go, we'd probably have tons more issues with STDs, over-population, and uncared for children. It seems like women's slow burning sexuality acts as a bit of friction to keep us all from the social decay that would ensue from everyone fucking everyone else all the time every day. That's always what I've chalked it up to.
  8. What is it about a woman being sadistic/dominating towards you that pushes the buttons? Really think at a deep level about what it is that it gives you the experiences of. I used to have a pretty intense fetish that's similar to yours... only gender swapped. And I have done a lot of soul searching on it to realize there are very specific unmet needs and trauma wounds that it answered to. And now that fetish is about 20% of what it used to be and my desires allow for more intimacy. And while there is still a desire to submit in lovemaking, it's much healthier and less embattled than it used to be. For me, it was very much the desire to be able to surrender while also being in control which spoke to the unmet need for safe surrender. And by fantasizing about extreme submission and power imbalance, I was able to feel the sense of surrender... while also being the puppet master of the whole fantasy and thus 100% in control. A fantasy is safe because I'm orchestrating the whole thing in my mind. It also stimulated some wounds around feelings of inferiority to the opposite sex that I picked up in childhood, and gave me a place to play out some deep wounds around internalized misogyny... especially with my sexuality being very deeply intertwined with my feminine wounding. So, if I were in your position, I'd really start looking deeper into why this fantasy pushes buttons for you. Fetish can really serve as a roadmap to deeper issues that can be unwired and resolved.
  9. @Strangeloop I ask this because I want you to look at this deeper... Why would it be so bad if you were gay? Are there any negative consequences (or assumed negative consequences) in terms of loss of identity, social ostracism, or things/people that you fear losing? My guess is that it's not really being gay that would be so bad to you. It's probably what you fear you'll have to face if that were true. And even if you're not actually gay, dropping resistance to being gay will clear the muddied waters.
  10. Women are visual too. Yes. But a less physically attractive man with a great personality and lots of virtues, can become more attractive than a classically handsome man with a weak/bad personality, just by virtue of owning everything about themselves and expressing themselves authentically. So, a man who's a 4 in looks with a highly developed personality can become more attractive than a man who's a 7 in looks and hasn't developed himself. Honestly, a guy who's like a 10 in looks but who displays outright social ineptitude can completely cancel his good looks out. So, women are visual too, and good looks are a huge asset. But personality development is way more important. I wouldn't worry too much about looks if I were you. Just own whatever you have, flaws and all, and you'll be doing alright.
  11. Yeah, me too. I just hope that he's gotten some help. He was always like a really good person and a really bad person wrapped up all in one. Like a real Jekyll and Hyde character.
  12. Yeah, that's basically how my relationship went, minus the cheating. He basically made me feel that I was the glue keeping his life together.
  13. No, not usually.
  14. Actually, the thing that lead me into a relationship to my first boyfriend is that he mirrored a Shadow Aspect in myself. He experienced a ton of trauma in his life, and I went into this whole savior narrative that I can make things better for him and sacrifice myself for him. And I decided that I was super devoted. And I projected onto him my own traumatized aspects, and I felt like in trying to save him I could save that part of myself. So, if I had actually followed my intuition, it would have been a three month long relationship... which would have been fine. It didn't get really bad until much later. But within a few weeks, I decided that I wanted to marry him and have his children one day. And I dug my heals into that narrative and ignored any bits of intuition that tried to spring through. And I just decided that I was super devoted to helping him overcome his hardships. It was like I was trying to be his mom, and he was like a child sometimes. He oscillated back and forth between the badass facade to normal to helpless traumatized child to violent psycho. I lived with him in my last two years of high school. And then, I went to college and he really went off the rails. Then he came to live with me in my college town during my junior year, and that's where everything hit rock bottom. And my ironclad commitment finally broke and I just had to walk away. But I assure you that arrogant man are unattractive to me... specifically because arrogance is so often a cover for weakness and insecurity. I can't even think of an arrogant guy that appears strong to me. Yes... strength is attractive. But only if it is mirrored in their strength of character. Also, my ex was like 5'7" and not very strong or masculine. He was a bit like a Chihuahua in his desire to look like a big dog. He put on a badass front mostly to cover insecurities. But for me, what kept me in it so long is because I felt like he would fall apart without me and that he would kill himself. So, it was his fragility that kept me there.