The Job of the Man Is to Be the Rock

[Joshe]

Insightful video: 

Stoicism or “emotional compression” is emotional labor, which women expect. 

[Natasha Tori Maru]

Yep - I agree. It is a form of emotional labour many women are completely blind to. Teal Swan would call this 'containment'

It is also a process I am familiar with myself, as I am often the one to perform 'emotional compression' for others. Although at a guess this might come down to personality type and balance of masculine/feminine. Never had an issue with holding space for others emotionally. I am very reserved expressing my own emotions moreso. 

Have you had issue navigating emotional landscapes when emoting, as this fella suggests many men do, when unfamiliar with expression? Some men have A LOT going on and when given an opportunely to express it can be like a damn overflowing. I could NEVER punish someone for such an earnest expression. Immaturity does that.

Personally, I have no issue when men cry. I never get the 'ick'. 

I definitely agree that if you do not fit societies standard for gender emotional expression you are denigrated for it. I am punished pretty hard for being blunt and candid when I have a big agenda I need to execute. And woman to woman - if I do not emote properly, as society deems I should, I get slapped with being cold. Heard THAT before....

[theleelajoker]

3 hours ago, Natasha Tori Maru said:

Yep - I agree. It is a form of emotional labour many women are completely blind to. Teal Swan would call this 'containment'

It is also a process I am familiar with myself, as I am often the one to perform 'emotional compression' for others. Although at a guess this might come down to personality type and balance of masculine/feminine. Never had an issue with holding space for others emotionally. I am very reserved expressing my own emotions moreso. 

Have you had issue navigating emotional landscapes when emoting, as this fella suggests many men do, when unfamiliar with expression? Some men have A LOT going on and when given an opportunely to express it can be like a damn overflowing. I could NEVER punish someone for such an earnest expression. Immaturity does that.

Personally, I have no issue when men cry. I never get the 'ick'. 

I definitely agree that if you do not fit societies standard for gender emotional expression you are denigrated for it. I am punished pretty hard for being blunt and candid when I have a big agenda I need to execute. And woman to woman - if I do not emote properly, as society deems I should, I get slapped with being cold. Heard THAT before....

I think there's something to what he says. 

Due to my professional experience / training, psychedelics, Vipassana it also easy to for me to hold the space for others and I became much better in dealing with my own. Sometimes people are like "I hope that isn't too much now telling you this and that" and all I think is a) No, not at all and b) You have no idea what I have already seen   Of course there is still stuff I need to deal with, not all emotions are integrated, but it's light years from where I was years ago. 

I can see how others had difficulties when I was expressing. As he said in the video, IME humans can only handle as much emotions from someone else as you can handle your own. Does not matter if its a man or a woman. So what happens is that sometimes if I expressed, the other person gets afraid of her own emotions, feelings. The typical reaction is then that people retreat (men and women) or get aggressive (stronger tendency for that with men, only one woman ever was like that). 

Interesting is however, that that is only one side of the coin. Because I feel the the emotions want to be expressed by the others. It just subconsciously. People were looking to talk to me, they give subtle hints in their words and actions, they were looking for interaction with me, there was a part in them that finally wants to be free of these emotions. Because it seems that only when expressing, or at passing through them (Vipassana) you can finally get free of them. 

Re society standards: I got to experience the whole spectrum.

• One guy calling me a woman for expressing once. Funny thing is, our conversation pushed him so hard that he already had tears forming in his eyes, he was close to crying (so who's the woman ahaha )  but I let it go because he appeared to me just like a helpless kid. 
• Some women explicitly told me that they like when I express. "It makes me trust you more" one said once
• Some men are looking for my proximity, because as long as I have enough status in their eyes me doing it gives them allowance to actually feel stuff, too

Re society standards there's a simply guideline for me: What kind of "man" would I be if I let ANYONE ELSE dictate what I SHOULD or SHOULDN'T do or feel? What kind of "man" are you that you hold yourself back, that you even hurt yourself because you once heard someone say how the world should be? So you prefer to live in a prison instead of shaping the world with your actions? Pfffff 

Funny thing is, handling / expressing your emotions gives you incredible power. For once, for oneself, loosing fear of feeling sth, increasing quality of life. Second, It can make you kind of invincible in arguments, fights. When people feel that they can't hurt you with words, can't put you off balance because you are not afraid of feeling whatever comes - they are likely to get much more peaceful, much more cooperative, much more constructive. Because they know their fears, they are aware of their suppressed feelings and they know I COULD push this button anytime. And with nothing to "fight" back, the best strategy is to be resolve this thing peaceful. Which is - as long as the other one is respectful -  my preferred option, too.

 

 

Edited 2 hours ago by theleelajoker

[Lyubov]

A man has no job for anyone but himself. Do not do this for women. Do it for yourself. Women benefiting from this is just a byproduct of you taking good care of yourself first. Don’t look for women to extend understanding to your faulty belief system of being inadequate. Ultimately you will have to extend these teachings to your woman too because a lot of the time they would benefit a good bit from it as well. It’s a form of emotional manipulation by crying and expecting people to constantly bend to your wishes because you feel sad.