Valach

Recently discovered this channel and i love it!

How would you define "lots" of casual sex? I myself was quite promiscuous in the past and I rarely encounter woman who sleep around a lot (like 40 sexual partners and more). Like even the ones that "experimented" would casually fuck maybe 10-15 guys and then find out that they don't really enjoy it and either focus on relationships or stay single without sex or with a fwb arrangment. How do you view promiscuous woman? Do you take it in consideration when evaluating woman for a relationships?

@LordFall I feel like Julien has distanced quite a bit from his pickup days and even his views on dating and casual sex and all that have changed dramatically. That's the vibe I get at least from his current content.

Great comment, how did you go about healing attachment wounds? And what impact did it have on your life? It is a very present topic for me.

@Majed If you are faking or inducing being high energy, you care what others think about you deeply.

@oOoMind to share what a real empathy looks like to you then?

Healthy self esteem would be number one for me.

Very interesting. I am friends with a lot of people from bachata/salsa dance community. From what they say it is one big fuck-fest. Might be country and group depended though.

I have been myself to these events. At the time I liked it, people felt open minded. However I feel like I have outgrown these things and I can now see that there is a lot of issues with this lifestyle as well. But it is still a step up from a the traditional christian purity culture, no doubt. It's just limiting in my experience. And obviously hedonism does not lead to fullfilling life.

@LordFall Those are some good questions brother and to be honest I don't have clear answers yet. By any means go pursue as much sex as you want without hurting people. It's just once I started asking myself questions on why do I desire sex and woman so much, it became clear that is it not just about sex. I suppose it depends on where you live but I found sex positive communities just as troublesome. I have couple of friends who go to swinger parties and they are one of the most unbalanced and unhappy people I met. Just using sex as a numbing agent.

It was my experience that the more sexual variability I was searching, be it with more people or a more "special" sex with one person (kinky, bdsm, you name it), the more I was craving it. Just like the more you eat, the bigger your stomach gets. I found out that a lot of my sexual desire was actual a projection of other emotions. Need for validation, need for felt safety, for acceptance, to escape pain etc. Once I started to feel more content in my life, more accepting of myself and my shadows, my libido plummeted. Obviously it might be different with other people, but I can notice this trend in others as well. Back when I was doing a lot of casual dating and sex I noticed that a lot of the high sex drive woman were also very anxious people deep down.

While I do not agree with the devilry comment I consider your approach problematic as well. In my experience the more you satisfy some want of yours, the more you fuel it and it comes back stronger.

@CARDOZZO I am doing fine with woman myself. My issue is the way some of the guys (including you) talk about dating & sex. A lot of guys in the pickup community (myself included) are doing that because of deep underlying issues and I think on this platform it is fair to point that out. I don't go into my local pickup community to oppose guys there. I sort of expect them to not be very conscious. But I feel like as long as we stay civil here, it is fair to point things out.

To elaborate further on this. You are doing all this out of self protection. You have learned in the first 2 years of your life that being vulnerable is not safe. To really upon others emotionally and to be relied upon yourself is not safe. And thus you unconsciously self-sabotage any potential for a relationship by hanging out with woman that you know are not a relationship material for you and running away that have "potential". Because you know, potential is scary. It means you might get hurt, you might get rejected and abandoned and that will trigger all the wounds living in you. I am not judging what so ever. I am struggling with the same shit and it is hard. So fucking hard. But I have found that if I want to have a healthy relationship at some point. If I want to have a healthy life, I need to resolve all of this.

Yeah. I feel like this is what is causing the drive to have a lot of casual sex (in my case it was at least). We use sex as a means of validation and to soothe pain. To compensate for a lack of security we did not get as little children. Check out Ideal parent figure protocol. Might be helpful for you. Also you kind of need to stop doing the casual sex and casual dating thing so u can feel all the shit you are avoiding by doing that. That is at least what my teacher told me.