Valach

I am not saying it is healthy. I am simply saying that you should not be structuring your life around what you think other gender views as high value or cool or desirable. That is still you seeking validation. What is "healthy" also depends on the paradigm you operate from. When I was doing this couple of years ago I had a fairly rich social life (it was always very easy for me to make friends for some reason) so in a way I was "pausing" my social life to do pickup, it was not my only choice so to say. And woman had no issue with it for the most part. That being said, yes, today I would not consider it healthy. But to be honest I would not consider going out to clubs and doing hookups or using dating apps for that healthy either. Personally I would stay away from anyone who drinks alcohol (of course not gonna judge glass of wine with a dinner). So again, depends on your paradigm.

Most people are not. That is why deriving your of sense of how "succesful" you are at life from how capable are you at attracting people. It is not a measure of health being good at attracting unhealthy people.

Whilst I understand the sentiment, this is a very dangerous sentence to ask yourself. Why do you even care what your future partner wants you to be? You should be really only concerned with what kind of life do you want to life for yourself (which of course is very hard if you are attached to getting validation of woman - I am still there too).

Oh, yeah then we kind of just have different semantics. I am not saying they genuinely do not feel like assholes. It's just not who they truly are. They developed their personality around trauma. But they feel like that is who they are, yes. Anyone who has trauma (which is most people) will have trouble knowing who they are under all these defensive mechanisms. What I am trying to say is that I have met assholes who were good with woman - they are emotionally so disconnected from themselves that they have no clue who they are under all the pain.

I would argue that the assholes are not being themselves either. No one is an asshole or "mean" person by default. This is usually a learned behaviour to cope with some wounding. Unfortunatly there are a lot of behaviours that are not healthy but a lot of people will resonate with them and find them attractive (usually because their own wounds resonate with that). It's not worth emulating or developing these though.

Maybe we all should focus on more important things than proving to our egos we are right and above some internet forum users.

Of course you would say that

Then explain how was it limiting for you? From the comments you post on here I sincerely doubt you outgrew that stage.

And even more experience will teach you the limits of your approach. It is really just showing off how needy and desperate for validation people who seek this really are. Which is not a bad character trait, most people struggle with this, I do too.

It's a great advice, but it takes time to grow into place to let it land. It will reach you at the right time.

Authentic relating is one of the most healing modalities in my experience. It is basically your conscious mind telling your subconscious that who you are right now is sufficient.

How? I spoke against PUA, not against having sex.

Thanks for wording it out for me. I am not native speaker so struggle with that sometimes. Though for me, it is more about healing and trauma release then about building your external life.

Find a woman to have a sex with if you need to and focus on healing your trauma. Do not waste time on PUA, what is so hard to understand about that?

I am not advocating for building a rotation or doing hookups, just not being celibate.. Beside, 99% of people who have sex do so without even knowing about any PUA stuff.