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About tyy

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    Ontario, Canada
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  1. Back in Canada! Overall, Bahamas was a great time. I loved all the different sights. Sights like all the birds around the resort flying out above the ocean at sunset. It seemed to have no purpose or structure, they all just flew out there and begin going in circles and other patterns. I would stay focused on one bird to see what the idea was here, and it just flew around all over the place. Also, I am happy with the times I could still read or post, keeping me somewhat grounded amongst partying travelers. As mentioned, I read about the pain body, and how it feeds off of thought. I bring this up here to keep me reminded to shed awareness on this parasite, to chip away at its strength. I probably only catch it .0001% of the time though! And apparently it is extremely tricky too. Sounds like a life-long battle. Since I am back I am feeling ready to get going. I look forward to getting back into the gym and strengthening the good & bad habit practices. Lately some of my focus has been on trying to embrace confusion. The not-knowing for sure what is good in my life and what isn't. This confusion has caused great stress in romantic relationships before. It has also been creating monkey chatter as of late (is this a version of the pain body?). Once again mainly about my romantic relationship. I do not want to act to just abolish the confusion though; that has happened before. It's okay if I don't know. Things unfold, I'll just carry on doing what I want to do. Gratitude: I am thankful for the weekend. I am thankful for seeing a sting-ray. I am thankful for safe travels.
  2. I have witnessed no shortage of beauty in nature while staying in the Bahamas. The different birds, reptiles, landscapes and abundance of sun have been great. I can't get over the sand, it couldn't be constructed better than the natural way it has developed. Last night I was laying on the hammock looking upwards and the depth of this reality was noteworthy. It's like high up above there was a palm tree to look at, then the resort building ending far into the air. Miles above that, the lights of an airplane cross the vast sky. Light years past the airplane the stars shine. I look at all this and contemplate what I hear Leo saying in the enlightenment videos. Happy I have been able to keep reading too. Tolle is teaching me about the pain body currently. I'll touch back on this later to self reflect. Gratitude: I am thankful for a sunset. I am thankful for new animal friends. I am thankful for sunscreen.
  3. I mentioned hitting the ground running in the entry yesterday and want to further explore that thought as a service to my current mood. When I returned from Jamaica I was engulfed by the weed habit; it was daily (at night) while in Jamaica and continued (at night) once I was home. I think that bender contributed to the turnaround at the gym I experienced. Shortly after I revamped my training and started to incorporate the cardio habit I have had going. I want to get back and have another spark of progression, no matter what kind. Also, all this airport and flying time means I can do some listening to podcasts and continue to read some Tolle. This week I have been listening to Leo's videos regarding enlightenment and the FAQ's as well. Gratitude: I am thankful for easy travelling. I am thankful for technologies today. I am thankful we travel well together.
  4. The past week has been one to forget when it comes to consistency and bad habit reduction. I haven't meditated in days now and the last life purpose course video watched was a while back too. This is heading into a Caribbean vacation, which will only promote more downsliding. Travelling is on my vision board but a trip like this is more or less indulgence for the lower self. All inclusive and minor sights to explore, unless you pay for a day excursion. Pretty much just eating, drinking tasty drinks and laying in the sun. I am conscious of why people take these trips, and I am guilty of the same reasons to a point. I let my girlfriend choose a weekend trip, since going places is important to her, and I kind of just go with the flow. I will try to incorporate some good habits (to go with the bad) over the weekend, and will certainly enjoy the water, unfamiliar animals and sun soaking. After the trip it will be nice to hit the ground running with my positive practices again. Gratitude: I am thankful I got localized at work. I am thankful for today. I am thankful to have savings.
  5. It hasn't been the most positive weekend when it comes to self-development. I have found myself repeating bad habits again. With a two day work week approaching, then the Bahamas, the stage is set for another week of minimal improvements. I do hope to have some constructive time while there, and appreciate the change of scenery and unfamiliar nature. Meditation has been pretty non-existent for the past couple days. Same with comfort zone exits. Workouts have stayed on point, with cold showers, lukewarm showers, and recovery Epsom salt baths. I'll need to report back when I get back on the rails better. Gratitude: I am thankful for a great birthday party for my nephew. I am thankful for borrowed tools. I am thankful for no injuries with all these physical activities.
  6. Over the past couple days I haven't been motivated to do this journaling. Am I avoiding it for a reason? Are there feelings or situations that I am not paying attention to? I ask myself this and start to think about my relationship and home life right now. Everything has been feeling uneventful at home. There has been a wave of boredom and restlessness here. I don't feel like my girlfriend and I have been on the same page this week. Like a thread I was interested in earlier in the week, regarding up and down spells, this happens with the relationship topic too I feel. I know my perception will change, but writing about this right now helps. I know that the mood that I have had at home probably doesn't help neither. Our conversation has been bland and activities have been blah, like just watching shows and whatnot. This weekend should bring more opportunity to get outside and shed the cabin fever. Last night's workout was fantastic. I always train in a sweater and had the sweat coming through. After that I kept consistent with the true cold water in the shower. Once the shower was done I sat down for a do-nothing meditation. Also, on the way to work earlier I started listening to the dark side of meditation podcast. This video was suggested in the thread I mentioned earlier, and could explain a lot. I am not too far into my meditation practice though. Gratitude: I am thankful for an extra day off. I am thankful I woke up healthy. I am thankful for all of my work equipment.
  7. Not feeling overly inspired to journal today. That doesn't mean I can't stop in to be grateful though. Gratitude: I am thankful for this beautiful day. I am thankful for low stress levels. I am thankful for sunshine.
  8. @arjuna "When you observe the ego in yourself, you are beginning to go beyond it. Don't take the ego too seriously." "All you need to know and observe in yourself is this: whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that's the ego in you." Both of those are from that book I suggested. I can understand (as much as possible without having any ego death experiences) your point about language not being able to hit the nail on the head. These observation practices are valuable too though, along with meditation?
  9. @arjuna So, being less experienced, in what ways did you deepen your awareness of this and distance your true self from the identity? Just meditation?
  10. @arjuna "A New Earth" by Eckhart Tolle has been teaching me all about this topic, I highly suggest reading.
  11. @krazzer I can relate to these patterns too. I agree, as time has gone on the bad times have gotten shorter in duration, but still pop up. The good and bad weeks aren't too different regarding the habits I have in place, it's the mental chatter that contributes to these lower times for myself. I think this comes from too much focus on the past or future. @pluto That sounds great to halt a runaway mind and get back to the now.
  12. Before starting this entry I had a look at the original vision board to refresh me on topics that I may have strayed away from. I had this as the wallpaper on my phone but changed it a little while ago. Parts of the board that have stalled are yoga practice and exiting the comfort zone. Other areas may be more dominant than one another but I feel everything else has been present at least. Yoga, mixed with weight training / cardio / hockey, falls to the side because of energy levels. Exiting my comfort zone has stalled only because I haven't given that area enough attention. As mentioned, I feel a home project could serve as a comfort zone exit. Today has been improved, but I feel that my energy levels have been lower than normal the past couple days. At the same time, my showers have not been 100% cold and I have allowed hot Epsom salt baths as well. I think tapping back into the cold cold water more regularly may be required. After last night's leg workout I made sure to not chince out on the coldness. After the training and cold shower I sat down for a do-nothing meditation. Itches seemed to pop up all over to test my control of the physical part of the meditation. I am unsure how successful I was at giving the mind free rein to do what it wanted. When work, training, showering and meditating was done, I was left with my thoughts about / feelings of boredom. I have gotten rid of most of the quick fix fillers: satellite, Facebook & Instagram. An insight that has been arising is how I have never really let boredom happen. As soon as that feeling arises I change the situation. Not to say I don't have times where I do nothing, like sit in silence, but at those times doing that isn't boring. The unsettledness is probably a mix of trying to kick the weed habit, my girlfriend's added restlessness at times, not being aligned to a life purpose yet, the new-ness of life without the quick fix fillers, and a developed but lacking knowledge of being present. Before the night was over I had scraped together a small hit of weed from old bags and listened to some music. This habit is definitely dying slowly, but maybe my awareness needs some deepening or consistency to abolish it entirely. Every morning on the drive to work there is quite the gathering of animals roaming a farmer's field. It seems like an unlikely grouping. There are cows, alpacas and a small donkey. The alpacas and donkey are always together (it is a large field, plenty of room to be apart if desired), which is awesome. Today I stopped and got out to take a picture of these friends I have seen for years now. The background of the picture is the same tree line which inspired my painting a while back too. Gratitude: I am thankful for animal friends. I am thankful air conditioning. I am thankful for a packed lunch.
  13. Today has been calm. I got to sleep in and head in another direction once I left for work. Just a little sample taste of what it is like to start when you want and work for yourself. I do not though, yet. That being said, I am grateful for the amounts of freedom I do have, compared to some jobs from the past. Since Facebook and Instagram were deleted, I find myself having quite a bit of time that is unoccupied. In addition to those two, I no longer have any basic cable or satellite, just Netflix. I can think of several positive habits to shove into these times, but aligning them with my girlfriends interests and together time doesn't work always. Also, when these open (often labelled "bored") slots occur, I find myself not wanting to do the positive habit half the time. I will continue to go with the flow and let these times unfold as they will. Since this journal was started, the travelling aspect of it has barely been mentioned. Well, at the end of the month there is a long weekend planned in the Bahamas. I imagine this trip will go a lot like the last, Jamaica, and serve as unwind time. I have barely been thinking about this trip, but as I think of it now I look forward to being in clear water with some goggles. I have been using a podcast app to listen to Leo for a while now and just figured out today how to make playlists. This will be handy, I think focusing on one topic a week while I drive could be better than just picking whatever video I am in the mood for at the time. Today's listening was about the do-nothing meditation technique. Any other listening this week will revolve around meditation too. A powerful insight from reading to end this entry (from Tolle): All you need to know and observe in yourself is this: Whenever you feel superior or inferior to anyone, that's the ego in you. Gratitude: I am thankful for a longer commute today. I am thankful for cameras on phones. I am thankful for alone time in the office.
  14. As I drove back to the office a few minutes ago, the blue sky was filled with several "traditional" looking clouds. The kind that people are most likely to draw if asked to draw a cloud. I got to spend a fair amount of time outdoors while working earlier. Some time has passed since I have had to be on job sites so getting moving wasn't as motivated as say mid-summer. The sun was great on both sites. As I drove between the sites I listened to Leo's video about embracing confusion. Instead of hockey later I think I will train weights and cardio in the gym. I will need other nights off from the gym this week, and I don't know what the energy levels will be like at 9-10 tonight. Some tidbits of wisdom from Eckhart Tolle as of late are: Anything that you resent and strongly react to in another is also in you. Unconsciousness, dysfunctional egoic behavior, can never be defeated by attacking it. Whatever you fight, you strengthen, and what you resist, persists. Whoa. I have had suspicions about the first line for a while now, questioning myself, as I share an office with somebody who I've never really got along with. Once again, as Leo says, exploit others to raise awareness of and grow yourself. Tonight may have some reading involved since I will get to sleep in tomorrow morning. Not too inspired to write about anything else currently. Gratitude: I am thankful for Bluetooth technology. I am thankful for warm temperatures. I am thankful for downloadable content from Leo.
  15. Dissolution is needed for growth to happen. One can't happen without the other. Those are pretty much Eckhart Tolle's words. Go with the flow and accomplish a little at a time and things will change @OnceMore