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About Timothy

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  1. @egoless Hi, I have a few questions about your relationships to things with your post awakening perspective. Thanks in advance if you take the time to answer all this. It would really help my perspective and understanding. Have any significant relationships with friends, family or spouse changed in any big way? Have any fallen apart, died off or become strengthened? Do you still have any strong desires for indulgence, food, power, sex, and validation? And if so, would it be easy to dissolve these things at their root if you chose to do so with your new level of consciousness? Or are they very dominant even with your enlightenment? Do you still hold a social facade in relationships to others and play the surface level games that other people like to put on? Or do you choose to be more open and vulnerable, and choose not to engage in other peoples neurotic patterns? How do you feel about entertainment and media like TV shows, comedy, sports etc. My current view: With events in my life like a friend gone missing, my dog dying, hearing of a nearby hockey team die from a bus crash etc, it becomes easy for me to see that our society of indulgence, partying, work etc. becomes completely undesirable. It is dis-compassionate and mostly unnecessary in my opinion. Enterainment, crude jokes and media all disgust me and I feel the desire to have nothing to do with them whatsoever. I see that all that matters is universal love, compassion, pure beauty and inspiration, and the celebration of our immortality in a open, and non-indulging way. I have the desire to explore realms of "unimaginable" and undiscovered beauty combined with the purest and most compassionate intentions behind it with no selfish agenda, and sharing that with others, celebrating the love we feel from it and spreading it to everyone we can. One thing I learned on a retreat was staying on purpose. That goes for anything, relating to people, jobs, friends etc. When I question why I am doing something, like talking to a girl, or going out to get certain food that may be unhealthy or something, or hanging out with a certain friend group that isn't good for me, I can see that the purpose behind these things are completely pointless and irrelevant because they aren't serving universal love and compassion, they serve indulgence and selfish need. So a lot of these things for me are starting to fall away, I was wondering if these things fell away for you, or if you choose to engage in them anyway just out of freedom. And that's fine If so, I know how enjoyable these things can be especially with clarity and presence. (I once meditated for 4 hours one day, then went out to the nightclubs that night and felt like I was in a dream state the whole time, such amazing clarity and intriguing beauty, it was awesome).
  2. @Viking I'm so happy to read this. Some of the dreams I've had can hardly compare with my mundane life. Some of them bring me to tears of pure bliss and also sadness of why can't this be my everyday waking moment. I feel like I'm missing out when I have, or can recall a very vivid moment and feeling of a certain dream. There's a like this certain "atmosphere" behind a dream that seems to not be present in real life. I can't describe it. The women I meet in my dreams sometimes are incredibly appealing almost on a spiritual and mystcial level and I end up having a crazy crush on them. Then waking up from that sucks Haha! But my dreams and my childhood have motivated me to pursue spirituality. Everything I pursue in real life like food, money, sex, just doesn't remotely compare to these blissfull and high purpose feelings of beauty. The only reason I pursue these thing is simply because I am out of touch with this feeling almost all the time so I just look for quick fixes.
  3. @Leo Gura unfortunately my selfish desires for validation are too strong at this time for me to succesfully create something genuine like you're describing. So I'm working on unnderstanding insecurity, Neediness, jealousy etc.
  4. Nice that's powerful and beautiful thanks I'm not trying to demonize sex or corruption, but to me they feel very inauthentic on a PERSONAL level. On a meta level of course I intend to love it all one day.
  5. @Leo Gura For sure! Don't suppress, embody it fully and own it, know why you're really doing it (self honesty), let it carry you to something deeper and more meaningful. Know how to use it properly and in a healthy, constructive way! And of course enjoy it! Because its a great pleasure of life! Totally I agree. But unfortunately most of my sexual cravings are there to construct myself. The notch on the belt game. Club and party culture are pretty much this. And also hedonism. Getting a beautiful girl to talk, kiss and have sex with you is so validating. And almost getting these things then having them be cut off and given to someone else feels like death and insignificance. It is hugely competitive, knowing many other guys are after the same thing creates massive fear of being weeded out, insignificant, and ultimately dead. Because the girl can only choose one, not multiple. The song "Mr Brightside" by the Killers really captures this struggle. In my opinion, the club and party culture is so corrupt yet appealing, that it dominates the imagination at trying to imagine something more pure and beautiful. And sex in this culture is all about enhancing the ego. I'd argue that what we really want is deep connection and purity. The reason guys call girls sluts in my best estimation is because they're of course jealous, but maybe more fundamental is that they can sense the women's corruption, and they wanted to believe that they were the source of purity on earth. So then men become bitter and corrupt themselves, and begin playing the numbers game. And this appears to be most of my drive for sex, and many others as well. So when I tap into deep compassion and love, this domain to me is clearly seen as suffering, and my desire for sex falls away. And not only that, it FEELS so much better to be without it! That's what I mean by "sacrificing beauty," I've literally come to realize that I am simply MISSING OUT on such deep and compassionate beauty by indulging in this! I don't care about the girl! I care about what she looks like and what she can give me! I don't want to invest time and resources in her! AND I want multiple partners! True love to me is the deep compassion and love I feel for all human beings and animals, which is non sexual. And even if I found a high quality girl, yes the balance would go more towards purity as opposed to sexual indulgence, but I know it wouldn't be enough. She can't offer me the real deal. But I'll definitely test this out and try and find a high quality women and see how it goes. Keep in mind I am still in the process of contemplating all this so it may change; this is my current hypothesis. But of course my sexual desires always come back, and I am not ready to drop them. I am still corrupt. But I reeeaaally want to move in that direction, because something about it feels so right... Additional Point: I guess I just feel like sex isn't a good enough medium for reaching out to people, for it only selects one or few more people to participate and receive that love. Which is fine. Culture reinforces that love is between two people, man and women, and that to me is not enough. I want everyone to be loved! I don't want to select just one!!! So I want to drop this whole thing, and pursue better mediums for the purpose of expressing unconditional love for people (art, music, etc).
  6. @Leo Gura thanks for your support, still no luck yet. Side question: in your most recent video, you said that your sexual energy has gone up after your awakening experiences. Me personally, I'm getting a very strong intuition to renounce all sexual desire altogether. I get this urge immediately after a good masturbation session, or when I connect with some awe inspiring view of nature, seeing the innocence behind every human being and animal, or when I watch a beautiful movie like Titanic that gets me connected with death and how shallow my connections currently are with my friends and family. I just don't trust it. I don't suppress it, I literally crave sex all the time and I'm fine with that, but my interactions with women are selective. I don't feel compassion in sexual desire, and I feel bad for "unattractive" people out there who aren't getting reached out to. Like sometimes I feel myself automatically condescending a girl I deem as unattractive without even trying and I feel bad. But I'm not very high on the sexual market so I experience this too. So something in me wants to give it up completely. My sexual attraction seems to have nothing to do with who she is on the inside but who she is on the outside primarily, and then a good personality is a bonus. Sexuality just feels super surface level to me, but ironically I can't escape the powerfully dominant enticements this whole domain has in store. It is incredibly stimulating and alivening, but I know I am sacrificing beauty by indulging in this. Sometimes I cry by just feeling that I am corrupting myself and others by acting on this sexual desire, because Love and Compassion and sharing utter beauty is the most meaningful and fulfilling thing I can think of. And sexual desire and higher purpose at this point in my contemplations really but heads for me! Just curious if you have any insights on this. Can sex really be high purpose? No BS? I know the pickup community would say yes but honestly I don't think it can, But I'm definitely willing to be proved wrong. And I know a lot of people on this forum would blindly tell me that it can be without even looking into it themselves because they're scared to drop it.
  7. @Leo Gura it was a last resort. I asked a few enlightened people if they knew of any legit people cause I would have kicked myself if I didn't try. But nothing has benefited. I got mixed reading from other people. I respect their genuine concern and desire to help, but they're probably not very skilled at what they do. Instead of developing legit skill, their primary drive is probably just seeming legit and lying to themselves that they are. But I still respect their efforts and what they offered, but no aid. All I can do is just pray he returns alive.
  8. @Zephyr I agree with you but we'll take anything right now. @captainamerica Thanks!
  9. @Nahm stolen vehicles!! Great idea! I'm letting my friend who's down there to check that out. Thanks!
  10. @Nahm interesting article thanks a ton for your input. Yeah they're doing a lot of stuff down in BC, his closest friends and family are going down to help the search. I think they're going to look into possible kiddnaping. That's like the only other possibility other than suicide. I think I'm gonna see a psychic here in my area that I found. Good reviews and Yolo we'll see what happens.
  11. @Leo Gura do you honestly believe there is potential to be had from me getting a reading from a physcic?
  12. @Leo Gura ok. Can you recall the name of this person you saw and her general area?
  13. @Leo Gura please can you recommend a psychic I can contact? My friend has been missing for over 3 days now and I'm willing to try anything!!!! Here's my post.