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About Timothy

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  1. I really know nothing about how money, insurance and banks work. I'm still pretty much a blank slate in the money domain. I have my best friend who got into this company called Primerica. He told me basically that the banks scam people with insurance, and Primerica doens't and is the real deal, and is actually a good service to humanity... I gave it a shot and went to an interview with a guy. They seemed really nice and I really enjoyed my time there. They offer a course that teaches you "unbiased" (according to my friend) about how money , insurance, and banks "actually" work so you can understand and see the "truth" that is not told to you by banks. When I got home from that interview that day, unexpectedly, I received harsh backlash about it from my parents and they claimed that it was such a scam etc. It's so funny because I am literally like a little child to car when it comes to money knowledge. I am pretty in touch with the not knowing element and also the pressure to "know" and take a side. Parents and most people think it's a scam and my best friends keeps trying to convince me its legit and its really annoying actually. Anyways just seeing if anyone has experience with this company. Not really interested if you made good money or not, I'm sure that's possible. But if you know anything about how it actually works from first hand experience that would be cool. And BTW, I am not going to take a side, just gonna remain in not knowing as much as is necessary. Just looking for more perspectives. Thanks!
  2. I used to get these just being sober been chasing them ever since when my gf broke up with me I was mediating a lot and going outside. Sometimes I would just sit and stare at my garage side door, and be in awe. I would walk around my loop and stare at trees like I was in a dream, and I would say "omg Im in a dream this is so beautiful" Or look at my plate of poutine gravy and be amazed by the depth of it....... the mundane is so beautiful, just so hard to stop the mind to allow the beauty to not be filtered Now im so emotional and i dont get these moments anymore, I cant escape my mind even with the many hours of mediation i did, I just contemplate now and try to release these emotions.
  3. @eputkonen "Compassion and what we might identify as 'good behavior' arises naturally from the liberated state". - Martin Ball Maybe what he meant to say was, as one becomes more self aware and compassionate, why continue eating animals? We don't need to eat meat these days to survive anymore. Not at all. That time has passed. Now it's all about indulgence and pleasure, not survival. Feel free to preach "non-duality" as an excuse to continue indulging in the flavors of innocent butchered animals.
  4. They say chasing experience is bad, but damn I cannot deny that I really really want this... I have this vision, so vague, but it's like what happens when I stare at a sunset. It's that type of sunset that wipes that smile right off my face. And very quickly too. It's like the smile I was holding before, doesn't deserve to be a smile. Oh my God I've been missing out. Its so sad cause it's like this is what could be, and it's not what is, because I choose comfort and it's so hard to break from it. That's the feeling I seek. I've had it in dreams where maybe I'm in a alternate version of my backyard, staring up into a beautifully lit night sky, seeing a very close planet just like a cloud floating by. And I'm astonished. And I'm frozen. It's such a serious "oh my god" hardly even a smile, just awe, and clarity. It penetrates deep. And what's beautiful about it is everyone can have this. For anyone here who has had genuine enlightenment experiences (not someone who deludes themselves into thinking they have, I've met lots of people like this personally... sorry just gotta put that out there.) Is this sort of what it is like? Is this desire of mine pointing me to this true desire to be with "God" and surrender to something? Because that's how it feels when I encounter something so beautiful in nature, dreams, or my imagination. It feels like I'm melting and in such a good way because the beauty is just way too powerful for me and I want to surrender to it and let it overwhelm me so I can merge with it. All the theory is seeming to answer this question but just putting this out there. Part of me really wants to melt to something truly beautiful and greater than me. Ps I think I already know I just wanted to express myself here and share ideas hope you enjoy. I'm super passionate about this feeling.
  5. Interesting dream sequence that really stood out and struck me in surprise and awe. I called out a pick up aritsit I know and said "You know, all these hot girls you're banging is actually really selfish on your part" He replied with, "True, but you calling me out on it like that is also selfish." I was amazed. It really made me take a step back and think about what I said. I think I briefly woke up immediately after that and thought wow that's shockingly wise, especially coming from the dream state.
  6. He seems to be reacting against Leo's arrogance and certainty that he projects onto us. Yes he is arrogant af and I'm personally sick of it, but I read between the lines and listen to the content itself which is high quality and useful.
  7. @Truth ...too late lol
  8. @Truth Don't be a leech!
  9. @Truth contemplating the motive to get free of it would serve someone far greater
  10. From a spiritual standpoint I'd say yes because you would want something out of them
  11. My favorite song, it used to make me cry every single time
  12. Exactly! So what Peter Ralston teaches is that authenticity from a relative perspective, exists in different degrees. So with this music example, you could say that at first, I authentically wanted to make this kind of music. That's all I knew at the time. Then doing lots of contemplation, I saw that the music I was making was trying to construct an image of myself. A big image, a sexy image, a strong and capable image. But why? What is that trying to compensate for?... Oh I'm insecure. I can feel it through my whole being. I'm using this music as a manipulation to hide this insecurity. Ok good. Now authentically I know I'm insecure, so I go ahead and drop this music. And it wasnt an intellectual realization, I broke down in tears on my retreat and felt how insecure and vulnerable I was. You have to truly feel it. It hurts Anyways, now that I've stopped making music for attention, I focus on music that makes me feel good! Makes me cry and experience love n such. I dont focus on validation, I just care about the beauty (not fully but I'm working towards it). So I've cut out the music that communicates ego, and I listen to music that communicates love and beauty, and amazing vibes. So you could now say that I authentically like high purpose music. Great that's way different than before and I actually enjoy doing it! So that may help you. ...... But how can we take this even deeper? This is where I'm at now. What is this so called "beautiful, high purpose" music trying to do? What is true in my experience that motivates me to pursue this experience of beauty?... Oh my God I fundamentally feel empty and unhappy. This is why I'm desperately pursuing a beautiful expericne through music. Now I have an authentic desire to resolve this emptiness. See how this works? So instead of listening to music trying to resolve this emptiness, I just focus on the emptiness and now that's my endeavour that I want to complete. Because it's this emptiness motivating all my actions that the actions themselves can never resolve. Of course there's a difference between enjoying music and chasing experience through music, but for me, I chase experience all the time. And that's what's hurting me. So my authentic desire now is to resolve this emptiness and insecurity. I don't see myself every giving up at this because I desperately want to be happy and for now, that's authentic.
  13. @BjarkeT haha sorry to mislead you I was just kidding. But here I'll actually contribute. I'm a musician so I've started and also not finished many music projects. I have a decent personal recording studio also so it's a lot of fun. I attended the Peter Ralston retreat and learned so much. One thing I learned was staying on purpose. Which can also mean: why am I actually doing something? What's the actual purpose of this endeavour I'm engaging in? And this also ties into authentic behaviors and desires. Is this endeavour I'm doing a manipulation to get something out of it? Attention, fame, trying to prove a point etc. Am I trying to suck things out of people that I want? Or am I actually contributing? I was working on an album. Told people I was gonna release it, and do a big release party. After I attended the retreat, I cancelled the album a few months later. Only completed about 4 songs. I actually wasnt event that passionate about this particular music I was making. I was trying to be this big front man like John Mayer or someone. It was mostly for the attention. And I cant maintain that image of myself because I know I'm actually insecure so I have to stay true to that, and of course dig in even more to get underneath. Of course I was also looking forward to gaining recording skills and singing skills on this project, but those were secondary motives. I actually really like beautiful, emotional and even feminine music that makes me cry and experience a whole range of emotions! And my music was trying to be cool and badass which was a misalignment. So I cancelled the project. I'm very happy with my choice. Now I work on music I actually love and it's way easier to complete a music project because it's on a more authentic level of what I love, and that makes it more contributive rather than value taking. Some might think that it's out of integrity to tell people that I'm gonna do something then not do it. In my case I'm so happy I dropped this project. If something done is on a flawed purpose that doesn't give you joy, help people, and show love and beauty, then you have every right to drop it and never complete it. Selfish endeavours dont deserve my completion. There's so much garbage put out in the world that I don't want to add on to any of it. I'd rather spend my whole life time trying to create something truly beautiful and not putting it out there, than having something decent and getting it well recognized. That's where I'm at. Not sure if you can relate to this but this is my personal experience.
  14. @BjarkeT look up kylo ren. you're welcome.
  15. @Nexeternity So what actually grounds you in being a confident person now? Did you actually work through the root issue? Even if I were to carry myself with stage green values, it would still be an act and not authentic. I'm close to the root of my insecurity, and it is very difficult to experience. I feel like I'm ripping off a mask and it is very painful. But what's even more painful is holding on to characteristics in any way. Even if I had a positive characteristic like being known for a skill, that's still something to carry around and is still a burden for me and is very painful to carry around. That's what I noticed for me. I have a strong desire to be someone who doesn't carry around or hold onto anything at all. Conceptual identifications, victories, hoarding validation, even being a sexual, masculine being. For me, this is a burden. But very painful and scary to let go of. Holding onto theory and knowledge even hurts too for me. Of course, done so in a way that constructs a character. I have a strong desire to always be defenseless and open. That's why I can see the massive pain in holding onto even the most subtle things. My bottom line of this has something to do with: being unstable and completely un-grounded not inherently fitting in anywhere not inherently being special in any way having no defense no outward presence or driving force not masculine nor feminine Can you relate to any of this? Let me know thanks!