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About studentofthegame

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  1. Bit of progress. I am getting up early and doing some cardio in the gym. I am eating healthily, carrying a bottle of water around with me everywhere for hydration and i am practising presence as much as possible. In the car I am listening to the power of now again which helps me understand what it means to be present. Anxiety and some other shadows are still present but I am beginning to feel a bit better. @Gladius Good question. Ultimately yes, I think we are our best therapists and the responsibility for our wellbeing is our own. But it's a journey, and other therapists and modes of therapy may be an important part of that journey. CBT didn't work for me either. I'm hopeful that other types of therapy may be more effective. Thanks mate and hope you are well. Looking forward to an update.
  2. Very slow progress since last update, with a slip back into bad habits and routines. Each time I slip back, I am at least more aware of the slip, i'm 'watching it' and am learning more and growing in consciousness. I won't allow that to become an excuse or a justification though. Focus for the coming weeks is getting up on time each morning and starting the day in a more productive manner - aim is to get more done off my daily checklist as noted in previous post, and maintain a balanced day and week. Meanwhile, CBT therapy ended recently. It didn't click with me, certainly over the phone. I am glad I explored the option though and I will try a different type of therapy next time.
  3. I'm currently working from a daily checklist on my phone of self-care / daily disciplines. I try and get as many done as possible without becoming out of balance and obsessed with it. I'm feeling better. In addition to sleeping/eating/drinking right, I have learned about and am practising EFT tapping. This is simple to learn and doesn't take long. There is a bit of inner resistance to it initially but it soon passes. I have been going for a daily walk and grattitude journaling in the evening and this is also helping. There are other disciplines I want to make a regular habit and i'll work on them over the coming days and weeks.
  4. Sorry to hear about the covid but as you say, if you use the time to your advantage and you are OK then that can be a good thing 🙂 Keep it up mate. Your persistence and sense of curiosity will take you far. It seems like you are closely monitoring your thoughts and cultivating your awareness.
  5. Two weeks or so in from trying to get a grip on my mornings - it hasn't happened yet. I will keep working on this because I think it is important. I have a daily checklist on my phone home screen and I want to tick as many off as possible every day and I'm sure a good start in the morning is something that will help. Lots of anxiety over last couple of weeks. Some deep-rooted, childhood fears have been resurfacing. I have started making enquiries about EMDR therapy, though it can be expensive and won't happen for a while. In the mean time I have picked up a book on Kindle about EFT, so I can do some tapping exercises at home and see if that is effective. I am not finding the phone-based CBT therapy useful and there aren't many sessions left anway, so that will soon end. Monitoring my inner talk and being very kind and gentle to myself is important. I am also continuing to listen to the power of now on audiobook and practising mindfulness and presence. A lot going on. After reading @Gladius recent post about having insights, I've had one myself as I've been writing this post. It has been a long time since I've had an open discussion with my family about how I'm feeling and this may be something that would help.
  6. Insights and moments of clarity can be very valuable. I have started keeping a notebook in which I write them down, as and when they occur. They can provide therapeutic insights or be used as affirmations. Keep it up. Do you have plans for the rest of the summer?
  7. I have a period of around 3 months before I move house. The move itself will be challenging but will bring a lot of emotional growth with it. In the mean time I will use the next 3 months to establish as much balance as possible in all areas. I still believe that one of my biggest battles is in the mornings. My mornings are typically lazy and I don't feel good. I am functioning, going to work each day and seeing my girlfriend, but aside from that I am spending huge amounts of time sat around doing nothing but getting lost on my phone and on youtube. Instead i want to be reading, studying, exercising, playing music and working on myself, all while maintaining balance. I have mentioned this before in this journal but haven't ever got a consistent grip on a stronger start to the morning. I will look at that again. I am also confident that I am not drinking anywhere near enough water, which was also one of my primary concerns earlier in this journal. 'Back to basics' means specifics like this. I will review progress in the next week or so.
  8. That sounds like quite a journey of discovery you have been on. I can actually relate to sitting alone in an airport, heading home after having travelled to a long distance relationship that i came to realise would never have worked. It is a pretty unique experience. Your positivity and sense of perspective in the circumstances is a joy to read mate. You sir are a warrior on the path - no doubt about it.
  9. @Gladius i'm glad you found CBT therapy useful. I think reading lots of books could be considered therapy if you either did the work as set out in the books, or if it was calming and soothing for the soul to read the books and part of a self-care regime. To answer your question from a couple of posts back, I have discussed with my therapist moving away from 'thinking' based CBT and into more 'feeling' based trauma centred work. We we'll see how future sessions go. I have past experience with psychodynamic attachment-based therapy which has helped me to process some old traumatic memories but I feel like I have only scratched the surface. I'm hoping that EMDR and IFS may help me and I intend to give them a try, possibly alongside something called 'somatic experiencing' which is based on Peter Levine's work. In short, I am interested in trauma therapies for now. Gary Van Warmerdam covered this topic last year on episode 66 of 'Awareness and Consciousness' podcast - I highly recommend giving this a listen to anyone who suspects they might have trauma in their background.
  10. @Gladius it's a good question. I have done psychodynamic, attachment-based therapy for a relatively long time and it has given me tools towards self-parenting and compassion. I still feel that there is a lot of work to do in this area though. Whether that is with another therapist or via self-help or both, i'm not sure. I am keen to give EMDR therapy a go, to address past traumas. It is expensive but i am willing to make the investment in the future possible I would also like to see a nutritionist to clear up some suspected allergies / intolerances, and perhaps a wholistic therapist to provide some alternative solutions. I am open to exploring new therapies when I am made aware of them. Ultimately it is up to me practise self-care and compassion but I am very interested in seeking help where possible. Do you have experience with particular types of therapy?
  11. I have received 4 weeks of CBT until this point so far. I am working to notice my thoughts, reframe them if necessary, and try to let the negative thoughts go. Also looking at breathing and grounding techniques. While I think other therapeutic approaches will be more important for me in the long run, I think I will come away from this course with a greater understanding and some tools. And i imagine it would be useful for many people.
  12. Interesting to read about your experiences punching the pillow. I read in one of Geoff Thompson's books that sometimes when you clean up your diet and lifestyle, sometimes 'shadows' are outted and need expression, whether it is a physical outlet or something else. Very good to monitor it and see it as a sign of progress, as long as it is channelled properly. Keep up the fine work.
  13. Over the last month i have been a functioning dysfunctional person. I am going to work every day and maintaining a good relationship with my girlfriend, but other than that I am standing still or going backwards in most other areas. 'Back to basics' sounds like going back and taking the first step all over again, but to some extent the basics are the hardest disciplines to keep nailed on no matter where we are in life. When everything seems to be going alright, why bother trying to meditate / journal / go for a run, etc? Well those things just aren't a crutch to lean on when things are bad. They still need doing when things appear to be going well. With that in mind i need to make more effort to combat the things that negatively affect my sleep. I need to find consistency again in clean eating and exercise and maintain more of a reading/writing and mindfulness practise. I need to do these things because i have been neglecting these areas, and i feel rubbish mentally and physically as a result. Back to basics. Also I am receiving a short course in cognitive behavioural therapy to see if i can challenge some of the negative thought patterns that are causing me anxiety. I will be able to comment in 5 or 6 weeks how this is going.
  14. Some positive updates lately, it's been good to see. Very good awareness too. Have you done any 'whole life picture' work? I first came across this in susan jeffers book 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. I suspect you are making good contributions in all areas of your life. Keep up the good work ?
  15. Simple goal this week, spend less of my free time sat around indoors and instead get out more. The lack of outdoors time and quality solitude is affecting me. It's on me to make it happen rather than waiting for it to find me. Sometimes it involves saying 'no' to people and this can be a challenge. Alongside that keep working towards nailing the basics of sleep, diet and exercise.