aryberry

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About aryberry

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  1. this video is striking me as very important for me right now. I mean, there are a lot of important things regarding actualization! just, this one is really hitting home. I've been having a lot of difficulty with, focus, motivation, being on track, having a sense of purpose. It is bed time so I will finish it tomorrow. but I'm going to write some thoughts down now that are on my mind. one of the things about life purpose that's been beating me down, is my lack of feeling a purpose. I think someone on this site was what pointed the way to this idea or maybe it was in this video but - l am thinking, that life is not 100 years. life is NOW. life purpose is NOW purpose. Life is the now moment. So right now, my purpose is to get myself in the motions of earning money to fund for my endeavors. so that I can make endeavors, which require money. this is my life purpose. in some other now moment, it will be a more deeper/inspirational purpose. but in the now moment I am in, this is my purpose. I am driven by it even! but in thinking with the wrong perspective, I have been undermining it. the other thought on my mind is - trying to understand what Leo's going on about in the beginning of the video - maybe re-investigating this upon waking tomorrow, or when watching the video and completing it, might help clarify my thoughts but - the question is - long-term v short term laziness - and the lazy person in the basement binging shows and trashy food, versus the highly accomplished person losing motivation - and Leo's self-example of taking the day slow not really feeling into doing the work he's laid out for the day - and my own laziness, which isn't directly any of those things, but also is all of those things. I do a lot of reflection and contemplation - but not forming meditation habits, not focussing. even when I do lay out tasks for me - if I'm productive, it's doing other tasks on my mind that I haven't laid out. or, I run into obstacles of resistance to acting. which, has been something I've noticed elsewhere - when talking with that one psych who wanted to do a breathing technique with me, I didn't want to act it out right there and then. or on the phone when anticipating a phone call - I know that it is frustrating and resist doing it. these are the things on my mind - not framed in a good question, and what's running around in my mind isn't in words so I haven't really expressed my thinking exactly well for you the responder to my post, sorry so to frame the responses - understand that this is mostly me making a note in a way that will be where I'll run into it if I need the note by the time I visit this site again, inevitably, there will be someone who's quoted or tagged me, and so I'll beall like "OMG RIGHT FOCUS TEAGAN FOCUS" thanks for the assistance also, all thoughts, ideas, relatabilities, and jokes are welcome of course.
  2. even then the answer is there - we are asking if it makes a sound. let's even suggest that asking "a tree falls in a forest" is enough to establish that the level of awareness is on the "physical" level - in which a sound is necessarily made. even if that "sound" is nothing more than vibrations. WAIT - if we consider existence to be ripples in the field of awareness, then existence itself is sound (any perspective we take tho - is *false of course - reality is nothing, and perspective is something. er, but nothing is infinite, which is something. also, nothing itself is something. er, what are we saying again?)
  3. but it's true tho! we could answer any question infinitely.
  4. there was one time when I said I needed touch because it was proof that the other person existed. but that was when I was younger. I wonder if that same kind of feedback would still happen for me, despite my enlightened perspective regarding that question of existence. (this was referring to, light touch during a conversation - not cuddling, specifically. I also do not know if it is the same as cuddling. wait - ) I guess, that my assumption that I'd find cuddlign to be boring/annoying actually, is not based on intuition, my mistake! it is based on the logical mind. not necessarily a false assumption - but as was referred to by @Shin, my intuition is pushing me towards the idea of cuddling, even if on a level that isn't very strong. (I may be a person naturally inclined for intuition, but I'm untrained in the area regardless, lol.) naturally, I do not "know" now what cuddling is like and cannot "know" without direct experience. but - hm, I dunno what to say next. the question really goes deeper than I'm willing to discuss. thanks for the input (and I am happy to accept any more input too if people find the topic and wish to post still)
  5. would there be infinity if there was no existence?
  6. 'cause I'm on another forum where everyone loves cuddles. so it's talked about a lot.
  7. do you cuddle? do you like cuddling? does cuddling relate to self-actualization? does that matter? what is cuddling like? (I don't currently have opportunities to go out and find out for myself - so I'm interested in the thoughts of those of you that do) the few times friends in the past have been all "let's cuddle" I just didn't. I was too nervous lol. so I've always wondered - is cuddling really so exciting? if only I had opportunities now to find out. sorry if this question is kind of - "only you can know silly, go find out" I would if I could. right now I just don't have social skills it'll be several years before I can find out- that is, if I prioritize being social
  8. actually myself, I had to teach myself to think in forms. I used to think without form at all. It was hard to keep up in school and in conversation and in reading comprehension, because of it. but - it created a huge groundwork for abstract and intuitive thinking.
  9. what is wanting tho?
  10. fuckin love the soundtrack to last of the mohicans. omg
  11. Being. And awareness. Sounds cheesy - I suppose it is - I never really could answer the question "what do you want" but when doing this exercise recently, the first thought is. well, not the word "being" but the concept of my present being. and then the awareness of this presence. this is what I want. I don't always want it - because it can be distracting but what is it distracting from - processing. so I guess the other thing I want, is the process of thinking and strategizing and understanding. but I don't really "want" it so much as I "do it" without hesitation. ps. what exactly is wanting - that's what would be nice to know!
  12. I was thinking, that removing one's profile name and avatar, would actually only be exhibiting false growth. We would not be doing anything by it, except exercising our own ego in it! lol! of course, true anonymity would be a certain interesting experiment. IDK about 4chan, because the interest of that forum has been established to something which is counter to our interests on this site... of course that site would have huge egos. but then -we have huge egos on this site too. we all jump in to clarify when someone misunderstands our post - and we post to begin with, in the idea that we can help or that we have the right words.
  13. I mean, emotional things. like, the simple act of awareness makes some of them go away, so it's difficult to be mindful of them for observation, because in my attempts to observe the sensation, it fades out right away.
  14. I'm happy every day. if I cared to be more happy, it would just be a matter of working to extend and be with the happiness when it comes, and to bother to notice what brings it, but I just don't care for those efforts lol. what I want to work on is, my stamina, patience, and focus. those are more frustrating than my "lack" (not) of happiness. and well, I used to have a ton of anxiety, but I've done a lot of work minimizing that. BTW, my anxiety did NOT get in the way of my happiness- except well, the 15 months after I lost my job and it became overwhelming - but I didn't work to get rid of it because "OMG I NEED HAPPINESS" no - I got rid of it because it was preventing me from operating.
  15. well, the red is kind of bright, but for some reason with reds that doesn't annoy me, though my eyes kind of zone out for a split second anyway, as they do with all bright things. (see- most bright colors give me a sensation of "sharp" which I dislike - I don't get this sensation with bright red, or bright black, if that even makes sense lol - bright black) the yellow on the other hand, it normally would give me that sharp sensation, but because the red is brighter than the yellow - it actually, the yellow completely dissappears. and so I feel a strange sense of pleasure in being able to look at bright colors without being frustrated about how hard it is to look at bright colors. ps. wait - er, sorry, let me clarify, the yellow does feel sharp, but it isn't frustrating as it usually is, because of the red. so I can authentically feel the sharpness of the yellow, without the weight of "pain" sensation that usually comes with sharp-feeling colors. that is what gets booted out of the equation - the pain feeling. and the blotching. wait - no, there is blotching between the arches, oh well. darn blotching. most annoying thing out of everything else IMO. well, except the pain, which is 100% imagined, but still, really it's the faux-ness of it that is really annoying. pain that isn't really there, but it's still there, grrrr