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About Jonson

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  1. Hi guys, i don't know if any of you have heard of this, it's a new tiktok trend mostly among teenagers and i just discovered it. I am kind of surprised and i don't really know what to think
  2. I want to live a good life to be healthy and have good relationship, and i fear this stuff because i don't want to loose it , you know ? Can you maybe give me some calming advice ? thanks
  3. Ok thank you, well that sounds scary
  4. I am 20 in college. So yesterday i smoked some weez, i drank some cola and it was in the morning, i didn't eat yet. I got super high and i got extremely in the moment. I got weird feelings in my body. I had this fear of dying. I also had the fear of getting enlightened. So basically there is always a moment that comes and the past is a projection on the now in a sense. I was feeling very weird and feared stopping to exist. Then it got better but still it was not too good PS: I also had these extremely solipsistic thoughts and thoughts about free will and where my thoughts come from and i got super scared I felt like i will loose everything i know but at the same time i will know everything I have to just put myself together , focus on my studies, get fit, find my passion etc. i should stop bs-ing myself
  5. @Abdelghafar Thanks to you i found this channel " Healthy Gamer GG" and it's so nice and helpful. So many people have problems that i have and i thought they make me weird . It's so cool how healing these conversations are. Relief. Thank you yeah true i feel like i learned a lot through every experience. @Hello from Russia haha hello from germany , thanks i now feel pretty good and i think everything is soo good
  6. omg thank you very much, watching rn looks good
  7. I have this problem of not doing anything productive. I am in the third semester at university in germany. I moved from Romania after highschool to study Media-informatics which is about creative work and tech as well. (graphic design, film production and programming). I only passed a few exams, so i have a lot to recover. I basically wasted all my time like 1 year playing League of Legends, porn, sleeping, smoking weed and constantly watching youtube videos (which isn't necesary a bad thing) and lots of anxiety and worrying about all sorts of stuff and i also don't have a job and my sisters paid for my place and college, they know that i am depressed and lazy and try to help me and it makes me sad that i failed so hard and dissapointed them ( i usually don't tell them this, they always call me and tell me to get a job, which i completely understand because university is expensive + rent , i actually didn't want them to pay me, i hoped that i would get my shit together find a part time job and chill and they could help with some money if i needed but they are literally financing everything a lot of money... and what do i do with all the money and support they give me ? i used to not respond when they asked me how i am and stuff like that because i knew i didnt do my job and i didnt want to dissapoint them, but bcs of that they think that i am careless and i dont appreciate their help which is not true, i rly appreciate everything they gave me but i kinda have trouble showing any weakness to them because they were a bit strict with me when i was younger , i think i got a bit disconnected from them ). Ps: i also have a problem with dating ( i am pretty good looking, charm, had some romantic experiences, but i never had a girlfriend and i am virgin.. i was with a girl once and we were together and i didnt have the courrage to kiss her ) I did make some friends and in the summer vacation i also went home and partied a lot with my hometown friends, i also worked on something that i am kind of proud of which is a party song , it's for fun but still it feels good that i worked on something that had an end result. When i think of what i want to do in life what comes to my mind is working on creative stuff like a song, a movie ( basically art related stuff) but not just that. I am interrested in a systemic reform of society in the sense of how can we make this big system work in sustainable way ( sustainable energy, no polution, healthy lifestyle, fitness, eliminating the cause of illnesses, self-destructive activities / companies ). I know this is very general and basic , everyone knows about this already and tries to do it but i am not sure. I think that with what i do i need to promote a healthy sustainable/ enjoyable/ fulfilling lifestyle cause what else is the point of working if not that. The thing that i also try to understand is the balance between partying (fun activities, clubs, alcohol, weed, festivals) and work ( helping humanity be more sustainable and healthy overall etc. ) For example the trap song that i made. I worked on it a lot with my friend and it was a lot of fun we learned how to produce music. but the music itself is about memes, party, rockstar, sexy girls, smoking.. stuff like that. I don't know how i can do both: How can i make society better while also having some hedonistic elements in my life Ok i think that's enough writing for now. The fact that i wrote this helped me already in reflecting on myself
  8. @Buggz haha i am now 20 and yeahhh .... now i would also tell my 16 year old self to start small, be consistent and patient ... It's so interresting looking back at this
  9. Guys thank you for all the responses . I am very thankful
  10. When i was 16 and discovered this phenomenon, i thought i will become enlightened in every way and become super skilled and build the best life. I am now 19 and haven't done 10% of what i imagined i would do.
  11. I don't want to do anything. I am bored of college in germany. I just want to chill all day long at home in Romania. I don't want to have to work. Only when i want to. Anyways i still don't understand how life works. How and why is everything the way it is. It's frustrating and scary. The scariest thing for me is getting old or ill in some way. How terrifying can it be to slowly die from an illness ... Idk what to do right now. I just had to post this
  12. omg.. literally me with college situation. i have so many neurotic thoughts and i'm so lazy all the time. i moved from romania to germany 3 months ago to study . for holidays i'm going home and i am sooo happy ..
  13. IDK ... 2 much systematic thinking required // i guess i put too much pressure on myself.. I should just concentrate on less .