@UnconsciousHuman Great work! That's real learning right there! That's how all growth work should look. Empirical and not based on ideology or self-serving theory.
Just keep in mind that attraction online is very different from attraction in-person. Your looks matter far more online. If you're an above average looking guy, online will give you an advantage. If you're below average, stop doing online and focus on in-person.
Sorry to break the bad news, but that does not sound sustainable.
If that's happening, that will be very difficult to correct.
You gotta find a partner who you can mostly get along with, without much effort. There needs to be personality/values match. Otherwise it's like ice skating uphill and ultimately it won't work.
When you find the right person the fights should be rare. Daily/weekly fights is a big red flag.
Try just sitting for an hour and visualize the color white. That's it. See how long you can keep focused on it.
What you visualize is not as important as your ability to hold it steady in the mind.
Never looked at him.
I don't bother with such stuff any more. There is so much great stage Orange business stuff available online if you're at that stage.
I could die happy without ever looking at another piece of Orange business advice. But that's because I spent 10 years crawling around in that puddle of mud already.
Understand this: There would be no Actualized.org, no videos, no forum, no God-realization for Leo without a solid foundation of Orange. You would not even know I exist.
Very necessary if you want to be fully whole and not dysfunctional.
Don't forget that many of those Buddhist monks are dysfunctional people regardless of how enlightened they are.
Awakening requires a lot of processing of your internal emotional baggage. The more baggage you have, the more you'll have to process to reach ultimate peace.
Working out your emotional baggage is one of the most useful things you can do in life.
It is a mistake to suppress emotional and psychological stuff by deciding to just bull your way through to enlightenment. You can bull your way through to enlightenment (maybe), but you will have a lot of inner work to do afterwards. The macho Zen approach is not that effective for most people. Most people need a softer, more emotional, more holistic approach.
@Husseinisdoingfine It basically works like this: everyone is selfish and self-biased and trying to survive, but nobody is aware that everyone has different survival agendas and nobody wants to admit their self-bias or bother to understand the survival agendas of anyone else.
And so we end up in the mess we are in.
And the way to get out of this mess is to start to unravel all the selfishness and self-bias and understanding others agendas as if they were your own.
Hard work is very important to success. But so is smart work. You gotta work in the right ways, not picking strawberries.
Lots of people work hard but not smart, so they stay poor.
Serious success requires lots of failure, which usually requires lots of work.
You're going to fail a lot before your get that sale.
The secret is to fail more, fail faster.
The purpose of this thread is to describe the nondual breakthroughs that I had on LSD on Saturday, April 11, 2020. I am going to film a video of myself explaining what happened to me with video clips of me (as God) trying to articulate the experience during the peak. I will post the video when it is uploaded to YouTube...it may take a few days to get it right.
Attached is:
A picture of a tree that I took while tripping and a picture of the cards that I pulled from my Tarot deck after asking "Should I trip today?" (the answer is a clear Yes!)
I woke up at 9am and was getting very strong signs to do LSD in the forest beside my house. I had been reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and "The Religion of Tomorrow" by Ken Wilber. My mind was very prepared to have a nondual breakthrough. I had been doing lots of self-inquiry and meditation as well.
I packed a bag full of snacks and things to last me the day in the forest. Dressed very warm. And started heading to my desired location without any food in my stomach.
I put 1 tab (not a precise dosage, could've been anywhere between 100ug and 200ug) of LSD under my tongue, left it there for about 10 minutes, and then swallowed the tab.
As I was waiting for the effects to come on, I found a nice place to sit and meditate. I felt very calm, relaxed, and excited for what was about to come.
After about 20 minutes of meditation, I began staring at a large tree in front of me and was trying to have insight into "What is it?"
Just as with any contemplation, I was trying very hard to use my direct experience as guidance and to avoid philosophizing. Of course, as you look at the tree for a while, you start to wonder who is the one doing the looking? I tried to train my awareness on the fact that there is no difference between subject and object. The category of "subject" and "object" is clearly a fantasy, so I was just trying to be as aware of this fact as possible.
As the effects were getting stronger, I felt a very powerful heart-opening experience. Suddenly, I was very conscious of my chest area and was breathing very deeply and fully into the heart area. My body buzzed with energy. I trained my consciousness on my heart area and realized how my heart-space is an infinite Void. As I breathed very deeply and fully into my chest, I was becoming more and more aware that the space that is in my chest is made of Pure Nothingness. This means that it can go inwards forever. Infinitely deep. It is possible for you to become aware, right now, that the space in your heart (especially when breathed into) expands Infinitely Deep (inwards) and also expands outwards forever.
At this point, it is blatantly obvious that my entire sensory field is made up of this same Empty Space. We call it "Consciousness." What's so cool about this Pure Emptiness is that it is also Perfectly Full as it is made of itself.
"Everything is Consciousness," I say to myself with a giant smile. It feels really really good at this point. The Empty Space in my heart permeates the entire sensory field (as it always has since Emptiness cannot be localized) and I feel Divine Love and Awe for the profundity of the present moment.
It's important to clarify that the actual CONTENT of my experience barely changed. The trees, the little stream beside me, the sky, all looked pretty much the same. There were slight visual effects that made everything seem wavy and patterned.
When you are in a mystical state, the CONTENT of the forms will probably look the same. But, you have a direct understanding of what the forms actually are (Pure Consciousness).
At this point, I am only about 45 minutes into my trip. I had no clue what was coming for me.
I felt a lot of energy as if I was a young child again. All I wanted to do was run around, play, and explore the beautiful forest that I was in. (which is made of Me)
As I was exploring the forest, the thoughts were very contemplative. I was always trying to direct my attention to the present moment so that I can gain insight into what the present moment actually is. I sat in gorgeous patches of flowers with the sun shining through the trees. It was surreal. Everything is profound.
Now is when it starts to get nondual.
I just finished reading "The Universe is a Dream" by Alex Marchand and I was very conscious of my own tendency to project guiltiness onto others. A Course in Miracles talks about Forgiveness as a direct path to realizing your True Nature (as God). So, for the week leading up to this trip, I had been practicing forgiving myself and others for all the things that make me angry, sad, or emotionally triggered in any way.
The forgiveness that I am talking about is not the typical forgiveness that we are familiar with. "You have done something wrong, but I'll forgive you anyway."
True Forgiveness is about consciousness. "I am aware that your existence is a projection of my mind. I understand that the present moment is all that exists and that you were never separate from me. Therefore, I forgive you. You could never be guilty of anything. I forgive you. I fully accept you. I embrace you exactly as you are. I LOVE YOU! (because you're literally me)."
The nondual breakthrough was triggered by fully forgiving MYSELF for anything that I have ever done "wrong."
All of us carry "guilt" with us. Guilt is the belief that you are imperfect. Guilt is the belief that you are separate from God. Guilt is the belief that you are vulnerable, limited, bound by time and space, unworthy, even evil or bad.
So, I tried to find a part of myself that I hated, despised, or disowned. I thought of myself getting into trouble as a young boy and being forced to sit in the principal's office. In the principal's office, I had to sit there and think about all of the things that I have "done wrong" because I was a "bad boy."
There was a part of me that actually thought I was a bad boy and that I was guilty of "doing something wrong." BUT! There was also a part of me that KNEW, that I was INNOCENT!
This thought actually began to trigger a nondual awakening within my consciousness. I realized that my TRUE NATURE was the Timeless Self. Pure Nothingness. Pure Love. Pure Innocence. Pure Being.
I started screaming I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT! I AM INNOCENT!
What was so astounding and so powerful was just HOW INNOCENT I truly am.
I realized that I could commit mass genocide, and still be as innocent as a newborn baby.
My true nature is PURE INNOCENCE. Untouched, Untainted Awareness. One without a second. Purity. I could rape and pillage millions of families and not even acquire a scratch of guilt on the perfect jewel that is my Innocence.
Just the idea that I could ever do anything "bad" or "wrong" made me die of laughter.
"I" actually died of laughter.
Pure Bliss swept my heart and I experienced what the sages call "Unconditional Love."
This literally means that if I was able to meet Adolf Hitler during WWII, I would give him a big wet kiss. What a perfectly innocent and beautiful manifestation of God. Made of Me!
Self Love.
My Self is Pure Being, Infinity and Nothingness at once. The Entire Kosmos. And Love is the totally self-less embrace of ME. So Self Love can also be phrased as "Universal Embrace" or Selfless Love
True love can only be experienced by Form-less Being. This is because having one particular form (like a human body) comes with the side-effect of having an ego. Therefore, anything that threatens my ability to continue being a formed thing, a separate self, will feel the wrath of my hatred, rejection, and repression.
Luckily, I am a perfect Formless Being. Pure Awareness. Being so Pure and Formless, I have the total freedom to take any form that I want. After all, the mechanism of creation is Pure Thought. If I can imagine it, it exists. The Universe is created by God (Nothing, Me) making DISTINCTIONS (which are made of Nothing and grounded in Nothing) within myself.
I laugh when it is said that proclaiming yourself to be God is "egoic, selfish, or arrogant." It's literally the exact opposite XD. Being aware of your True Self takes ultimate selflessness! Pure detachment! Pure Innocence! Pure humbleness!
The best part is that YOU ARE GOD! Hello! Hi! You wrote this post! The formless witness that I am, IS THE EXACT SAME FORMLESS WITNESS THAT IS IN YOU!!!
That's why hating another is always a form of self-hatred. Rejection of YOURSELF!
Imagine a newborn baby. So Pure and Innocent. It hasn't even made a distinction yet in its mind. Let alone the distinction between "good" and "evil."
It is very difficult to HATE a newborn baby because it is such a Pure Manifestation of Being. Pure Awareness.
But now, remember, that as the baby grows older, it will always be Pure Awareness. Perfectly innocent. There may appear to be a veil of selfishness, egotism, greed, evil, that develops as the baby grows into an adult. But, remember always, that is a projection of your own selfishness!
The baby has always been Completely and Totally Innocent. Even if that baby grew up to be Adolf Hitler, its Innocence would remain untouched.
Now realize that all "bad" or "evil" things are a projection of your own self-hatred! (rejecting a part of yourself)
Your seperate-ness is projected onto the world and onto other people. A sage who has purified himself of his own selfishness sees with Christ-Consciousness. Unconditional Love for all Beings. Because all of Being is an equal manifestation of your Supreme Self. You are the Imperishable One! Nothing "good" or "bad" has ever happened to you or anyone. How could Pure Nothingness ever be affected by anything? IT IS EVERYTHING ALREADY!
At this point, my body was overwhelmed with Power, Freedom, and Love. I jumped up and down and screamed like a monkey. I smashed sticks against trees as hard as I could. Why? Just for fun. There's nothing else to do here in this present moment except for Realizing Who You Are and having fun with it!
Other insights from this awakening:
I AM! (this is the highest and most important insight because it captures the essence of nonduality)
Self-realization is forgiving everything that you hate…
The awareness in me is the same awareness in you! How do I know? It's what I am! I see you!
Consciousness cannot be mainstreamed because pure innocence is fertile soil for the projection of guilt. Pure innocence is true authenticity. For me to be fully authentic, I would have to be conscious of my true nature as God! But, although I am totally selfless, it is very easy for ego's to unconsciously project their own guilt, arrogance, and ignorance upon me. Check out many of the negative comments under Leo's "I am God" videos. Thankfully, this projection makes me laugh and laugh and laugh. Because I am conscious that I am the only One who is projecting (onto myself)!
Consciousness is powerful (absolute freedom). Dangerous for the established social systems because it sledgehammers rigid belief systems.
The Heart is the Seat of the Soul. It appears as if the source of awareness is right at the very center of your being, the heart. Live from this place!
"A distinction" is a distinction.
I was still peaking as I began to continue walking through the forest. It was a beautiful day and other people were out walking as well. I was in a very vulnerable state and was afraid of making eye-contact with people. Whenever I walked by someone, I felt such a strong urge to look them in the eyes so that I could share my Love. But, each time, I was afraid of being judged by them. I must have walked by 10 different people and each time I was super awkward about walking by them. It was a good time to contemplate "What is an other?"
Finally, I wanted to make eye contact with the last person I passed. It was a father with a baby on his shoulders. As I walked by, I awkwardly smiled at them. I looked up at the baby and made strong eye contact with him. "How's the view up there?" I asked jokingly. The baby and I locked eye contact. At this moment, I realized instantly that I was looking directly in the mirror. The baby's gaze was totally pure and free of self-judgment of any kind. I was staring into my own eyes. I recognized myself instantly and he recognized me (which is the same).
I kept walking and came to a wide-open field where I was able to relax and enjoy my elevated consciousness for the next few hours. I called my friend on the phone who has also had nondual experiences and my friend realized that he was getting a phone call from God. It was awesome.
Occasionally, if I wanted to experience ultimate rapture, I would train my awareness on my own Purity. I would remember how Innocent I am. Instantly I would fall to the floor and scream and laugh hysterically. I'd fall on my back with my legs over my head and die of laughter. I would literally perish in my own innocence.
In my bag, I had packed with me one very small book. I had never even read this book before, but something told me to bring it with me.
At this point, I took the book out and opened it. "The Spiritual Teaching of Ramana Maharshi" published by Shambala Pocket Library.
I'll leave you with some extremely powerful excerpts that took my trip to a whole new level. Reading these words as God for the first time (even though I wrote them) was one of the peak experiences of my entire life. Let these words echo in your consciousness:
Questioner : How can I attain Self- realization?
Ramana Maharshi : Realization is nothing to be gained afresh; it is already there. All that is necessary is to get rid of the thought `I have not realized'. Stillness or peace is realization. There is no moment when the Self is not. So long as there is doubt or the feeling of non-realization, the attempt should be made to rid oneself of these thoughts.
There's a lot more:
https://www.mountainrunnerdoc.com/beasyouare.html
This is not the exact dialogue. I believe the full dialogue can be found in the book "Be as You Are."
However, I just stumbled upon this beautiful synthesis of the teachings. The essence is the same.
Thanks for reading! Hopefully this inspires you to remember Who You Are!
I was being cheeky.
That's a low self esteem issue. Which means lack of Self-Love.
Love yourself!
Check out Nathiel Brandon's exercises from Six Pillars of Self-Esteem.
Or just fucking fall in love with yourself. You are beautiful and perfect.
The only reason you are worried about fitting in is because you don't love yourself enough.
Good. The more you trip, the deeper you will go and the easier it will get to surrender. Until you hit even deeper levels which you couldn't imagine before, and then it gets hard to surrender again
By realizing you are everything you judge.
Actually that exactly what people want.
You seem to forget how the Black plague worked and how the Native Americans were killed off.
Your libertarian-like ideology will crumble in the face of serious survival challenges, as Covid-19 is showing. Society will not care about your ideals. Society will favor survival.
No it isn't. It's fundamental survival.
Without such measures you'd already be dead.
Covid will only pass because serious measures were taken.
Again, you would sing a different tune if a terrorist boarded your plane.
You take so much for granted. You treat terrorism as a theoretical matter rather than the reality that it is. If you don't protect people from terrorism they will kick you out of office.
(Not saying Patriot Act and NSA spying doesn't have excesses.)
There cannot be an economy when half the population is sick and dying from lack of hospitals.
Go deeper...
Why do you still see a need to defend yourself? What do you fear?
What if you became completely defenseless?
Can you see how powerful you would be?
Surrender is the highest power.
Military and police is mostly Blue. Although some Red in there for sure. Red people would gravitate towards such roles and it can be problematic when the military or police start acting out in Red fashion.
There was a story recently of how US Navy Seals reported one of their own Seals for basically torturing and killing civilians in Iraq because the dude was toxic Red. And Trump pardoned the guy and invited him to the White House! Because Trump doesn't see a problem with Red behavior as long as it's "our guys" doing it in the name of America.
A healthy stage Blue solider will be careful not to harm civilians or abuse his power.
That's exactly right.
But now imagine being so conscious that you don't have a violent side.
Stage Red isn't bad. It's just primitive, like a 1980s PC.
It is possible, if you are prepared to surrender yourself.
But I won't bet on it.
The devil doesn't surrender without a thorough beating. This is your life we're talking about! You are the devil! Are you really gonna surrender? Who are you kidding?
You would rather rule in your self-created hell than serve God.
Of course she will resist it. It would be a huge blow to her ego.
That's why I said, "get her to contemplate". She has to want to think through this topic rather than acting out an ideology. This requires an open mind and genuine desire for a deeper understanding.
Since she's in stage Blue/Orange, what she needs is all the stuff required to advance to Green. See my SD videos for tips on how to advance from Orange to Green. It will take her about 5 years, assuming she is serious about growth. Which it sounds like she isn't, in which case, never.
Open her mind to the idea of growth.
All this misses the point. The real point is to get your mother to contemplate what it would be like if she reincarnated and lived life as every member of society. So in the next life she will not be a successful business person but a poor immigrant with bad genetics, bad childhood, and a chronic disease.
Your mother's business success is not merely a function of hard work. That success is built on a foundation which your mother is not in control of: genetics, place of birth, parents, good health, favorable economic system, etc. She takes all that for granted by assuming that all people in society are like her. Well, they aren't. Not even close. Imagine if her child had an incurable lifelong disease which forced her into bankrupcy and homelessness.
That's exactly right, she is denying responsibility for being a member of society. It's to say that others aren't working hard enough when work comes easily to you and you benefit in a thousand other ways. Her success is the result of society. It is not her own.
You're not a person at all. You are God/Love/Consciousness/Everything which has confused itself for a person.
It is okay to be however you are and it is okay to make mistakes in life. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Self-Love is the ultimate teaching.
Seems like you are still resisting and have surrender and integration work to do.
You can just lower your doses and keep integrating each trip until you stop being scared of them.
If there is fear, there is work left to do.
You must dive deep into whatever color stage you are still struggling with.
You can't be solid Green until you exhaust Orange. Become so Orange that you get sick of it. Then you will be truely ready for Green.
In a sense, that's what Elliot Hulse is doing. He's playing through Blue and Orange. Burning through his karma to someday reach Green. If he ever reaches Green in this lifetime he'll see how silly and dysfunctional his rants about sluts and sexual purity were. But he needs to go through these rants to purify himself. So what you're seeing in his videos is his growing up process.
The only problem is that he is dragging his followers along with him into the dysfunction. But he can't help it. So here we are.
@Aquarius
Was just inquiring for a response.
I find dating those with no drive to develop nearly impossible. Its like, if I see they are doing something wrong, or forming bad habits, I cant communicate it because those things aren't as obvious to them as they are to me. I cannot communicate what they are missing if they refuse to take psychedelics, or mediate, or anything, because words are not enough to do these things justice.
It's like an awareness gap, and I'm not developed enough to stay composed / patient 100% of the time, and it gets in the way in the relationship.
I was just making a point.
I don't recommend working 14 hrs a day. But if you aren't using your time productively, in a healthy way, you will probably start using it towards devilry of some kind.
Idle hands do the devil's work
Productive use of time doesn't have to mean only work. It could also include family, friends, hobbies, fitness, cooking, hiking, reading, meditation, etc.
