You can get a hole-in-one on your first shot. That doesn't make you a good golfer. Only a fool would confuse one for the other.

Surprised by the quality of the video. Really recommend it

Let me try to put as much as I can think of... <3
Emotional Release / Coping Mechanism:
For some, self-harm provides temporary relief from overwhelming emotions like anger, anxiety, or sadness. When emotions feel uncontrollable, physical pain offers a way to manage or distract from those feelings. If you've ever felt so overwhelmed by panic or a deep, almost numbing depression, where you can't move or function, literally anything that grounds you and brings you back to clarity can feel good. You will take anything you can get. It's often coupled with intense self-hatred, so pleasurable things won’t seem to help because you don’t feel like you deserve them. You may feel emotionally numb and incapable of reaching out for something that could bring you comfort, so you turn to pain as the only thing that feels "real" or like something you deserve.
More scientifically speaking, self-harm also triggers endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, giving a brief sense of comfort.
Emotional Numbness or Dissociation:
On a similar note, self-harm can serve as a way to "feel something" when individuals feel emotionally disconnected. If you've ever had a long, intense crying session or an overwhelming release of emotions, you may understand the clarity that follows, almost like a heightened awareness. In the same way, self-harm can temporarily bring a person back to the present moment, counteracting the feelings of disconnection from reality or their own emotions. It helps ground them in the here and now, instead of in the numb, dissociated state they’ve been trapped in.
Self-Punishment:
For others, self-harm becomes a form of self-punishment, driven by feelings of guilt or shame. They may feel they deserve the pain due to self-loathing or a sense of failure. It's an externalization of internal self-hatred, a way of manifesting the belief that they are worthless or "bad." I hope you never have to experience this, but it can be incredibly painful, both physically and emotionally. In those moments, you truly believe you deserve to suffer, that you’re useless, disgusting, and better off hurt. You might wonder why others can lead happy lives while you feel trapped in a cycle of misery, feeling as if you’re better off gone or broken. The pain becomes a reflection of your internal belief that you’re undeserving of anything good.
Expression of Inner Pain:
Sometimes, self-harm is a way of expressing inner pain that can't be put into words. It’s like a “cry for help,” even if the person doesn’t directly ask for support. For some, it’s not just about seeking attention—it’s a manifestation of their emotional turmoil. There are also individuals who may feel a deep sense of physical discomfort with their own bodies. For example, if someone feels ashamed of their weight or how they look, they may not want to treat their body with care, but instead harm it as a reflection of their negative feelings. It's like when you’re in a difficult spot emotionally, and instead of caring for yourself, you let everything go because you don’t feel like you deserve anything good. This self-harm becomes a way to demonstrate how they feel inside: broken, unworthy, and unfixable.
Control:
For people feeling powerless, self-harm may offer a sense of control over their environment or themselves. It becomes a way to regain agency when everything around them feels out of control—like in abusive relationships or stressful situations. I actually remember watching an interview with someone diagnosed with NPD who said all of his self-harm and suicide attempts were actually a way to gain control over the environment. Subconsciously, he wanted to guilt-trip others or actually show them, "Do you fucking see now how much you're harming me? Do you see how much I'm going through?" He didn’t feel heard, and since his ego and pride were so high, he took it to the extreme because the pain felt like that to him. It could also have been a last call for help, not an actual desire to die. I actually had a friend who had self-harming scars covered up, but she’d subconsciously or semi-consciously show them through her sleeves, hoping someone would notice and help. Luckily, I did. But yeah, sometimes asking for help feels very shameful and complicated.
Social or Psychological Factors:
Isolation and loneliness can drive people to self-harm, especially when they feel misunderstood or invisible. Self-harm may serve as a way to express distress when no one else is around to listen. Unfortunately, there are online subcultures (like on platforms such as Twitter or Discord) where people glamorize self-harm and even encourage others to join in. It can become a toxic sense of community, where pain is shared as an aesthetic or a form of bonding. Some teens or individuals might engage in self-harm because they see others doing it or feel like it’s part of a "dark" identity. This kind of harmful environment makes it harder to break the cycle, especially if others are normalizing it or even romanticizing the pain. There are subcultures of all kinds of self-harm, whether it's burning, cutting, starving, or weight gain—there are people who even pay for it.
Trauma or Abuse:
People who’ve experienced past trauma—whether physical, sexual, or emotional—may turn to self-harm as a way to cope with the intense emotional fallout. It’s a way to re-enact pain they’ve already gone through, a way to feel in control of something that once felt uncontrollable. Sometimes, trauma becomes like a familiar, if painful, home. In abusive environments, whether in a family or relationship, pain becomes associated with love or care, making it harder for someone to break free from the cycle. They may subconsciously associate pain with comfort, even if it's harmful, because it's all they've known.
Addiction to the Feeling of Relief:
For some, the temporary emotional relief that self-harm provides can become addictive. Over time, the behavior becomes habitual, a way of coping with stress or overwhelming emotions. Even if other coping methods could be healthier, the familiarity of self-harm often feels like the only option. It’s like an addict turning to their substance of choice when they’re in distress—whether that’s cigarettes, alcohol, or a workout. Self-harm can feel like the only way to regain some control over their emotions, even though it brings long-term harm. Think of how a gym-goer might go to the gym to cope with loneliness or heartbreak, while a smoker will go straight to his cigarettes. Familiar addictions are the easiest to fall back into when in distress.
I think this is an excellent example, actually. The person likely felt overwhelming despair and a loss of hope. When you endure any kind of prolonged suffering, whether physical or emotional, and you don't know if it'll ever change or get better, that's suicidal thoughts 101. When you finally get some hope that the environment might change, it can make you want to fix things. Unless you've gotten so deep into despair that you feel like you're incapable of getting better. Luckily, most people are far more resilient than that.

It is important to see things from the feminine perspective, but you also have to check it against cold hard reality. In this case it just doesn't pass the check.
You can believe whatever you want about dating, but then reality will crush your ideas to pieces. Women can hold ungronded ideas about it because they never need to face the cold hard reality of the man's situation because that is irrelevant to them.

Very easy to test by cutting out sugar for a month.

Of course there is some loose correlation, but it is very loose. Nothing is guaranteed. In fact you could have an ego-backlash and even regress.
As a general rule of thumb you should assume that you will have to work to eliminate every bad habit.
I have done a LOT of psychedelics, and it has not eliminated by internet addiction or sugar cravings. Any improvements I want to make to my human life require deliberate effort.

I've used non-flouride charcoal toothpaste for like 10 years now and I haven't had problems with cavities. I also consume plenty of sugar.
But there is a genetic factor here. Some people have bad teeth genetics.
I would say, experiment with more kinds of toothpaste until you find something that suits you.
You can also go to the dentist and get your teeth sealed with a compound that prevents cavities from forming. Ask your dentist about it.

This is just nonsense.
You are misunderstanding how all of this works because you are failing to make some crucial distinctions.
You should distinguish the attraction phase vs the relationship phase. If you try to attract women by acting like their boyfriend prematurely, before you've even slept with them, that will fail.
Emotional availability, commitment, and communication is stuff that women value but only deep into a relationship, not on the first date.
Of course. Because that's how attraction works. Nobody wants a desperate emotionally pathetic needy man who bends over backwards to please a woman who barely even knows he exists.
Women require a long time before they get invested in you.
You are just doing it wrong. You are trying to get women to sleep with you by hoping you can persuade them with emotional investment, but that's not how women work. They must sleep with you before they get emotionally invested in you.
Do not invest in women more than they invest in you, and do not try to act like you're in a relationship with them when they haven't even slept with you.
You are messing up the phases. You are investing too much too fast. You are too needy. And you are too stubborn about wanting attraction to work your way. You are making things too serious too soon. If you would just be light and fun, women would respond much better and then later you could get more serious after a few weeks or months.
Less is more. You are trying too hard. Instead of trying so hard, go talk to 50 other women and have fun. Only reply to them as much as they reply to you.

@Princess Arabia Why is it okay for a man to be bald but not a woman? Have you thought about that?
How come girls on Instagram are killing themselves for not being beautiful enough?
Grist for your contemplation mill.

I have recently been forced to ban a group of members trying to splinter this community by starting an alternative forum and trying to recruits our members and even our Mods. This was an underhanded scheme which explicitly violates our Forum Guidelines rule against splintering this community into other forums and groups.
Several Mods and high level members of this forum were involved and have now been banned. They conspired to deliberately recruits our Mods to a new forum, violating my trust in them. I consider being involved in a conspiracy to splinter this community the deepest violation of my trust in you.
Anyone participating this such schemes, whether recruiting or being recruited, will be found, identified, and instantly banned. Any member here who is found on an external forum that replicates the Actualized Forum will be banned from this forum. So pick where your loyalties lie.
For those not involved, thank you for reporting any such recruiting efforts to me. I take the splintering of this community to be the highest violation as I do not trust anyone to run a community like this without turning it into something dangerous like a cult or a set of false teachings. My primary function in administrating and controlling this forum is to never allow it to devolve into a cult or a set of false teachings. If you do not trust my leadership in this regard, please leave now because this point is non-negotiable for me.
Everyone else, thank you for your support. I will be making some changes in how I behave and lead to set a better example for people on this forum in the future. Thanks for bearing with some of my shit.
To be clear, I have no problem with anyone starting their own forum or chat group, but you will not be recruiting our members to it. Go build it from the ground up yourself.
This type of incident was foreseen 5 years ago when I started this forum. I knew one day it would happen. Which is why PM monitoring is necessary. But this incident was reported to me by a fellow member so I didn't have to snoop through many PMs. I try as much as possible not to read your PMs.
Please report any future recruiting attempts directly to me.

You're somehow assuming in your question that the enlightened person would have to repress his emotions or hold himself back. This is a misunderstanding. A masterful enlightened person would: A) Fully feel into whatever emotion arose, be it anger or the desire for violence, B) Respond spontaneously and appropriately depending on the situation, without a set of rigid morals or SHOULDs.
Enlightenment is really totally independent of violence. You could be enlightened and murder somebody if it felt appropriate to you. Of course in practice, it would almost never feel appropriate and you would be so emotionally unreactive that very few things would be able to provoke you into it.

I have asked this question to so called "Enlightened" people numerous times. I got answers such as "I will be compassionate and walk away, chanting 'gate gate paragate parasamgate bodhi svaha' ". But does anyone ever think about the psychological consequences of such events? Does it occur to you that maybe such an approach to life will allow people to walk over you and will leave you with countless psychological traumas? Even if you try to act from the perspective of your 'higher self', this still does not change the fact that a psychological damage has been done to you. You may keep denying that, but every neurologist/psychologist can confirm that the damage is being done. Suppressing your anger at such times is not healthy for your psychological health. So I say we should kick some teeth in, if someone spits in your face. Besides, if you let someone do this to you and walk away, how will you ever have any confidence in other aspects of your life? How will you ever be confident in relationships? What do you think about it? and also please write down, what would you do in such a case.

A transformation story of a woman realligning to her true values
 

I was also thinking of  commenting on that but I think you said enough. Women like to look good in general it’s so deeply engrained in us and our self image it goes beyond men and sex

Can Consciousness dream up a Hell? Sure.
But it is not a place of punishment as Christians want it to be. As if you steal some candy and you're going to Hell. That is a Christian fantasy.

I'm interested in understanding female psychology and biology. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don't know what that is.
Talking about sex is creepy and wrong. Just have fun with her. Do not mention sex. And if she brings up sex, you tell her "We aren't having sex. I barely know you. You are probably a rapist."

Women themselves value this. Which is why they are obssesed with cosmetics, clothes, hair, eyelashes, botox, and depressed from watching Instagram.
A woman's #1 value is reproduction. Not according to me. According to biology. People have completely lost touch with what a woman's function is: to raise children.
Again, not according to me. According to 300,000 years of human history.
People have become so post-modern they are now stupid. Can't even understand what a woman is.

Women will not have sex with you if you make it explicit. Because this makes them look like sluts and like you are just using them for sex.
Women have been used many times and they don't want a repeat of that.

The solution is just to work every day on building a good life based on timeless principles. Less overthinking and self-pitty and more action.
Pursue your passions, what you find meaningful, and higher values.
Get a job in a big city with a good nightlife. Work during the day to make money and socialize at night to meet girls. Do this consistently for 5 years.
You are capable of doing this.
You don't need a masters degree. You need to build your life.
Don't waste too much time and energy at the gym, invest that time and energy into socializing and building your career skills or finding a job.
Gym will not solve your issues. Masters degree will not solve your issues.
You need job to make money to move to a good city to socialize. Focus all your effort on that chain.
22 is extremely young. That you don't have a girlfriend is no problem at this age.

I LITERALLY duplicated. My children are like two little clones of me. I tend to joke that I reproduced asexually like a sea sponge does.

You absolutely don’t have to be all self-actualized to date. Do self actualization if that’s what you truly want to do for yourself, otherwise do something else. Everyone in relationships haven’t done it, it’s probably a minority. It’s okay to fail some in life, like those exams you mentioned, it can happen to anyone. It’s also okay to be virgin at your age I’m 21 and a virgin too for mental health reasons. Struggles standing in the way for dating. I don’t have much will to keep going either so (not because of virginity I don’t care about it) but for other reasons, so I relate to you there. You’re not alone

My intuition told me after reading this that he must be an Indian male. And I was right. 
I have also failed in some exams bro. I know it's hard. But start afresh with a new motivation. At some point you will have to bounce back. 
KHHV is an acronym standing for kissless, handholdless, hugless virgin.  

Then you can look for surrogacy options. A person I know is a single man and he is not married and he has surrogate twins.