Ranz Kafka

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  1. @Nadosa first of all: http://www.senev.de/branchenverzeichnis/wpbdp_category/therapeutinnen here is a list of therapists who are familiar with spiritual crisis. dont worry they will not stuff medicine down your throat. it is always better to get some additional help. 2. I was in a very similar, probably the exact same phase as you and I can tell you: those thoughts are not the truth. right now you are experiencing emotions that were buried deep in your unconcious and are now bubbling up. it is hard, but it is a great opportunity to process them. -shift your focus from thinking to FEELING as often as possible. get into your body! feel your feet on the ground. feel your breath. -do this body scan several times a day: https://youtu.be/0Kwx9_mx3WA -notice, how the struggling feelings literally "swim" in your upper body (belly to throat) and explore them! feel inside. this gives you distance because it is just feelings. you can allow them without acting them out...because you can't act out feelings. you have to give them the space to bubble up. the only thing that is causing you the real suffering is that you are trying to not feel them. -"some pushups" are not enough. go for a run! 20 min every day until it gets better, then every other day. also daily yoga or qi gong (via youtube)! in acute phases it is really helpful to spend hours on the floor! and the rest of the time walking in nature. breathe deep. you will make it. you are in a phase that a lot of people had to go through. you can too!:) PS: hit me up if you need more recourses (books, yogalinks etc.)
  2. Hey Party People! Tonight while going to bed in a relaxed, sleepy state I randomly searched for that which never changes ....and boooom: I found NOTHING. (No psychedelics involved) Everything fell apart moment by moment, nothing to hold on to. BUT: I could not fully let go. "I am not ready yet, overwhelmed, this is too much at once" ...couldn't really sleep, My heart was beating pretty heavy for a couple of hours, I ve been freezing and shaking time to time. My question: is there a way to make egodeath at least a tiny bit smoother?...in a lot of books it is reported as more of a gradual process (eg. Science of Enlightenment by Shinzen Young). I'd rather go in steps than in leaps... Feels like it really hits me way too early, there are soo many fears and questions coming up at once....and I have huge resistance letting go of them, because that probably brings me closer to that black hole again... Any guidance, any ideas? Thank you so much ___________ Background of my spiritual journey so far: 3years daily meditation (0,5h) 3*allad last year...(75/150/300) Last November (2017) I had my first breakthrough dosis (300ug AL-Lad), but in the moment of egodeath unfolding, I opened my eyes and my ego fearfully engaged with my tripsitter. Projecting the feeling of dying onto "reality" it interpreted: Ok, the universe is testing my matureness and the only way to show that is to physically kill myself. I was in an existential crisis with daily flashbacks for a month. With daily yoga (hatha) and bodyscan meditations I got pretty grounded again, but always had a subtle fear of having to kill myself in the back of my mind. The last 2 weeks I did a lot of releases with the Sedona method. On some personal goals and some random emotions. Yesterday I noticed the fear in the back is much lighter/ maybe even gone.
  3. @Leo Gura You are not talking about suicide though?
  4. @Leo Gura But, how do you gain that "overwhelming trust in TRUTH"? I took 300ug al-lad 4 weeks ago. It feels like I actually had an ego death, but reemerged with a terrified, fighting ego, because my sitter directly engaged me in a conversation and I projected onto him beeing my executioner. It took me 4 weeks of all day flashbacks now to realize, that I don't have to commit suicide and I just have to focus on processing those feelings/energies. With this retraumatisation my trust in TRUTH is quiet shattered now...but I want to get fully back on the path. HOW? (trip report in progress)
  5. @egoless if you do perma culture you create value (quality+ good conscience). and if you create value, you don't have to worry about profits, they will come. just think about how much people are wiling to pay extra for the label "organic". if you can create a solid public association of quality (and good feeling) with for example the label "perma", you will reap profits. if you locally start to really brand your RARE niche quality produce, demand from longer distances will add up to it soon. (similar to the high demand for local, high quality, antibiotic free, grass fed beef)
  6. @Blue is the sea the actual breathing is really simple: its just faster and deeper and without the breaks you usually do after each cycle. The book describes the full therapeutic process. And yes, you probably need a sitter...groupworkshops are most beneficial though because of the connectedness/teamspirit.
  7. @Nadosa You might try taking lots of long walks. They can perform miracles.
  8. @NadosaI am not saying it feels good to suffer, I am saying you can be excited, because you will come out as a much stronger person in the end! And the only way to end the suffering, is to not resist it. Let the suffering happen. Once you truly accept it, once you embrace it, once you don't judge it/label it as bad: It will be gone in the blink of an eye.
  9. do both. (the career and the enlightenment path) at some point your desire to achieve a career might fade. optimally your purpose is some way of elevating the collective consiousness. for example: My purpose is to be a successful musician with a wide reach. I hope to inspireas many people as possible to be their best self by great music, by beeing a spritiual role model and by promoting education. I know in the absolute perspective this is all meaningless, but it is an interesting game to play. Often I am too much in the character, but most of the time I am peacefully detached:)
  10. Hi, I'm from Cologne (Köln), hit me up if you are from NRW
  11. @NadosaCongratulations! You can be very happy this is happening:) Had pretty much the same 2 years ago, I am fucking glad it happened. One day after months of allready suffering, it was coming up again, heavily stabbing my stomach, I sat down straight, and said " Fuck it, let there be suffering......Come at me!!" I felt it rushing in freely, intensifying and ......there was stillness and peace. "There should be no suffering" is the root of all suffering. - Eckhart Tolle
  12. @Nexeternity "It sounds a bit harsh to put yourself through so much in the name of healing and getting better." Well, for real healing, you have to go through some pain no matter which way you take. @Voyager I have once got these crampings too (a bit like orgasm spasms) and its very uncomfortable in the nose and throat to keep breathing. I never did it longer than 20 min though. I am going to go to a hb workshop soon though, I'll let you know my experience. Oh yeah and I can also highly recommend checking out the book "holotropic breathwork by Dr. Stan Grof "
  13. Let's assume: the identification with thought (including emotion) is creating a life of suffering that can be described as a sine curve of highs and lows. Is enlightenment transforming the sine curve into a flat line? And if so: What about humor, love and gratitude? Aren't those ego, too? Will those fade? This week I was having breakfast with my parents, we made some nonsense jokes and I just felt grateful for my wonderful family. I thought: " The small things! Wow! I am loving this live! " But suddenly the next thought was: "This is an illusion too, isn't it?" This made depressive ( I know, depression is also ego). And I still cannot find a proper answer for that even after having read several books on enlightenment. My ego is afraid of becoming an empty shell. How can enlightened people laugh, love and be grateful?