eskwire

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Posts posted by eskwire

  4. Posted

    @Peace and Love Bless you for taking the time to share your resources and story with me! Thank you.

    I am excited to take this year to myself and only allow friendships at this time. You are right that you attract what you are and, right now, I'm changing rapidly. I don't want to attract who I am today because that's not where I'll be very soon!

    As to fear, I'm still not sure if it's fear that made me consider this. If it is, it is probably a fear of myself not being able to stay aware and make good decisions re: relationships while it's happening.

    Thank you again! Excited to check out that video. Healthy examples are KEY.

  7. Posted · Edited by eskwire

    @d0ornokey PS if it makes you feel any more confident...

    My anxiety used to be so bad that I once went to Urgent Care thinking I was having a heart attack. My brother has the same issue and was in the ER more than once. I also used to dissociate, which is a serious ass symptom (disconnecting from reality in an obvious way).

    I was on meds for this. Tossed em and did Buddhist chanting instead. No more symptoms. My bro is still on stuff but moved to Washington where he could smoke weed and meditate without a legal issue. He's much better.

    (Please don't abruptly stop meds, not a good idea. If you're put on any, taper off with a doc's supervision.)

  8. Posted · Edited by eskwire

    53 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    @d0ornokey Dude, you can overcome the fear of DEATH!

    What you're talking about is shallow peanuts compared to what true growth can conquer.

    Time to roll up your sleeves.

    @d0ornokey Yup. Get it get it. Remember that all of life is part biology part something something.  There is a saying, "Genetics load the gun, but lifestyle pulls the trigger." Don't let the medical and psychiatric community put limiting beliefs in your mind. They are operating from principles of helping people who can't always help themselves and averages. Remember, they have to work within a lot of confines re: time with patients, reasonable expectations, studies about what *most* humans do, how to bill and process, etc. If you are down to change and willing to work, you can. 

    *Retraction: not even what *most* humans do, just a statistically significant amount.

  10. Posted

    3 minutes ago, Martin123 said:

    @eskwire This calling you speak of can easily be awakened as you progress. Your sole existence in this world at this time is a proof a desire for some sort of creative action. Be it family or business or book or a garden.

    Creativity is the most inherent human quality. There is a creative intent behind everyone's existence.

    Meant that I don't have a calling toward a monastery but yes, you said that very nicely. 

  13. Posted

    6 hours ago, STC said:

    Yeah well from your posts I can tell you are sort of lost. 

    From this post and other posts of yours I can tell you that you got other things to work on then sleeping on a board of plywood. 

    I think you are looking at the wrong things all together. 

    While this comes off as somewhat mean-spirited, it's not totally wrong.

    The plywood board is something that helps my back. Not using a mattress is just an example of something else that would be considered a "wordly comfort" that I let go, rather than only relationships/sex (since you said that was a scapegoat). It's not a focus. 

    If you have helpful input on my misguided focus, you can message me. 

  14. Posted

    3 hours ago, STC said:

    @eskwire if you want to go celibate fore-ever I can see how that would be liberating. But then while you are at it why don't you join a Monastery and cut all ties with everything else you are attached to. Since you are looking to detach from ronantic relationships and sex. 

    In these New Age circles the romantic relationships are easily the scapegoat and often the do-er of all evils is seems like. 

    But there are so many other things that you are attached to and holding you back. Your family can be,  your friends can be, the TV shows you watch, the car you drive, your sports, your haircut you may just as well cut your hair off, etc etc etc. 

    (Dont cut your hair off)

    I can see how going celibate could be liberating but after you decided on that then what? You are still attached to all that other stuff, the only thing is now you don't have sex. So you cut out one of the most fun things and keep all the other potentially distracting and harmful habits and people in place. 

    I am not really getting a sense that you want to go celibate fore-ever either. I think you are just frustrated. You are like 30 something right? When it comes to sex you have been there right? Then refraining from sex for a year or so won't hurt you. After a year or two years it will still be there. You can pick it up then again. 

    I think what you should do is set a goal. Like make X amount of salary at a new job. Or reach this weight/body fat percentage. Or travel the world for a year. Or get a degree in subject X. A goal that takes some real effort to achieve. And that will truly improve your life. And then don't quit until you have achieved that. And then allow you a relationship and sex again. 

    I have considered living in a monastery, but doing work in public service seems like the route I want to take. It's almost like I want to live half normal, half monk and find a balance there. 

    Like, I don't watch tv, I sleep on a plywood board, I have very few possessions. Cutting off romantic relationships seems like one of those things I can let go of while still doing work for the public. 

    And it's funny you mention my hair because I am SO attached to it and that may be one thing that deterred me from joining a monastery!

    Anyway, your advice is solid. It's in line with what seems best at this time. One can "do me" with some rigid rules but not necessarily the rigid rule of celibacy.

  20. Posted

    1 minute ago, see_on_see said:

    Being celibate is not a requisite for consciousness growth. And I don't feel that being celibate would make for a good strategic decision if deep down you do want relationships, which again there's nothing wrong with. It may very well be that for some people, getting in a good healthy relationship is one of the things that will make them grow the most. 

    I feel you're turning it into a logical/dogmatic thing. Use your intuition instead. Tap into your intuition and ask yourself if this is really your path. There's no right or wrong path, just the one that's right for you, and only your intuition knows.

    Aight, the decision about taking at least a year to myself without letting anyone cramp my style stands.  That's what I really want to do.  

  23. Posted · Edited by eskwire

    People also seem to think this is way harder than it is. Love and sex are very interconnected for me. If I'm not in a relationship, I don't care about it at all. When in one, I am very active but outside of that, I just don't care. I don't desire biological children or necessarily marriage. I could take or leave the whole thing. Which is why I'm wondering if, strategically, leaving it is the smartest choice for my consciousness and growth.

    I've gone a year before with nothing because I wanted to be single and didn't have a drunk one night stand like in my youth. No biggie. 

  24. Posted

    @see_on_see I think I should have worded my post differently. Either that or people are projecting onto the idea. 

    It's not merely to avoid suffering but to avoid the wasted time and energy. It's a distraction from the work of spiritual purification. Hence my allusion to opportunity cost and the risk of getting stifled by one. 

    I also think people responding to this post haven't themselves accepted the idea that no relationship is fulfilling. It's not that I haven't found the right fulfilling relationship or developed myself enough to have one. It's that it is an external rather than internal source of fulfillment and is therefore not what this work is all about. 

  25. Posted

    Thanks for the input, folks.  I've decided on celibacy for one year, then re-evaluating it.  If I meet someone within that year, we'll have to be friends for that period and that may actually be the best thing.

    If celibacy isn't an objectively better path and I'm just in a cycle of dysfunctional relationships and bad psychology, then it seems that one year off from the pattern to make changes is a minimum.  There's a lot more important work I'd rather focus *all* of my energy on.  

    I'll see how I've grown in a year and I will also take that time to study the phenomenon in monks, nuns, etc.