Reignforest

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Posts posted by Reignforest

  1. Posted

    @at_anchor I mean by understand where you are in spiral dynamics based on your environment.  If you are green and your community is not,  it won't be sustainable.  If it is blue,  be blue. America is orange so most people are forced to be orange.

    Also each experience has made me more resilient.  Pain is a valuable lesson. I'm doing very well comparatively. 

  4. Posted

    3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

    I know. But I'm not welcome and accepted. Every person sooner or later turns against me because of others. 

    It is like this in America too. Idk of a country immune to this behavior. 

     

    3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

    Aside from that, I am dependent on people that don't explicitally attack me, but they make me suffer and unable to sleep. One day I can wake up a bit rested, another totally unrested. 

    Same thing happens if your a parent. Only they are dependent on you.

     

    3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

    People don't like being around you if you're not well and if it's not apparently in their interest.

    This is just a consequence of reality and human behavior. 

     

    3 hours ago, at_anchor said:

    I'm basically uselessly hoping that one day I'll get to a cpuntry where I'll have a safe financial and health situation, a kind of equal standing with others and that I'll be able to get the relationship I want. You can't get money and relationships you want if people hate you and want to rob you and torture you. If they see that they are justified in attacking you. It's not a war with guns, it's harder.

    This is true anywhere. I grew up in a racist town,  with a racist school. Being the only brown kid there.  Any family that didn't abandon me exploited me for work or money. I've been robbed by strangers, family and friends.  I've been beat up, burnt, shot at, stabbed, throat nearly crushed by a bat, broken bones, attacked by animals, etc. Had multiple near death experiences from excessive cold,  heat, starvation and poison. I've watched many loved ones die, grandparents, cousins, younger sister, best friend/first love. Was homeless for years on separate occasions. Been cheated on by a fiance. Thought I finally escaped when I got married and moved away. Only to find that I built an exploitative relationship,  which I'm still trying to repair. Turns out hurt people attract hurt people. I'm saying this because none of this is an excuse to define yourself.  Understand where you're at in spiral dynamics and work hard to move up. 

  5. Posted

    @Princess Arabia There is a lot to unpack here, but we would need to start another topic to get to the bottom of it. Let's just say that I mostly agree with you. But just for clarification I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife for more than superficial things. However I would question her loyalty to me if I wasn't the provider. But we are going off topic. 

     

    @evgn This type of loss takes time to absorb. You put her on a pedestal and she directly attacked your ego, self esteem and perceived value. The only way to recover is to rebuild your self esteem.  Which only comes through dedication to something difficult, while simultaneously avoiding recognition.  Because recognition is external validation and cannot build self esteem. You can also undergo thought experiments objectively to see if your valuation of her "specialness" is justified.  For example what if you learned something secret about her sexual history that was unsettling to you? Would this make her less special? What specifically makes her special if not just pure admiration for you? 

  6. Posted

    @Princess Arabia There is a lot to unpack here, but we would need to start another topic to get to the bottom of it. Let's just say that I mostly agree with you. But just for clarification I've been married for 10 years. I love my wife for more than superficial things. However I would question her loyalty to me if I wasn't the provider. But we are going off topic. 

     

    @evgn This type of loss takes time to absorb. You put her on a pedestal and she directly attacked your ego, self esteem and perceived value. The only way to recover is to rebuild your self esteem.  Which only comes through dedication to something difficult, while simultaneously avoiding recognition.  Because recognition is external validation and cannot build self esteem. You can also undergo thought experiments objectively to see if your valuation of her "specialness" is justified.  For example what if you learned something secret about her sexual history that was unsettling to you? Would this make her less special? What specifically makes her special if not just pure admiration for you? 

  8. Posted

    Avoidance of others is a trap. Even supposed tough guy lone wolf's are afraid of people.  But humans are social creatures.  Living entirely alone almost never happens, and when successful proves unsatisfying for most. Unfortunately our perceived value in an economy has very little to do with our own perceived value.  On the contrary our perceived value in an economy is mostly determined by how much value you can create for others. So unless you're not interested in money or relationships as a measure of success, people become unavoidable.  Personally I've overcome fear of people by being competent and dangerous,  while practicing restraint and kindness. 

  10. Posted

    @Princess Arabia Exactly my point.  Men and women have different requirements. Most men I know would gladly provide all the resources and not think twice about it.  Provided they had the ability to do so. It doesn't matter what stage the relationship is at. Unfortunately the priority for most men is physical attractiveness and opportunities for intimacy. Which by default deteriorates over time. This doesn't mean a man can't learn to appreciate and love a woman for others things as the relationship progresses. Both my granfathers died married to my grandmother's. Men can have a high degree of commitment,  however in modern times women seem to be more committed to their feelings and will leave a man for very little. 

  11. Posted

    @Princess Arabia let me ask you this.  Would you be attracted to a man who looked physically attractive, had a great personality,  and adored you? But he was committed to not having a job and was in fact expecting you to provide all the money and resources? Because that's what most men are fighting for. They don't care about intelligence,  a 6 figure income or a Nobel prize. Most men are attracted to physical beauty first, and are willing to depart with their resources under the guise of being a provider. 

  14. Posted

    @itsadistraction even children are secondary priorities.  She likely won't be interested in breeding with someone who cannot provide the lifestyle she wants for her and her children. 

    Dr. Orion Taraban has a good quote. Women treat men like a job and men treat women like money. With women its all about the opportunities you have to offer. With men women are the goal.

  19. Posted

    Capitalism is an orange level mentality.  Most people need to adapt to their environment. Therefore if you exist in a capitalistic society you have to integrate that. Socialism is both a lower blue state and higher green state. Meaning that to be socialist you would need to move to a location implementing those techniques.  Nobody knows what a yellow or Turquoise economy would look like, which is actually more ideal. However they all face the same problem and require a community to cooperate. 

  23. Posted

    1 hour ago, NoSelfSelf said:

    Since you are from single mother and didnt have a fatherfigure then you screwed...

     

    My mother is one of the nicest people you'll ever meet, also very responsible. However she's not perfect and was only capable of offering advice in transactional relationships bc that's all she knew.

    My father went to prison for making meth. The only advice he had was how to steal, lie, kill and destroy. I'm glad he wasn't around honestly now that I know him.

    Fortunately I did have good grandfather's to emulate. Unfortunately they died young and put up with more than their fair share of bs. Nobody is perfect,  I just try to absorb what I admire and disregard the rest.

  25. Posted

    @NoSelfSelf exactly,  there is no defensive in that situation. But what I mean is that I can't take it seriously unless I'm all in. No half measures. And we are not at that point. We are slowly growing together and much has improved since when we started,  but we still have a long way to go.

     

    Also I am in connection with my own mindset. I built my own business in spite of her doubt and lack of support. Since then we have all benefited from it. I also built a 5 acre homestead with chickens,  turkeys, sheep and an orchard without help and against her wishes. But now she's happy about it. 

    I'm mostly curious why females can't understand the male perspective, while constantly accusing males of not seeing the females perspective. When this is obviously not the case