michaelcycle00

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Posts posted by michaelcycle00

  1. Posted · Edited by michaelcycle00

    How can I be more naturally self-centered? I feel guilty if I feel really good (despite it being super rare) when I know most people are miserable, full of anger, always defensive, with personal problems on top of working shitty jobs for wages that don't really afford them independence. It's true that you can feel whatever way you want inside regardless of what's going on outside. At times I've been abused really harshly and then 30 minutes later I can almost feel elated simply because I want to and allow myself to feel that way, but it makes me feel guilty that only very few of us are able to enjoy this. Sadly most people don't even have the wits or the openmindedness to consider this a possibility. I see clearly how a lot of problems that society has could be solved this very day if we all worked together for once. It pains me how we're so close yet so far from actually enjoying existence and being decent to one another.

    At the same time, I understand things must be this way (for whatever Godly reason) and that loving myself entirely and thinking I'm worthy of everything is foolish because someone could just kill you for pleasure suddenly one day, or punch you to death because you got into an argument, etc. At the end of the day you're not worth a lick, are better than anyone, or have anything guaranteed. The world will keep spinning regardless of whatever is relevant to you personally. You could love yourself with the highest intensity in the world and still be reduced to a blob of flesh 15 minutes later. Or if you're as unlucky as I am your happiness will attract a ton of vultures who see you as easy prey to take advantage of.

  2. Posted

    On 7/20/2023 at 6:22 AM, ivankiss said:

    They're helping you to fulfill your desire of helping others, they're giving you an opportunity to step into that role of a hero, a saviour, that you most like really wanna play, underneath it all. You like the position that puts you in, don't you? It's incredibly selfish. You know it is.

    This might be true for the majority of people, but I don't think it's a given in every scenario. I'd rather help someone behind closed doors than have a bunch of people know. I wouldn't wanna be seen as the hero or the savior. If I could wave a magic wand from my room and give everyone the love, peace, and stability they deserve I would. And no one would ever know. I'm a little less sad when I see some random person happy and smiling, and that has 0 to do with me. How am I selfish there?

    You're playing mind games. Of course you could say "people being happy and a peaceful world make YOU feel good", and that's true, but it's also true that there are many many things I dislike about people, that I'm more than OK with disliking as long as that makes THEM happy and it's not hurting anybody. You can't be 100% selfless because it's not in the code of biological beings wired for survival, there's simply no such thing as a human.

  3. Posted

    27 minutes ago, r0ckyreed said:

    But you don’t apply that same logic across the board. With your logic, there is no point in having children, having sex, talking to others, and even living if everything goes back to infinite consciousness.

    But your children and house do matter to you. So you would be contradicting yourself by not writing the will.

    Going a bit far there, the point of having sex is to feel pleasure. And you really can't just "stop living and talking to others", you really don't have much of a choice in doing that other than dying, which is not the case when it comes to writing your will.

  5. Posted

    23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

    Consciousness can easily dream up a Hell full of demons and such. And its opposite.

    The problem is treating these as objective places outside your own MIND and not taking responsibility for dreaming them up.

    You don't go to Hell for immoral behavior, your MIND conjures it up.

    But will it? I don’t think consciousness will ever create such a thing. The idea of hell and the afterlife only makes sense to a human lost in silly ideas. If you think about it, an infinite amount of time has already passed because there is no time in the first place. And yet I’m here, not in some fire-y place with demons.

    Is there a legitimate reason for it? I don’t know, the thing with pondering is that it’s always negated by the illusion of time and circles back to the now.

  6. Posted

    33 minutes ago, Arthogaan said:

    I don't see how that is a good analogy to what I said. It seems to me that you yourself see that killing miserable and opportunistic people so that only happiness is left is evil. So that is also why God allows it. You can try to explain the analogy better to me.

    You said God creates suffering and pain for the greater good. Then I, by doing what I previously mentioned, am inflicting pain and suffering for the greater good. Now imagine your family was included in my mission to make the world a happier place.

    Would you say that I am good as well?

  9. Posted

    2 hours ago, Arthogaan said:

    2. God is good. If he could construct reality with less pain, he would. But it is not possible. In order to create biological machines made of flesh, he had to invent pain and hunger

    It's crazy how you think this is perfectly fine because God did it, but it's the most evil and ruthless thing if a similar thing is done by and to humans. Just consider this:

    What if I woke up tomorrow with Superman's powers, and decided that I want this world to be much happier, so, the way I'll carry that through is I will kill every single miserable and opportunistic person or otherwise evil person for the greater good. Not so loving now, am I? 

    2 hours ago, puporing said:

    Because disconnection from God/Love/Heaven. o.O:(

    What we need is to wake more people up, like all the way not half ass awakenings, amongst other things.

    You can't. Maybe you'll wake up a friend or two, but the reality of things is most people are so incredibly lost they will never awaken and nothing we do will ever change that. They have enough of a hard time just being decent humans in the physical world.

  11. Posted

    So God is a ruler that fully controls you and also punishes you based on Karma and is at the same time separate from you (so as to decide what happens with you and the situations that you're in)? Not feeling so good about this trip report not gonna lie lol. 

    Also, you said you were the only one conscious and yet God told you not to interfere in other people's lives, and to apologize to your parents, but... what lives? What parents? You just said there are none, not like we think of them anyway. If you can turn down people's sounds at will I think at that point it's blatant that they're just a projection in your field of view and don't have a personal consciousness.

    On 7/4/2023 at 1:21 PM, Jowblob said:

    f god wants you to die or stop with this life, it can happen at any time. It is always your choice to stop this dream, when you stop your dream you become omniscient and you will know that everyone else is a creation of yours and you're the only god.

    So is it my choice to stop this dream, or God's? How do we make the distinction between me and God here?

     

  13. Posted

    @Princess Arabia I understand that I can change the way I see things, to open my mind further. What I'm saying is I am simply unable to go through with it, for 2 reasons. First off, if I sense I'm deluding myself in the name of positivity it will never work out. I prefer the ugly truth over the pretty delusion. And second, as I said, what is done is done. I've been left severely hurt and traumatized, and for what? FOR WHAT? Even if I could heal entirely it'll always be in the back of my mind that my God-self created this. That it didn't HAVE to, because it's the only thing that exists and so the only will that can do anything, but it still did. It is no mistake. IT IS VICIOUS AND CRUEL. The evidence is right in front of me and ignoring it in the name of positivity is a delusion. Do you not get it? If there's only you, then you hurt yourself. If you get your limbs cut off by terrorists you're doing it to yourself. It is no random event because there is ultimately only God's will, regardless of how it manifests itself. EVEN IF YOU TURN THE PAGE INTO WONDERLAND, you're basically saving yourself from your real self. That doesn't negate what happened to you when you were unaware (which is an illusion, everything is deliberate). Existence is evil and making it better is a defensive move. Then you'll die and incarnate into another dream where you'll suffer again, and this time you may not become so aware so as to save yourself. I don't wanna find out I tortured myself for fun because that would mean I'll always be at my own devilish mercy unless I manage to do something about it... and that's about the only ugly truth I'm unable to accept. It's all meaningless too, I'll be fine for a while and then back to viciousness and cruelty… it makes no difference to me anymore.

    @Jowblob I don't think others are even slight mirrors of myself. So many people are unlike me in nearly everything. Not everyone treats me the same either. It doesn't make sense. It's just part of God's consciousness like you say and that's it.

  14. Posted

    You must really love your life if that worries you. I mean, yeah, you're gonna die at some point. Doesn't have to be negative, in fact, it is necessary... you don't want the hell that would be immortality in human form.

    Do you not look forward to death at all? I romanticize the idea of dying peacefully and becoming a gentle nothingness where I can sleep for eternity as the Universe disappears with me. Just typing it alone makes me feel warmness and love :x

  15. Posted · Edited by michaelcycle00

    On 6/29/2023 at 8:24 PM, Princess Arabia said:

    You created that narcissist by calling them a narcissist. Now your world has to prove to you that they are a narcissist, and they'll keep being a narcissist until you let go of the idea of them being a narcissist. That's how powerful you are. You are the operant power. 

    I did not. I only started calling him that the last year or so. He was exactly the same before I even knew how to label things, let alone a person. I can’t get myself to accept that “I’m the operant power” because that would mean I tortured myself all my life, decades, for no reason at all. I need to believe my “real” self is not that unforgivingly cruel. That maybe it was just a matter of luck, that I was at my own mercy or something. I can’t wrap my head around how you create a perfectly sane, sensitive and sensible person and turn it into a degenerate with tons of traumas just to say “hey, kidding, you’re actually the creator and fully in control” all of a sudden.  Makes 0 sense, it’s retarded and unnecessary, and gives me super strong urges to inflict violence and be the worst version of myself.

    @Inliytened1 there are some things I’m not capable of, this is one of them. And so suffering is what I’m left with. If I wanna finally get close to God, then I’ll just end it.

  18. Posted

    8 hours ago, Someone here said:

    But to theorize about this stuff is one thing ..and actually getting your ass on the line with some fucked up suffering is a different story .

    Been telling you cats this since forever. It's all sunshine and rainbows when you're thinking about it, but it's a whole other beast when you're going through it. It's almost like theorizing about it soothes you from all that pain you endure when you're experiencing it. A kind of band-aid that is ultimately useless.

    Existence is a curse. So much so that being abused enough as a child that you develop antisocial personality disorder is actually a benefit. I can confidently tell you as a highly-sensitive person that I would've much rather not been born. But hey these 2 mongoloids wanted to give their shitty lives some meaning so they brought another pair of lives to this disgusting world to wage-slave and suffer for decades until they die. But all that mattered to them was their happiness, even if it was at the expense of others. And that's also a pretty good summary of humanity as a whole.

    You and I are living in a bubble nonetheless though, there are people out there running from narcos or terrorist groups in hopes they don't get skinned alive or get their extremities cut off, and incredibly that's one of the lighter things too.

    As @Breakingthewall said, reality is cruel and ruthless. Do what you want, it doesn't matter one lick whether you're good or bad anyway.

     

     

  20. Posted

    9 hours ago, Breakingthewall said:

    Total freedom. dance, perfection. the infinite is not floating in nothingness, it is nothingness, and everything. nothingness does not surround it, nothing can surround it, it has no limit. it is unthinkable.

    This fascinates me, I can almost feel some sort of remembrance through your words, like a déjà vu around this description. "Unthinkable", hmm... quite an interesting word, almost like there is a sense of familiarity to it. Feels like I'm somewhat close to what it's about but I'm not. I don't know, it doesn't sound scary to me.

    How far could you go around explaining this particular "unthinkable"? I know words will never truly make up for it, but I must ask you to try if you are willing...

  21. Posted

    1 hour ago, OBEler said:

    @michaelcycle00 through your sense of sight? Thats imagination 

    @Julian gabrielplease be honest, did you really awakened to solipsism or did you adopted the ideas of solipsism, the details of this concept? 

    Sure, all I'm trying to say is that there's an experience going on here from "my" end, rather than only what this guy is currently aware of. And yes, he definitely adopted the idea from Leo.

  22. Posted

    I'm literally reading your shit rn gangster.

    It's trippy tho. If every moment is eternal, that means you and I are both aware at the same time, at different times, and our POVs are also both paradoxically Absolute. It's weird af. Now it could be as complex as this or as simple as Leo makes it out to be. I don't really know, but what I do know is that I'm currently visually aware of this post through my sense of sight.

  23. Posted

    16 hours ago, Inliytened1 said:

    You say that - but when you have suffered enough in this world you will have enlightenment.  You will know when you know.   Only then will you become God.  And even then, your job here is not yet done.  There is still much in this dream to be harvested.   Only when the harvesting is complete will you move on to another dream.  A lot of work was put into everything you see around you - and the finite eyes from which you gaze out.  It is not something God will toss away easily.

    This sounds incredibly depressing to me. Like existence is either God bored or finite self tortured. Wow, grandiose. 

    What if I just want eternal rest? I don't wanna leave this dream to move on to another one. You say God will not toss away my finite self that easily, well... first and foremost what God wants can suck a humongous chode as far as I'm concerned. But with that said, what would then happen if I shot myself in the head rn? What's the difference between waiting a few decades and ending it instantly right this moment? Is the aftermath gonna be different depending on what I go with?