fopylo

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About fopylo

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  1. Lately I've been eating a lot more junk food, I've been more on social media, barely meditated, barely watched Leo's videos (not as consistent and as serious as before). Man I just hate it, fucking sucks. I'm learning all those things like how to stop backsliding, visualization, spirituality, attachments, Maslow's hierarchy, morality, and like I'm not managing to combine them all. I'm slacking off. I don't have even clarity of what I want to do with my time, lacking clarity and decisiveness. How in the world would visualization help me if I don't know what is the ONE thing that I need to put all my efforts into for like 3 fucking months, so much stress and of course Imma slack off in such a situation. Should I go with Maslow's Hierarchy or with my desire? Maybe I should eat healthy, but I'm trying not to 'should' myself in the foot so I go to the other end, eating unhealthy. I want to create. I know it deep deep inside even if I'm not always thinking about it. I have so many "problems" that just cloud my vision of reality. What in the world is happening in my life that causes me to slow down meditation, thus being less grounded and being a bit unstable in my life. But even if I decide, say, to create music (because I really love music and I know I will want to create music in the future) but it never hits me that this is the MOST IMPORTANT thing I should be doing with my time. What about investing time reading about finance so that I don't need to worry about money? How about a book on meditation? How about a book on human communication because I lack it. I can't even decide the more subtle things which determine my life trajectory, filled with more indecisiveness. It's like I'm meta-indecisive (this is how it feels sometimes). I've just finished high-school (final ceremony on the 21.6) which is really sad. Since I live in a small locality, we basically know each others' faces for 12 years, and leaving all that behind is really fricking sad and identity-threatening. I wouldn't consider most of them good friends of mine, but I still enjoyed their company somewhat. And in like 2 months I'm going to my camp for 6 months before the military (which is for 2.5 years). So much change is going on and it can quite overwhelm me at sometimes and I think there is a correlation to some extent for my falling. Anyways I just need a plan, I need some helping hand. I am lost. I know I am lost and I'm glad I know this at least although it is also a curse. Just want to enjoy my life again and be on the uphill I was before that
  2. I hope it's not only for me. For some reason messages I've sent to people just got deleted. Also I've found that some comments on threads of mine got deleted. There was no crossing any guidelines, pure simple conversations. @Leo Gura Could you check into this? Let me know if also others have it. Quite frustrated that the messages I put effort into got erased as well as of other people
  3. @OctagonOctopus I have never really seriously contemplated that but I feel I have a good idea. In general I want to move people through music. All of that presumes I'm clear that I want to focus on creating music. I said I feel like it's almost a calling, something that could change my life, but for this phase in my life there might be other things which are more important to focus on. I can't ditch everything else, as I want to grow in more areas in my life. Can't focus on one thing at a time - fitness, developing awareness, creating music, practicing piano, practicing my social skills, studying. I will break down that way. This is so tricky omg
  4. @Eph75 I'll try to reply faster, sorry for keeping you waiting long. By the way I read what you write like at least twice and it takes me a long time to go through it lol, so I'm preparing lot's of energy and focus to go through what you wrote and I can't do this just whenever. I need to be focused and in the right mind. So then what is the purpose of having "relationship/friendship goals"? It's almost like you're saying to instead change it to "giving goals". In that case I won't have goals such as getting a girlfriend in the next 3 years, keeping in touch with friends from high-school, developing friendships in the camp. It would be more like "what can I do to give this girl, what can I do to make the kids from high school feel good about themselves, what can I give those people in the camp". It can be interpreted as being a nice guy, and also there is a lack of objection. How can I expect to form any relationship without the objective of forming one? I believe relationships are important and I can't just be "fuck it, I'll just give and whatever. I'll aim to feel the love in me rather than aim to connect to people, I'll be detached from them". What do I give myself? Self-love? Well then why in the world do our brains produce these chemicals if it ruins us eventually?? How can it serve us if the great feeling comes from this self-love? This sounds exactly like the opposite of what you were saying. It seems like an expectation - "I see how much you give me, and I'll match it up with how much I give you back in return". @Julian Fernando Ok, so now thinking about it you might be right that I never really felt love when I needed/expected it, in fact I felt quite bad, so you got that point. But from the very few moments that I remember experiencing love, I don't remember that I was necessarily "giving" something. I know for sure that I wasn't expecting anything but I don't think I gave something. It was more like the other person did something and I was just in a different state of being, not needing. I might really be wrong and probably not accurate in my memory, or perhaps I am just understanding it in an inaccurate way. It's as if it had to do also with the participant/s of the situation. Perhaps I am not aware of all the types of "giving" that I have emanated in those moments..
  5. @Rigel Yeah, and to stop backsliding. I'm getting closer and closer to uncover the truth of this matter. Posted a more updated version of my perspective on this matter. After I saw the video How To Stop Backsliding it changed my view on it and I see the structure differently. I just wrote about it here:
  6. I've seen Leo's episode on How To Stop Backsliding, and it was really insightful and I was really happy that I found the video that I needed - The no bullshit explanation of how to make change in your life/how to stop procrastinating. I thought it would help me with starting to create music. So he talks about things like homeostasis, proper expectations, support system, meditation and visualization habits. Sorry if my issues sound stupid or silly to some but I'm telling you that I am honestly writing that and for me it is quite big. Anyways - The issues: Visualization: I struggle to get on board with simply visualizing. I could visualize about visualizing.. about visualizing about visualizing... I just need this switch in my mind to start visualizing, because I feel I have mental resistance/dissonance towards building a vision in something realistic (and not like a dream) - I mean like visualizing me creating music on FL Studio (music software for those who don't know) and not me visualizing about myself being a great musician, being more reasonable. Also, isn't visualization counterproductive to developing awareness of thoughts? Visualization presumes that I know what I want to achieve, the one thing, which leads me to my second struggle - Clarity: I said that I am very interested in getting into (more like back to) music creation and I feel that I could do really great in it if I put the effort. I would be quite obvious for me to solely focus on that since I believe it is probably one of the things that can change me the most, but is it the most important thing? It would be really nice to have a habit of creating music, but how do I know if it is more important than focusing on the habit of practicing piano which I've got back into not long ago? Or maybe focusing on developing my awareness is the number one thing I should be doing...maybe starting to invest my money and reading books on finance? Leo mentioned that focusing on 2 things is not good in producing success and that it is the best to focus on one thing at a time. For me this will probably be hard as I tend to switch objectives. But let's say I have managed to get clear and focused on one thing, I feel like my life would be boring only putting my focus on it. And even when I achieve it and I move to the next, and next, and next, I will already lose progress from the things I've already changed and will go back to normal. I really struggle getting clear on what I want and I'm also entering a new phase of my life, quite scary for me if I'm being honest, and this in itself is already threatening my homeostasis. So how do I deal with those 2 major issues? It will really change the world for me if you could provide me with solutions to this very very tricky vicious rut that I've been stuck in for years already and took a long time to just get basic understanding of what's going on with me thanks to Leo's videos and especially this one.
  7. @kag101 Maybe. Hard to define. Tell me if you understand this: I did have some hobbies in the past, but due to day-to-day life events I've built resistance towards certain things which I could consider "hobbies". I avoid many things out of some unconscious fears, even if it's stupid things like buying a video game. I don't let myself too loose on those stuff. Don't get me wrong, I mean loose in general to both healthy and unhealthy things. I used to engage in many things, but as I'm entering this self actualization journey I've realized that it can't be sustainable to pursue all of them at the same time, as if they would all grow eventually but in a longer period of time. This is false, and I need to focus on one thing. Being clear on what's the one thing is what I struggle with and have some fear around. Fear of missing out is one of them, I don't want to fuck up with this. Due to this pressure I don't go out and make a decision, just stay stuck in my homeostasis, not doing pretty much anything... I just saw the video How To Stop Backsliding which was quite insightful. I feel like I have almost all the tools I need to go and make a change, but I need to be clear on that. Taking the life purpose course isn't something very convenient for the time being. I'm just looking for going after something clear in the moment. I'm also not saying all that to complain, so please don't get the wrong attitude. I'm still growing and perhaps I'll find the answer for myself in not so long. Just had to let a bit out. The synchronicity of Leo's videos are amazing... aren't they?
  8. @Rigel Just watched the video How To Stop Backsliding. Has amazing points and great theory. Gonna use some of the ideas. What I need is also clarity. I need to get clear on what is the most important thing I want to achieve
  9. Thanks guys. By the way I was lying on my bed before, feeling this empty feeling, and then went and had the ice-cream feeling into it. I don't think it was a good decision (like always) but at the moment it felt like it @Zigzag Idiot By the way I don't understand this image at all ?
  10. Leo's video on overcoming addiction suggests you sit with this feeling, but recently I see him and others say to fulfill this desire (such as wanting to have ice-cream) and savor it consciously until you transcend it. Problem is that I still find myself having ice-cream quite often. With what approach should I go? Should I fulfill the desire and express it consciously or suppress it and feel the emptiness?
  11. @Swarnim Just eradicated the words I used ? What do you mean by "they add friction to your life"? As a follow up question, why would you personally want to engage in low consciousness entertainment?
  12. @Thought Art I am at the stage where I don't know whether I need a hard kick in the ass (which is neurotic), or I need a compassionate understanding and help to get the right frame of mind. This is making me nervous knowing that my only free time I'll have for a while is now for less than 3 months (like I said in other threads, I won't be free for 3.5 years because of military stuff which you have to go to in my country)
  13. I really really appreciate all those kind comments I'll say however that I've lost my drive to create music a few days after posting this thread. A few days ago I had a bit of motivation but had lot's of limiting believes and wrong mindsets and understandings which disable me from creating music. Now I got tired of it, dropped it aside and lost motivation. I don't feel frustrated, but just nothing (maybe a tiny bit frustrated). But I know what will happen - Like always it will come back to me. Music is very very powerful in the way I experience it. It will surely come to me in a new way not far from now, that it is a higher calling for me. And then all those unresolved deep issues will show up and prevent me from "getting on the grind" (or just simply building the habit) @Rigel This is a very great ideal. Problem is that it doesn't work so well for me if I already have resistance towards it. Trying to start with baby steps, but baby steps are backfiring on themselves...Kinda funny not gonna lie
  14. @WelcometoReality But I had to be aware enough to see that expression is something that is happening on its own. It's not enough to just say 'be present'. We are used to being the ones who are controlling, but hearing the opposite - that we are not in control, has a passive connotation for beginners like me. That's why we need to redefine "no control" and set a proper image for it. It seems like "no control" could be perceived as being very free because you're just flowing. So what is happening in the instances when I decide something? What is happening when I'm making a choice, trying to change something? Who is doing the thinking, analyzing and brings the subconscious emotional drives? Does this go into the territory of enlightenment? (I don't know anything about it, didn't watch Leo's videos yet)
  15. @Eph75 what did he gain though? If his focus is on adding value, then what about the wholeness and self-acceptance that he needs? How can adding value to others automatically make you whole and fulfilled inside? You need to build yourself up before you can start giving