fopylo

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DSze76kidja/?igsh=bXZzNXQ4b3BzaXZn Coincidence it popping first thing in my feed

Ok, so update from today: I did not have the date. I woke up at like 13:30 (we thought of meeting at 16:00) and I knew I had to eat lunch and it could take me like 30 minutes to get there, so to be on the safe side I asked if it's ok we move it to 17:00. She then suggested tomorrow which was weird saying she's exhausted. At first I thought I let her down, but then she seemed to show more signs that she does want to meet and not flake me off. Bottom line here is that we're gonna meet tomorrow instead of today, which is kinda of a shame because I wanted to meet her with the fit I had for today. At least it gives me more time to prepare some interesting questions. Ok, so now to the approaches: I was walking along some beach and wanted to approach women and compliment them (smile, clothes). I was starting to take pictures of the beach, and then purposely taking selfies in front of 2 pretty Thai women. Then I asked if one of them could take a photo of me. Not a biggy, but I just didn't continue it from here. Before the approaches, here is an insight I had regarding mood management: Being in a positive mood is important for approaching a woman. So I knew I had to get this down. So fundamental. Here are some stuff that helped me get into the mood that I could use in other sets: Humming some tune, walking around and just appreciating the nice views, and then also telling people "nice place isn't it?" or some other short associative thing which is just for sharing the positivity with another random person. And just like that it was easier for me to do approaching. Of course it wasn't linear. It was like a continuos thing throughout and in between the approaches to maintain the vibe. Approach 1 - I saw some old Thai woman with a nice shirt and came over and told her I like her style. I tried being funny by saying it in Thai through Google translate but it didn't work. Then her daughter helped me to translate. Kinda killed the smoothness, and then the daughter thanked me. Approach 2 - As I was keep walking the beach there was this young Thai girl walking perpendicular towards me just as coincidence and she was wearing a nice looking style (she must have been like a teen). I told her "hey, you have a nice style", and then of course I used the translate and she said "oh, thank you 😊". Yess, this is the reaction I'm talking about. And then as I was walking she smiled at me for like another second. Approach 3 - Kept walking the beach and saw a white woman (maybe 30 years old) sitting on the beach. Passed her by one meter, and then came back and said "Hey, I really like that tattoo. It looks good on you" (she had some tattoo on her shoulder). She said "thank youu". I want to add another insight I came to terms with today, and it has been pretty much all the other days: It's very hard finding a nice looking woman by herself. I realized I'm also scared of approaching a woman when there are people around her. Ok, so after doing those approaches I was kinda more at ease, even though I was putting slight pressure to maybe do some extra to compensate for this previous weak day and also to challenge myself, but fine. I decided to approach this white Norwegian man seeming to sit alone near the beach. I started conversing with him and it was nice. He's 56 years old, and turns out the Thai woman quite far from him is his girlfriend, and the other Thai women with her are her family and so they're all together. I was talking to him but felt accepted. They were starting to leave and I was like "oh you're leaving? I was just like about to suggest we get a beer... Do you have Instagram? Maybe if I'll be at Krabi we could meet for a beer or something". It kinda felt like it wasn't going to happen but he still have me his Instagram. Afterwards I approached some Indian mom sitting with her little child asking her if she knows where the night market is. Then I told her "oh, I actually thought you are a local Thai and that's why I asked you, but you seem to know as well so good". Tried being playful. Then I went to the night market and I remember my brother was joking about me buying those penis beer bottle openers. So I went to women who work in the shops and asked quite loud as though it's normal "Hey, do you know where are all the penises and naked people sculptures are?" Until I found them. An insight I had as I was walking the night market: Sometimes I'd see a pretty woman and we make some eye contact and then I have this little battle in my head of "should I go say something?" "Should I just keep going and forget about it?". We all know this battle, but it is more frustrating when this is the current practice I'm focusing on. So the insight is that when I made the eye contact I felt the fear, looked away, and then saw how this "self" story is being created in thin air. Literally the obstacle. I then sat at a random table with some random guy there and turns out his from my same country so we were starting to have a chat. After some time of walking around I came back to the table areas. They all seemed again occupied besides one which there was only one woman there. I tried to escape by finding one with one man but they were all kinda taken already and then that guy said "here, just go sit on the table where that woman is". He said it quite loud enough that for me not doing it would make me look like a pussy so I did it. That shit works apparently 😂. So I sat down and didn't talk to her much at first. There was live music playing anyways so silence is ok. I asked her intermittent questions and not much of a flow at first. Tried being playful telling her she looks Russian, and then indirectly guessing her age by information she gave me which she caught on and it was funny. She is 37 years old from Belgium and also said it's her final night. If I had superb skills it could be cool to have a one night thingy but this was just a thought I entertained. There was some fire show going on next to us so I told her I'm going to see it and if she's coming as well. The bouncing didn't really work but it's ok because I wasn't really expecting something here. She just left back. Then after I got my massage (normal one, although just the fact that special massages are accessible can be very tempting) I was walking back, and I complimented the Indian guy trying to bring customers to his Indian restaurant that he has a very welcoming face. I was also a little high after the massage. Anyways, this was it for today. Did more than the 3 approaches for sure so I can be satisfied from today. Tomorrow I'm going to the date, and I hope it goes well. Gotta still do my laundry tonight to have a fit for tomorrow. I think I know what my simple gameplan is gonna be: Greet her with a hug Being playful with her (observational assumptions) Then start walking with her and keep being playful and building attraction but not for so long, just to create attraction. Then most of the time would be shifting to a more personal mode of conversation - asking about her thoughts, emotions, reasons, as well as sharing my own + interesting questions I'll come up with. And I'll do the playful teasing thing for her responses. I'll lead us where we go and bounce us. I'll try holding strong eye contact with her if we are infront of eachother. Regarding flirtation and escalation... Maybe I'll hold on with it a bit. Hopefully she helps with it as well, but I don't think I'm going hard with it and would be ok if we don't sleep the first time we meet. After all, the date itself seems to put more pressure on me 😂. I'll find a way to end it though. @Zenterus If of anything, I'd like to hear you especially regarding the last part.

@Zenterus Yes man I am a little emotionally invested because after all I've never really gone dating. It's kinda a first for me and it's probably just the nerves. Ok, yes I'll lead her around even if I don't know the area. I'll do my research once I know exactly where she's staying at and find like something nearby. Ok cool, so I'll find like 5-10 things to talk about and interesting questions. Maybe I'll use help from chatgpt. And yes, while talking to her I'll go by this formula: Question -> response to her answer (tease, joke) -> I'll give my take. Obviously I won't try to force a joke every time. But this is actually very witty of you to say. Like I don't have the skill to be that witty. It honestly seems like it just comes to observation and imaginative association. You seem good at it. Maybe a matter of practice though. Maybe I should let go a bit huh... Ok yes, regarding flirtation it seems like a more intense version of being playful. The examples you gave seem like they require even more wittiness. I don't think I'm hopeless though because maybe it's just a matter of practice. In fact, as I was writing this comment I was stopped by a girl in the hostel and we started talking. It was quite obvious she was on something, but I still wanted to take the opportunity to practice some stuff. Made assumptions on her like "you look Asian, but also not really" and then country guessed her saying what she's definitely not. Made sure to make eye contact as I was talking with her. After that when she was saying something sometimes I played off of and just be entertaining and confusing. But the point is that I felt like it was just practice that is needed. But I'm glad you wrote it probably isn't that necessary. The thing though is that on her profile she writes "looking for long term, open to short term" whereas I am the opposite, so we'll see if it'll really translate to her helping in with the flirtation. Yes, I've learned that when someone talks to me I give them eye contact, but when I talk then I'm free to look wherever and then here and there at the person. The reason for eye contact while the other is talking is to show you are listening and engaged. The reason to make eye contact every here and then while talking is because that while thinking the eyes naturally wander and it's natural and then here and there check in that the person is listening. But when it comes to women, I'm a little confused how to act when I talk to her. This is actually genius haha like if she says yes then it just becomes funny 😂. But honestly, I how do I know when it's the right moment to kiss? Like does it follow a moment of long eye contact? When do I suggest it.

@Zenterus yo I might use it 😂. And like while you walk, do you hold hands? The thing is that on one hand I also don't want to make the girl feel awkward by not doing any move and not touching her at all.

And like how do you greet hello when starting the date? 😂

@Zenterus wish I could just voice message you since it became my normal way of explaining stuff haha. Basically I'm traveling now Thailand so I am just trying out tinder here, and I am lodging in hostels. But in any case, I take what you say and just make it relevant to me. My plan was that she'll be the one who kinda knows around and stuff but I'll be the one like "hey, let's go there. Looks nice". So yes, to keep leading by "bouncing" to different paths I guess. Maybe then I'll suggest "hey I kinda want to get a drink/tea" and then offer her as well (the whole instant date thing). You get what I'm saying. But I'll be honest man, 2 things are worrying me a little: 1. Keeping the conversation going. 2. Flirting and escalating. Like what do you mean by motion her to sit closer? I'm a little scared doing those moves, like the arm around her. This shows intimacy and bravery. Like, let's say I do this, then what do I do and say next? It's obvious I became more intimate with her that way.

Ok ok, quick update (you gotta hear it man @Zenterus ): I've somehow managed to secure a date on Tinder (well, we just moved it to Instagram). This will be my first date from tinder, in fact - my first online date. The only 2 dates I went to in my life were with girls I kinda knew already and years ago. Bottom line is that I don't really know how to date and what to do. I suggested we just meet to walk around a bit (not huge commitment and make it casual. I'm taking the idea of just walking around and "instant dating" it). Anyways, since it's gonna be in like the afternoon I don't know how to escalate with her. I don't know how escalating in a club is different from during daytime. What is acceptable and what is not. How do I know when to proceed and how? Thanks

@Looks What do you look out of writing to me all this? My goal here is to try to improve my ways with women and live with less fear and become more brave. If this somehow triggers you then please journal it out or create a separate thread expressing your frustration with women. 🙏🏻

@Looks You must have confused pronouns. Probably English isn't your first language. Umm, I'm not sure though

@Looks Sorry, but have you read what I wrote? I'm talking about the dude

@CARDOZZO Ok interesting videos. I like how they talk about the importance of it. Maybe I'll make it my goal to get an instant date after getting over the fear of approaching and having some conversation. They both seem like they know what they're doing but at first I got some weird vibes from the second video if it's staged. Later on it seemed pretty real, but like he's approach was so weird that it would be hard for me to imagine it working. Maybe it's just my fear speaking.

Ok I'll just pour it here before responding to other comments here. An update of today: So today in the late morning I decided to join 2 guys for a little excursion to a beach but basically just walking around for a bit and seeing some monkeys. I don't know if it was a mistake to go or not, because this one guy I was more friends with his problem is that he is ADHD and super extroverted just won't shut the fuck up talking about himself. So fricking draining, but for some reason I thought it might be a good idea and "always be open to offers because you don't know where they'll take you". So there this super high energy dude that I just couldn't match his energy, and the other guy we barely spoke. There were times when I was kinda left behind and then I was thinking about whether I should just do an approaching set. So here are some insights: Not to go with a group of extroverted people when intending to approach. The energy is just too much for me, and this in fact drains me and I just become like a follower dragging along them, and this brings down the mood for me to then do approaching. I must either do it alone, or with a buddy that has a vibe match like me. Manage mood - just brushing off the previous point. When feeling drained I don't feel the energy and general good feeling to even go and approach. Not saying I need to be super duper excited, but I just felt that this wasn't such a great experience. Maybe I should start fresh and do something to get myself in a good mood before doing a set and along the way something idk. So all in all I would say I did only 1 approach, for now at least. It's night right now, and I decided to relax and I might go and do a workout. There's a chance I might meet a 30 year old Thai from tinder that's about the "long term, open to short term" (she changed it just today from "wants to make new friends"). I'm not that into her to be honest but I kinda offered her to workout with me if she wants, but I might just ghost already idk, or at least inform her that I want to chill. Back to the approach. So I was at the beach after the guys kinda left me behind and I was slightly triggered but didn't let it stop me. I went to chill a bit in the sea, and then I saw this nice looking Indian mom trying to take selfies with the ocean. I then walked to her and offered if she wants me to take a photo of her. She said no and it's ok, but I just had to do something simple just to warm up a bit from this draining social experience with these guys I just had. Approach 1 - shortly after, I saw this Indian woman (I believe 40-50) walking and as she was starting to pass me I remember this moment - I just got out of my logical head and acted before I could start thinking and this is when I had no choice really but to flow with it. I asked her if she got her dress from Thailand because it's really nice. She told me that her mom (or grandma) made it for her. I then said it looks nice. She kinda nodded with a small smile and that's all it. Again, maybe my delivery isn't perfect, but I also might have some higher expectations of the response from the other person. I expect it to be more smiling, maybe a little laugh, maybe saying "oh, thank you! ☺️" - this is what I aim for but it doesn't happen that much. I'd like to mention another realization: It's very rare to just find a woman (especially a pretty one) just walking alone in a place with many people. Sometimes when I tried to find someone to approach they were usually with other girl friends, other guy friends, with her boyfriend (most cases here), or she is just fat/ugly and it's not worth approaching because I don't have something genuinely good to say. This is not an offensive statement. Many things which make a woman unattractive she can change. Sometimes she will not be a 10, but I believe every woman has the potential to be a 7 - good enough for most guys do drool over. Just a few words about that extroverted dude: So when I saw him at the hostel he was chilling outside with the other guy just talking to the two girls, and as he told me hello in excitement then the other two said hello as well. Then later there was this pretty woman that went to chill outside and the dude was just like "heyyyy, where do you come from? 😆" Just a confident extroverted dude. This dude, as much as I hated his constant talking about himself has some interesting stories to say. He said he has had already like 5 short term girlfriends in the span of 2 months. This dude is drugged the fuck up - doing so many things, he has some problems with the police back in England and owes 2,000,000 pound in debt and lost his phone and other problems, yet good experiences with locals. Basically a crazy dude. I am not like him, but it seems that his extroversion is really helping him though. But he was constantly drinking beer throughout the day and also now at night and smoking. So was the other guy, but he is less crazy. For the record, I haven't taken anything. I want to game sober.

@CARDOZZO Ok, so I'll tell you what - I promise I'll try out this kind of adventurous move maybe after I get a little more experience 😅

@Leo Gura Important is relative to the current stage I'm at. What's important for me now is to just approach them and then maybe ask a question (or just very light conversion). Of course also holding a conversation is important (might be like 80% of the time what we do, so yes), but then I could say that doing moves on her is more important than conversation.

https://www.actualized.org/insights/adventures-in-vegas-part-4 Love seeing that series again 😂. I think most of the series just sums up to Leo going to clubs sober and alone to enjoy his time here and it kinda inspires me to do the same thing for new year's. I don't drink that often, but I still try to not really drink nowadays, probably since I've started this journey. Just like Leo said, to do it sober. All my approaches here have been done sober. I think quitting alcohol for the rest of my life is quite extreme. The only thing I'm willing to promise is whenever I am on a set then to do it sober. But when I'm off the set then I might as well enjoy myself a little bit every here and there.