Hap E-Boi

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About Hap E-Boi

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  1. From my perspective a lot of this is actually stage red disguising as orange, I think actual orange stuff are many of those motivational speeches, Steve Jobs, lots of scientists, atheists, liberals, but they do have strong ethics. According to my observation most often their perspective on climate change is not denial but that technology will fix it. Many also think technology will solve all of our diseases, including ageing. Denial of it is also denial of science, which is more of a blue thing (even though a lot of scientists are blue and not all people in blue are denying climate change). A lot of Leo's older content might have orange aspects according to my observation (many mentions of the word success are an example of that). After all this is just my point of view, and there are other equally valid points of view
  2. Just wondering, are sweet potatoes alright as a main source of carbs? Eating more than a bit of anything else containing carbs gives me horrible brain fog, bad focus, depressive feelings, anxiety, vision problems, hallucinations, joint pain, exhaustion, etc.
  3. I just stumbled upon this: Would a jaguar be experiencing awakening on ayahuasca?
  4. @Nahm true it arises "now", like all what I say here, there are no words what can actually describe "it". (ego defending itself) If "I were in that state right now", there would be no I writing this here. Even though there is no now and then it's all "eternity". I can only point to "this", everything I say here can be further deconstructed to infinity. I could put every word between quotation marks, but those are a construction too. The only reason I'm writing this right now is ego, "I". It's selfish, it loves feedback. It loves to have the last word as well. It feels threatened when being "corrected" and gets a dopamine rush from a forlorn attempt to defend what it has said. It feels pride in admitting this all, etc. But everything is alright. Back to meditation practice
  5. Any distinction between imagining and existing are still a duality (or any other distinction), no words could describe it, but the closest you could get is: consciousness is. Without everything after it. If there is anything after it, it is not pointing to truth. Even though truth itself cannot be spoken as it would require it to depend on the construct of language.
  6. Hi everyone, I thought I've already had ego dissolution experiences, but now realized these were awakenings (and beyond) but not full enlightenment. Never have I taken any psychedelic, however I meditate several hours a day. Nonetheless the experience I want to talk about happened spontaneously, not during or after meditation. I think it was triggered by sleeping 1 night on the countryside (while visiting my mom) as I'm used to sleeping in the city. With the previous awakening experiences it felt like all is well, it made me understand Plato's cave metaphor and often I got "love-bombed" by the universe. However there was still a bit of self left to understand anything I experienced, a self which could feel how great it all felt. When I woke up yesterday morning, there was no self to have any thought, no self to understand anything, no self which could suffer or be happy. Nor there was any desire, comfort, discomfort, content or discontent. I became a full observer, full consciousness. Otherwise nothing really special happened. I went downstairs to pee and upstairs to go to sleep again. However there was no peeing, no toilet or stairs, or bed, there was only "what is" so to say (not even the word). There was no free will either. However waking up a second time I was in a lower state of consciousness, I'd say at a "awaking level", but before the "love bombing of the universe", which happens somewhere in between. Coming back from this I realize I have seen a glimpse of what people like tony Parsons are talking about all the time. Or what Bernadette Roberts talks about having experienced. Note that during the experience itself, there is no self to realize or understand anything. I'm interested to hear about other similar experiences.
  7. I think somewhere I conditioned myself to let all the clouds of pain, traumas, hurt, fear, shame, etc. go over me and just stand there as a mountain of consciousness, not affected. I used to search for escapism in all the things I did, but by falling into some traps I've become sort of "spiritually masochistic", not real masochism, rather being thankful for all the problems in my life because they give me opportunities to learn/grow and embrace them with love, or just pure observation when I don't receive the love bombing of the universe. I try not to force it an let everything come by itself, more like this: Love, OK. No love, OK. Happiness, OK. No happiness, OK. Problem? Solution, OK. No solution, OK. Comfort, OK. No comfort, OK. Torture, OK. No torture, OK.
  8. I have encountered similar situations, there is a term for this. It's called "flying monkeys". It could be described as a "narcissist" using "empaths" to feed their feeling of control. This could also be worded as "stage red" in spiral dynamics using the higher 1 stages within tier 1 to feed their feeling of control. Parallels could be seen how Trump (stage red) uses stage blue and orange to win the elections. I'd say not to try to prove anything, just live your own live, try to detach yourself from the judgement of the neighbors. You don't have to prove them anything, you don't have to prove yourself anything (in both the dualistic and non-dualistic sense). Everything is alright the way it is. Trying to control this is an ego behavior as well. Same source as where your ex toxicity comes from. Let them think what think, let them say what they say. You are a rock, you are consciousness. You cannot be touched by this. If you believe you can it may appear as this, but ultimately this is an illusion. Don't react, it will feed the ego game. It will feed your ego. Play gray rock towards your neighbors and your ex might notice their source of narcissistic supply is running dry and moves on (to feed on your neighbors or somebody else).
  9. Can ASMR contribute to spiritual growth or is it just masturbation? Some people say the latter about psychedelics as well, I'm aware there are two "camps" in that regard, even though I'm not going to make any judgement here. Everyone has their own path, for my psychedelics is porbably not a good idea because I've have suffered from psychosis and it might re-trigger it. I can't know for sure , but I don't want to risk it. Meditation does a great job for me so I'll take the safer but slower path in that regards. I'm wondering if ASMR can help too... it feels good, it's much easier than meditation because you have to face less demons... and this is where it makes me doubt if it is as effective for achieving spiritual growth. I mean aside from when one is searching for a healthy coping mechanism to relax after stressful situations or as a backup for the few moments meditation is too difficult (for example right after the loss of a dear friend).
  10. From my perspective, I'd recommend to start the cleaning up & healing process first, I listed some of the things you could do as an answer on your post about your son. Then a good way could be doing it by art, write a poem, book or song about your cognitive dissonance about things you did, make a painting... abstract art, or something else. Perhaps share it with the people you feel you have hurt. Note that there are many roads that lead to Rome and make sure to check other people's perspectives and decide for yourself. Peace to you! You can get through this
  11. Gonna give you a quick motivational speech. You can get through this, you can break free from depression, you can bio hack yourself out of it, you can care for your son, you can be a good father. You gotta do some efforts tho to break free of the viscous cycle of depression. I 'm not saying you have to do this but keep in mind your ego will have a lot of excuses not to. Some things you could do to break free: (note that the ego is going to resist this) -try to figure out if you have a methylation problem and fix it with supplementation and diet (I am undermethylated and supplement with zinc, as well as eating fatty fish 2-3 times a week). -Clean up your diet (for example: one meal a day*, no deep fried foods, no microwaved foods, no dairy, no MSG, no processed foods, no artificial sweeteners nor sugar) -only drink water, herbal, white and green tea -Eat sweet potatoes every day, put cooked sweet potatoes with vegetables in your son's lunch box. -Become teetotal (no alco/cigs/drugs) -Meditate at least 5 mins a day, preferably 10 or 20... 30 or 1 hour if you can. Perhaps build it up slowly. -Distance yourself from entertainment (videogames, the news other than essential stuff, TV shows, parties, phone apps, social media, etc.) -Read self help books (other books are fine too, preferably real paper books, no e-books) -Keep playing your instrument/singing if you play one, do not give up on this because of depression as it will make matters worse! -Exercise at least 30 mins a day, if gym is too expensive just start jogging or so. This is also important to have high quality restorative sleep. -Keep good sleep hygiene, try to aim for 7-8 hours a day, not much more, not much less. No screen usage 1 hour before bed. Even if you can't sleep you should spend that time in bed not to further destabilize it. If you really can't sleep because of thoughts and emotions, put a book next to you, so you can read tiny bits to distract you from worries. -keep phone away if you're sleeping, the EMF's disturb your sleep and make you more depressed. -look for a professional therapist. -every time you feel yourself getting sucked into bad habits, get your stuff back together, forgive yourself and start over doing all of these. -etc. (Search this forum and self help books for more advice) *note that this should never be done for a child, a child should at least eat 3 times a day
  12. @Roy I don't think it's actual stage read, it's clear it's meant as metaphorical humor, just like the album name AEnima which mean soul in Latin but also Enema. I have a "stage turquoise" roommate (he doesn't really care about SD, he just sees it as another system that might be valuable for some people, but has no value for him) and we have this kind of (often existential) poop humor as well. For example we often joke about having a coprosaurus living in our basement and having to feed it.
  13. Makes me think "ASPD" might be not entirely tied to stage red in the spiral dynamics model. I've seen other people discussing this possibility, but I wasn't convinced until I saw this video. I might be entirely or partially wrong here. Nonetheless something I recommend to watch.