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About Boshra

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  • Birthday 10/25/2001

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  1. Last week I watched the episode of the mechanics of beliefs I wasn’t mature enough surrender my ego I promised my mom that I wasn’t gonna go on and watch Leo for a couple days because I was stressing a lot and I actually managed not to cause I do have obsession with watching his videos I was happy that I could do that felt like I built integrity the week went past I watched the episode to do it again i had better understanding from it I still couldn’t surrender my ego I watched how I lie video and that clicked with me I was planning to do a retreat out bush and take psychedelics for 10 days for obliterating my self image Then I remembered that I promised my little Cousin in Egypt that I was gonna buy him a ps4 and that made me abit stressed cause I wanted to go out bush so bad I went on here to ask people witch decision I should go with go out bush or get my cuz the ps they gave me the wise decision get the ps I’m doing that I went on the Channel to watch the episode of the dangers of psychedelics and that open my eye on that I was unconsciously trying to put away the survival stuff I Gotta do so I am going to do the treat just for treat sake . 1 day went past I watched how I lie video again to actually do the practice and stop with the beliefs and I made a promise to my self that I’m gonna be persistent because I do want to do the survival stuff right and build a good life I watched the video before I did tho i been keeeping up with my meditation practice and today I had the best meditation ever so when I watched the episode after I got good understanding I took notes I contemplated on it it was going good I finished and I knew what to do . I sat down at the front have food and a smoke I remembered yesterday when Leo said something about zen devil and I remember that a couple months ago when I don’t acid and I had a really really bad trip and my friend took a video of me and embarrass me and put it on His Snapchat story. for the next three months I was just resentful with everyone and I wasn’t really aware of how I was doing it but I remember that like I was having a life crisis for a couple months and I was posting a lot of videos of Leo on my Facebook I was being petty so I thought my self I have to watch that video and I did and I couldn’t even get half way through it with stressing bad from my own biases. I turned it off and for the last hour I don’t know what’s going on but I’m just not feeling right I remember on one of his episode the principle of awareness alone is curative and I’ve been staring at stuff since the last hour just took just to feel like how I was feeling the other day when I was feeling good but I know I’m valuing myself agenda so I’m confused right now and I’m having heaps of negative thoughts and I’m worrying that I’m doing the wrong thing I still have my plan for what work I’m gonna be applying for in 7 days that’s grounding me can someone give me some advice? also this deep need of watching him is gone but I get fearful when I watch him
  2. I gave my little cousin that lives in Sudan a promise that I will be buying him a ps4 next pay day . I watched Leo’s video on how I lie and he was talking about I lie to my self a lot and I’m kinda aware of that and he said ether I Lie to myself a lot or completely obliterating my self Image I think I have a good idea for that I wanna take a 10 day retreat out in bush and take some psychedelics . Witch one should I do ? Honestly I don’t want to do it have a brake through come back home and feel guilt for not doing it at the same time it’s my first time buying him a gift 😶‍🌫️
  3. I was foolish, and I was having a brake through with questioning all my beliefs and I started my life long habit of learning and reading meditation two days ago . today I was questioning a bunch of my beliefs in a serious way and I surrendered my ego to direct experience and i let go and I went out the front to have smoke and my beliefs were still popping up and and I was holding them lightly, I did something we’re I really let go and I was confused but at the same time the sunset was going down and the clouds looked bluish and Direct experience was so beautiful I nearly went into tears and because of that I made a goal to reach a place in my life we’re genuinely I'll want to cry from life’s Beauty. I laid down on the couch and I remembered when Leo said one Meta belief would be epistemology has no practical way of growing me, so I sat down and I was researching epistemology and I found issue that I wanted to know something about on there . Then I remembered my time for reading was due and i felt my intuition just take me to read the book I been reading for two days it’s my first ever time reading a self help book also and I was connecting with it like I never had before it made me so emotional, like I never was so In touch with a book genuinely before, couple minutes in a thought went past my mind of this chick that we nearly banged at mine like a year ago, she couldn’t cause she’ was Christian but when we were at my house like she was the most randy person I met in my life I had stop it from happening was weird for to take that role, so I went on my old snap to find her account so I can add her I realized how different my life has changed in one year it was just one year ago but it felt so long and it just felt different like so weird to go on my old snap I got her account this was like 30 minutes ago by the way I added it on my new account and I posted on my story add my new account and the last 3 months I been fighting against my self internally and I nearly killed my self cause things just didn’t make sense sin I had that bad trip from acid 7 months ago but anyways I persevered I learned a lot from Leo and other sources now that I was trying to learn to function out side of beliefs and this week I been working on being mindful of how lie and how I self deceive and manipulate it’s been good so I added her and I was disturbed by my history I know I’ve done wrong in the past but just looking back was weird yesterday I was stressing bad about the shit of done and my mum was asking me who do I talk to from my friends in the past and I told her one and she said who else I said none but I made good with two that I’ve snaked in the past and the ones that’s talking to me right now ive done him dirty as well two years ago and he hit me up first and I been feeling guilty cause I haven’t been up front with him anyways she said son the past is the past through it all way it doesn’t matter even the problems with you and your mate and I took her word for it and I do value integrity now after I added her back and looked at the people I used talk too and all my problems just hit me. I went back to read my book and I just felt disinterested in it and even my habit of learning about every word that I don’t really understand and my habit of taking notes . what did I do wrong why em I this way what’s going on can someone give me some advice?
  4. I wish I could tell you man
  5. I have a feeling of lost but I can’t put my finger on it I’m assuming my mind
  6. I feel like I lost my mind and I’m freaking out can anyone give me some good advice
  7. How do I obliterate my self image to the point that I don’t see myself as a human body as a human entity
  8. I read im not my thoughts and my feelings and I feel that I am very identified with my feelings what do I do
  9. Thanks man this was much help
  10. Wow that’s awesome cheers guys
  11. Why don’t I want to raise my awareness . why is my emotions and feelings rejecting The idea of directing myself towards enlightenment as a goal .
  12. A lil over a year ago I stumbled into a YouTube channel called charisma on command and it was going good for abit I was learning so many charisma concepts and how to Emulate actors and so on and I learned how to practice to be self aware for abit it was going well but I realized I lost touch with my genuine self couple months through but I didn’t really mind I was self aware to a extent or level that I wasn’t ever at before It was even working for me in the sexual life I was funny and girls will come over and I’ll be seemingly more cool and attractive. but the more self aware I was getting the more I felt needy for acceptance and validation and the more I felt dead inside so a couple more months went by my mates was respecting this act more in our social immature hierarchy I was on top . then a couple more months went by I started picking up on toxic behaviors from me and my mates a month after that I done psychedelics and I had a major bad trip and panic attack then my Old mate Took a video of me breaking down at the hospital and ridiculed me so anyway I realized that he was not good for me and I stop talking to him but I stumbled on Leo’s video how to stop caring what people think and Leo thank who ever is out god nature aliens clowns you really helped me then I started picking up after my web of beliefs got decimated another web beliefs I started realizing how from that year of my life that had awesome ups for me where I was being the funniest most social charismatic and was picking up things so quick learning how to spark up a conversation with anyone having threesomes enjoying myself was playful with everyone and I had my downs when I got temporarily disconnected from reality and all myself trust just went in the bin got humiliated but from that experience couple months later when I was reflecting I learned two things that for the last five years I wasn’t genuinely content in life and second I picked up a habit of over analyzing everything . now for last 8 months me over analyzing everything really Made me accumulate victim mentality and now I want some advice on how to stop over analyzing things .
  13. If I move to Europe and my strongest language is English, will I be functional ? and oh man Europe is so beautiful