NatureB

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Posts posted by NatureB

  1. Posted

    It is often times easier to fight a monster when you know the name of it and can see its face. It is a little unnerving to be up against an invisible and nameless opponent. Try to reassure yourself that there is a reason for these feelings though you may not know what that reason is at this moment. And see if you can let go of emotions about your emotions. For example, fear that you are angry. In this example, let go of the fear and then the anger. That will make things flow much smoother.

    If you can take a complex of emotions and slowly tease it apart by letting go of smaller emotions one at a time, you can more effectively and efficiently work through the whole complex. I will use an example from my life. In thinking about leaving my job, I get a big knot of emotions in my chest and stomach. Instead of trying to release the whole thing at once and feeling ineffective, I can first let go of small things around the periphery such as missing my old coworkers, missing the drive to work, fearing the uncertainty of getting a new job, etc. Much luck to you.

  2. Posted

    Thanks for sharing your experiences @intotheblack. It took a long time for these triggers to develop and grow inside of you, so be compassionate and patient with yourself as you work through them. It will take a few years at minimum to fully let go of them and integrate them in my opinion/experience.

    In my personal experience, working with a therapist has been transformational. Don't be cheap with your therapist and find a good one with whom you feel a connection. I've been able to see my childhood from different angles and recall different memories through my work with my therapist. He has also helped me get clarity on what patterns I act out unconsciously and see my family dynamics with a high degree of clarity and non-reactivity, and a good therapist can help you do the same and more.

    Boundaries and communication will help in these and all other situations. Changing your circumstances helps as well, i.e. getting away from the person who is triggering you, but also realize that life gives you what you need. Life put this person in front of you to trigger these old feelings so that you can heal and integrate them. And life will keep giving you people that trigger you until you finally get the message and heal these aspects of yourself. Note that this does not mean to accept continued abuse. That is what boundaries are for - to keep the good in and keep the bad out.

  3. Posted

    Journaling and feeling the feelings help me. Ask yourself what you feel shame about and make a list, then go through that list and work on each item using meditation or another pracitice.

    Sharing with your therapist will help as well, if you have one. Someone recommended John Bradshaw and I second that recommendation. I don't recommend Brene Brown since her books are not very practical, and she can take a liberal amount of pages to make a small point.

  6. Posted

    On 1/31/2021 at 5:41 AM, Leopold said:

    I tried but that resistance has beaten me each time.

    I will do that again in the future and will try to remember what you said.

    Thank you!

    The subconscious mind controls 95%+ of behavior. If you want to change, you cannot simply will your way to change. You have to go deeper and heal the traumas that are holding you in place and that continue to drive your behaviors.

  9. Posted

    1 hour ago, soos_mite_ah said:

    I'm currently 21 and my plan is to get an internship to build up some work experience and then apply for jobs hoping to god that I don't hate it and that it can pay the bills so that I won't have to ever live with my parents. 

    I know I probably need some more life experience before finding my calling. IDK I guess I'm impatient. I really want to find that purpose and go full force with it. I want more of a sense of meaning in my life. I want to love what I do. I want to get good at what I do. I want to embody my values more. I want to be financially independent. I know from experience that doing something I genuinely like vs making myself do something out of extrinsic motivation that I have to do something that I like or that I will sink like the Titanic. 

    Interesting. One of my friends was guiding myself and others through a yoga program one day and she saw that I was trying really hard to stretch as far as possible. She said to the group "notice if you are trying to stretch too far too fast, and ask why? What's the rush?"

    What is driving the impatience? Figuring that out might clear away some of the clouds and let your purpose shine through more easily.

  12. Posted

    I am on my third go for the life purpose course. Previously I got to about the 70th video both times and quit. I am fully committed this time to finishing the course and acting on my purpose.

    I notice that this time my values are just so much more solid. I've done a lot more travelling, reading books off Leo's book list and others in general, psychedelics, meditation, therapy since my last time doing the course. Everything seems to be clicking much more easily and quickly. One thing that is helping me is not being a perfectionist about it.

    As for your question, I think it is that you and I are just too young and inexperienced to really know our life purpose on a concrete level. It will refine and change until we hit the nail on the head. I am just 24 and you must be about the same since you will be graduating college soon. Get comfortable being unsure about this and let it take its time.

    What is your plan from here?

  16. Posted

    I am learning about safe injection sites in America. We have to do something about the opioid epidemic, which is only growing under the Covid crisis as more and more people are desperate and see no hope. This thread is intended to spark a lively discussion about drug law, the war on drugs, solutions and projects around the country. Maybe someone can update us on data from Portland where recently a list of drugs have been decriminalized, or Denver where Psilocybin mushrooms have been decriminalized.

    Currently Safehouse, a nonprofit based in Philadelphia, PA, is in a legal battle with the federal government about whether or not a good faith Supervised Injection Facility is against the law. Safehouse won a lawsuit against the U.S. Attorney for the Eastern District of Pennsylvania regarding the legality of such a site, but is expecting pushback from the federal government. Their position is that a safe injection site does not go against federal law, but is in the same spirit of trying to help defeat drug use. From the Safehouse website, "By reducing ambulance rides, emergency room trips, and hospital visits, overdose prevention services are expected to save Philadelphia at least $2 million a year in health care costs." What is amazing about the work Safehouse is doing is that they are leading the fight for the first Supervised Injection Facility (SIF) in the U.S. Cities like Denver and New York City are watching patiently to see what happens. I feel like the tide is turning and things will pick up rapidly from here. More from their website:

    "Why do we need overdose prevention services in Philadelphia?
    Philadelphia is experiencing an overdose crisis of unprecedented proportion. In 2015, the city’s rate of 46.8 drug overdose deaths per 100,000 residents dramatically outpaced those of Chicago (11.8) and New York (13.7).[1], [2] In 2017, the 1,217 overdose deaths in Philadelphia [3] represented a 34 percent increase from 907 in 2016.[4] In 2018, fatalities slightly decreased to 1,116 overdose deaths.  Since 2009, overdose deaths in the city have risen by nearly 200 percent.[5] Philadelphia has not had a public health crisis of this magnitude in more than 100 years.[6] Across all racial and ethnic groups, more people have died from drug overdose than from homicide."

    "Overdose prevention services:

    SAVE LIVES by reducing the number of fatal drug overdoses through education on safer use practices, overdose prevention, and intervention.

    REDUCE THE SPREAD OF INFECTIOUS DISEASES such as HIV and hepatitis C among people who use drugs by providing and requiring the use of provided sterile consumption supplies.

    CONNECT PEOPLE who use drugs with other health, treatment, and social services.

    CREATE A SAFER COMMUNITY by reducing drug use in public spaces and publicly discarded paraphernalia."

    I would say this is a stage green endeavor. On their website FAQ they say they operate from the belief that preservation of human life supercedes all other concerns.

    Here is their website: https://www.safehousephilly.org/frequently-asked-questions

    Check out this really cool graphic showing their model:

    Palm Card Blue 8-1-2019 small.jpg

  20. Posted

    I have had similar thoughts in the past. Actually, your post reminds me of this and I can see how far I have come.

    I remember one time I was on a date with a really fit, short, cute girl my age. We got food and then stopped by my house to get my guitar on our way to this nature area.

    The violent thought that I had surprised me. We were sitting near this river right next to the water, it was late at night so probably nobody was there save us, and we were enclosed in some bushy area. An image of me beating and drowning her crossed my mind. It was accompanied by an intense flicker of rage. This was about a year and some change ago, and happened regularly for a while.

    Looking back, I've overcome these type of thoughts, and my advice to you would be to fully live through each fantasy, fully feel the feelings, and don't stop until the associated emotions (anger, grief, shame, pride, etc.) are relieved. No shame in having some violent thoughts, just work through them and don't suppress/repress them. That way they don't get worse and take over.

    And get a therapist who can do some emdr with you.

  21. Posted

    The idea was that I should (1) heal my relationship with my parents and other important family members, especially my mom,

    (2) develop healthy boundaries and some good ol' self-love,

    (3) heal old relationship wounds

    and then FINALLY I would be ready to enter into a healthy, loving, interdependent romantic relationship with a beautiful girl.

    I decided on this plan after having 10 or so extremely short "relationships" in my young life, and feeling like they were getting worse, not better, over time. I wanted to know why I had these patterns operating in my life where I hook up with a girl and then feel obligated to stay with her despite not wanting to, or why I get really angry at women for seemingly small things. I've evolved through out the process and my understanding of the psychology behind it all has grown exponentially. I've meditated a few hundred hours on various aspects of this work and things have improved so much!

    I just need validation from some of you guys who have "made it" in the dating realm. Is my plan good? Or should I suck it up and start getting laid again, stop holding myself back? It is hard to pursue integration work while trying to date as well. Yet I've already done so much inner work and will continue to do so, but I'm dying over here man. Haven't been laid in 15 months!

     

    Also if it helps, I have taken online quizzes and have been shown to have the 'dismissing' attachment style. High Avoidance, Low Anxiety.

  22. Posted

    "If you are healthy, whatever relationship style you choose will also be healthy" - Neil Strauss.

     

    "Before healing I always wanted more. More girls, more lays, more crazy sex. For the first time in my life, after therapy and after healing, I looked at my girlfriend and felt that I have enough. I don't want more, because what I have is good enough" - Neil Strauss

     

    I paraphrased both of these but they are close. Based on what you are writing SamC I believe you would benefit from Neil Strauss' book The Truth. You'd probably read it in one sitting ;)

     

  23. Posted

    What you have written has a lot of beliefs in it. The good news is you can let go of these beliefs, and as you do you will progressively feel better and see the situation in a new light. 

    On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

    the realization that relationships are fickle kills me inside. This is not absolutely true. This is a feeling that you carry around inside of you which can be let go of.

    I feel a sense of disconnection with my family. They rarely call me. Sounds like you are hurt. Can you let go of that?

     

    On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

    It sucks that humanity is so selfish and nobody gives a damn about another unless they need the person for some reason. 

    Be careful with such a strong, negative belief. All belief systems work, you just want to find a belief system that feels good and let go of belief systems that feel bad.

    On 1/18/2021 at 9:26 AM, Preety_India said:

    What are some suggestions to deal with this sinking feeling and loss of connection? 

     

    Forgive your family members one at a time. You can use Leo's method, or you can make a big, long list of all of the things that each family member has done to harm you, and then go down the list surrendering the feeling associated with each item on that list until you no longer feel hurt, pain or resentment. It takes time so take it easy on yourself :)

  24. Posted

    A question that has been helping me recently:

    How is being tired all the time serving me?

    How is not getting good enough sleep preventing me from doing something that I'd rather not do?

     

    For example, in my case I answered "Being tired is helping me avoid become supervisor at my job, which is good because I do not like my job. If I was invigorated and well-rested every day, pretty soon my coworkers would start looking to me to lead them, and then I'd have no choice but to be the supervisor. Additionally, I would feel guilty surpassing Diamond for the supervisor position since she has worked here longer than I have, so being tired prevents me from having to deal with that guilt."

    Hope this helps :)

  25. Posted

    Little things like this sometimes get me angry, and then in the process of feeling into the anger I realize there is grief. I feel like a victim that other people are suppressing by, say, whistling. That is how I feel until I let it go, about 10-20 minutes of feeling through the emotion. Then I can see that it had nothing to do with me.

    Don't let your brain give you a reason for why you are angry. All thoughts are just resistance to the feelings. Feel through the feelings until you find peace.