levani

anger suppressing question

16 posts in this topic

say something is making me angry, like someone whistling in the kitchen, do i

1. feel into the emotoin

2. react and get angry ?

i don't understand which one is supression

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Suppression is alternative 3.

3. You take no action, let it slowly sink back into yourself, maybe because you are afraid of conflict, maybe because you are trying to be the one that don't get upset for whatever reason, maybe you feel shame or guilt for getting upset, or something else. 

You stuff it back into a box and ignore it. That box gets more stuff added to it over time and at some point, it starts giving you negative side-effects, and at some point the pressure building up will find a way out of the system, and it won't be pretty nor will it be constructive.

Always feel into it, where it comes from, if it's rational, etc. 

Always take action - no action is also an action, letting go is an action.

Work on keeping constructive - destructive actions will only create growing problems. 

If too worked up to constructively address the issue, take a breather, cool down and address another day.

Edited by Eph75

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If someone whistling in the kitchen makes you angry then I should deserve a medal because there are people who scream into my ears sometimes and start huge fights with me and I still remain patient like a statue. 

The things people complain about amazes me. I must be hell unlucky. 

But that's life. Some have it good and they still have something to be angry about. 

I have so much that I should have to be angry about but I LET GO. 

 

 


Create your own life system. 

Preety preety

And then my dear, you can take a bath in suds. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

If the "suppression box" is already full, then we will get triggered easily, and for apparently no reason or very little, just like as if someone has stuck a finger in an emotional rash of yours, or fidgeting with a thorn sitting in you side.

Whisteling is an as valid trigger as anything else when the system is already hypersensitive. Literally no reason is reason enough. 

Edited by Eph75

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@Eph75

bro it's not as if I can install a button on my arm that has an on and off switch that says let go, so how do you mean let go ?

 

when you say feel into it you mean where it is in the body ? like feel into it physically ?

it comes from the stimulus, someone whisteling

1 hour ago, Eph75 said:

Work on keeping constructive

explain ?

 

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

scream into my ears sometimes and start huge fights with me and I still remain patient like a statue. 

 

this i don't mind

 

15 minutes ago, Eph75 said:

Literally no reason is reason enough. 

how so ?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I don't think that you should suppress your anger. 

Lately if someone makes me angry, I actually tell them that. It's like I throw my anger at them and let them handle it. Then I cool off myself because I at least told them that I'm angry. 

The more you keep it inside the worse it gets. 

But when I show my anger then it's gone and I can cool off later. 

 


Create your own life system. 

Preety preety

And then my dear, you can take a bath in suds. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
1 hour ago, Eph75 said:

Always feel into it, where it comes from, if it's rational, etc. 

Always take action - no action is also an action, letting go is an action.

Work on keeping constructive - destructive actions will only create growing problems. 

If too worked up to constructively address the issue, take a breather, cool down and address another day.

This is generally good advice. I will add on to it by saying that being constructive can also mean calmly and assertively setting boundaries. Often times we get angry because our personal boundaries are being threatened in some way. Communicating those boundaries with someone who respects you can help you avoid the situation that is causing you anger while acknowledging your feelings to where the other person knows what's going on. If we don't set boundaries and we keep things seething inside until we explode, that wouldn't be constructive instead it could be very harmful. Also keeping in anger can also cause depression and victim mentality in some instances which again can be harmful. Setting boundaries when we feel that bit of annoyance or anger proactively helps prevent us from acting reactively. 

Edited by soos_mite_ah

The heat that you curse in the summer is the same one you yearn for in the winter. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@levani Mastering emotions is a skill that we have to develop. By staying with emotions as they arise, or having an intention to catch emotions sooner and closer to what triggers them, we can get to a point where we can gain better understanding of them. With better understanding, we can learn to let go. 

An important note on the event-thought-reaction chain, we can learn to add space for thoughts instead of too quickly, or seemingly directly, moving to reaction.

When making that space for ourselves, we can make time to examine the sensation and better choose our responses, and learn when no respons is the right way to go.

It's not the Whisteling-related anger you need to let go of, that's more a matter of catching yourself and choose not to get on that emotional train. It's the cause of the suppressed emotions that needs to be acted upon, either by confrontation, when suitable, or by examination and letting go by detaching from whatever is found in that examination. 

9 hours ago, levani said:

how so ?

If you've got a suppressed trigger flickering under the surface, there doesn't need to be a rational reason to get it to fire you up. It can literally be no reason, such as someone saying something trivial, looking at you the wrong way, seeming too happy, making noise or.. whisteling. Whatever can be used as an excuse to let that pressure out. 

Edited by Eph75
Spelling fix

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

@soos_mite_ah Absolutely! Maintaining healthy boundaries, internal and external ones, is vital to our well-being.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Feel into it. Also with a minor situation like that, try to see the humor in it and in your reaction. Then if you react and say something out of a place of annoyance/humor it expressed the feeling but also laughs it off at the same time. 


My Youtube Channel- Light on Earth “We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.”― Robert Frost

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Little things like this sometimes get me angry, and then in the process of feeling into the anger I realize there is grief. I feel like a victim that other people are suppressing by, say, whistling. That is how I feel until I let it go, about 10-20 minutes of feeling through the emotion. Then I can see that it had nothing to do with me.

Don't let your brain give you a reason for why you are angry. All thoughts are just resistance to the feelings. Feel through the feelings until you find peace.


"Yes is the answer... And you know that! Fasho!

Yes is surrender! You gotta let it... you gotta let it GO!" - John Lennon, Mind Games

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
8 hours ago, Eph75 said:

Always take action - no action is also an action, letting go is an action.

I like this. I kinda laughed. 

 


Create your own life system. 

Preety preety

And then my dear, you can take a bath in suds. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
3 hours ago, Preety_India said:

I like this. I kinda laughed. 

This might seem contradictory, and to some, just confusing, so I'd like to add more clarity, as this statement is assuming that the difference between "no action" and "no action" is already understood.

After awareness and contemplation, we need to choose an action. This has nothing to do with emotional handling per se. We can actively choose our path, or we can remain unaware and have things happen to us. It is only when we choose our path that we become the directors of our own realities. In that sense, you can actively choose not to make active choices, and to flow with what unfolds, that choice of not choosing is paradoxically also an active choice. 

We should never just let things happen or slide by chance, unless that is our intention. We need to make assertive choices as to how to go forward in order to be constructive and feel at peace. 

"No action" also includes releasing the hold that the feeling has taken on you, and return to an emotional normal. If you stay e.g. angry, continue having an inner dialogue that keeps the emotion brewing under the surface, then that is not a "no action", it's an action that increases the anger.

To actively choose to continue internal dialogue in order to make matters worse is obviously ridicules, and if we go down that route we can recognize that we're actively choosing a destructive path. Even though the emotion will fade away, they always do, they will get stuffed away with suppressed feelings of past as they are unresolved, which means the next time emotions arises, the unresolved and suppressed emotions will act as a fuel supply causing that new anger to burn even hotter, and hotter, and hotter, until the smallest of sparks causes explosion like reactions. 

This can also mean that you suppress anger, but get irrational or unproportional emotional responses when experiencing some other emotions, e.g. deep shame, guilt, fear etc.

Even enjoyment/happiness is affected, the sine wave-like emotional ups and downs start having higher highs and lower lows, something that a lot of people think of as being passionate, feeling great in one moment but feeling terrible in the next moment.

Letting go means releasing the emotion and return to emotional equililibrium, and over time brings greater equanimity in life; flattening that sine wave out. 

"No action" can look like "no action" today, with the added intention to catch the same tomorrow, and to continue making sense out of it then. 

Or, "no action" can be the postponing of action, to realize that under the flaring heat of emotional waves, we are indeed not very capable to present ourselves in a constructive way. Retreat, release, contemplate, regroup and re-address another time when everyone involved are better able to collaborately and constructively move forward; may be hours, days, weeks later. 

It's important to be strategic about these things, we not only must be constructive ourselves, but we need to be sensitive towards the state of the others involved, and how receptive they are towards creative approaching. If they are triggered themselves, it will be difficult to get anywhere, it can even be destructive. 

Staying on this path, will lead to emotional mastery, and an important insight on that path is that there is no one other that can make you angry but yourself - i.e. you make the choices to engage or to not engage with the emotional impulses that arise. 

Edited by Eph75
Spelling fix

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, Eph75 said:

This might seem contradictory, and to some, just confusing, so I'd like to add more clarity, as this statement is assuming that the difference between "no action" and "no action" is already understood.

After awareness and contemplation, we need to choose an action. This has nothing to do with emotional handling per se. We can actively choose our path, or we can remain unaware and have things happen to us. It is only when we choose out path that we become the directors of our own realities. In that sense, you can actively choose not to make active choices, and to flow with what unfolds, that choice of not choosing is paradoxically also an active choice. 

We should never just let things happen or slide by chance, unless that is our intention. We need to make assertive choices as to how to go forward in order to be constructive and feel at peace. 

"No action" also includes releasing the hold that the feeling has taken on you, and return to an emotional normal. If you stay e.g. angry, continue having an inner dialogue that keeps the emotion brewing under the surface, then that is not a "no action", it's an action that increases the anger.

To actively choose to continue internal dialogue in order to make matters worse is obviously ridicules, and if we go down that route we can recognize that we're actively choosing a destructive path. Even though the emotion will fade away, they always so, they will get stuffed away with suppressed feelings of past as they are unresolved, which means the next time emotions arises, the unresolved and suppressed emotions will act as a fuel supply causing that new anger to burn even hotter, and hotter, and hotter, until the smallest of sparks causes explosion like reactions. 

This can also mean that you suporess anger, but get irrational or unoroportional emotional responses when experiencing some other emotions, e.g. deep shame, guilt, fear etc.

Even enjoyment/happiness is affected, the sine wave-like emotional ups and downs start having higher highs and lower lows, something that a lot of people being passionate, feeling great in one moment but feeling terrible in the next moment.

Letting go means releasing the emotion and return to emotional equililibrium, and over time brings greater equanimity in life. 

"No action" can look like "no action" today, with the added intention to catch the same tomorrow, and to continue making sense out of it then. 

Or, "no action" can be the postponing of action, to realize that under the flaring heat of emotional waves, we are indeed not very capable to present ourselves in a constructive way. Retreat, release, contemplate, regroup and re-address another time when everyone involved are better able to collaborately and constructively move forward; may be hours, days, weeks later. 

It's important to be strategic about these things, we not only must be constructive ourselves, but we need to be sensitive towards the state of the others involved, and how receptive they are towards creative approaching. It they are triggered themselves, it will be difficult to get anywhere, it can even be destructive. 

Staying on this path, will lead to emotional mastery, and an important insight on that path is that there is no one other that can make you angry but yourself - i.e. you make the choices to engage or to not engage with the emotional impulses that arise. 

Awesome. 


Create your own life system. 

Preety preety

And then my dear, you can take a bath in suds. 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!


Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.


Sign In Now