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NatureB

revealing my dating plan [PERSONAL]

2 posts in this topic

The idea was that I should (1) heal my relationship with my parents and other important family members, especially my mom,

(2) develop healthy boundaries and some good ol' self-love,

(3) heal old relationship wounds

and then FINALLY I would be ready to enter into a healthy, loving, interdependent romantic relationship with a beautiful girl.

I decided on this plan after having 10 or so extremely short "relationships" in my young life, and feeling like they were getting worse, not better, over time. I wanted to know why I had these patterns operating in my life where I hook up with a girl and then feel obligated to stay with her despite not wanting to, or why I get really angry at women for seemingly small things. I've evolved through out the process and my understanding of the psychology behind it all has grown exponentially. I've meditated a few hundred hours on various aspects of this work and things have improved so much!

I just need validation from some of you guys who have "made it" in the dating realm. Is my plan good? Or should I suck it up and start getting laid again, stop holding myself back? It is hard to pursue integration work while trying to date as well. Yet I've already done so much inner work and will continue to do so, but I'm dying over here man. Haven't been laid in 15 months!

 

Also if it helps, I have taken online quizzes and have been shown to have the 'dismissing' attachment style. High Avoidance, Low Anxiety.


"Yes is the answer... And you know that! Fasho!

Yes is surrender! You gotta let it... you gotta let it GO!" - John Lennon, Mind Games

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Look into Primal Therapy. I've had really good results with it. I can recommend a good one.

If you can heal your relationship with your parents in a way that is healthy for you and respectful of your values and boundaries, then great. If it's not possible, then there is still a way to achieve the same healing.

Is your plan good? Some amendments I would suggest: do number 2 first, because how will you heal a previously dysfunctional relationship without healthy boundaries? That sounds like a trap. And don't worry about getting laid. By which I mean: don't hold firmly in your mind that you will, or that you won't. Just don't hold yourself back when you feel like talking to a person, that's all you have to do. Along the journey of inner work, you will attract women here and there who are compatible with your level of development. And then you will outgrow them. But they will teach you lessons.

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