JayG84

So you're saying that no matter what our conscious minds think in the material realm, we cannot manipulate our reality? We can only re-contextualize what is already happening into bias/acceptance (love) or rejection (suffering)? In a sense, everything is random, spontaneous creation with no way of controlling it from God's perspective. We can only 'choose' how we perceive it and whether to love it or reject it? The Universe is not 'working with us' to bring us the life we want, which makes sense because that would be ego. Is this why do don't speak of the Law of Attraction very often?

I don't have much experience with psychedelics, but I'm curious, what about this high dose with so traumatic and damaging to an experienced man like you? Was it what you felt or what you saw? Was it that you couldn't hold that much love within you? Was it the horror of the level of "evil" in you and others? After the realization that it's all Love and Goodness, what is there to be traumatized with?

How does forgetfulness work? It seems to be just as fundamental as Love. The only way anything can be is because we literally forget Everything. How is this not talked about more in these circles? It's the one thing that I can't even conceive of how it's the case. And possibly my biggest obstacle to awakening. I just can't wrap my head around the fact that I'm actually God, the ONLY thing that exists, but I'm this stupid, just because. And I'm also, at the same time, creating this whole reality in real time from Nothing so consistently. It just doesn't make sense how this is the case. With all of my skepticism, and direct experience truth, this is the one thing that I take for completely for granted. But I guess this is the thing that you wake up to when you do and probably the biggest shock. I just can't imagine how.

I know I know. There's no such thing as energy in the scientific sense. Energy is a thought, a concept. But the energy that binds all of us, which unites, Love. We all feel this energy, do we not? When you walk into a room with people in it, you can feel this energy, it has a quality to it. We talk about Fear being a "dense" form of Love. Some spiritual teachings even talk about physicality itself being this Love energy moving at incredibly high speeds coagulating into physical objects. Kundalini energy blockages are thought to be dense energy areas in the body that can be released to make you a better conductor for Love. Is there any truth to this understanding? Can everything be thought of as different densities of Love energy moving at different frequencies? As long as we recognize that it is just a model and not the territory?

I just read CwG. It definitely talks about things I've never heard from Leo. I would like to hear more of his thoughts on The role of Desire in how we manifest our realities and the metaphysics of energy fields that are Consciousness/Love. Like we've all "felt" Love and the energy or vibe of another person. How does this fit in to awakening? Is this Kundalini energy that we must purify to become better conductors for more Love?

@Nahm Thanks man.

Is it not the case that there are infinities inside of infinities, but that the total makes up Absolute Infinity? Like my phone is infinite, but not Absolutely Infinite. (Infinite Sets) a la Georg Cantor. I know we're not talking numbers, but it's representative of the nature of Infinity, is it not?

Is there a definite line that you cross when you're suddenly "awake"? I consider myself awake compared to people who live completely unconscious to why they do some of the things they do. It makes sense to me that there are infinite degrees of awareness because I have felt myself becoming more aware as I recognize the ego's traps andthe illusion of self. But is there a "huge breakthrough" you must surpass to consider yourself to be awake? Is that what a mystical experience is supposed to be? Is it possible for someone to just get more conscious in a slow and steady way that they don't even realize they are at a high level, like acclimating to a certain water temperature? Or is "awake" a state of consciousness that is completely unmistakable and outside anything to could imagine experiencing day to day?

I know it can't, but I would like to discuss it none the less. It feels like I've have genuine insights to the nature of infinite number of infinities couched in Absolute infinity. There are an Infinite amount of me's living an infinite amount of possibilities. The decisions and distinctions I've made has cut out the way I'm experiencing this life, but there are no limits on what I can experience, just the ones I choose to place. But that would mean that everything that's happening in the world right now is my direct experience of the world, and only mine, because I choose to create it exactly the way that it is because of the limits my ego places on infinity. The only thing that would matter is how I choose to see it. So it sort of is like solipsism, but more extreme because there are an infinite amount of beings experiencing their versions of infinity all all the same time.

@Waken @Leo Gura @mandyjw @Nahm I struggle to find the words but I've been slowly coming to the realization that each one of us is living our own version of infinity. Like there are infinite versions of infinity and we are one of them, but we have have access to the whole of "an infinity" within Absolute Infinity to chisel out our own special version of it. So we're playing a single player video game that has infinite data of possible situations, and there are infinite amount of copies for other beings to play, but we are all connected through the internet so all "others" are NPC's in my version of infinity, but ultimately I can create on the fly, and play this game anyway I want? Is this close? Can any other beings affect my version of this game at all or is this an egoic illusion?

Well the self is an illusion right. So I should be able to adapt to anything. Suffering is all in the mind. So my question where does aptitude come from? What makes me better suited do be an artist rather than a tradesman? Is it part of the ego that's adaptable, or is it part of your higher self that cannot be changed? I've learnt to be good at my job. But that's not the same thing as having a job that's the "right fit"...

I was programmed from a young age that it's necessary to adapt to life. That life is something that you have to "get through" so I should pick a safe career with benefits and a pension and I should just accept it and someday I'll get to retirement and I will have "won" life. Probably a lot of people were programmed with this mentality. The problem is that I don't think I can make it to retirement doing what I'm doing. I'm an emotional and conceptual thinking, artistically minded male with a lot of feminine energy. And I chose a career that was the complete opposite of that. A very male dominated, mechanical type job that I'm not interested in at all. I've been telling myself for 15 years that things will get better with acceptance. That I'm selfish and greedy for wanting a life that I can only dream about. I'm not aligned with any of my values and wants in life. The complete opposite actually, and then I wonder why I'm not satisfied. Is it even possible to mould yourself to a life that doesn't seem to fit my personality? Or is the only way forward to align your life with the personality you already have? In other words, is your higher self mouldable or is it fixed? Is the unhappiness a sign from source that I'm doing life wrong?

@JosephKnecht I took the last year off of work to figure my life out. I spent it isolated, reading, contemplating, working on passions, etc. I feel like I've grown so much. 2 weeks ago I went back to work with stage blue/orange people and I feel more alone than I did when I was isolated. It's like I'm watching chimps in the zoo. I don't know if I feel more connected or disconnected. Like on one hand I understand people so much more. I can feel their energy and see they're motives behind everything they do. But on the other hand I find it very hard to participate in it without feeling inauthentic, so I sort of just "study it". I really miss being isolated now, it's where I feel my most authentic, but to be a sailor, you must leave the port I guess.

I want to go to university for a few reasons. First is to align myself with my passion which is conceptual understanding of the psychological development of people and society. I've always been interested in this since I was like 10 years old, and I just realized that it was always my purpose and passion to talk to people about deep subjects. Second is to be around more like minded people. I'm in a job right now where I just don't jive with the people I'm around at all. No one that I spend my days with likes to talk about meta-topics and philosophical concepts. All conversations are very surface level. I understand that they are probably in lower stages of development that I am but I really long for people I can relate to. Third is because I always felt drawn to the university/academic path but never thought I was smart enough or worthy of going so I settled for a blue-collar job that never challenged me to get me safely through life. I always regretted this decision and I now realize that the thought of not being smart enough was a limiting belief that I had to get over. So now I sort of what to prove to myself that I can do it. And Forth, and what I started this thread, is that Psychology is one of those fields that really require credentials to be taken seriously (unfortunately). I feel like it would be a better strategy to work within the system to try to merge non-dual teachings into psychology than to try to change the status quo with no credentials. I guess my end goal would be to help move the world towards accepting more spirituality into the very scientific based paradigm of established psychological models. I would also like to have a private practice where I help people do self-inquiry and contemplative exercises as psychotherapy.

I became a tradesman because when I was younger I had no idea what I wanted and I was pushed to get a trade to play it 'safe'. I grew up as a sensitive kid, always was more interested in the arts and social sciences than mechanical things, but never thought I was "smart enough" to go to university or to contribute anything to these fields, so I settled on doing the safe thing and just getting a decent paying, manual labour job. The problem is that I've never felt comfortable in this line of work. I have always been a pretty conscious person, people have called me an 'old soul'. I've always been sensitive to peoples egos and felt their energy strongly. The people I work with are very low-conscious, most of them have major anger issues, undiagnosed personality disorders, and massive defence mechanisms. I always feel like I'm on pins and needles around everyone and I'm scared of saying the wrong thing or doing something that'll set someone off. I find it very hard to be my authentic self in this environment. I always have to play characters and put on a tough guy persona to fit in with them. Even though I look and act very masculine, I definitely have a stronger than average feminine side of me that I'm constantly suppressing to not raise too many eyebrows. Sometimes I feel like I would feel more authentic working as a coffee barista than have to put on all these inauthentic personas. I've always felt more comfortable around sensitive academic types (which most of my best friends are) than around other tradesmen. I feel like I went down a very wrong path with my career and I'm wondering if I should start over again fresh knowing what I know now. Anyone else been struggling to be more authentic and find their place in the world? What have you learned along the way?