Tistepiste

Lol this is like 1984. Doesn't sound conscious at all.

@theleelajoker that's what I've been doing my entire life

Hey all, I am debating whether to go on a silent retreat up to 1 year next year. Probably in Myanmar - or at least according to Mahasi Sayadaw's teachings - which worked really well for me in my last two-week retreat. Old thought patterns resurfaced however, and I feel more stuck than ever. I am starting therapy in a few weeks, but also thinking - I am in the lucky position that I am currently able to take a year off without too many consequences. I don't have kids, a partner - I have a good degree and can easily find a job, and I can sublet my room in a big city easily. So: why not? Now the reason why I write this post is I am curious to you all, Have you got any experience with very long retreats? Do you have any recommendations? I can go literally anywhere in the world.. Some stuf I should be aware of / think about before going? Cheers everyone

From my previous post: Ok so, I found out that this is due to cognitive dissonance, which triggers my sleeping OCD. This cognitive dissonance is triggered by - Words by people (example above) - Actions vs words by people The first one is the worst. If someone states something from their truth, and states it as my truth. Whenever this happens, no matter how well-intentioned, my system experiences it as an identity invasion: an attempt to overwrite my inner reality. I am a scientist by nature - so instead of denying their truth, I explore my own truth and try to reconcile it with their experience. If it doesn't match, I question my own experience in every fiber of my body. The outcome: Rumination, unsettling feeling, re-curring thought loops, feeling of powerlesness, feeling stuckness Instructions on how to get out of the loop: 1. Recognize it. “There’s a clash between my inner experience and someone else’s version of reality.” 2. Name the mechanism, not the story. “My brain is trying to reconcile two truths that don’t fit.” 3. Feel underneath. “What emotion is here - sadness, fear, shame?” Breathe into that spot. 4. End the reconstruction. “I already know this story. I don’t need to replay it.” 5. Ground in the senses. Notice a sound, a smell, or the feeling of your body on the chair. Let the world remind you that you’re here, not in the loop. Realization: I have to read more books on pyschology

You have to stop denying there's still the fundamentals of OCD inside your system. Pretending it's not there makes your life miserable in difficult moments. Pretending it's not there makes you less aware of its mechanics Pretending it's not there makes you indulge in in it trying to figure out what's happening. Pretending it's not there makes you love yourself less. Pretending it's not there makes you harder on yourself than you should be. Accept that you have dramatic recurring thoughts. Accept that you can't solve it on your own Accept that you have to be vulnerable and accept defeat in order to overcome the battle There's no winning or losing, there's accepting that these destructive mechanics are there, and that you can make yourself accountable for addressing it in a loving / vulnerable way. Next time something happens that keeps the thought train on a loop for days; weeks; months on end? Don't meditate it away thinking your are being "present" with it, and are "feeling into it" All you're doing is looking at the raw unsettling feeling, with the wish that at some point it will go away. The resistance is still there. You're looking at the resistance, fine. But then what? It might dissolve in that moment, but next time it comes up there'll be resistance again. And then you wonder why. If possible: - Talk about it with friends If not possible: - Radical acceptance. Accept that the thought might never go away. And that it will keep coming back. - Use it as an instrument to being okay with being not okay. Actually be okay with it. But please Your first tendency is to isolate yourself. Yourself from the world and yourself from your self. Layers of isolation in order to isolate your energy on that single phenomena. You're creating a tunnel vision, thinking this piercing vision will pierce through the forces, but it's manifesting the forces. You haven't found the way yet. Not yet. So don't pretend you can overcome it. Be vulnerable. Talk to people.

Realizations from Vipassana retreat Insight During your previous retreat, you realized (even though you hadn’t fully integrated it at the time) that all particles - all matter - are impermanent. Every trillionth of a second, your entire physical system renews itself. In the current retreat, you saw that the mind is the same. In a flash, a thought arises and disappears immediately - but by grasping it, that thought lingers. There are always countless thoughts passing through your head, but you choose to re-illuminate certain ones, causing them to stay longer, which in turn triggers the cycles described earlier. You also understood the suffering that comes with alternating pleasant and unpleasant sensations. No-self: Nowhere in mind or matter can an "I" be found. Insight into No-self Suddenly it became crystal clear: There is no "I." There is no "person" who acts. Things simply happen. Because certain conditions exist, the conditions of the mind respond to them - but you have no control over those conditions, nor over your responses. It is through experiences that you have become who you are, and that you react as you do - but you have no control over that. It simply happens. Therefore, everything that has ever happened has unfolded perfectly, because it could not have happened any other way at that moment. The circumstances were as they were, and your mind responded accordingly, with all the resulting consequences. The fact that I am writing this now is due to the analytical tendency that feels the need to write it down. But I am not writing. There is writing. There is no doer - there is doing. There is no experiencer - there is experiencing. When you feel something - who is it that feels? If you look closely, there is just feeling. There is experience, but no one experiencing it. And what about focused mind and monkey mind? Your focused mind is simply mind + awareness + mindfulness. There is awareness of the processes, which changes the conditions, and therefore new phenomena arise. The system’s responses change because of awareness. It seems as though there is a "you" making a "choice," but that’s not what’s happening. Something happens - a feeling arises. Because of earlier experiences, that feeling now has a certain color or tone. You can’t control that. Your system reacts to that feeling based on the present context. When you become aware of this reaction, new conditions arise, from which a new thought (or none) appears, changing the reaction again. I can’t write it any more clearly for now. How to let go By no longer giving it attention. Thoughts will arise, but stop feeding them - no matter how painful it feels. If a thought feels strong, receive it with openness, then gently shift your focus. Don’t be startled when the thought returns - that’s normal. Effort, understanding, concentration, and faith All four must be in balance. Too much effort: the mind becomes agitated Too much understanding: you begin to overanalyze Too much concentration: you become drowsy Too much faith: you don’t develop wisdom

I have some very distructive patterns in my brain. 90% of my thoughts consist of one of these patterns: Questioning yourself Many thoughts start from a question. The cycle goes like this: Question → Searching for an answer → Conclusion → Questioning the conclusion → etc. This keeps you stuck in the cycle. It doesn’t matter what the thoughts are about - it’s simply how your brain is conditioned to work. Romanticizing You create an idealized image of the future in which you come out well. Many thoughts are rooted in this romantic tendency; don’t believe them - it’s just conditioning again. Romanticizing → Believing → Daydreaming → Bumping into something that threatens that imagined future → Anger. Compulsion Some thoughts carry a strong energy. These stem from fear. They manifest as compulsive, recurring thoughts. Fear → Compulsion → Negotiating with thoughts → Conclusion → Questioning the conclusion → Cycle. Again, this is conditioning. Such thoughts trigger a survival instinct. They feel overwhelming and impossible to overcome - but recognize the pattern: it’s just conditioning. It’s not truly you; it’s how your brain has learned to operate. Overconfidence When meditation goes well, you start thinking you’re the best meditator, the fastest learner. Then when something gets in the way, you become anxious - because you were doing so well, seeing your potential, and also seeing the sabotage that comes with it. Overconfidence → Fear → etc. Challenge When you become overconfident, you will start challenging the system / the system will start challenging you (chicken and egg?) Old thoughts resurface to see how you’ll respond. Overconfidence → Challenge → Fear → etc. Over-analyzing You analyze things clearly and insightfully, but you do it too often - turning analysis into a system or escape mechanism under the pretense of “understanding yourself.” By over-analyzing, you shine too much light on things, making them larger than they need be. Comparison You compare previously “resolved” situations (meaning: no longer meeting resistance when a thought about them arises) with current ones that do bring resistance, trying to find out why. Naturally, this puts you back into the first cycle, which can also lead into the compulsion cycle.

Reflection on the meditation Reflection on the post of 7 March: There's been a few moments in my life where I was told to feel and think someting, and I could not-let-it-go. What is this thing? The first time:

Here are some posts about it!

Better late than never. So I have done two retreats. Both in Belgium, Dilsem Stokkem. I must say, the location and center are amazing. The food perhaps even better. The organisation is very professional, and the same structure is followed in every location around the world. Even the menu of the food (afaik). Everything is taken care of for you, they want you to focus on your meditation as distraction-free as possible. For a first retreat, this is probably your best take. My two cents: - It can feel a bit dogmatic. It is good to realize he is teaching a method influenced by his teachers - He focusses attention on the bodily senses. Which can get you into deep meditation. I've went through different stages quickly on my first retreat. I want to say more, but I am hesitant as I don't want to influence your experience too much. My advice, if you go, go with all your energy and without expectations or ideas. Accept his teachings fully, at least in that moment. Always happy to talk about your experience afterwards Bon voyage!

@OBEler So, is it more like a hobby? Would you advocate people to start doing OBE? Or is it just something to pass the time

Why do you keep grasping back to OBE? Is it a form of meditation for you?

Hey, I have done two Vipassana retreats. I post here to remind myself to write something when I'm home