Tistepiste

Very cool; I've been thinking about it myself. - what meditation "technique" do you do? Is it Vipassana?

@Hojo You mean 30 years old to 32 years old? Why? I guess because the older you become the more comfortable you become in your patterns? And in twenties you still kind of confused with all that's happening? Beginnen thirties is typically a period where people explore their identity "Who am I"

@Oppositionless I had the same experience on my first retreat! I am hesitant to answer on this question because I don't want to influence your perception. As it is purely subjective. I would say, my understanding increases with each retreat. The unconditional love awakening is the understanding of the rising and passing away. Your nervous system understands "things come and goes". There's more after that indeed. But those things are not perse pleasant. You are in essence reconditioning your system to go from reactive mode to observing mode. And reduce / destroy attachement to any "thing" whether it is pleasant or unpleasant. Every retreat is different. My second one was way harder than my first one since my anxiety and OCD got triggered. It was very unpleasant but also very fruitful in the sense the it showed me on a deep level how my current patterns were not helping me and just create more trauma. I'm also still at the beginning of the path. But I wouldn't say my retreats got more intense. I would say they got more profound in the sense that I recognize quicker what's happening and can tap out of distractions more quickly. The attachment decreases and actual quality of meditation increases.

I agree! So much. I have done Four Vipassana retreats. I Just finished one. Basically, what I realized; all these retreats have script of what they need to teach. A bit like going to the church. e.g; "This is the only way" "Body is repulsive" "You can be a buddhist and a christian" "See for yourself" etc. etc. And the enumeration states, yes. The thing is: The meditation technique they teach and space they create works! Wonders! I have reached depths I never thought I could ever reach. I have had the experience of complete dissolution of the body, accompanied by feelings of infinite; and I really mean infinite love. It was in-sane and I could see my body paticles exploding out of my body. And a deep hole was left in the middle of my stomach with an infinite depth of pure love. I also had the insight of no-self. Suddenly it was the most logical thing in the world and it hit me when I just woke up. For months i was in the present effortlessly. The tricky thing is: It is in essence just meditation. No self. Rising and Passing. That is inherent to any human being. And not attached to the Buddhist dogma. "No Self" can be seen and experienced from a variety of methods. As well as the Rising and Passing. I feel like they discovered a way to reach it, and they built a whole religion around it. The things that Buddhism says are sometimes disturbing. E.g - "Women cannot reach the state of the Buddha because they are inferior" - They are against rites and rituals. But when someone is going to hell; because of "bad deeds", a picture of "hell" (with "cauldrons and fire"), is shown right before they pass away. But if you build a small altar with flowers and gold and what not the picture changes into the "deva realm". So are your bad deeds are eliminated because of adding "flowers" to your grave. Anyway. I love this retreats and I have immense respect for these organisations and Buddhist monks. I have had the privileges to be taught by them, and they really helped me understand the technique. It is all donation based and they dedicate their life to it. So no bad words about them at all, but the religion part can be misleading. Since you can get stuck in the dogma and not explore other things. That said, Vipassana meditation is tricky; so it needs a dogmatic approach for you to not be distracted. E.g; Things happen that you believe to be real but can actually just be imagination. I have had meditation states where for four hours there was a movie playing in my mind and I believed it. I thought I saw my past lifes, and I thought the universe was communicating with me through these beautiful drawings that it was showing me. That felt real and I thought it was showing me the secret to life. But I told this to the monk, and he told me I was just following a mind object along. If a mind object is coming up (eg image), and you dont recognize it for what it is (an image), it grows and grows and leads its own story. Even though you feel that you are not creating it (Cause youre not consciously creating it), the mind is creating it and it is bullshit. When you recognize that and label it as "imagination", it dissappears instantly and you are back the observing the four basic elements. Fire, water, air, earth. That's all what you should observe. And not go along with thought stories. This is where their expertise is infinite. And this is the fruit of those retreats. I needed four retreats to recognize all of my traps. Even though I have reached profound states, I realized in a sense it is because I was "lucky" I reached them and because I take the practice very seriously; so even though I believe some things to be true when they are not, I am still moving "forward" in the consciousness states, but I don't actually knew what was really happening. Now I start to understand. Deeply. Thanks to this retreats. But also thanks to my hesitance to follow the dogma blindly.

What do you advice to people meditation with psychotic tendencies? Are they able to do serious practice after taking a more healthy approach to mediation? Do you think schizophrenia and these other types of severe mental disorders, probably stemming from the mind unable to process things, could be triggered due to unhealthy approach to discovering spirituality, and be cancelled out if someone is more grounded and understands what they are doing

@Carl-Richard Shit, you made me question myself if I am bipolar type 1

My OCD is trying to help me. By finding answers. Obsessively. Because he thinks it is a matter of life. It helps me by looking everywhere it can to find answers. He can't stop looking without being sure the answer is not missed or skipped. The problem is, there's no other agency telling the OCD that it is ok. That I don't need answers. Having answers = learning Having answers = closure Having answers = peace My OCD can side track, focus on things that are not relevant at all to the current confusion. I think it needs a good talk with uncle Iroh, and a cup of tea

If I'm being totally honest from what I've seen it seems like you're not getting any "unique" information apart from the most generic associations. So basically just visualizations / thoughts based on what you read or happen to think about. There's nothing unique or surprising about what you say

That's literally what I've been thinking about doing since a few months. And talked about yesterday with a friend. Calisthenics and jiu jitsu

@Pure What's my name?

@Pure what happens when you invoke me

So you can be a world Champion? if the universe is flowing through you while playing chess

Just wondering how you are convinced from that statement? He/she didn't give any unique details? @Pure You said you followed this energy that you felt. Did you do any meditation technique?

I am not a therapist, nor have I experience with depression. I do have experience with mental health issues. First of all, you're only 24, that's still very young. You brain has high neuroplasticity, meaning it can relatively easily be rewired and retrained It seems you have the tendency to indulge in your mind's patterns. The traumatic experience you've had when you were so young seems to have deeply ingrained itself. If ordinary therapy doesn't work, have you tried a therapist giving a more holistic approach? One approach is reconnecting with your inner child. Healing your inner child within yourself. There are therapies specifically designed for that. Another thing that helps me, is changing the context radically. Go Travel, go meet a friend, go for a hike in the mountains, slow down. Slow down. And reconnect with yourself. Do things that give you energy. As a child, what did you enjoy doing? What made you smile? And feel alive? Try to find a few root points in your life. E.g. a therapist that you trust, a friend that you enjoy hanging out with, an activity that you enjoy doing. Break the patterns there currently keep you stuck gently. Your body is might react, your mind might react, try to keep you in your current habits, because there your current "base". But don't give in to the resistance and try to really go out and change a few basic aspects they you're currently doing to something they energized you, makes you feel safe, trusted and allows your energy inside you to flow naturally. Even for a brief moment.

I went to 3 silent retreats. 2x 10 days, 11hrs/day Vipassana meditation sitting (Goenka) 1x 14 days, 11hrs/ day Vipassana meditation sitting + walking (Mahasi Sayadaw) The retreats were all successful in the sense that I entered multiple different stages of enlightenment. I experienced dissolution of body and feeling of unconditional love multiple times. I experienced the realization of no-self I experienced effortless "being in the moment" for 3 months straight I experienced the deconstruction of all my mind patterns, mapped them out and could spot them instantly. The technique works for me. However, it also made my mental health so much worse. I struggle with OCD and ADHD. Unmedicated and untreated. My OCD can attach itself on mundane things or be triggered by unresolved trauma. It is episodic and sleeping and always watches me by surprise. When I think it is gone it is suddenly back stronger than ever Stuck in loop In one of these (2nd) retreats I was stuck in an OCD loop for the duration of the whole retreat due to a trigger. Imagine 11 hrs/day for 10 days of no escape from the OCD loops strengthening itself, with no one to talk to or no one that understands you. It took me 4 weeks of post retreat self-care that the active OCD went to sleep again, technique: slowing down, and focussing on breath. You would say that's literally meditation and yes, it is, but sometimes you need to give yourself the right context and environment and access to outside information to help you get new perspectives and clinical knowledge in order to give you the good basis to recognize that you're in a loop and to give you enough counterweight. I wasn't aware I was stuck in an OCD loop until I was and when I realized (on the retreat) the dragon had grown too big to beat it. Life lesson The actual most important lesson I learned and why I created this topic: These retreats Trained my brain to instantly recognize the existence craving / aversion. It activates the system where my body wants to stop feeding the craving and aversion which creates a rejection of the feelings I'm having. My mind works from the idea that this craving - aversion balance is the root of all evil. So I cannot give into it. Trained my brain to want to handle this things alone, in silence, with close presence to the body sensation. No talking about it, not opening up to people The idea is that if I open up to people or talk about it I give it more space and give it more right to exist. The idea is that you don't want to give in to the craving and aversion and stay close to it, understand how it feels and then "let it go". This creates multiple toxic tendencies (in my case) Isolation "Other people can't help you. Awareness is the only way." Rejection of your own feelings "I cannot give this feeling right to exist" Confusion "I thought it'd outgrown this" Mental issues get room to grow (because there's no other voice) OCD just keeps getting stuck Shame "You're more wise and mature than this" This tendencies just makes it so much worse. This is just to be served as a warning. You can have realisations but you're also still human. Do not over estimate yourself or the state you're in. Meditative states can fade, certainly post retreats. Insights can fade. Old patterns can come back. Don't fall for the old tricks of the mind, or don't allow the mind to leverage your new insights against you. Stay vulnerable. Stay humble. Stay open.