Diane

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  1. Amazing things that happened today: Apparently bellydancing is preparatory to weightlifting!!! The colleague thanks to whom I came to know what crossfit is told me that he foresaw that I have a flair for weightlifting from the way I move, which can't but come from the almost 6 years of bellydance lessons I took... So really EVERYthing happens for a reason... I started taking bellydance lessons just because my friend proposed me to and then I loved it.. And now I discover that in some way it may have prepared me to the sport I'm loving right now, incredible!!! I'm writing here!!!! The same colleague I was talking about sent me a link with a site where to find video-lessons on echo-cardiography.. So Cardiology keeps calling me, I just need to pick up the phone... Ways I could have made today even better: Running!! Having a plan... Ways I got closer to Switzerland ❤️ : No one in particular.. What I learned: To be happy as I am..
  2. Control I was listening to this video and I realized that not having control makes me angry and/or anxious.. The core belief beyond that is that I actually can control everything in my life.. After asking "what am I believing?" Jonathan Foust suggests to ask the question "who am I without that belief?". Thinking about it led me to the broader question "who am I?". In my being a lifelong beginner on this journey I didn't think I would actually come to a stage where I would seriously start investigating such matters but here I am.. So who am I? A doctor suffering from a chronic impostor syndrome, a wannabe worldclass Cardiologist, a sister, a daughter, a friend, a crossfitter, a role model for someone (yesterday I was chatting with a young girl at the hospital and I asked her what she wanted to become in her future.. She said "a doctor" and when I asked her what kind of doctor she said "like this" pointing at me... Wow!!), a runner at times.. I am a human being, I am not perfect and it's ok, I can't control everything and it's ok. Especially because sometimes things not going my way is actually a blessing.. So today's lesson learned is acceptance, sometimes I'm right and sometimes I'm wrong and it's perfectly fine. Yeah, life is a war but loosing some battles here and there is not the end of the world.. And even if it was it would be perfectly fine too because if it wasn't it wouldn't happen...
  3. Fail recommit It's the first afternoon I'm not at work and also don't have something "urgent" to do (like watching Iron Fist -which is amazing btw-...) and I don't know what to do as I have so many things to do in theory.. So I decided to write here.. I recieved a very polite answer from the CHUV, the Swiss big hospital I applied to, they said they only recruit people who have already worked in Switzerland for at least two years and they also gave me an address where to find other hospitals to apply to. The link actually doesn't work but I'm still happy for all this as it means that my application in itself was adequate. Fortunately I already have the list of the other hospitals to apply to, I just need to summon the courage to do it... At work too things are going pretty well, it's not all roses but I like the kind of professional I'm becoming: as a recovering people pleaser I can't help doing everything I can to help others but at the same time I definitely don't let people walk all over me. Good. Now I "just" need to recommit to my routines too... But first crossfit!!!
  4. Amazing things that happened in the last few days: I survived another 12h shift without feeling completely exhausted at the end!! I started crossfit!!! It was amazing, the day of the lesson and the day after.. I try not to complain or think too much about it but there's almost no muscle that's not aching... This morning I tried to do some push-ups but I barely could move.. No pain no gain they said, and it totally applies to crossfit!! I'm really curious about tomorrow's workout... Yesterday I went to a Spa for the first time in my life, wonderful!!! Ways I could have made the last few days even better: Studying!!! Ways I got closer to Switzerland ❤️ : No one.. What I learned: It's really all about how one sees him/herself.. As days and months go on there are less and less people that call me "miss" or anything that is not "doctor" at the hospital and I haven't changed anything about how I dress or present myself externally in general..
  5. Amazing things that happened today: I spent a great time with my roomates at lunch; It stopped raining right before I had to go out; I'm writing here even if I'm uber sleepy.. Everything worth having requires an effort, they say.. Ways I could have made today even better: Running!! Toomorrow I'll start crossfit though... Ways I got closer to Switzerland ❤️ : I sent the first application to work as a resident in Internal Medicine (I have to do 2 years of internal medicine and then 4 of Cardiology..). It was incredible, I was "forced" to do it today as on Saturday, tired of hearing my mum asking me about where I was with this project, I told her to recall me this evening.. External motivation has its importance too apparently.. At first I had decided to apply only in peripheral hospitals as they should be less sought-after but then I saw that I could apply directly to the CHUV, one of the biggest hospitals in Switzerland, so I did!! What I learned: Not to put limitations on how far (and fast) I can go.
  6. Amazing things that happened today: I'm writing here!!!!!! The chief director of my specialization school said that I am "an excellent new addition" talking about me with another colleague... For the first time I walked out from an 8-20 shift not feeling completely exhausted.. Ways I could have made today even better: Doing my morning routine. ❤️ Ways I got closer to Switzerland: no one.. What I learned: The importance of the concept of equanimity.
  7. So so so... It's the last day of February, 2017 has been here for two months already and I haven't gone so far with my projects.. So let's go back to basics. Here is my mission statement/me sheet: My life purpose: To do plenty of research and public speaking to make people healthier through consciousness AND become a world- class Cardiologist!!! My zone of genius: Research and public speaking. My domain of mastery: Cardiology. My ideal medium: Public speaking. Fortunately working as a doctor I have to do some form of public speaking every day. For what concerns making people healthier through consciousness I think I've done it in some subltle ways, which is quite remarkable since I haven't been reading my mission statement lately (or regularly doing any of my routines...). Research.. I've been studying even at work, instead of going on pinterest during coffee breaks I find myself reviewing something more and more often. Good. And finally my one and only... I haven't been a good spouse lately, the good thing is that love is still there, I just need to start demonstrating it in a more definite, clear and open way again. My top goals for this year: To start specializing in Cardiology in Switzerland; To earn at least 6000€ per month; To finally read (=study) the Braunwald’s manual of Cardiology; To do courses of rapid learning and speed reading; To make reading a daily habit; Having white teeth. This list actually dates june 2016, even if I think I wrote about specializing in Switzerland later on.. So.. What relieves me about not having done almost anything to reach the first goal is this: "3 months", phew!! The truth is that I'm scared and at the same time I'm soooooo comfortable here in Sardinia... Anyway, I decided to transform the question "ways I came closer to becoming a worldclass Cardiologist" into the more specific "Ways I got closer to Switzerland". I really don't know the how and feel totally not ready for this but I know the why. They say it's a good starting point.. For what concerns the earning goal I believe it came from doing Kate Northrup's MoneyLoveChallenge. If I'm not mistaken among other things she suggested to have a specific earning goal. I'm not totally sure about this right now, I'd rather have a lifestyle goal to achieve than a mere financial one.. Wonderful, I'm one goal-to-reach lighter!! The other ones are quite self-explanatory. I don't know how I expect to reach the last goal with the amount of coffee I drink every day tough... Enough for the doing. Now let's get to the real stuff: "THERE IS NO DIFFERENCE BETWEEN ENLIGHTMENT AND INSANITY, YOU COMPLETELY LOOSE ALL SENSE OF REALITY AND IT'S NEVER COMING BACK. (...) YOU'RE ON A JOURNEY TO BECOME INSANE BUT YOU'RE GOING TO BECOME INSANELY FUNCTIONAL. (...) IT'S ABOUT GOING BEYOND INSANITY. WHEN YOU GO BEYOND INSANITY WHAT THE CONVENTIONAL MIND CALLS INSANITY TURNS INTO SANITY AND THE CONVENTIONAL MIND, WHICH WE CALL SANITY, BECOMES INSANITY. (...) AND THEN, WHEN YOU BECOME INSANE EVERYTHING IS FINE!!". Leo Gura As he said, one could spend an entire life trying to explain all this.. I can't even describe what I felt hearing those words, it was like seeing the world with the right glasses after a life with the wrong ones: I kind of saw something with the first ones but now the colors are brighter then ever... Really, he couldn't have expressed it in a more perfect and engaging way!!
  8. Amazing things that happened in this week: On Monday I went to a crossfit trial class, AMAZING!!!! I was like: I finally found home in Sardinia!!! I'll start in March.. I still haven't found the correct adjective to describe crossfit.. What I know is that I was called warrior for the first time in my life and it was the best compliment I've ever received!!! The coach said that I have a flair for this.. It would be nice to analyze all this from a psychological point of view.. From a certain point of view choosing crossfit as sport is pretty masochistic.. But from another one dying from diabetes/hypertension/depression is the real masochistic choice... I came back home two days ago!! I really needed a few days of vacation, Leo definitely has a point in saying that one should take a few days off once every three months... I think I'm in love.. It's more a crush than real love actually, I feel like the teenager I never was.. Fortunately I have Leo's book list!! AND a life purpose to realize... Ways I could have made this week even better: Studying more; Leaving my eternal state of paralysis by analysis. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: No one... What I learned: Yesterday I cut my already short hair.. It didn't come out exactly as planned but I'm ok with that.. I remember one day during high school I cried almost all night long for having to go to school the next day with unfinished braids... I wish I could go back in time and hug that girl's tears away... It's literally just hair and people don't actually care, or better: "those who matter don't mind and those who mind don't matter"..
  9. Amazing things that happened lately: It was a great Sunday!!! I hadn't programmed anything in particular as yesterday night I was in complete PMS mode but in the end I woke up early, meditated, went to church, ran and also studied!!! Not bad!!! For what concerns the other days I don't know.. I survived myself and my laziness.. I experienced once again how important it is for me to actually do my routines and to run.. Every time I don't I start to get anxious and to become sadder and sadder.. I'm grateful that I'm always on time to come back to them!! I bought a computer!! And learnt that hope is not exaclty the best money management approach out there... Ways I could have made these days even better: Doing my routines; Being more compassionate and loving. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Studying!!! Re-watching Django in French.. What I learned: I was simply amazed when I saw the title of Leo's latest video.. It's exactly what I needed!! Then I went from amazed to simply speechless when I realized that I already knew the story he was telling.. WOW!!!! It's good to know that there is not a one-size-fits-all way to have a balanced life and that I'm not supposed to always be in the middle.. Life is a dance, and I love dancing!!! I think I already wrote it once but repetita iuvant!!
  10. Amazing things that happened today: These 3: What can I say?!?! I really can't express what I feel seeing all this.. It's incredible!! It was a wonderful day today, not very productive but full of emotions.. I didn't go to work as I worked from 8 to 8 yesterday and it was Sunday.. So today was the day I should have sent the applications to start the process towards Switzerland.. I didn't send any but at least I prepared the ground and was reassured by all the 1s I saw everywhere... While browsing on facebook I saw the above videos, incredible is the only appropriate word I can use.. I haven't seen any of the two movies yet but I'm already crying... And to finish up such an emotional day I saw this on Leo's blog: Ways I could have made today even better: Acting on my feelings. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Uhm, feeling?! What I learned: Not to wait for the perfect/good conditions!! It's something I'm definitely learning during these strange and disoriented days..
  11. When life gets hard F*ck it!! I saw this on a wall while going to the canteen this evening.. I'm pretty certain this is one of the uncommunicable truths that Leo keeps referring to!! My life isn't hard at all however.. I'm just a little lost, lazy and confused.. Fortunately I still have the notes I took during the life purpose course... I re-read them tonight.. It was incredible seeing how so many things I had visualized for my life have actually happened even if I had totally forgotten about wanting them.. So a good completion to "when life gets hard" may also be: "go to the life purpose course"!! It definitely never hurts to go back to basics...
  12. @Dragallur Thank you, it's definitely easier said than done, I wonder how do people meditate for 12 hours a day without needing an orthopedist after every single session!! It's good to know that it's possible and worth it!! Amazing things that happened today: I went to a sporting goods store this afternoon and while entering I was like: "home sweet home"!! I'm definitely living the life of my dreams, even in the smallest details... I remember that in high school I had this project/idea/dream/vision of spending much more money on underwear garments than on clothing itself and that's what I actually did without even thinking about it.. Oh, the power of visualization!!! Talking of which: Today I did my whole evening routine!! The only thing left is reading.. It's a very simple evening routine (10 min visualization of my future life; planning the day ahead; writing here and reading) but it's been ages since I've done it properly... Ways I could have made today even better: Waking up earlier; Studying. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: No one particular.. I'm in comfortable mode right now, I had decided to start working on moving to Switzerland at the beginning of the year but I found more excuses than courage... What I learned:
  13. Amazing things that happened in the past few days: What can I say? It's just pure poetry, and it's not even the complete trailer!! Shall I also mention that the first scene of the trailer of Iron Fist is an image of him seated in lotus position meditating?!?! I definitely could write a book entitled "how to self actualize or at least get on board with the idea basing on tv series". The other day I realized that I really have a thing with vigilantes: my first love as refereed to a series was Dexter, then I got on the Marvel track.. But maybe I'm just trying to justify the enormous time I wasted watching so much tv.. I studied, finally!!! And loved every second of it, as always!! I ran today!! This run kind of happened to me, one of my house mates proposed me to run together so we did!! We spent more time taking pictures than actually running but still, 2.74km in 24 minutes remain more than the 0km I ran this month!! I decided to start meditating for an hour, I'm really curious to see the difference one year from now... Ways I could have made the past few days even better: Having a plan for the day. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Studying!!! What I learned: The beauty of staying on this path. On Thursday I did my morning workout for he first time from I can't even remember when and it was amazing!! At first I was like "I can't do it, it's too cold outside of the blankets!!" but then I went in Rocky mode and spent all the workout like this: I literally sang this song throughout the whole workout!! The even more amazing thing is that, as happens in this video, there are more and more people who tell me that I inspired them to go to the gym/start running... All this to the small price of getting up a little earlier in the morning and accepting a little bit of "discomfort"... Incredible!!!
  14. Amazing things that happened recently: "Action, not hope. Passion not obligation. And results, not plans." Little by little I'm returning to THE path.. Yesterday I studied and today I meditated. I watched the series Luke Cage, the most feminist series I've ever seen!! It's plenty of powerful women but the character I loved most is a male one, Shades.. He's the depiction of what it means to work on a long term project... Someday I'm going to get those Raybans!! AND become a world-class Cardiologist, in the same way as he passed from henchman to king of Harlem.. Ways I could have made these days even better: Doing my routines. Being more focused on my goals. Ways I got closer to becoming a wordclass Cardiologist: Studying. What I learned: There's a cost to realizing one's dreams...