Diane

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About Diane

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  1. Amazing things that happened in the last two week: I RAN TODAY!!!!! The last time was on April 29th... Fortunately I still can run!! I helped a friend with self esteem issues telling her my story and what helped me.. Healing others by healing myself, it could be a good definition for what becoming a healer is about.. I moved!! I moved on July 12th, I loved the apartment at first sight, now little by little I'm starting to see all the little defects here and there.. #highrisemodeon!! Fortunately the benefits still overweight the disadvantages!! One of the advantages is being able to stay out "late" without having to ask or disturb anyone.. For example this evening I went to the summer dinner organized by the Crossfit box I go to. We had a very good time. Also, on Monday I went to a dinner with my colleagues and it was great too!! If I could relive the last two weeks I would: Spend less, if no time on Facebook!! Deep work time: Idk, maybe one hour... What I learned: "Balanced days create a balanced life". It's a quote I came up with more than one year ago I think.. Today it came to my mind when I decided to stop cleaning to start doing something else..
  2. Amazing things that happened in the last two days: I received a great lesson about being an adult. As silly as it sounds I "learnt" that it's never a good idea to accept an invitation "just to get the chance to practice dating"... So I canceled the "almost date". The incredible thing is that the guy was just like "ok, nevermind". I also met him by chance today and he greeted me as if nothing happened. From my point of view he's probably a serial killer but he might also just be an emotionally mature person.. Eddie Pinero did a Ted Talk!! Lately I've been living my days a little randomly, it was a good thing to open my mind to accepting imperfection yet I think I ended up missing the point of it all, like when I found myself wondering why I do what I do or yesterday after realizing I had just accepted a date from a guy I wasn't minimally interested in.. Thank God I can always count on Eddie (and the universe using friends to let me see things as they are..)!!! Crossfit. I probably won't qualify for the competition I registered in but preparing for it was a good life lesson, very humbling.. If I could relive the last two days I would: Study. Deep work time: None... What I learned: I actually can have it all, a disciplined and fulfilling life with also moments of relaxation and fun.
  3. Amazing things that happened this week: I'm moving to an apartment!! I'll effectively be moving next week but I already have the keys of the apartment.. It's not Versailles but it will be my first time really by my own. One of the reasons I had decided to stay in a dorm like the one I'm in right now (very close to staying in a convent in the end, it's run by nuns, we have a curfew and we cannot let men in..) is that I wanted to prevent myself from expressing the fifty shades of h* in me... But now I'm more like: why not? Despite the force of my sex drive I know I am a responsible person and I can trust myself. I already have an almost date with a guy I had met at the Crossfit box I used to go to.. My BFF also suggested me to try Tinder, we'll see!! I think that my subconscious mind has suddenly realized that: 1) I'm almost 30 so if not now when?! 2) I'm about to leave a wonderful place so I'd better enjoy it full while I still can.. As always I did some research on the topic and the best answer came from Elliott Hulse: It all comes back to working on becoming the best (or the "strongest", as he says) version of yourself. I was firstly a little bit disappointed by the fact that the guy I was talking about didn't start texting me all day long as soon as he had my number, but in the end it's actually a good thing, I shouldn't be texting all the time anyway. Today I meditated!!! I'm sooo behind with all the personal development thing... Fortunately I didn't quit forever!! Fail-recommit, to quote Elliott Hulse again.. I have a lot of people around me and I'm learning to share my life and let myself be seen. I feel more and more anxious in the process but I know it's a good thing, maybe I didn't feel so much anxiety over the last year just because I had built a very strong cage around myself that kept me "safe" but also distant from other people. If I could relive this week I would: Get organized. Deep work time: None.. What I learned: To love and enjoy the imperfection of the present moment even if aspiring to greater things. It's similar to what I wrote on Monday but it's really something I keep learning every day!!
  4. Amazing things that happened in June: "I have good benchmarks". I don't remember the exact context but I found myself worrying about my first world problems and fortunately came to see them as they were: petty and easily solvable!! "The universe brings me on the right pathway". So I had a 48 hours long Facebook flirt with a guy, it was so intense we were already scheduling a weekend together.. Then he stopped writing me out of the blue, just because I hadn't answered to a message in time.. In the end I'm grateful for that, we were definitely going too fast!! "Honor and glorify the Lord with your life". It's a phrase they sometimes say at the end of a Mass. I liked it already before knowing about enlightenment, now I know (and someday I will experience) that "I am God". It's a good purpose to honor and glorify the Goddess that I am. A few days ago I had a few moments of total depression and couldn't find an answer to the question: "why? why do all the things I do or wish I did?". And then I remembered how in the Genesis God created all things and "saw that it was good". In Italian they use the word "beautiful" and I like it even more. So yeah, I shall continue to do what I do "because it's beautiful".. Who knew the words from the Bible would have helped me that much... "I want to be a doctor". I did a night shift with our director and while having dinner he asked me what is my ultimate professional purpose. I tried to explain my wonderful concept of "making people healthier through consciousness" and he said that I was actually describing the job of a doctor... It's funny and sad at the same time.. The good thing is that he said that I am already doing all of those things!! If I could relive this month I would: Give my all, the true one... Deep work time: Too little. What I learned: To enjoy the present even while preparing for the future.
  5. Amazing things that happened today: I'm writing here for the second day in a row, a great success!!! I'm transitioning into a new ward so I'm coming back home pretty early, it's amazing to have time to do things with calm. Crossfit, it's always a great place to stay in!! Ways I could have made today even better: Waking up earlier. Deep work time: 30 minutes. What I learned: I've been binge watching Empire last week and I can proudly say I have no regrets!! Things get really dark in the third season fortunately, I stopped there..
  6. Amazing things that happened in the last 17 days: Oh Gosh, so many things!! Fortunately I made a list but it doesn't include what happened today.. Today I went to a course about delivering bad news to patients. I found it very comforting and liberating to discover that there are protocols also on things like this, sometimes I'm a bit too cold with patients because of the fear of getting too involved.. And finally I have the confirmation that it's never a good idea to be the doctor of someone you love. Prince ea. Shall we talk about this guy's Talent?!!! "It's the little things that make big difference". When I first watched it I was of course focused on a romantic relationship but it can apply to every kind of relationship, the problem is that sometimes I don't know what to do, what is he little thing that can make up for a mistake, or even if it is worth it trying to fix a mistake.. I am loved even with my yellow teeth!! It was a profound realization I had while talking with a friend after an epic fight. She made me realize that I don't have to be perfect, it's ok if I'm not in front of others and also in front of myself.. All things that I already knew in theory.. But I hadn't fully accepted them emotionally yet. It was one of the most liberating moments of my life! I know now that I can be loved as I am and I am already, it's a good to aspire to be better but not being there already doesn't mean I'm not worthy of being loved and listened to (the other liberation was finally acknowledging that I can trust people and I can talk about my problems, there are other people who will listen lovingly to my problems, my ex boyfriend wasn't the only one I could open up to..). #onmywaytobecomingasuperhealer!! Authenticity. It stems from the point above, I can be me 100%, the world won't collapse, I actually risk to be more loved/liked. It's a slow process but I think the first step was the most difficult one, clear sailing from here on out.. Sardinia love. Now that I have less that a year left to stay in Sardinia I'm discovering all the good reasons not to go... I went to a local festival and spent an amazing night out surrounded by local traditions!! There's a profound "patriotism" here and I'm starting to feel it too... There is always time. A few days ago I decided not to run as planned to stay at home and study. I ended up spending more time on fb and Pinterest than what I had spent between preparing, running, coming back and even take a nap... Consciousness is King!! Ways I could have made the last 17 days even better: Being more productive. Deep work time: Officially (but maybe also unofficially) 3 hours and 10 minutes. What I learned: To be me.
  7. Amazing things that happened today: I've just finished watching "The notebook" (yep, the "honest" trailer is better than the official one...). In the "honest" trailer they say that it gives unrealistic expectations about love yet I think it was exactly what I needed, I was starting to lower my expectations... So thank you Nicholas Sparks!! Yesterday night I did a 18km long pilgrimage, it was very instructive and eye-opening. On one hand to stop complaining about everything as there are people who have to travel even longer distances walking and on the other hand in view of an eventual marathon.. I haven't been running very much lately, I definitely have to get back on track on that too.. A few days ago I was about to start PMSing again but this time I fought back and incredibly succeeded!!! I finally remembered that I am in control of what I feel, there may be a pinch of depression lying at the bottom but I'm determined not to be its puppet anymore!!! Ways I could have made today even better: As way too frequently, having a plan and following it. Deep work time: I did study a bit but I didn't use Forest... I discovered some interesting things about EKG interpretation.. I would have been a great Cardiologist!! Now I'll be a great yet undefined thing... Becoming a healer in the end is somewhat a boomerang, it circles back to becoming the best version of myself.. Yet sometimes I do "make people healthier through consciousness".. It's a strange loop!!! What I learned: Patience and surrender.
  8. Amazing things that happened in the last 8 days: Today I saw this video about being a "Proverb 31 woman" Yet another thing I didn't know about the bible.. What hit me was the fact that in spite of being from the Bible it perfectly described what I want to become, at least metaphorically. Sometimes I get a little sad about not having a man in my life, I've listened to so many advice that I wonder why I don't even have a date. At the same time fortunately I am immensely grateful for my life. I don't know if and when I will find The One, until then, as always, all I can do is my best. The only note I took was "Crossfit music". I'm totally in love with Crossfit, and that day the music was particularly perfect!! Ah, and I've also found the perfect gear for the summer!! The universe still has my back. Last night I had a night shift and today I had decided to go play soccer with some colleagues in the afternoon. This morning I started having some pain from mittelschmertz but I told myself: "David Goggins ran a marathon with pneumonia, who am I to cancel on a play with colleagues because of an egg??". Yet I could barely walk, running was really painful. In the end I took a nap in the afternoon and ended up being too late to go... Ta-da!! Ways I could have made the last eight days even better: As way too often: having a plan and following it. Deep work time: Two hours. What I learned: The brain gives you more of what you do, not what you want. Thank you @Dan Behm
  9. Amazing things that happened in the last two days: This: I started following this channel during the 5th year of medicine (in Italy it takes six years to get a medical degree, it took me eight but that's a whole another history...). I knew he was studying medicine at the time and I wondered how he made it to study medicine and produce such wonderful music at the same time. So I was simply mesmerized when I read this in the radio's chat: "Dennis Kuo began the Study Music Project as a med student to help ppl study. His top music inspirations include: Yiruma and Nujabes. He is currently finishing anesthesiology residency at UC San Diego." WOW!!!! It reminds of Eddie Pinero's quote: "You haven't even scratched the surface of what you can do, you can completely transform how you think of winning and that's how you'll get what you want. (...) Success is doing what it takes". I'm learning more and more about myself. #mindfulness!!! I had already realized that I don't trust people, it's very difficult for me to talk about myself, my thoughts and my feelings. The other thing I noticed is that I tend to be passive towards life, especially in my social life. Most of the times that I go out it's someone else inviting me, I rarely organize something or call/text first. Consciousness itself is curative so I'll let it do its thing.... In Gabbie Bernstein's words: the universe has my back. I've been looking for a new pair of sandals for the summer this whole week, I couldn't decide and every time there were new ones to see. In the end I had chosen a pair that was nice but didn't "spark joy". I ordered it but then discovered that the purchase was denied because of something like 15cents missing on my card to buy the shoes. So I had the chance to do a new round of online shopping and buy a pair that actually sparkled!!! It's a very mundane way of being assisted by the universe but it really opened my eyes. It's comforting knowing that everything happens for my ultimate good. I found a (new) friend. It's one of my roommates. She was able to deal with me not being in a very good mood today and we ended up having a great night together. Ways I could have made the last two days even better: Really giving my all. Deep work time: 2 hours and 15 minutes. I decided not to do the French Certification in June so I'll be focusing more on studying Medicine in French. As always I wonder why I didn't start earlier, I loved every second of it!! What I learned: "Embracing discomfort is the bridge between where you currently stand and where you want to be". Eddie Pinero I need to be more proactive, to put in the effort needed to make things happen. All I have to do is my best, the universe will do and bring the rest, if and when necessary.
  10. Amazing things that happened in the last two weeks: Crossfit!! I didn't study very much but I did go to Crossfit. And today I also ran. I don't know if it was during the past two weeks or earlier but one day I was running and when I was starting to feel tired I repeated the quote "I can I will, I must!!". It worked, a lot!! I will never be grateful enough to all the motivational speeches and speakers that are out there, I don't always take action after listening to them but the do make a difference. I worked a lot and most of the time well. This video form Evan Carmichael: The very first one is snoozing, I loved his explanation about it being a sign to yourself that it's ok not to act on your plans. Ways I could have made the last two weeks even better: Being more focused on my goals. Deep work time: One hour and 25 minutes. #Forestdoesntlie, unfortunately... What I learned: I definitely need to act more, I know that I can and I have all the means.
  11. Amazing things that happened in the last 10 days (I'll get back to writing every day, it's inevitable... ): I'm planning to do one month of volunteer work in Burundi before moving to Switzerland. A few days ago the chief of an NGO I had met once called me "by mistake" and I had the chance to tell him about this desire. So I may go in March 2019, I don't know what I'll be doing exactly, for now there are these options: helping in training healthcare professionals, being part of a team focused on pediatric Cardiology () aaand being part of a team focused on physical rehabilitation!!! UNBELIEVABLE!!! I'll probably also get the airplane ticket payed.... Unfortunately the video is not in English (and there are not images taken in Burundi) but I think the pictures are pretty exhaustive. It's exactly what I want to be doing in my future, or at least a good part of it. During the life purpose course I came up with this mission statement: "to do plenty of research and public speaking to make people healthier through consciousness". Little by little I'm starting to get a grasp of what "making people healthier through consciousness" can mean in practice. I think it can also be paraphrased as showing people their potential, and one way is through the process of physical rehabilitation but thanks to Leo I now know that there are people who actually transmit consciousness only by looking in someone's eyes. I don't think I'll ever become a Guru able to practice Shaktipat but in my vision there is also something like that, being able to inspire confidence in people even without talking to them. Or maybe it's just an excuse not to have to sharpen my ability to "be impeccable with my words"... Beychella!!! I wasn't there unfortunately but I definitely heard about it!! So my new motto is: << the question is not "what would Gesus do" but "what would Beyoncé do??", get up and do it!!! >> I restarted doing Crossfit three times per week and I'm finally back to running too!! Ways I could have made the last ten days even better: Toughening up and remembering a little earlier than halfway trough season two of Grimm my secret weapon against binge watching TV series (Wikipedia... ). I'm not totally upset by that though, I watched it in French and it provided some interesting food for thought (*spoileralert*): The subtle and sometimes in-existing difference between good and evil. Like why have the Grimm always killed Wesen? Probably the human race would be extinguished if it wasn't for them. But yet why would it be a problem? In Leo's words, everything that happens is inevitable. Yet I still feel like I'm actually choosing the words I'm writing right now. It's like being in a puppet show where I am the puppeteer and the puppet at the same time (and also the setting, the public, the music and so on of course...). I'm learning to surrender to "legitimate suffering", to do what I know I have to do without procrastinating or being too emotional about it. In the end it's all a game!! The most serious one ever though.. Love is a very special flower that needs to be carefully cultivated. I was very moved by the fact that Nick couldn't even touch Juliette after she had lost her memory. He had been warned that things wouldn't have turned well but it was sad anyways. Deep work time: 5 hours and 45 minutes. What I learned: The adversity is temporary, glory is eternal. It's always a good time for a motivational speech, maybe someday I won't be needing them anymore but for now I'm grateful that there is plenty of them to watch and listen to!!
  12. Amazing things that happened this month: (I made a list...) Back to life; French. I'm slowly getting “back to life”. I started meditating again (I didn't during these few days of holidays but I know I'll get to meditating in not ordinary situations too..). I also started studying French again, the more I study it and the more I fall in love with it, it's amazing!! As always I wonder what stopped me from doing it before... Anyways.. I only hope to make it to prepare for the French certification exam I want to pass in June. Standing workstation. I've been training less in the beginning of the month and my body noticed it: I couldn't stand staying sit for a long time so I ended up engineering this: Lucky. I overflow with luck, in every aspect of my life. I was on the verge of being broke and literally not having money to sustain myself this month but with a bit of adulting and the help of the Universe I found a solution to my liquidity problems. The good thing is that in the meanwhile I had the chance to really see how much I can save, I also saw some videos about investing. And again, I was lucky in this too, hadn't I had to be more cautions about how I spent my money this month I wouldn't have had the opportunity to learn all that. Lorenzo Stea. I was walking around Cagliari with my mum and some friends when we noticed a tiny little art gallery. I was particularly attracted by this painting that I later discovered is from an incredible artist: Lorenzo Stea. It was inspired from Bellini's “Brera Pietà”. I was and still am simply speechless. A friend's mum, talking about it, said: “they pretend to support him but they are actually killing him”. She couldn't be more right. Easter with mum. Yees, my mum came to visit me on Easter!! Everything went perfect and we had the greatest time!! Thanks to her visit I had the opportunity to take a mini holiday too so thank you mum!! Ateneika. Soooo..... I received an informal proposition to participate to a Crossfit competition in June!!!! It looks like this: I don't know if I'll actually do it but I certainly will train for it!!! Steve Austin's Broken Skull Challenge. I normally don't watch TV but as I was “on holiday” I did and I found out this TV show. I was simply amazed!! In the first episode I saw there were men and I was like: wow!! Then I discovered that there were also women doing the same things and I think I missed a few beats, it was simply mind blowing!!!! She has a Crossfit background, did you hear that?!?! Ways I could have made the last month even better: Following the plan when I had it and having one when I didn't. Deep work time: A total of 10.5 hours, even if I should add the hours I was actually working from home. Better than nothing anyways, hopefully having to prepare for the exam and for the Crossfit competition will be good motivations to be more focused and productive in the near future. What I learned: “Don't stress it, sweat it”. I came up with this quote after seeing a girl with a shirt with the print “don't stress it”. IA good reminder to keep working instead of worrying. Ordinary things done consistently create extraordinary results. Matthew Hussey
  13. Thank you @Ioana for your wonderful words!!! <3 <3 <3 Thank you for the ideas you gave me too, very very mind-opening!! I read some of your posts too, I don't know how you manage to do it all!! I'm totally eager to know more about you and your experience! You're so right about the fact that as a doctor the right time to have a kid will probably never come if one keeps waiting for the perfect moment, it's something I hadn't fully realized yet.. I hope to meet to you in person someday, in the meantime I wish you all the best!!!
  14. Amazing things that happened today: I watched the movie Groundhog Day. I had a night shift last night and it was a tough one. This evening then, one of my roommates asked me to watch something together, I googled "uplifting movies" and chose this one. The quote that hit me the most was this one: "I don't deserve someone like you. But if I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life". I'm still crying. I don't know, becoming self actualized or dare I say enlightened should mean you reach a state of equanimity yet my personal journey until now seems to be filled with all kind of emotions.. I can't even express it clearly. I am very emotional about the purpose of becoming a "healer" and even more about finding "the one". It's so much. Guess I'll just keep living one day at a time, always trying to do my best. I had the chance to rest after this difficult night shift. I read a summary of the book Relentless by Tim Grover (thanks to the always wonderful Mimi Ikonn). The biggest lesson I got there was about going on after a bad game, having had a bad experience is not a valuable excuse to stop working. “After every game, I used to ask Michael one question: Five, six, or seven? As in, what time are we hitting the gym tomorrow morning? And he’d snap back a time, and that was it. Especially after a loss, when there wasn’t a whole lot else to say. No discussion, no debate, no lame attempt to convince me he needed the morning off. You good? I’m good. See you in the morning. And the next morning at whatever time he’d decided, he’d awaken to find me standing outside his door. No matter what had happened the night before – good game, bad game, soreness, fatigue – he was up working out every morning while most of the other guys slept.” Ways I could have made today even better: Meditating. Finally putting on paper a new plan of action, I didn't do most of the things I had scheduled for January and February and now I find it difficult to reschedule everything, as I am conscious of the possibility of failure. But as they say not trying is worse than trying and failing so I'll try. Deep work time: I dedicated 8 hours and a half to the research about how to become a healer. What I learned: To keep going.
  15. As for my current understanding (mostly thanks to Philip Goddard and Teal Swan) a healer is a helper. I am a junior doctor and one of the reasons I chose to study medicine was that I wanted to be "helpful and useful to the people around me". So I guess I'm coming full circle: I thought that my ultimate career goal was to become a "world-class Cardiologist" yet in the end this purpose started feeling a little tight, also because I started believing more and more in the old "Let food be thy medicine and medicine be thy food" after watching documentaries like Hungry for change, Forks over knives, Earthlings and What the health. I chose "becoming a healer" as a title just for its "sexiness", a more accurate title would have been "on my way to becoming a holistic doctor". My life purpose is: "to do plenty of research and public speaking to make people healthier through consciousness". I think that "holistic doctor" and "healer" do reflect such a purpose. I am currently working as a resident in Internal Medicine in Italy and from May 2019 I'll start a residency in physical medicine and rehabilitation in Switzerland. The goal of physical medicine and rehabilitation is to "minimize the consequences of the accident or illness, on the functional and physical levels as well as on the psychological and social ones, in order to reinstate the patient in the place that suits him/her best in society or to maintain his/her original place". Howard Rusk, he putative father of rehabilitation medicine, said: "To believe in rehabilitation is to believe in humanity", putting a particular accent on the patient's "ability to rehabilitate himself". As beautifully said here: "As a healer you are not responsible to actually ‘heal’ anyone. You are a facilitator. You use your honed skills to locate physical, emotional and energetic problems for your clients, and provide them with therapeutic possibilities that can lead them to the desired result they seek. Only the client can actually heal himself or herself. You bring the tools and knowledge, they must bring the desire and belief that they can and will be healed.". Or in Philip Goddard's words: "a healer is a catalyst for healing and self-actualization". So I may be on the right path going on becoming a Physiatrist. I don't know exactly what kind of "healer" I want to become, I think it will be a sort of leitmotiv underpinning not only my career choices but the way I live my life and relate to others in general. Someone would indeed call it a life purpose!! I also know that "healing others can't be done without focusing at the same time on one's own self-actualization process" (Philip Goddard again). So here I'll be using the same format I was using in my former journal, with the difference of now having more clarity about the Journey.