A little confused

[TheSelf]

So I met a girl in a social group, we were seeing each other for like a month a few times per week, 

Eventually I pulled the trigger and asked her out, we've had some time together to get to know each other, and I asked her out for a date,

It went very good, lots of laughs and so much to talk about (but no physical intimacy like touching or kissing), she told me she really really like me, but its been just a month that she's out of a past relationship...

So I asked if she's interested to have multiple more dates, she agreed,

After the date she changed her tone in chat to more of an emotional 🤔

But after just a week (I didn't see her the whole week) when she was back from a trip, she told me again that she's not ready for another rel since she's not recovered from past rel and lets not continue dating but she really wants me to have me as a friend in her life, 

She told me in a way that I sensed like she's asking me to wait for her 🤔

I told her that It would be challenging for me to manage my emotions for her and it doesn't work like that for me so I cannot be her friend, and then I told her that I'd better for me if I'm not gonna be in touch with her anymore...

So I'm wondering and confused why she came for a date if she's not ready!!!

So did I make a good decision to move on?

I really miss her

 

Edited March 4 by m0hsen

[NoSelfSelf]

Her thinking is: "what's the point of dates when he doesnt kiss me or do anything to seperate us from being just friends" happened to me when i was beating around the bush scared 😂

[TheSelf]

@NoSelfSelf right, I thought about that too, I couldn't make the setting for that to happen, I'm just really friendly with everyone, but it could've happened in the next date, obviously you don't kiss everyone in the first date,do you?

So I dont know if I messed it up or she is really really not ready for a relationship like she said.

 

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, m0hsen said:

why she came for a date if she's not ready!!!

Because she's a girl and she goes with the wind. Girls are often confused.

Sounds like she's not emotionally available right now. It happens. Not your fault.

What you do in such a case is tell her: text me when you become emotionally available and we will go on a date.

Don't text her for 3-6 months. Check in with her in 3-6 months.

I've had cases like this which I eventually converted just by giving her 3-6 months of space and then checking in with her in 3-6 months.

But very importantly, don't sit around waiting for her. Carry on with your dating. And in 3-6 months she might come around.

The important thing here is to give her space and not to make a big deal of this nor to put any pressure or expectations on her. Just treat the whole thing casually, as if it's nothing important. Do not make an argument over this and do not act butt-hurt. Be detached and non-needy. If you do that, there's a decent chance that within 2-3 months she will contact you herself when she gets lonely and horny.

Edited March 4 by Leo Gura

[TheSelf]

@Leo Gura great advices!

Definitely will not be waiting for her since I'm gonna make myself miserable this way.

But how should I treat her in the meantime seeing her in the group? I just ignored her today while having fun and talkings with other friends and this was a bit heart breaking thing to do. 

Would it be okay to have some casual conversations here and there once per week or manage it in a way to not see her at all or like once per month? While having that space she could miss me this way and this is good, right?

Edited March 5 by m0hsen

[Leo Gura]

29 minutes ago, m0hsen said:

But how should I treat her in the meantime seeing her in the group?

That's a bit more tricky.

Don't give her much attention I guess. But it's a weird situation.

Edited March 5 by Leo Gura

[Rafael Thundercat]

@m0hsen and remeber, for every girl that the thing didnt flow well, there will be more many others available. 

Demography is King

https://worldpopulationreview.com/

CountryPopulation : United States - 338,653,036

 

[TheSelf]

22 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

That's a bit more tricky.

Don't give her much attention I guess. But it's a weird situation.

@Leo Gura if I just keep ignoring her or giving her very little attention, wouldn't she lose interest in me and get cold over the course of time?

If I were her I'd definitely go date someone else when I'm ready and not that person whom ignored me for like months! 🤔

It's a bit tricky actually, yes

Edited March 5 by m0hsen

[TheSelf]

18 minutes ago, Rafael Thundercat said:

@m0hsen and remeber, for every girl that the thing didnt flow well, there will be more many others available. 

Demography is King

https://worldpopulationreview.com/

CountryPopulation : United States - 338,653,036

 

Good reminder! 👍🏻

[DefinitelyNotARobot]

You came in constructing a serious narrative of "wanting to date her". You can do that, but this can create an entire narrative inside her mind about the seriousness of dating and relationships and her previous relationship.

Instead of constructing this narrative and asking her out on a few dates, simply shut up and take her out on a few dates! From there out on you escalate things naturally and organically. Don't talk about dating and relationships. It's about the two of you having a fun time and feeling each other out. If you find her attractive, tell her without explicitly saying it. It's all about your energy. You want her to be in her feminine, not in her logical mind. Show her that you can be a man of action and that you don't need words to get what you want.

This assumes that you've got a feeling for this. If you're more of a analytical type of person you might need to work on this. A relationship is not a "thing" that you "have". It's a natural phenomena. It's something that you have to ease into. You have to feel her out, but you also have to be active and warm her up to you. This is especially important if she isn't sure about you.

You might not even talk about a relationship and dating until you've already had sex. I've actually never brought it up first. At a certain point the women just ask me "so what's up with the two of us?". That's when you can have a serious discussion about what you want.

But again, if you're more of an analytical person, this approach might not work.

Edited March 5 by DefinitelyNotARobot

[Buck Edwards]

It seems like your emotions are not in place. On one hand you say that you don't want to be in touch with her and on the other you say that you miss her. 

Make up your mind first 

Regards to her, she doesn't want you and is trying to friendzone you in a sneaky way. She just wants friendship which can be awkward for you. 

 

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, m0hsen said:

@Leo Gura if I just keep ignoring her or giving her very little attention, wouldn't she lose interest in me and get cold over the course of time?

If I were her I'd definitely go date someone else when I'm ready and not that person whom ignored me for like months! 🤔

It's a bit tricky actually, yes

Frankly, all this is too much investment into a girl who doesn't care about you.

The real solution here is to go talk to 100 other girls and forget about this one. Don't chase girls who don't return your interest.

[LoseYourvelf]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Because she's a girl and she goes with the wind. Girls are often confused.

Sounds like she's not emotionally available right now. It happens. Not your fault.

What you do in such a case is tell her: text me when you become emotionally available and we will go on a date.

Don't text her for 3-6 months. Check in with her in 3-6 months.

I've had cases like this which I eventually converted just by giving her 3-6 months of space and then checking in with her in 3-6 months.

But very importantly, don't sit around waiting for her. Carry on with your dating. And in 3-6 months she might come around.

The important thing here is to give her space and not to make a big deal of this nor to put any pressure or expectations on her. Just treat the whole thing casually, as if it's nothing important. Do not make an argument over this and do not act butt-hurt. Be detached and non-needy. If you do that, there's a decent chance that within 2-3 months she will contact you herself when she gets lonely and horny.

Do you reckon this is decently appliable to the inner masculine/feminine of the mind or is it better to separate those works, or is there a better distinction? (meaning yeah 100% hearing you on women and would only try to be that godly but what troubles me is conflating the dating with your greater life) thanks/sorry

Edited March 5 by LoseYourvelf

[Leo Gura]

1 hour ago, LoseYourvelf said:

Do you reckon this is decently appliable to the inner masculine/feminine of the mind or is it better to separate those works, or is there a better distinction? (meaning yeah 100% hearing you on women and would only try to be that godly but what troubles me is conflating the dating with your greater life) thanks/sorry

I cannot make sense of what you asked.

Edited March 5 by Leo Gura

[LoseYourvelf]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

I cannot make sense of what you asked.

Is the case you described conducive to the way you're gonna date/partner up w women going ahead or like an example from the past?

[Leo Gura]

21 minutes ago, LoseYourvelf said:

Is the case you described conducive to the way you're gonna date/partner up w women going ahead or like an example from the past?

What case are you citing?

[LoseYourvelf]

45 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

What case are you citing?

Long breaks from ur bae if she seems like she needs it

[Leo Gura]

6 minutes ago, LoseYourvelf said:

Long breaks from ur bae if she seems like she needs it

My last two girlfriends were both emotionally unavailable for 4-6 months before they came back around to date me. I gave them space and it worked well.

This is not the ideal way to date, but sometimes you gotta give girls space. Just don't sit there waiting. Go talk to more girls. Fill your funnel with interested girls and some of them will pan out 6 months down the road. It's no different than a sales funnel. A good salemen is not pushy and gives the customer space to come back around.

Edited March 5 by Leo Gura

[NoSelfSelf]

@m0hsen  I thought its been multiple dates,well game is all about positioning so you need to position yourself for it to happen,making an opening you could be like flirting or whatever and eating ice cream, then you use ice cream for a kiss like saying:this one is a tasty ice cream  wonder how it would taste it on your lips  would it taste even better....by setting it up the mood beforehand.Friendly is just one part of you,there are hunders parts of you to bring out in situation for the direction you want to go in..

Edited March 5 by NoSelfSelf

[TheSelf]

@DefinitelyNotARobot interesting, 

I gotta admit that what you described is not me yet,

It's still quite shocking for me how illogical girls can be but I'm learning my lessons with every experience and working on myself to understand them better and deeper.