thierry

When to go for the kiss?

45 posts in this topic

Okay I’m still in the dating area, I’m just at the time in my life when I want to fix it :P

So a girl on my instagram invited me for a volley ball tournament. It was really cool and we won. Then she told me to come to the night club with her, it was still really cool and at 00:00 am we were talking eye contact was strong she was giggling so I went for the kiss but as I was stressed and wanted to do it quick, I only kissed her on the cheek, and felt really awkward. Then I came back to dance with my friends and she did the same. 
 

The problem right now is I do not know the mistake I made. I do not know if she was not waiting for the kiss and did not want me to make a move or if I just was so stressed that I just fucked up but she was waiting for it. I just feel like a complete dumb guy who can not read anything. 
 

Anyway I felt tied after and told her that I had to go and good bye, we are supposed to play together again next thursday so I felt like I manage to move pass the awkwardness and bring back our dynamic to normal. 
 

but I have to say I’m still clueless :P 

does anyone have a tip ? 

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I guess I’m just gonna see if the cancels our meeting on Thursday or no, I’ll let you guyz know 

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Maybe also it is because I was trying to go for the kiss and her friends were not very far, maybe I should just have brought her outside the nightclub, I don’t know ??

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Based on your description you probably shoulda went for a proper kiss.

The way to reduce awkwardness and build up to a kiss is to start with light touching, then heavier touching and moving closer to her, and if she doesn’t react badly to any of these then you go for a proper kiss.

A kiss feels much more natural if you build up to it with other physical touch.

It’s a tricky thing to get right, you are not dumb. Most people struggle with this to a degree, it’s natural. You don’t need to overthink it or beat yourself up :)

Go again next week and see how things play out. Try to be playful and more touchy to build up to a proper kiss.

I don’t think she will cancel. If you are both youngish then she will be accepting of a little awkwardness. 

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What’s wrong with asking?


“Our most valuable resource is not time, but rather it is consciousness itself. Consciousness is the basis for everything, and without it, there could be no time and no resource possible. It is only through consciousness and its cultivation that one’s passions, one’s focus, one’s curiosity, one’s time, and one’s capacity to love can be actualized and lived to the fullest.” - r0ckyreed

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My first kiss was awkward as fudge. No shame in that. In fact, when we talked about how awkward it was weeks later, we both got a great kick out of it.

With more practice you will, for sure, get better at the kissing game. Don’t give up!


"Wrongness is the unsung hero of growth, for it is only by venturing into the unknown and risking error that we can expand the boundaries of our understanding and pave the way for groundbreaking insights and innovations." -Claude 3 Opus

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19 hours ago, something_else said:

Based on your description you probably shoulda went for a proper kiss.

The way to reduce awkwardness and build up to a kiss is to start with light touching, then heavier touching and moving closer to her, and if she doesn’t react badly to any of these then you go for a proper kiss.

A kiss feels much more natural if you build up to it with other physical touch.

It’s a tricky thing to get right, you are not dumb. Most people struggle with this to a degree, it’s natural. You don’t need to overthink it or beat yourself up :)

Go again next week and see how things play out. Try to be playful and more touchy to build up to a proper kiss.

I don’t think she will cancel. If you are both youngish then she will be accepting of a little awkwardness. 

Thanks for the reply! 
yes I think I’ll just try to be more relaxed and not try to rush when things become more intense. 
I’ll let you know how it goes :P 

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19 hours ago, r0ckyreed said:

What’s wrong with asking?

I do not know, I’ve always live by the rule of never asking but you are right, maybe I should open myself up to this idea ! 

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19 hours ago, Yimpa said:

My first kiss was awkward as fudge. No shame in that. In fact, when we talked about how awkward it was weeks later, we both got a great kick out of it.

With more practice you will, for sure, get better at the kissing game. Don’t give up!

Thanks, 

yes for sure I can feel that practice is the most efficient way and that I’m getting closer to be able to make the whole process smooth

I’ll certainly double down my efforts. I won’t give up until I’m getting it haha 

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19 hours ago, Yimpa said:

My first kiss was awkward as fudge. No shame in that. In fact, when we talked about how awkward it was weeks later, we both got a great kick out of it.

With more practice you will, for sure, get better at the kissing game. Don’t give up!

And yes maybe I’ll talk about it in a funny way ! Thanks for the good idea ! 

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When to go for the kiss is when you start wondering about it.

These are your instincts.

Learn to trust them.


Learn to resolve trauma. Together.

Testimonials thread: www.actualized.org/forum/topic/82672-experience-collection-childhood-aware-life-purpose-coaching/

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Whenever you feel like it.


You are God. You are Truth. You are Love. You are Infinity.

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On 8/17/2023 at 9:27 PM, r0ckyreed said:

What’s wrong with asking?

Him: Can I have a kiss.  Her: (saying to herself) this idiot, why doesn't he just kiss me

Her: No

Him: Why not

Her: Can you just take me home

Him: Ok

He takes her home

Her to herself after she gets home...NEXT

 


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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@Princess Arabia I kid you not, I went on a date with a girl who looks similar to you, and a very similar scenario like that played out. 

This was like 10 years ago xD


"Wrongness is the unsung hero of growth, for it is only by venturing into the unknown and risking error that we can expand the boundaries of our understanding and pave the way for groundbreaking insights and innovations." -Claude 3 Opus

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7 hours ago, Yimpa said:

@Princess Arabia I kid you not, I went on a date with a girl who looks similar to you, and a very similar scenario like that played out. 

This was like 10 years ago xD

I'm stalking you. Damn, my cover is blown. NEXT. ?


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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7 hours ago, Princess Arabia said:

Him: Can I have a kiss.  Her: (saying to herself) this idiot, why doesn't he just kiss me

Her: No

Him: Why not

Her: Can you just take me home

Him: Ok

He takes her home

Her to herself after she gets home...NEXT

 

In my experience, women like a guy that asks for consent and not just assumes and violates boundaries. I just say something simple like “is it okay if I kiss you right now?” If she says “no.” Then, I just say “no problem.” And then I move the heck on.

Edited by r0ckyreed

“Our most valuable resource is not time, but rather it is consciousness itself. Consciousness is the basis for everything, and without it, there could be no time and no resource possible. It is only through consciousness and its cultivation that one’s passions, one’s focus, one’s curiosity, one’s time, and one’s capacity to love can be actualized and lived to the fullest.” - r0ckyreed

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1 hour ago, Sidra khan said:

That's called contradiction between words and deeds.  ;)

That's called knowing how to get what you want. 


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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Just now, r0ckyreed said:

In my experience, women like a guy that asks for consent and not just assumes and violates boundaries. I just say something simple like “is it okay if I kiss you right now?” If she says “no.” Then, I just say “no problem.” And then I move the heck on.

Damn it's not like you're trying to get in her pants, it's just a kiss. This is how you do it, and of course if the signs are already there and in your favor. Lean over gently and touch her ear. Move towards her lips and kick your lips in a sexy manner. Stare her in the eyes, like you're undressing her and touch the side of her face with two fingers. If she backs away just say, damn you're beautiful and move away slowly, if she leans forward, BAM, go for it but first with no tongue, then if she reciprocates, go all in. That's how you do it. Just don't call me if she yells rape. 


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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Just now, Sidra khan said:

Then you didn't get my point ☝️ ;)

I guess not, I'm kinda slow. Enlighten me,


Thought = Time. Without thought there's no time. Death is the end of the illusion.

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