Talking to girls at raves

[Chives99]

Have you people met anyone nice at a rave ? Do people converse much ? I like high energy scenes as I'm very adhd , what are your experiences ?

[Spiral]

I’ve found this sort of thing resolves itself if you are actually enjoying yourself. If you and your friends seems to have a great time, people will want to be a part of that.

If it’s a rave, club or bar doesn’t really matter.

[Chives99]

Let go and be at ease then 

[Emotionalmosquito]

On 7/31/2023 at 8:28 AM, Spiral said:

I’ve found this sort of thing resolves itself if you are actually enjoying yourself. If you and your friends seems to have a great time, people will want to be a part of that.

If it’s a rave, club or bar doesn’t really matter.

Not true at all. If you’re saying anything dirty or joking about anything even a little bit weird or inappropriate at all it doesn’t matter how much fun you’re having girls will still be turned off by it for the most part. Guys tend to be a lot more open minded and cool about being wild and free and expressively yourself. 

Bars and clubs are filled with the worst people ever. You basically have to be a fucking robot to be accepted in those places. Raves on the other hand, those are what bars and clubs wish they could be.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Emotionalmosquito

[Leo Gura]

It's no different than a nightclub. Just walk up to girls, smile at them, say Hi, and get physical.

You can meet all kinds of cool people at any nightclub, bar, or social venue. Don't judge, just have fun.

The louder the venue the more you rely on eye contact, facial expressions, and physical touch. See how far you can get without even talking much. Just vibe with her. You should not be having deep conversations at a rave. It's about partying, dancing, and having fun.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Spiral]

6 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

Not true at all. If you’re saying anything dirty or joking about anything even a little bit weird or inappropriate at all it doesn’t matter how much fun you’re having girls will still be turned off by it for the most part.

This has not been my experience. However if being overly sexual and saying “weird” or inappropriate stuff causes you problems then don’t. 

Being well-behaved is hardly an unreasonable baseline expectation. 

Besides it’s only weird if you don’t have the status to justify talking about or it’s completely irrelevant to that you were talking about before.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Spiral

[Emotionalmosquito]

5 hours ago, Spiral said:

if being overly sexual and saying “weird” or inappropriate stuff causes you problems then don’t. 

Not that simple because it doesn’t always cause problems that’s thing. But it usually does. If I slip up and say a wrong thing it’s not like I can apologize or redo it, I’m permanently on the ick list.

5 hours ago, Spiral said:

Being well-behaved is hardly an unreasonable baseline expectation. 

You can be well behaved while also having your own kind of fun and humor, two things the normies think are mutually exclusive.

5 hours ago, Spiral said:

it’s only weird if you don’t have the status to justify talking about

So you can only feel free to talk about whatever if you’re already one of the cool kids? That’s messed up

[Emotionalmosquito]

5 hours ago, Spiral said:

or it’s completely irrelevant to that you were talking about before.

Julien Blank says it’s ok to be adhd about it and jump around from topic to topic erratically.

 

[Emotionalmosquito]

9 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Don't judge, just have fun.

Most hilarious thing I’ve read all week! The NPC turbo normies of bars and clubs (both staff and patrons) are no exaggeration the absolute worst fucking people I’ve ever had the misfortune of having to deal with. There is no not being judged or having any fun when you’re constantly having to walk on eggshells to avoid being kicked out, the only reason it’s necessary to go to those places is for the chicks. Problem is you have to matrix your way through a storm of bullets to make any progress with them.

10 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

The louder the venue the more you rely on eye contact, facial expressions, and physical touch. See how far you can get without even talking much. Just vibe with her. You should not be having deep conversations at a rave. It's about partying, dancing, and having fun.

What about when three girls in a row recoil in disgust from you trying to dance with them so not only are you insecure about that, but now you’ve got dickhead bouncers coming up to you like “Hey buddy, we can’t have you scaring the ladies! You gotta leave!” ?

[Leo Gura]

2 hours ago, Emotionalmosquito said:

What about when three girls in a row recoil in disgust from you trying to dance with them so not only are you insecure about that, but now you’ve got dickhead bouncers coming up to you like “Hey buddy, we can’t have you scaring the ladies! You gotta leave!” ?

This means your approaches were uncalibrated and socially awkward. Which means you lack experience and tact. The solution is to gain more experience and improve your approach style.

Make a study of what socially calibrated vs uncalibrated approaches look like. Observe guys who approach in smooth, easy ways and contemplate what they're doing that makes it so smooth.

Edited August 6, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Emotionalmosquito]

8 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Observe guys who approach in smooth, easy ways and contemplate what they're doing that makes it so smooth.

That’s a good idea. Learning = observation 

[Leo Gura]

One of the best ways to learn is to befriend a "natural" and closely watch him work girls over. It's amazing.

Naturals are better than professional PUA coaches.

I have a natural friend in Vegas who's so good at talking with girls it's just unfair. I learned a lot from just observing his attitude and vibe. Getting girls boils down to vibing. It's not even about approaching or talking, it's about vibing.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Karmadhi]

2 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Getting girls boils down to vibing. It's not even about approaching or talking, it's about vibing.

Why is that when I cold approach girls my vibing is way worse than when I met them via events or gatherings etc.

They are technically all strangers in the end.

Is this just fear getting on my way? It is like my social skills on a non cold approach situation are way better. If I had the same vibing and social skills on a cold approach (either day or night) than I do in other situations it would make my dating life so much easier.

I have went to many gatherings, events etc, often I did not know anyone or barely anyone and 90% of my interactions were with total strangers. But because it felt to me socially normal and acceptable to talk to people there it was way way easier for me to vibe, be comfortable, fun, flirty etc. However in cold approach it feels very intrusive and as a naturally agreeable person it puts fear in me and really decreases my social skills a lot.

Is this normal? Or is there something wrong with me? I ask because I know guys where it makes no difference between the two scenarios and they feel equally comfortable/uncomfortable and their social skills are basically the same. For me it makes a big difference.

Only exception from cold approach is if the girl is super receptive and nice then I feel at ease and I go back into my default social skills.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Karmadhi

[mmKay]

@Leo Gura DafuQ is vibing really? Ive heard It as non goal oriented conversation with the only purpose of emotional stimumation

[Karmadhi]

Just now, mmKay said:

DafuQ is vibing really? Ive heard It as non goal oriented conversation with the only purpose of emotional stimumation

Tips to vibe:

-Be present in the moment, not in your head.

-Be geniounly curious on the person

-Have fun in the interaction, make it enjoyable for you (i mean why you socialize after all)

-Be empathetic but also grounded

-Get used to the social paradox of desiring something, going for it while at the same time not caring at all whether you get it or not. It feels really weird but it can be done.

[Leo Gura]

24 minutes ago, Karmadhi said:

Why is that when I cold approach girls my vibing is way worse than when I met them via events or gatherings etc.

They are technically all strangers in the end.

Is this just fear getting on my way? It is like my social skills on a non cold approach situation are way better. If I had the same vibing and social skills on a cold approach (either day or night) than I do in other situations it would make my dating life so much easier.

It takes a lot of skill to vibe right off the bat with a total stranger. And some settings are harder to vibe in.

The biggest obstacles to vibing are 1) fear and 2) being stuck in your logical mind. If you can work those two out of your mind then vibing becomes easy.

Quote

I have went to many gatherings, events etc, often I did not know anyone or barely anyone and 90% of my interactions were with total strangers. But because it felt to me socially normal and acceptable to talk to people there it was way way easier for me to vibe, be comfortable, fun, flirty etc. However in cold approach it feels very intrusive and as a naturally agreeable person it puts fear in me and really decreases my social skills a lot.

Yes, of course. Mostly that's an inner game issue. Of course it's easier to vibe in a place where it feels socially acceptable.

The whole point of a bar or nightclub is to make it socially acceptable and easy to vibe (by being drunk).

Quote

Is this normal? Or is there something wrong with me?

Nothing is wrong with you. Being able to vibe on command in any environment is a highly specialized skill. Few people are naturals at it. Realistically it takes years of practice to develop. It's much easier if you're an extreme extrovert and much harder if you're an extreme introvert like me.

20 minutes ago, mmKay said:

@Leo Gura DafuQ is vibing really? Ive heard It as non goal oriented conversation with the only purpose of emotional stimumation

Go out, have 1-2 drinks, and try vibing with a girl. You'll see.

A good exercise for you is to go out for a week and just keep asking yourself "What is vibing?" Look for it and contemplate it until your mind groks what it is.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[StarStruck]

Social conditioning is another huge factor. If you believe you are a beta and you don’t deserve them then you will act like it and she will follow your lead and believe you don’t deserve her. If you have low self esteem aka identity of a simp or beta, no girl is going to say to you “oh no, you are no simp, you deserve me”. Most people are idiots and they will treat you as you treat yourself. 

[Karmadhi]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

Nothing is wrong with you. Being able to vibe on command in any environment is a highly specialized skill. Few people are naturals at it. Realistically it takes years of practice to develop. It's much easier if you're an extreme extrovert and much harder if you're an extreme introvert like me.

Thank you for your reply.

Just to clarify, when I was younger I had issues to vibe in ANY environement. Through hard work and interacting and meeting hundreds of people and pushing myself hard (also doing some self-help work), I managed to become more emotional and charismatic and confident and playful. However the carry over on cold approach is not the best.

Also if a girl from cold approach is open and receptive I can vibe with her quite well when in the past I would not have been able to regardless of how open she was.

This is the issue I have with cold approach for me, it does not feel like it develops my social skills much at this point unless its a very specific place to approach. Therefore there is no more carryover. For a guy that is not social or does not have good social skills in GENERAL, then I would see the benefit. For me though it is just about developing it on a SPECIFIC place, I do not see any more carry over in other social places.

This therefore really limits my motivation because I do not see how this could make me grow as a person outside getting laid. You often talk about the benefits of pickup outside getting laid.

Any advice?

 

Edited August 7, 2023 by Karmadhi

[Leo Gura]

@Karmadhi

I'm not sure why you say there is no carry-over. Being more social carries over into all social interactions. Humor carries over, vibing carries over, leading carries over, conversation skill carry over, your inner game and confidence carries over. But even if it didn't, so what? You get girls and that's a great skill to have. If you want other skills develop them. No one said that flirting with girls is supposed to improve your public speaking skills.

The benefits of pickup outside of getting laid is the inner game you build, the confidence, the initiative, the work ethic, the passion for self-development, the sense of humor, etc.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Leo Gura

[Karmadhi]

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

I'm not sure why you say there is no carry-over. Being more social carries over into all social interactions. Humor carries over, vibing carries over, leading carries over, conversation skill carry over, your inner game and confidence carries over

I say it because outside of hiting on a girl in public, my social skills are quite decent and I am content with them. So in any social situation other than hiting on a girl in a club/street/park I am content with my social skills. I already have humor in any social setting despite the ones I mentioned. Same with vibing and leading, conversation skills etc. I have no issue doing all of those in most social settings outside cold approach. So it is very specific for me. 

I guess getting over fear of rejection and developing tough skin would be benefits that carry over. The rest of the stuff you mentioned I already have outside of pickup situations.

17 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

You get girls and that's a great skill to have

You can in other ways so I was wondering if pickup is specifically worth it JUST to get some more options.

Edited August 7, 2023 by Karmadhi