What part of our conversation should be eye contact

[MarkKol]

30%, 40%, 50%, 90%?

How much should I look at her eyes?

Should It be long? 

Should I look at her eyes more while she's speaking? or her lips?

Or should I look at her eyes while I'm speaking? or both...

[NoSelfSelf]

Why being consirened about how to look at her,when you dont know how to talk to her you skipping levels...

Edited June 12, 2023 by NoSelfSelf

[LordFall]

@NoSelfSelf Because if you're uncalibrated and looking at people in strange ways it creeps them out which is never cool. 

[something_else]

18 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

Why being consirened about how to look at her,when you dont know how to talk to her you skipping levels...

What?

19 hours ago, MarkKol said:

30%, 40%, 50%, 90%?

How much should I look at her eyes?

Should It be long? 

Should I look at her eyes more while she's speaking? or her lips?

Or should I look at her eyes while I'm speaking? or both...

The rule is more than 3 seconds of direct eye contact means you either want to kiss someone, or kill them.

[MarkKol]

56 minutes ago, something_else said:

What?

20 hours ago, MarkKol said:

I think he's trying to say that I should work on how I talk to her first instead of how I look at her, and that I'm skipping steps because of that.

Which I'm not, you can definitely work on both at the same time. And I definitely feel like that's how it's supposed to be done. There's no steps or levels here, you work on your entire self.

56 minutes ago, something_else said:

The rule is more than 3 seconds of direct eye contact means you either want to kiss someone, or kill them.

Feel like that rule applies when neither of us is actually talking...?

Edited June 13, 2023 by MarkKol

[something_else]

8 minutes ago, MarkKol said:

Feel like that rule applies when neither of us is actually talking...?

Ehh, yes but it also applies when you're talking. More than 3 seconds of direct eye contact usually builds up a lot of tension whether you are talking or not, which can be a good or a bad thing depending on what you want to achieve.

[Spiral]

1 hour ago, something_else said:

What?

The rule is more than 3 seconds of direct eye contact means you either want to kiss someone, or kill them.

Why not both?

[Chives99]

theres no rules, but learn to read body language if they feel uneasy with the duration of eye contact, this is tricky to explain because its based on intuition not logical rules I have autism but have never struggled with eye contact ive been too logical in other areas so thts been my downfall. Learn to read vibe this isnt something you can do in your head, its based on body language , tone of voice, eye contact, facial expression. When im expressing interest in a girl ill look into their eyes and have a big smile on my face, this expresses fondness. I'll give you an example a girl at work was like

 

" I'm your favourite aren't I charlie".  I leaned my head forward looked into her eyes with a smile and said " shhhhh not supposed to tell anyone.... its a secret, we dont want people getting jealous now" and gave a wink at the end. She started  blushing and was romantically gazing at me. 

 

My therapist said its called the gaze its the same look babies and mothers have with each other before the baby can speak, it builds intimacy and trust as they say the eyes are the windows to the soul. So you cant formulate eye contact , you have to use your intuition and read their face for interest, if she looks away and doesnt mirror your gazing into her eyes, shes not interested but if she gets lost in yours mate thats a very big sign of interest.

Edited June 13, 2023 by Chives99

[NoSelfSelf]

@LordFall Then you have bigger problem than how you look you creepy all around..

@MarkKol so why do we have grades in school why not learn every grade in same year?

@something_else theres levels to this if you skip levels you wont end up far watch 36 chambers old movie but gold for mastery...

[something_else]

4 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

theres levels to this if you skip levels you wont end up far watch 36 chambers old movie but gold for mastery...

OP said he had issues with eye contact, he never said anything about struggling to have a conversation. 

Plenty of people can hold a conversation but struggle specifically with eye contact, so it’s a bit odd to start calling him out for his conversation skills…

[NoSelfSelf]

@something_else I wonder then what kind of conversation one has,if he cant hold eye contact.This is common sense to me everything connects thats why women can reject you just by you not being able to hold an eye contact, because it tells her you are type of guy that will give her bad experience ,same as how you give her a handshake and how much passion you have about life connects in her head how sex will be...

 

 

 

 

[StarStruck]

It is more important with what kind of energy you look at her. She will sense every small drop or hike of energy. Girls are attuned to that. If you have the right energy she won’t care where you look. If she gives you those Bambi eyes or fuck me eyes you are good. 

[something_else]

13 hours ago, NoSelfSelf said:

@something_else I wonder then what kind of conversation one has,if he cant hold eye contact.This is common sense to me everything connects thats why women can reject you just by you not being able to hold an eye contact

 

 

 

 

Yea, exactly  that's why OP was asking for specific advice about eye contact and not his generic conversation skills.

Like you said, eye contact is one of the most important things so it makes sense to ask for advice specifically about that.

It's like OP made a post about how to tie bait to a fishing line and you responded with "why are you worrying about how to tie bait to a line when you don't even know how to fish yet." You see how that doesn't make sense?

Edited June 14, 2023 by something_else

[Spiral]

I hold eye contact mostly when listening. A bit when talking also, typically fleetingly. Especially if it’s something important or something I want to emphasize.

[NoSelfSelf]

@something_elseI wish you understood what im trying to convey ?

[Dryas]

22 hours ago, something_else said:

The rule is more than 3 seconds of direct eye contact means you either want to kiss someone, or kill them.

Wait, really? Why am I learning about this just now. So I only need to maintain eye contact for 0-2 seconds because any longer would be weird?

[something_else]

5 hours ago, Dryas said:

Wait, really? Why am I learning about this just now. So I only need to maintain eye contact for 0-2 seconds because any longer would be weird?

It depends, it's an intuitive process, but generally yea. It's considered good practice to divert and revert your eye contact every few seconds and not stare too intensely at someone.