Rampant Dysfunction Almost Everywhere!

[Epiphany_Inspired]

First, on the positive side, when I see healthy functioning lives it is a like a glorious fucking vision! I have so much respect and admiration!

Then, I see this dysfunctional shit almost everywhere-else I look! Is this really the majority of the population (western/1st world)? Or, am I still at such a low frequency that's all that will resonate with my life now? Homes that seem "happy" on the surface, turn super dark when you spend the time to truly view them. They are mostly abusive to one degree or another, or at least pretty fucked up. I always thought it was just my past, and occasionally other peoples lives too...but it seems to be almost everyone (even new people)! Disturbing interactions, friendships, parents, etc, on and on, almost everywhere! I'm not saying I'm the ultimate in functional, I'm just shocked by the pervasive darkness.....the extent of it!

Alcohol/ addiction is often a major factor. Sure, there exist "happy" drunks/ addicts, but more often, it leads to, or feeds, toxic behaviour (anger, violence, depression, delusions, escape, etc). Obviously prohibition is not the answer, but it's creepy how accepted intoxication, etc is. Plus, I see verbal and physical assaults deemed "normal". Suddenly so many have a new mental illness out of nowhere. What the fuck humans, what's our problem?

If I stayed away from everyone with alcoholism, aggression, abusive or victim tendencies, neediness, and other pretty dysfunctional shit...I wouldn't have very many people in my community, the nearest small or large cities, etc, to socialize with...I'd be even more isolated than my rural location already dictates. What's the solution? Keep working on myself until my consciousness finds more functional friends? or better tolerates dysfunction? Or, would I actively seek out more functional people/ risking isolation to avoid this fucked up shit I keep seeing everywhere? At least seeing the dark, makes the light so stunningly illuminating!

[Nahm]

Choice is hard to grasp

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@NahmDid you mean: my choice to experience this, or the choices others make to drink (etc) and harm themselves/ others? Something else? I feel it's somewhat beyond choice on my end...the dysfunction literally shows up on my doorstep out of nowhere (and I live really fucking deep in the woods!)... I don't know if the universe wants me to help them...or distance, and just lead by example...or what? I see locals in the military, or teachers, and other "strong figures" we "should respect" so fucking disturbed/ deluded/ dysfunctional! I see abuse from all sexes, but I am seeing mostly women feeling forced to tolerate harsh abuse and constant threats because of "love", or children, or marriage, etc. Is this because I was in something like this a year and a half ago (and still dealing with the legal stuff, etc)? I'm seeing people getting physically hurt, emotional trauma, etc...I've actually had success shattering their denial sometimes... Is this important work for me?...to see the fucked up shit in other women's lives, shine a beacon on the dysfunction and hope they snap out of it (because sometimes they do)? Or educate the men that their behaviour is unacceptable (because sometimes they realize it)? They are all around me...I'm not perfect...I'm dysfunctional too...I acknowledge it, and work on it in my own life...I wish it was only my own to deal with...

This also seems so far beyond the choices of individuals (even though they do have choice), it' a major societal/ patriarchal mind-fuck! It's everywhere, I don't want myself or my child around it... I understand that I have choice...but how do I determine which choice is best, isolation, or interactions with the severely dysfunctional? ..I feel like I need to heed my own words and keep the mantra "over 7 billion people in the world" on continual repeat....I hope to, one day, surround myself in sane, dynamic, effective, and fruitful interactions...it's an easy choice for me, to revel in hermit-dom...probably not healthy for my child...I'm super confused....but I'm seeing signs of fresh awesome paths...they have opened up a consciousness school for kids here now!!! (Long drive, but...) It's incredible, based on Buckminster Fuller ideals, etc! I want to raise my daughters tuition somehow, hang with those parents, and create a new experience!

Edited March 15, 2017 by Epiphany_Inspired

[Guest Annetta]

I'm not sure what to say about the people that you're around, I would cut them out of your life if they impact you negatively.  Even if it means finding more stable people to be around, and dealing with a bit of isolation until you find those people.  As for being concerned about those who are in abusive situations, women's shelters are often in need of volunteers.

You could even start a blog for women who are going through the same issues that you have faced, and reach an audience where your knowledge would be beneficial.

[Flare]

@Epiphany_Inspired There are two major points on this topic, that I discovered for myself. 

First

"Everything in this world behaves like mirrors" - Jaques Lacan

Everything you're usually blaming other people on, you do yourself or have done it - even if it's in a really really small matter. So be aware that this appears out of the ego, which has the urge to feel superior and don't face the similarities with anything associated with low consciousness. Just to be clear here: this doesn't mean you are like them. But remember: Even if someone is doing terrible things, as hard as it sound, everyone is trying their best. Maybe on wrong believes, values and other things, but everyone is trying. That is what makes us human and that's also where you can start feeling compassion for such behaviors. It doesn't mean that they justify them, but you can see through them. In addition, note that every "dark" thing has a positive site. Do you think Charles Bukowski lived his life in high consciousness? Guess what, he would have been sent to see a therapist nowadays most likely, still he left us some of the greatest writing every created in human history and I personally believe that alcohol did help him a lot in writing, even though that is definitely not a good thing. So try to see past the duality. 

Second 

By raising your standards, by actualizing yourself you raise your standards. That, sadly, includes (at least in most cases) that you stop appreciating most of the little things that are good. By seeing good traits as the standard you focus on seeing negative stuff. Seneca once said: "Sometimes even to live is an act of courage." Someone who is criminal might have a great sense for business, but is just using it for the wrong things. 

So the take away - what should you do? Before you start doing anything; accept  that there are lots of shitty people out there. Accept that everyone is in a process, accept that without bad things there would be no human progress. With that higher state of consciousness you can now try to help such people or you can move on. But even if you just move on, you won't carry any negative thoughts around with you anymore.

Without bad stuff we wouldn't know the good one. A human in paradise isn't happy, he is indifferent. Start to appreciate this.

Edited March 21, 2017 by Flare

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Flare Thanks so much, so many good reminders and insights! I will work on more acceptance, and appreciation thanks so much! I appreciate you!

I am pretty tolerant,  my issue is not with people living THEIR lives at their stage (I can see everyone as their "inner-child", I believe actions not people are "bad"etc)....my issue is when other's dysfunction clouds my world, or, when it starts setting an "example" for my child. I don't want us to be immersed in a world with this all around constantly, as it creates a standard of normalcy for sexism, intoxication/ addiction, abuse, victimhood, etc.

I understand the concept of mirroring, and I have definitely witnessed "the reflection"...but, with alcohol/ addictions that = dysfunctional behaviour, etc...I've only consumed alcohol a few times a year, for at least 5 years...really minimal if at all...I don't think that I have any other addictions that really effect my behaviour like that (caffeine = alertness). This does not mean I feel "superior", just firm in my values that I want a different experience.

I was honestly shocked at the EXTREME prevalence of (usually sexist) alcohol addiction fueled abuse/victimization in my culture, and since this post, I've heard of a couple more incidents, even what was to be a "happy wedding" turned into a violent abusive ordeal involving authorities, etc! It really seems everywhere!

@Whywolf Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, I may have to isolate, but is that fair to my child? Which is worse, not seeing any of her friends, or seeing friends with really dysfunctional families? I definitely don't want to involve myself further in the culture by volunteering directly, etc...I want to live beyond it....ideas?

[Emerald]

12 minutes ago, Epiphany_Inspired said:

@Flare Thanks so much, so many good reminders and insights! I will work on more acceptance, and appreciation thanks so much! I appreciate you!

I am pretty tolerant,  my issue is not with people living THEIR lives at their stage (I can see everyone as their "inner-child", I believe actions not people are "bad"etc)....my issue is when other's dysfunction clouds my world, or, when it starts setting an "example" for my child. I don't want us to be immersed in a world with this all around constantly, as it creates a standard of normalcy for sexism, intoxication/ addiction, abuse, victimhood, etc.

I understand the concept of mirroring, and I have definitely witnessed "the reflection"...but, with alcohol/ addictions that = dysfunctional behaviour, etc...I've only consumed alcohol a few times a year, for at least 5 years...really minimal if at all...I don't think that I have any other addictions that really effect my behaviour like that (caffeine = alertness). This does not mean I feel "superior", just firm in my values that I want a different experience.

I was honestly shocked at the EXTREME prevalence of (usually sexist) alcohol addiction fueled abuse/victimization in my culture, and since this post, I've heard of a couple more incidents, even what was to be a "happy wedding" turned into a violent abusive ordeal involving authorities, etc! It really seems everywhere!

@Whywolf Thanks so much for your thoughtful response. Yes, I may have to isolate, but is that fair to my child? Which is worse, not seeing any of her friends, or seeing friends with really dysfunctional families? I definitely don't want to involve myself further in the culture by volunteering directly, etc...I want to live beyond it....ideas?

I can relate to your struggle. My solution has been to keep to myself and to my family. We're not perfect by any means. We have our things. My husband and I were talking about this the other day. We were talking about our financial struggles and other struggles to make our lives into what we want them to be. And we were lamenting on how we often go down to zero. This happens at least once a year where life is just on zero in all senses. But given that we're both from places where there is extreme amounts of darkness, we were able to feel okay with where we are. Some people's lives are so dark, that getting to zero is a pipe dream because they are so far into the darkness. But then it's also distressing because I want to help people. It's sad that so many people live such sad, isolated lives and get addicted to negative behaviors. 

But if I think about the truth of non-duality and the law of attraction, I try to flip my perspective for the sake of contemplation. So, if I follow the idea on an abstract level that there is only one thing and I am that one thing and that that one thing is God, it means that I am the creator of all things in my experience but that I am not aware that I am the creator of all things in my experience. I've hidden from myself somehow. So, there has never been a thing that was not me that I've ever experienced. So, every shred of darkness and light in my life has always been my own covert creation. So, if I am to assume that these negative manifestations in reality are all mirrors to my own unconscious imbalances, then perhaps the key to correcting the external problems is to correct the internal problems. So, even though it seems far fetched, perhaps it's true that if you heal yourself that your reality itself reflects that healing. For example, feminine repression has been a huge issue for me throughout my entire life. It's been a struggle for me to learn to value the feminine principle and to be okay with being a woman despite learning values at a young age that made me believe that femininity is lesser than masculinity. So, I have a fear of my feminine side, because I believe that it is my masculinity that makes me worthwhile. So, if look at this personal repression and I ascribe to the idea of oneness to it. Then I also think of myself as the only thing that potentially has ever been in existence (aka maybe there are no others), I toy with the idea that the history books reflect patriarchy and male dominance simply because of this personal problem that I have in this lifetime. I don't know this for sure of course and it sounds totally crazy. But considering that the ability for reality to be any which way, it's equally likely to any other interpretation of reality. 

So, I think that it's important not to rule out the possibility that healing yourself may literally translate to healing the world. But of course, no one knows this for sure. It's just one possibility out of an infinite number of possibilities. But it makes sense if you ascribe to the law of attraction and have an awareness of non-duality.

[Epiphany_Inspired]

@Emerald The non-duality reminder, universal oneness, etc is likely what I needed to have reiterated, but in this context...thanks! Yes, I'm far from perfect too, but it's oddly helpful to know that your solution is keeping to yourself....because the only other alternative I can think of is somehow finding an entirely new community/ culture that is beyond that....Yes, I will not rule out the non-dual concepts... yes, my perceived external world is a vision of my internal creations...yes, healing myself is quite likely the ultimate solution!

[Martin123]

@Epiphany_Inspired you gotta go through a period of loneliness through which you cultivate love and your interactions with "dysfunctional people" will become healing sessions, and will be joyful and honorable since you will be of service.

[Guest Annetta]

@Epiphany_Inspired I see, I'm not sure.  Does your kid have any friends that come from good homes?  Isolation is really bad for kids, so I can see why you would be concerned.  I wish I could give you some advice for that, but I'm not sure what to tel you that would be the best for your situation.
I'm trying to get away from dysfunction as well, so I get it.

[Emerald]

1 hour ago, Epiphany_Inspired said:

@Emerald The non-duality reminder, universal oneness, etc is likely what I needed to have reiterated, but in this context...thanks! Yes, I'm far from perfect too, but it's oddly helpful to know that your solution is keeping to yourself....because the only other alternative I can think of is somehow finding an entirely new community/ culture that is beyond that....Yes, I will not rule out the non-dual concepts... yes, my perceived external world is a vision of my internal creations...yes, healing myself is quite likely the ultimate solution!

I would include one caveat to what I just said. Though my family and I mostly keep to ourselves, it would be most ideal to find other people who share similar values. So, don't rule that out completely. But also feel comfortable in not engaging with people who have a toxic lifestyle and setting those boundaries firmly. We have a few people that we know and trust that we can hang out with... if we can ever find the time (this never happens). Also, we have two kids, 5 and 2, and it's very important that they get social interaction with kids their age... especially the five year old. So, maybe getting involved in after-school groups or daycares can help with this. And it would give you some time to observe the behaviors and values of other parents. That way you can do playdates and things like that so that your child(ren) get that social interaction, without the risk of negative influences. 

[Emerald]

22 minutes ago, My_Name_Is_Mud said:

More sage advice from the most wise Emerald. You are indeed correct, when you heal yourself, you heal the world (or at least not cause harm to anyone you will ever come into contact with from the point of healing).

There is also a point along the mental illness scale where, if the person goes over it, spirituality work can be counter productive; it can just cause more confusion in an already chaotic mind. The person needs to get mental help, including face-to-face therapy, and possibly even medication, to get them far enough back over the line so that they can again engage in this type of spiritual work.

Anyway, sorry for preaching to the choir. You know all this already. You know it by rote. Speaking of which, can we expect another video from you in the near future? Your fans await with baited breath.

Thank you. It's absolutely true that there can be too much spirituality. People get unhinged from reality sometimes, and body/energy/kundalini work can sometimes create actual psychiatric symptoms, such as psychosis. This is when grounding is needed and a trusted professional that shares the same values. I plan to film tonight after my kids go to bed. I don't see any reason why this wouldn't happen... other than sleepiness. But if I film tonight and edit tomorrow, I should have it up by Sunday. So, given my recent track record. I'd say it's probably going to be up on Wednesday.  But I'll try for Sunday.

[eskwire]

On 3/15/2017 at 2:58 PM, Epiphany_Inspired said:

(and I live really fucking deep in the woods!)

As someone who also lives deep in the woods and sees a lot of dysfunction...they may be correlated.

The rural dreamtopia is a myth. Lots of religious band-aids, small town bullshit, PTSD, and drug culture. 

Edit: I really gotta move soon. 

Edited April 1, 2017 by eskwire

[Nahm]

@Epiphany_Inspired I meant it is hard for each person to realize they are making their choices that are bringing their circumstance. You, on the other hand, are clearly aware of this. When you look around, you say - why is the fucking world would anyone go through so much suffering vs doing even a tony bit for themselves. 

IF there was one brownie left in the world, and you were the lucky recipient of that brownie, would you eat it and enjoy it, or would you suffer thinking about why no one else get's the brownie?

You asked for enlightenment, and now you have some. You must let of the need for your higher level of common sense to apply to others.

There is nothing in between each of us but empty space. It is each of us who are the reality.

You changed your reality. Now change your reality again to the one where you find others suffering perfectly fine as it is. Or help. But be at peace, and remember what got you here, was choosing, not destiny. 

[TJM1959]

On 3/21/2017 at 3:25 PM, Flare said:

blaming other people on, you do yourself or have done it

Not necessarily the truth. we can recognize behaviors in others by simply observing the behavior, being witness, does not mean we participated in it at any level or had some kind of first-hand experience. Life is messy.

 

On 3/21/2017 at 8:16 AM, Annetta said:

You could even start a blog for women

Freakin great idea! Way to connect, contribute, listen, and care for!

[stevegan928]

On 3/14/2017 at 10:54 PM, Epiphany_Inspired said:

First, on the positive side, when I see healthy functioning lives it is a like a glorious fucking vision! I have so much respect and admiration!

Then, I see this dysfunctional shit almost everywhere-else I look! Is this really the majority of the population (western/1st world)? Or, am I still at such a low frequency that's all that will resonate with my life now? Homes that seem "happy" on the surface, turn super dark when you spend the time to truly view them. They are mostly abusive to one degree or another, or at least pretty fucked up. I always thought it was just my past, and occasionally other peoples lives too...but it seems to be almost everyone (even new people)! Disturbing interactions, friendships, parents, etc, on and on, almost everywhere! I'm not saying I'm the ultimate in functional, I'm just shocked by the pervasive darkness.....the extent of it!

Alcohol/ addiction is often a major factor. Sure, there exist "happy" drunks/ addicts, but more often, it leads to, or feeds, toxic behaviour (anger, violence, depression, delusions, escape, etc). Obviously prohibition is not the answer, but it's creepy how accepted intoxication, etc is. Plus, I see verbal and physical assaults deemed "normal". Suddenly so many have a new mental illness out of nowhere. What the fuck humans, what's our problem?

If I stayed away from everyone with alcoholism, aggression, abusive or victim tendencies, neediness, and other pretty dysfunctional shit...I wouldn't have very many people in my community, the nearest small or large cities, etc, to socialize with...I'd be even more isolated than my rural location already dictates. What's the solution? Keep working on myself until my consciousness finds more functional friends? or better tolerates dysfunction? Or, would I actively seek out more functional people/ risking isolation to avoid this fucked up shit I keep seeing everywhere? At least seeing the dark, makes the light so stunningly illuminating!

funny how Promiscuous Priscilla had 2 kids with Lazy Lars and one with No Job Bob which suspiciously turned out black. lmao